Betrayed for Love

Suddenly, he started coughing, and I panicked. William motioned to a cup on his bed table, and I handed it to him, just water. He raised it to his lips with shaking hands and took a sip to help clear his throat, before handing it back to me.

The broken man before me tried to say something, but his voice had dropped even more, and I couldn't hear. The noise of the machines was too loud, his voice too weak, my heart beat too furiously.

I leaned forward towards him, and soon found myself kissing him on the forehead, on the cheeks and then the lips. I was mumbling his name over and over.

"Renay, you're a married woman now, or soon will be," he said with a wheeze, "speaking of which, is he here?"

I nodded, still kissing him and holding his hands, everything about him was just skin and bone. Frail and weak and vulnerable.

"Bring him in, please." His smile betrayed his stature, and it set a fire to my heart and spirit. I called out to Travis, who soon stuck his head in the room, looking unsure of himself. Wary, an intruder in this tender, quiet moment. Travis knew that this was not the place for him, he was muted and had his hands at his back.

William motioned for him to approach, and so he did. My new love meeting my first. My fiancé now meeting my ex-husband. The man who saved me and the man who had destroyed me. Travis looked like a colossus, a goliath, he was tall and broad, and dwarfed the room, and the man lying before him, yet it was he who was the one frightened.

William reached out with a wavering and weak arm, his hand shook. Travis took it delicately as then William placed my hand in Travis'.

"Love her always." he said, and then he rested his head back and closed his eyes. I was struck with dread as he did, fearing the worst. But Travis indicated that the heart rate monitor was still beeping. William had merely fallen asleep.

We made our way out of the room, and into the congregation of relatives. They all began to hug Travis and I. They were sorry, but time for that would be later. Now I let out the torrent of tears once more. My husband had never stopped loving me. When I was at my lowest, I realised that he was lower. He had hurt me to save me.

Belle later told me that William knew that I wanted children, but as time was running out for me, he needed to make sure that I could get on with my life as quickly as possible. So in addition to sparing me watching him die, and being hurt terribly by that, I would also not be wasting time that I could use to find someone to spend my life with, someone to father my children. William didn't want to hurt me, but he felt that he had no choice. He felt that for me to have the love I needed, my love for him needed to die.

I was furious with him for a while, even after he passed two days later. It should have been my decision how to deal with his illness, but he took that from me. I understood the logic behind why he did what he did. It came down to a simple equation. I was 37 years old when William died, I was soon to be married again and trying for a child. If I had waited for William to die, I would be years in arrears, I would have to grieve for the man I loved, and then try to rebuild. Perhaps I never would have.

It was an altruistic gesture of love that rocked me to the core, even if I hated that he had made the decision unilaterally. For so long, I had believed he hated me, loathed me with a burning passion, but it wasn't the case at all. And I wept fresh tears.

Epilogue:

I am just turning forty. My son, William, named for my first husband, has just turned one, and he is being doted over by five grandparents. You may think that I was insensitive to my new husband, Travis, by giving my son that name, but it was Travis' suggestion, even if he did have to spend some time convincing me.

"If it wasn't for William, Renay, giving you up when he needed you most, we would never have met, and our son would never have been born. I know that you still love him, but I know that you're in love with me. I'm not threatened by his ghost, but it would be a beautiful gesture I feel, and I kind of like the name anyway."

And so it was.

It took a while for William's family to get over the guilt they felt. And I'm not sure all of them ever did. But I had the love of a good man once, to his own demise, and now I have the love of an equally good man who I will love until mine.

And I forgive them all.

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For those who may think this is too unrealistic and far-fetched, I can assure you that this story is based upon reality. The characters of William and Renay and their story are that of friends I once had many years ago, though the names have been changed here. Unfortunately, in reality, William passed away whilst Renay was travelling to see him, she missed out on the reunion and reconciliation by less than an hour.

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