All Comments on 'Betrayed Pt. 01'

Good story but very cloe to a story from Soul71

A few typo and grammar issues but very interesting. Looking forward to the next part.

Hey! The story is going well, but you might want to look into finding an editor or proof reading! You are saying “him” when it should be “her” or “she”. Keep up the good work!

I agree with iceman it's really close to a story by soul. Hope there is enough differences between the two there won't be any Plagiarism going on.

For example, "He knew he couldn't go to the police to report anything as he had no proof and his father was best friends with the commissioner too."

<P>

Right, he's supposed to be so smart but never heard of recording them using a smartphone.

<P>

Then there's the family. Not one of them has the obvious idea that he just might be on to them, that he knows what they are doing. It's all, "Can't figure out why he's acting that way. Couldn't possibly because of anything we've done."

thought this was a repost of Soul71's story lol

You know they say imitation is the highest form of flattery. But don't do it again, mmmkay?

It's pretty good! A few editing errors, but honestly it's not too bad. I would still suggest finding someone to help because that would net you more readers.

Personally I think he forgave Jennie a little too quickly and easily, but... I can get past that.

Waiting for the next chapter!

The story is great!,the grammer needs work sure, and yes this seems a lot like one of Soul71 BUT will he do the same mistake as Soul and just forgive them because he gets pussy from them or will it be more of a story rather then a jerkoff tail.

As others have mentioned, a good editor or proof reader would help. A bit jarring sometimes which throws off a smooth read. Not just the incorrect words but there were a couple jumbled parts of the story itself that I got lost in.

That being said, it is a great premise and I am very glad that he is looking towards revenge and not just being used. I look forward to seeing how he gets back at them.

My concerns are that even Jesse, the nice one, is manipulating him. The mom and Amber want to use him just because he is hung like a horse although there seems to be flashes of conscience in Amber, maybe. The story starts with how shit the parents always were and that Amber has been the last couple years but even before the huge cock was known Amber and even the mom had a flash of concern. Just seemed like a disconnect or too fast a 180 with their personalities. At the moment I am also concerned that he will end up just replacing the dad (although nicer) as screwing the mom and 2 sisters.

These are just my initial impressions. Keep up the writing and I look forward to more.

I liked it but hope you find a way for this guy to really destroy his father, uncles and grandfathers lives. I mean really stick it to them good and take all the money back that he earned also. I am looking forward to the next part of the story you did well other than the few issues others pointed out for your first story.

Some is almost exactly like Soul71's story but there are a few differences. I'm definitely interested in you continuing your writing, although I agree get someone to proof read it.

Weakass plot, weakass aopology by Jesse, weakass Sam for giving her too easily, weakass start pick it up

I look forward to the next parts.

Yes, I know it starts off eerily similar to soul71’s story. But i dont have that in mind. I have different ideas and believe it or not, i didnt read his story before I got the idea for this. Thanks for the feedback. Second chapter would be out soon.

of a story by soul71 but with enough differences . EDIT PLEASE

i liked the story. I liked the characters and that you are developing them. I hope you keep the story line going. The only thing bad I saw was the typos. Thanks for your time and imagination.

Loved it

Continue it looking forward

If you never read my story then how do you know about how my story begins? Otherwise you've read it, and lied to your readers. Either way it doesn't look good for you.

You will continue this story but make it your own. The start is really really really close to that of soul but there are differences. Hopefully you will continue and make it your own story

I think you should consider a rewrite of this story. It is way to close to Soul71's story.

I mean it's clearly a copy of Soul71.

The correct way would've been to ask for permission to copy the Story's Idea.

And clarify it at the beginning.

The core of your Story I liked because it is more detailed in actions and scenes between the discovery and his "escape".

Whereas with soul71, the discovery a couple of paragraphs within a site and then his escape.

You added a lot of detail and Story in between, which I liked.

Check your text please before u release it. Proofreader just to erase those easy mistakes.

A lot of Errors in your text. Her, him, she, her, they -; "When they asked who his new boyfriend was (her boyfriend)",

I liked your take on it with more detail.

But your story is very clearly a copycat from Soul71...

It is an excellent story and I hope you continue. It is close to Souls but the sisters and a couple of other things make it different. I am waiting for the next part. Sister should have some pain too tho

A couple of you are saying this is a copy of another users submission but I am interested in reading it to compare. I quite liked this and went to check out soul71s submissions but there are so many.

It gets to the point of too much that it loses any appeal and entertainment. What a sick and depraved group of characters.

Sould1 was not the first to write stroy like this.

There are countless copies like that before SoulOne story, so maybe get off his back, yeah?

I hope you continue this story.

I love these types of stories where someone discovers that their family has incestuous orgies together. I would love if someone could leave some links to others like this story. I read Soul71’s and the one from Alternative Anon. If there are more I would appreciate the links.

This version seems to dig a little deeper, I'm just hoping that the 2nd chapter doesn't involve him immediately giving into and just basically letting things go on from there like souls.

I HOPE THERE IS A SECOND CHAPTER SOON.

This is a great story and I hope you are writing a conclusion

Good story it might be like the other one but it is still good writing I hope you will

Continue it and am looking forward to see what happens next.

I love this story, especially since it has a very good back-story and not just wild orgies. I hope you continue it. Looking forward to what happens and how Sam takes back control. I personally hope Sam gets to claim both sisters and his mother for his own, and humiliates all of his male relatives, especially his father. Awesome work!! Keep it up!!

We hope that the writer continues with this story. This was a great start

I really enjoyed this story! Yes, it does bear some similarities to Soul71’s story but I always felt He allowed the characters to reconcile to early and far to easily. I’m interested to see where the dynamic goes in this story as you said it will differ greatly. Please continue this!!!!!

Please finish the story

Great story and I can't wait for you to continue it

Come on now been wanting and waiting for a part two for a while now please come with it

I like this I want to see the dad and girlfriend go down in flames. I don't care for the mom and Amber either, but not as bad. Uncles and Grampa can go eff themselves too. Please keep the story going, and thanks for sharing.

Where is the next chapter it need more.

more don't keep us hangin - luv the story

Some of the sentence structures, non-English use of pronouns, as well as oddities such as "he had the highest grades in the entire area" (should have been "he had the highest grades in his high school") sound more Japanese than English. The writer may not be Japanese, but I suspect he is an English as second language speaker. That's why editors are so you important. The plot is engaging. The characters grab hold of the reader. But the writing is a distraction from a very good story.

Please, if you do continue this story, and I hope you do, get the services of a good editor. I think you will be pleased with the improvement you will see.

like I said before please continue. Don't listen to the people that was negative about where you got the idea for the story. A lot of professional writers do the same thing.

While I assume that this that story is based on souls 71s excellent a family destroyed Series, it differs enough not to be a rip off, there are plenty of other stories that are basically the same on this site, for example the mother fucking her son in the backseat of an overpacked car and most of us like all those.

As other comment said don't let others tell you it's a rip-off of souls 71 writings. So let me just say if more writers released stories like his this site would be a whole lot better. As his writings are some of the best on this site.

So please continue the story.

Think he gave up on the story. Kinda sad was hoping to see more of it

Piling on, please do continue with this tale. I'm sure you have more to say and share.

Really loved the start of this story, it has a lot going for it and could go in many directions. I hope you will continue with this story line and complete his tale as well as developing the other characters.

Finish it

Yess please continue. Loved it!

Sam probably will rollover and join the family and forgive them. That's how usually these types of stories end.

Went sideways at the end there

Who cares that she had cock shoved down her throat thousands of times so long as they never got her pussy?

What kind of cuck logic is that?

/

/

"Oh Sammy, I had to suck their cocks and drink gallons of cum, if I didnt you would have hated me for never having been involved and telling you you truth. I had to get involved and suck cock twelve time a week and denigrate you to make sure you never knew I was NOT sucking cock and NOT treating you like shit. Cant you see you would have hated me forever if you were to discover I had never taken miles of pipe down my throat by people who hate you"

You should continue this story. It is similar to Soul71’s though. Maybe you can rewrite it with the same premise/concept but rework it to be more original. Would love to see more.

Finish the story

Please continue this story, it's good.

Finish the story

Yeah it is pretty good. Definitely worth finishing but I'd tone down Jesse's manipulation. All that threatening for dad to take her and share her was kind of lame after she just confessed her love and told him about the deal she made. Why would he believe that all of a sudden things would change with that? Plus she is supposed to love him and as soon as she confessed everything her next words are to threaten to give herself away if he doesn't do what she wants doesn't make sense for her personality up to that point.

Finish the story

Well Fuck. I have to start checking to see if a story is finished before I read it. Now it was a waste of time.

It read like a bad Bollywood script.

Too bad the author doesn't know proper English.

Please please please finish it

and it seems to be another story that will never get an ending.... :-/

Finish this please

would have been 100x better if he didnt kiss her at the end. Too much of a push over she was practically blackmailing him, killed his momentum a bit imho

It's been one year now, and no sequel.

Incomplete story gets a 1* and he should have never kissed his sister or believed her. She's a slut and acts like a slut. He should move on and get away from his family until his shithead dad dies.

Its been a year

pg 1

his father keeps him around because he will go on to make money

but wont let him go to college in order to get the degree that will allow him to make money?

.

legal adults can not sign away their rights and autonomy without a court hearing, any contract stating otherwise is not worth the paper its written on, and no lawyer would be party to such a contract for fear of disbarment

.

even if such a contract were enforceable it would not preclude a third party from offering a college slot

.

.

pg2

"He would have to sit it out until he finds a way to get his money back from his father"

why, just because his father is on his account doesn't mean he doesn't have access to the money - on pg1 you implies he was spending it

.

"I love you, you know that, right?"

yep, loves him sooooo much she has orgies with his grilfreind where everyone treats him like shit

.

.

pg3

If he is 19 and still in high school and his girlfriends is 21 and in college how did they meet?

.

.

pg5

she was blackmailed?

she was blackmailed into having sex (oral is sex) with nearly a dozen people on the threat of NOT having sex with them would make her brother hate her - for NOT having sex

Are you high?

.

Even assuming that to be the case she stood by and did nothing as his girlfriend cheat on him for nearly a year.

.

"Noooooo! You are not a slut."

I mean sure youve literally taken miles of cock down your throat over the last three years. And all for literally no reason, but your not a slut, how cares that youve had (two [2] orgies a week [52] for the last three years [3] with 3 to 5 guys [4] at a time) 1248 cum shots on your face and tits. The important thin is you never let them fuck your pussy, though I do note you deliberately never said they never fucked your ass

But no she aint a slut.

.

Sam sat onto the flight and had similar thoughts. He didn't know why he had kissed her and bit her so passionately but he did know that he loved his sister as a woman. He felt guilty about it too and he didn't know how to deal with incest. He hoped to figure it out. But one thing was sure; he was going to give it a try."

He was going to try and be a cuck, all for his lying cheating cum slut of a sister who spent years doing nothing as everyone in his family treated him like shit

The opening scene was dramatic,and a bit cryptic.Jesse clearly wasn't fully engaged in the orgy the way the rest of them were,so did that signify Jesse as a willing participant,not completely,but did that excuse her of wrongdoing on her brothers part,I think she was guilty of not telling him about his families orgies,and also his Ex-GF Cassidy.

Next concerning Amber and Mom without a doubt they are the most vile two-faced evil bitches referring to Sam as a loser and a dumbass behind his back,and Amber pretty much declaring her love for her Daddy even tho she fell in love with Sam but quickly disregarding him to be Daddy's future wife.Mom was just plain cruel to Sam his whole life,and deserves hells burning flames for her crimes.

Now Dad and Cassidy what can I say about them,but for Dad he pretty much told it like it is to his son Sam that he hated the boy,so atleast he was somewhat honest to his son.Cassidy she was a coldhearted manipulative money-grubbing female snake in the grass,and should be shoved out of an airplane at 20000 feet without a parachute.

Back to Jesse and Sam mostly Jesse but she hurt him but ultimately she was the only one who I think really loved Sam,and she did try to make amends by telling him the truth before he left.So if its possible for Jesse and Sam I think they should eventually start dating and get engaged and married,then have lots of little incest babies,and disown the rest of their family and start their own.

Quit writing. Your premise is good, but you lack common sense, and the talent to write

Reminds me a bit of another story on this site. In the other one the kid runs away and joins the service,does his tours, gets blown up and gets out with a bad limp and a future. He comes home for his loving grandmother's funeral And because he filmed one of their orgy's and showed it to granny, he got the whole estate. Much better story than this. Which one got the idea first, which one did a better job with it, I leave up to others to decide but I don't pick this one!

Even worse than the soul71 version. And he's the one with the demented psyche!

Your workaround to solve the problems of the original sister has not solved anything. The new sister is still no better than the old one.

Over a year ago Ani said that ch2 would be out soon guess someone's forgot

Thank God you never proceeded with this sorry story. This appears to be a straight rip off from Soul71s story. It is sooo badly written. The plot just awful.

Scores 2/5, please leave well enough alone. Go back to your day job.

Cowardice. At least post what you tough the the history would be

Don’t listen to these people finish the story

This is a great story. I wish there were more.

I actually love this story and believe it to be superior to Soul71's story! I hope the author returns to it

Still waiting on a part 2

Please finish this and there are enough differences to make this yours, I love Soul71’s work but you went in a different direction so please finish

Loved the story, please finish it. Would love to see what revenge he has planned when he gets back.

This seems rather familiar to another story.

I mean, it *does* read like a soul71 story. But I follow him so that's not a bad thing in my book.

I loved where you are going with this, however would really, really hope you finish this or at least give us another chapter. Thanks for aninterging start.

More please! Been waiting, very interested in the different direction here

Moooooooore please please I beg you

i'll say this again please continue this wonderful story

I stopped reading at the "10 1/2 inch cock. That calls for a one.

I've read stories like this one, Sam, will do a complete 180, he will eventually cave in and forgive everyone and join in. He's already starting to give in, he already forgiven his sister, just after a sad story. If I found out that my crush and love interest was doing all that, I'd dump her in a heartbeat, I don't care if it was to protect me, I'm old enough to make up my own mind. I don't need anyone to make a decision for me. But it's not my story, but Sam will eventually change his mind and forgive everyone.

Say what you want I call "rip off"

Definitely really need more of this story! Please!!!!

Really hope you will continue with this story. I find it really enjoyable and would love to see it continuing.

I know there are a lot of similarities to “A Family Destroyed” but I like the different turns you took so I hope you continue your story.

I know this was written three years ago, but I would absolutely love for you to continue writing this story! I stayed hard the entire time I was reading and I love all the juicy details! Once again, please continue! 5 stars!

This needs to continue,, and not another unfinished project

Pathetic as usual.

And as expected the source, which out modern society. Always giving birth Wimps, spineless idiots in the name of Politeness, etiquette.

No strong morals. No strong character.

Pretty good, but where are the remaining chapters? This could be better if finished. Needs at least two more chapters; 1 to finish the didolution of the gf and 2 the getting away from the family gaining back his money. 3 His blossuoming love with sister.

It’s a shame that this story doesn’t seem to be finished, what a shame ☹️

Story was good. Writer not so much. The story said continued. It has been over 2 1/2 years and they have summitted a second chapter. NOT acceptable.

At the start of the story the author said that this would be different to Soul71's similar started story. That means the author already has the plot figured out. The fact that there has been nothing posted, or even listed in the authors profile since then, is a strong indication that there was nothing "in the wings" for a continuation. I'd like the author to prove my thinking incorrect. I never understand why so many authors just leave us hanging, waiting for the next chapter...