All Comments on 'Betrayal 03'

I absolutely loved this chapter and can't wait for the next! Hope the next one is ready to post already.

I loved this story. If you wish to re-write it, go for it! I'll keep reading.

love your story....am waiting anxiously to read all the way till the end.

Story and Nice Intrigue. Cant wait to see where the Story goes from here.

I am having trouble finding what exactly you changed from the previous version... at least, to explain the delay between chapters... a few words here and there, but nothing week's worthy...

Still, I wanted you to finish it before in the previous version and was supremely disappointed when you didnt, so I hope you finish it this time, second chances abound

Anonymous posters are starting to make me mad. It's his story and if he wants to take it down and tweak it, then he can! And if you'd read his profile page, he explains why! Just shut up or at least have the balls to make an account and put a name to your damn whining!

It's rather amusing when someone posting from behind the anonymity of the internet whines about people posting behind the anonymity of no user name. Nobody knows who you are either, so either grow a pair, or live and let live.

This is excellent military sci-fi. One suggestion: get someone else to proofread the work before you post it. The tale is so well written that encountering a mistake (e.g., "should feel like a set of cloths" vs. "clothes" is very jarring.

I like the plot i was writing Some thing like this just near future not far future. I like the characters so far but there is one thing i see that quite a few writers here forget to do a lot. That is slowing down the speed and truly flesh out the foundation of the plot. You must remember we don't see what you see. Later on once the readers are fully meshed into your universe then you don't need so much detail because we already have all the details in our mind. If you move too fast we might accidentally misses a paragraph and end up completely lost. Too slow and we get bored too easily. There is a fine line in the speed best for stories. You're not going insanely fast Luke some stories but your missing out on some opportunities to maker us part of your universe. Here is a tip i use some times, take your story after you've saved it. Count put ten paragraphs and randomly delete one of them, dip this every ten paragraphs just don't delete two paragraphs in a row. Them reread your story if it makes ANY sense you are doing ok but might need some extra work on details unless you deleted an introduction or a plot development if you did then it's fine people will really realize they missed something and go back. If you read it and you can follow it you have hit it perfectly just DON'T SAVE THAT VERSION!! The balance between detail and speed is a precarious one but one that can easily change a food story into a great one.

I am sorry for my typos in my previous comment I am still getting used to Swype and if you get confused on some words draw lines between letters. Again sirry.

I don't think NTVl need any help on how to write his story. I found you comment long and yawn worthy and had little to do with this awesome tale. If NTV wants a proof reader I am sure there are a number of us willing to help.lol

Looking forward to more!

I read this shortly after you wrote it (actualy after Betrayal 06). Since then I have been in the hospital and in rehab, and have been restablishing a home so that I just now have a computer again. So I started the story again and have just finished Betrayal 03. Good to be involved again. I look forward to catching up and reading to the end. Thanks for all thetime and effort you have put into writing five stars all the way. Lyn