All Comments on 'Betrayed'

Good story!

5

A very nice story. 5 stars. Thanks for your time and your imagination.

I like you did not just lock in on the sex but told a good story.

I enjoyed this immensely.

Very enjoyable read. Thanks.

This juice was definitely worth the squeeze. 5 out of 5.

But can't remember much before the amnesial cheese

I was thinking "Please! Don't let Jackson be the cad". Thanks.

And thank you for all the romance and drama you've given us this past year. Your stories have lifted my spirits often during the dark days of 2020. Here's hoping there's more to come from you in the new year, and that health and happiness soon replace disease and death all over the planet.

Sorry BH, not one of my favs :( I view the daughter as the real victim. She was raised by a sociopath for a father and a mother who knew it and made no effort to remove her daughter from the environment. Alyssa blames the father but she has culpability too whether she wishes to accept it or not. I really don't find her very sympathetic at all.

Why did Alyssa feel morally superior to Sarah?

The daughter was given short shift

Why did her mother let it happen?

A grand story; I loved it. Thanks for posting. 5 stars.

Nice story. 5 Stars

I'm sorry. Found it long and boring.

I liked the inclusion of Tate and Bella from your other story.

Quite moving in parts. Glad to see it all worked out for them. Ava's move was a bit drastic but at least it cleared the air so to speak although still puzzled as to how the cameras were installed.

Couple of small typos but none serious. 5 stars.

Good story. Really enjoyed it.

I enjoyed the story. I picked one of your Romance ones at random after seeing you commenting on our "How We Write" essay (A comment we both completely agree with.)

Was building so,so well, and then zap it was all over. A bit of a let down in the end, wrapped up so quickly and so neatly.

Because of that 3/5

I know that AVA was planning to kill both and try to steal a portion of Jax's family business. But she was corrupted by lies, mislead, brainwash and ultimately groomed in the most sinister way by her father. The story suggest that she had an incesstual relationship with dear old dad. I believe it did occurred. I think she was a blinded pawn in the scheme of things, thus I feel sorry for her

I know this is wrong but I read this story and thought this sounds like something that would or should happen to a Trump.

Ho hum

Six pages of juvenile writing. Fortunately I've become a master at skimming and touching down only when I want to see the progress of the plot which didn't take much touching down considering how predictable and shallow it was. I'm beginning to wonder why I'm continuing to punish myself with these lightweight offerings. 2*

🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟

There’s a movie script in this.

Ditto on the juvenile writing and skimming. Lame dialogue, a weird imbalance of substance versus details, and unbelievable characters and behaviors. You tell us incredible detail about food, wines, clothes, transportation, housing, etc., and just gloss over the motives, betrayals, justifications, and human interest. Oh, gee Mom, Dad lied to me, so I cut you out of my life and agreed to kill you. Guess I should have checked with you first? My bad. I'll just kill Dad instead, and then myself. There, see? All better. And, Oh, you can fuck Jackson now. He's dumb as a rock about women and human nature, but a decent fuck and a really impressive cook.

Then she just kind of forgets that she's a fertile female getting her brains fucked out. Sure, I guess it happens all the time. The trailer parks are full of families that started like that.

It would even be a decent cartoon if it weren't so obnoxious and smarmy. You have a very unique talent. I hope there are plenty of readers who can appreciate it.

Thanks for the effort.

Enjoyed your story. Ignore the "nay sayers" and keep writing. 5*s.

Loved it

More like this, please!!!

Spectacular story so good. I half expected that Steven killed Ava and staged his own death. This to me is a perfect story.

Ava’s sudden change in her attitude to her mother in the letter is bullshit. She was involved with planning her mother’s death as well as her husband’s death. She wasn’t fooled into working with her father to kill both of them, she did it for the money! The author blew the story plot here.

For all you may sayers it's a story. 5☆☆☆☆☆

Well, I HAVE to give that a 5. Excellent job on that story, although there were spelling errors, omissions, and punctuation issues, but still very readable and understandable. Nothing that editing, or at least proofreading can't fix, but we all do it sometimes. I was hoping for at least a gender and name reveal of the baby and wedding of course. I would think a name befitting in honor of her lost daughter would have sufficed. Thank you for a fantastic story.

'wildbill'

Absolutely one of the best stories I’ve read here in quite a while. I prefer stories about mature adults rather than high schoolers or college students, and this one fit the bill. I would have liked a little more of the story, but then I always do. This is definitely a Five Star story, and I thank the author for sharing it with us.

Dee

What was the tangent with the 2 women involved about? That made no sense at all and totally irrelevant to the story. It kind of went off the rails for the last 2 pages.

Good story.

Ava's change of heart and demise was too quick and lack of detail made that part of the story fizzle out. Have to agree that the 2 girls interlude was a distraction that did not add to the plot.

A solid 4 stars.

One of your best! 5 stars.

The tangent with the two women ties in another story to read. This author does many crossover scenes with characters from other stories.

I did find it a little odd that Lis was reluctant to be with him because she didn't know if she could give him children. Then she was afraid that he would be mad because she got pregnant.

Another great love story. 5/5

Great story! Loved the romance. Thought for a minute at the end that Jackson might turn out to be a bad guy, that could have been an interesting twist lol; but that would have required an additional story and who doesn’t like a happy ending. 5 stars

I think the only negative I'd give this story, is it felt a little.. morbid, that hours after her daughter's murder/suicide she's finger blasting herself to her daughters husband.

I realize that her daughter was a savage, but after the letter and the subsequent death, it felt.. kinds gross.

Other than that, a pretty enjoyable read, well done.

Jax fucked Ariel then Ava then Lis....it's a wonder you don't have him fucking Sarah too

Lis is forever crying when Jax is around....like what the fuck....she seems a needy weak emotional wreck

Glad there was some humor dispersed through all the darkness, actually had me laughing in a couple of places. Like some others, I'm not sure why the two women at the winery were introduced as it didn't add anything to the story, except a page or so. Hopefully it will be reveled to us at some time or another. Liked the happy ending except I'm not sure how Jax's mother knew that Lis was pregnant. Very estute for only seeing her for a short while at dinner, but it gives a warm feeling to the story and makes it move along. Five of five, thanks.

Simply love 'happily-ever-after'. and to top it all off, it's a great story too. LP

It's a great story... But

I do have one criticism, and the more I think about it, it just may be nit-picking. But I read this story because of the tag line 'two people betrayed by family, find each other'.

I understood that to read two different people both were betrayed by their families and wound up together after that. To me that's not what happened here. I know some will say that Ava was Jax's wife therefore she was his family, but to me since the entire marriage was a sham, and even in the story Jax said he'd try to seek an annulment (meaning the marriage never happened) and what he did with the will's. He didn't see her that way ether. So I kept reading waiting for the other shoe to drop. Of course it never did. So it may be a simple case of misunderstood semantics, but even with the happy ending I was waiting for to happen, happened. I was left disappointed. Take it with a grain of salt I guess, but remember some readers rely on those tags when looking for stories and new authors to check out. I've probable skipped many a good story due to a poor or no tag line. Thanks for Sharing.

To be continued please

A great story filled with love and anger and fear, even hatred along with the proper amount of humor. The story flowed quite well and also ties into another tale. Professional storytelling

5 stars.

A well written well paced story, with lots of action and drama.

Just a couple of things regarding the story.

There would be to many unknown's for the cops to agree to Lis being "bait" before they knew who had planted the cameras.

Jax has already said to Lis that she should have more babies, why was she upset and scared about telling him that he had got his wish.

I felt the unravelling of the murder plot was a bit out sudden and then too rushed.

[03.11.22]

Excellent story!

Entertaining, Intriguing, and Romantique in just the right amount.

11/10!!!!!

Enjoyed most of this, though the ending was a bit short & strange

Reasonable story,though the fact that they got on with their lives and didn't talk for several weeks doesn't fit with me.Also,with regard to his comment about the funeral,as her husband he has more right than her mother,unless she has a written agreement.

I enjoyed it.

Simon_Masters

Hate to say it, but didn't even make it past the first page. No matter how big a scumbag her husband was, what she did was monstrous. Lying to your spouse and deliberately denying the children for 19 years is not an ok thing to do. Figured at that point there was no one to root for so...just quit.

Nice. Next chapter please!

A romantic story to read more than once and it gets better every time. Always 5+

The Hoary Cleric

Wasn't clear based on Ava's actions and her letter if Steven had incestuous relations with her or pimped her out to his business contacts or both. Suspecting, sadly, both. Horrible. Steven was a monster.

do they have names???

Besides the byzantine family plots that turned into personal tragedy the romantic serendipitous ending was like the the ending to pandora's box.

So basically this is a mother in law story in a romance setting

4 stars on a good story, the telling, & of course, the good guys marrying. However, I felt it a bit too drawn out. To the commenter below asking if "Jax" & "Liz" doesn't have names, that person evidently didn't read too much of the story, as the name're written in full so many times before the shortened love names. Bob

Steven is Grade-A scum, worst of the worst. And the fact he molded and warped his own daughter into a version of himself, keeping her mother out of her life, is just... ugh, I don't even have the words for it. And the letter Ava sent later to the mom implies her dad fucked her (took her virginity most likely) and/or used her as a sexual pawn to get ahead in business deals. Beyond despicable.

It was so tragic that Ava killed herself as some sort of penance after killing her devil father when she realised what he had done and made her do. After Alyssa read her letter I thought there was hope for some kind of reconciliation. In fact I'm surprised that wasn't the route the story took. I guess Ava just felt like she didn't deserve to live after what she had done and what she let her father do to her and turn her into. It's a real shame. I feel like she was a good person that just fell victim to a master manipulator and since it was her father, it's even harder to escape or even realise what's happening until it's too late (the frog in the pot metaphor was even mentioned in the story, which makes the point well).

What a great love story amid attempted murder and industrial espionage. I really enjoyed the story and give it 5 stars!!!

Alyssa is a stupid bitch, the coffee girl just wanted to be a rich wife and mother. She seemed fucking clueless and keeps drinking

A little airy, as far as romances go. I hate that Alyssa had to experience her daughter’s death. There is small consolation and redemption in that she took steps to protect her mother and Jackson. I see the daughter as a tragic, unfortunate victim in this story. The story was fairly well written, but I can’t say I enjoyed it. Your villain was over the top and the resolution was weak. Pretty unsatisfying. But that just speaks to my tastes, and not your writing.

well written, complex, surprising, held my interest to the end. Ava's death was a bit much; it passed her from the scene without ever giving her the chance to develop into the person she could have been, with a real role in the persons and the businesses of the family. The first wife's actions were a bit surprising, and her plight, if expanded, would have offered the opportunity for a great subplot. Has the bones to be a bigger story ... gave it a "5" though!

⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

A cute story, I would have liked Ava and Alyssa to have talked it out

One of those stories that must be read more than once, and very time it just gets better.