All Comments on 'Betrayal'

There's a blast from the past. You should have used your time away for some writing classes. Barneyr has got to be the absolute worst editor in the history of erotica. This was awful. I can't imagine who would use this clown to edit. Have you ever read one of his stories? They're as bad as this. Dude, get someone decent, please. This reads like you used Google translate or something.

Amazing that no matter how old we get, we never lose the capacity to be stupid, foolish and arrogant. With age comes experience, with experience come knowledge, with knowledge some gain wisdom, and some do not.

BarnyR is a horrible editor, you all say you make changes after he's done his 'magic' but that is a cop out. This was all over the place, too wordy for a short story also rushed.

Th story doesn't really go anywhere, but it's not that badly written. There are a lot of words missing from sentences and wrong words used - "but" instead of "by" for example, - and no one really needs to know if he withdrew twenty grand from his account to buy the condo or not; it doesn't advance the story nor does it give local color.

You writing does show some promise though - what you really need is more experience and both a content and syntax editor you trust.

When you write something someone actually reads instead of that Ingram's shit, come back and maybe someone will listen to you, cuckboy.

For the read.

This is the only thing that could have been worth reading today. I agree with everyone else. The editing was, to be kind, non-existent. One anonymous said that he was giving it a four because, "at least it wasn't a cuckie."

Is that really what people accept? "At least it wasn't that?" So it gets a four? That is supposed to mean, "really liked it, good read." So, it was bad, but not as bad as dog poo, so I give it a four? Sorry, can't go there. I don't like the "cuckie" stories, either, but this isn't good and gets a two for the miserable writing. Like everyone else said, get a good editor and you'll be much better. I know of about three. One edits for about half the good writers on here. Ask. "What have you got to loose?" in the immortal words of CSN?

It is not a Loving Wife story. Belongs in the Mature section.

First I want to give props to author for giving his senior narrator a fairly big chunk in his armour in terms of erectile dysfunction. Doris , his girlfriend, worked hard on maintaining her looks . The narrator apparently felt uncomfortable with unfamiliar supplements or embarrassing consultations with doctors and was ready to forgo normal sex.

These facts didn't auger well when Doris apparently still had an itch with flexible standard of honesty and the inevitable occurred. Awkward. I liked the narrator's forthrightness, decency before, during and after the gotcha' scene. Yet I own a little backhanded sympathy for Doris as well. If you want to live with a tigress , you better be prepared to feed it or the beast will forage elsewhere.

A good looking woman is always receiving overtures of varying intensities . Doris made a human miscalculation and succumbed to temptation in a big way. Shame on her. Yet if the narrator was fully attuned to her , he would have addressed his shortfall. Full disclosure : a major cause of ED is obesity and lack of exercise. It's enough to say a lot of men who hate gyms and sweat persevere with exercise avoid that shortfall.

The narrator wants what he wants in terms of a woman and he's not in a hurry to change his end of the equation. Good luck with that.. He is an honest soul who seems to be generous in other facets of companionship. That's not to be sneered at. Yet Doris doubles down in the gym and in the bedroom. I wonder which one of these fictional characters finds their special someone first.

In terms of the actual story , I find RedTempest as an suthor has definite substance , but the style was unrelentingly straightforward from start to finish. Sometimes your biggest strength is also your biggest weakness. But the narrative didn't dither . Easy,peasy read in terms of patience required. Bonus points because the author told both on Doris and himself.

That honesty is definitely what Doris will miss about the narrator. Hope she learned a lesson. I thank the author for sharing.

Well , no new ground was broken here , but its the only storyline that looks even remotely promising today.

I don't know if you were going for the twist ending , but the Dan and Kevin thing was simply confusing.

I read somewhere a few years ago about the high STD rates among Seniors . I don't know whether that's a really bad thing or not. Well , of course its bad , but it does prove that in this post Viagra world we're living in , the Freak Flag flies longer than ever before ! ( now if only I can live that long )

Well , at least now all the cries of bitter old men in this category finally have a smidgeon of truth in this case , lol .

Grading on the bell curve this should probably rate a 6 ( competition is way low today ) but , I'll grade you up to

4 *'s

Ya'll take this stuff way too seriously. It's really not a bad story.

Yo, asswipe, it's CHINK in his armor, not CHUNK. Christ you're a fucking moron. Yeah, yeah, RedTempest is almost the second coming of Matt Moreau, right? He's probably puking up his socks right now because you commented on his story.

Autocorrect giveth and autocorrect taketh away. Relax dude.

Young. Old. A cheater is a cheater. All should live in pain.

He is cheated on, he reacts in the only way he could.

He got her out of his life ASAP.

Just kind of a boring story.

Payback is a bitch, he finally balanced the scales from when he was playing around with several girls.

Good story but I can't feel sorry for the protagonist.

Wow that's some improvement of your writing. Compare this story to your older posts.

Concise, plot moves quickly, enough dialogue and character development to get the emotional development needed for a good story.

Made me wonder if this is the future for many older men , when their wife predeceases them.

Gave you 4*s. A very entertaining short story. Left me wanting to read more😋❗

Amerryman

First, while not horrible, the editing was very poor.

Second, while certainly not impossible, I find the idea of selling his house for $130,000 and buying a condo at half-price for $150,000 unusual, at least.

“I should have gone over there and reclaimed her from Dan, but I figure if I did that, then she would be pissed at me” – You don’t have to go over and “reclaim” her, just go over and join their conversation. If that pisses her off then she’s up to no good and you’re well rid of her.

LOL! Dan’s upset that she’s “cheating” on him with Kevin, and Kevin’s upset that she’s “cheating” on him with Dan! I guess there’s just no honor among thieves.

As I always say: getting rid of a cheating girlfriend it's easy and fast. No lawyers, no divorce papers, nothing! It's enough to say: Get out of my house till the end of the day! And so, an almost 70 years old woman, for some cheap fucks lost the chance to have a companion, a man that loved her and would support her in the difficult times, for the rest of her life! Now she will have to face it alone, with a lot of fuck buddies, sure, but no one to cuddle with her in bed every single night making her fell like a loved human being! 3*

3*

They were not married. After getting burnt,he took the high road and let her reclaim her property at a leisurely time. I would have put her thing out the door in a week of warning her.

Good stuff, a nice depiction of tegular faulted people.

but needs to be longer, more character development and emotions always makes better stories.

im no writer but from an avid "loving wives" readers point of view short simple stories are mostly disapointing, the betrayal needs to be brutal the emotions strong and the revenge or reconcilliation believable.

5* for effort though.

Good thing we do not have to have the convocation of an assembly to decide in what category a story will be posted.

I agree that the characters are fairly unadorned and thus decided that it is a flash

story...

after your'e wife dies and you're already hunting for tail?

Okay story. Not too offended by the editing or lack thereof, so I rate it a 4 star effort for being the best story of today's lot.

Someone commented it is "easy" to get rid of a live in girl friend. Well, how easy depends on where you live. In some counties in California, if your live in girl friend does not want to go, can demonstrate your place is her address (drivers license or gets mail there), then you can't just kick her out if she doesn't want to go. You either have to go to family court to get a court order, or you have to move. So if you own the house or have a long term lease it is not easy at all.

This is Loving WIVES, not Loving GIRLFRIENDS

Stories on this site. Man is 65. Hadnt had sex in a long while. EDDBOY just how much life do u think is left in a man who is 65 and of the years left how much will be lost to illness and pain? I am living the life if this character, so I can tell you i dont waste any time on long over adorned conversation and am proposing marriage to my 43 year old girlfriend. Between us we have 8 kids and still find plenty of time for sex and naughty play

A realistic sad plot. She actually thought she loved him? Good thing he flushed her before she brought home an STD. Yeah, its rampant among the aged. Party in a retirement community at considerable risk!

you found out your girl friend is a cheater, join the party. TK U MLJ LV NV

She's obviously been a pig her whole life. Can't understand why people use the sex excuse. You can always do more in many different ways if you love some one. So his dick wasn't as hard as when he was younger, I'm betting her tits saved and her pussy is way more loose than when she was younger. If everyone wanted a bigger dick ,tighter pussy or a new lover all the time than don't become a wife or girlfriend. Make it clear you intentions and some will be ok with that and you won't be a lying cheating scumbag pig.

The stats don't lie and wimps are a dime a dozen. Fuck all the raac authors (especially Javmor the tranny).

This story really is not what it seems. There is no commitment in this relationship only some companionship. The problem is the lack of communication the cheating slut engaged in. Our hero apparently didn't have any problems using the little blue pill and therefore would have been able to provide the skank with all the sex she wanted, maybe more. But she chose to engage other people outside the relationship which, to a man, is a deathnell to any relationship. Even for a 65 year old man.

cuck shit!!! Fuck you annony!!!

Vote 1* for 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐅𝐀𝐓 𝐃𝐔𝐌𝐁 𝐓𝐑𝐀𝐍𝐍𝐘 𝐖𝐇𝐎𝐑𝐄™ (that's what her clients call her) aka BONNIE/VASTIE aka NEEDYOU200 aka 5+ANNONY!

some of us males never see the forest for the trees... been there

I'm starting to believe when lovers have a talk about being exclusive, it's pretty much all bullshit. It usually translates into, "i don't want you to cheat on me.....so i'll say the words you need to hear"

don't fall for it! ladies and gentlemen, always and i mean always keep your eyes peeled for red flags.

Good story.

"You have to figure out how to react to this story?" WTF??? You react by leaving her there, changing the locks and putting her antique furniture on the sidewalk! Why do LW authors ask the same stupid questions over and over?

little slow on the uptake but he handled it.

No more cruel than leading him on through months of lies and cheating. Hell, that wasn’t even a punishment, it was just ending a bad relationship. Punishment would have been sending the recording to her kids and grandkids.

She got exactly what she had coming to her. Good story. Nothing wasted.

I guess old people are passive. I would have put all her presents and clothes in a garbage bin. Good luck trying to take me to court, would never amount to anything. I don't need to suffer with honor, or have the moral upper hand, just some kind of satisfaction. She would remember the Christmas she had to give everyone gift certificates and had to explain to each family member why.

which is why I was turning you down for sex when you wanted it

Fucking cheating cliches

That old buddy as busy with everyone but her man.

She’s banging two guys on a regular basis. She dumps Nick at a party for hours to spend time with one of her fuck buddies. She packs Nick’s head with BS about honesty and faithfulness and goes through all the trouble of moving in with him. How stupid could she be? Did she honestly think she could get away with two simultaneous affairs while cutting him off?

If she was going to cheat on a regular basis, the last thing a reasonable person would do is NOT move in with her boy friend and risk being homeless when, not if, he finds out and throws her out.

This is one heartless selfish woman. She doesn’t deserve the consideration NICK showed her.

It says, "...they moved off to a secluded area. I quickly made my way over there to see what was happening. I have an IPhone 6 with an app to record on it. Works just like a cassette player. I quickly turned on the recorder and listen to them talk."

How? They obviously did not let him sit down with them. Did he slide it across the floor, have a waiter plant it, what? It doesn't make sense.

She was a skank and a parasite. Someone to spend time with to help the sorrow of his wife dying. Not much difference between Doris and a sock.

Doris wasn't the love of his life, just a body. She convinced herself she she love him only for a decent lifestyle he gave her and for the money he spent on her.

Actually, he was quite civil about getting her out of his place. He sould ha e just went home and tossed all everything she owned in the road.

Really a half assed effort. Way too many holes. They go to a party. He doesn't say it's in a bar, but I guess it is because that's where his girl and her ex BF go to get cozy. She leaves him on his own for "hours." He just sits by and does nothing? I'd sure like to know what the ride home was like that night, or at home? A person does one of two things in that situation, he either leaves or he goes over and breaks It up after a few minutes. And if she's pissed, too damn bad. The story left me flat.

All ur stories suck… especially the ending! It’s as if at your advanced age you just can’t seem to have the Stamina to go the whole hog!

I hve no interest in hearing about sex lives of geriatrics …! Hearing this tale is like watching a Nat Geo series on sex lives of tortoises!

Okay story. 3 Stars.

Screw the hotel show down. I would have left her at the party. Our next conversation would be pretty short: "Dan, Kevin, pack your things and get out."

Guys, the story revolves around the difficulties of continuing living after your significant other dies or leaves you after a 20-year marriage in an ever-changing world. If you add to that the insecurity in his sexual performance an older man feels when trying to please an attractive older woman after being away of the seduction game for years, it makes an interesting challenge to write about it. Yes, younger men, there is still live and sex desires even as you have aged. Sooner or later, you, the young buck, will also age and realize you are aging and are not any longer the man you used to be. There are no magic exercises, pills, or devices to stop and prevent aging. There is no Dorian Grey's portrait painting to stop it. It sucks, but you have to live with it and write about it.

Ughh. No payback, hardly any pain in the cheaters. Bad story.

Real retribution from prior experience this age of a woman would have had to lather herself in lube to be ready for penetration.

Bummer story. And it is about nothing more than a cheating slut breaking the trust of an honorable man. Yes, total nuclear payback would have felt good and honestly, I don't know why the author didn't use it. 2 stars.

I liked the story.....I like btb but this was realistic and he moved on with his life, to hell with her

Pretty sure she wasn't all that broken up over this loser finding out she was fucking around on him. He thinks pretty highly of himself for a guy who can't fuck his woman. Sorry, don't feel any pity for either of them.

Actually she was broken up because the other two guys at that age are just sex. She has no future with either Dan or Kevin in the twilight of her life. Fear and uncertainty of the future can be heartbreaking. Finding somebody that you at least think you love at that age that doesn't have terrible baggage health problems, economic problems, or addictions, etc is damn hard.

Of course breaking up with her is the only option. And if anything it just accentuates for him the wonderful marriage he had with his first wife. At least he can look back at that with fond and living memories. Doris is trash.