Better to Seek Forgiveness?

"How many men have you cheated on me with, Traci? Didn't I deserve a little consideration?"

Traci huffed, but didn't answer the question. She pursed her lips and suddenly looked reflective.

"How did you find out?" she asked, much quieter in tone and seemingly calmer than she was previously.

"Answer my question first, babe. How many men?" Marcus asked. "If it's too hard to remember them all, give me the closest dozen."

"Fuck you, Marcus. That's uncalled for," she growled.

"Is it really, Traci?" Marcus said. "I know of at least five, and considering I didn't find out until recently, I'd bet there's a lot more than that. Give me some time and I'm sure I'll get a better idea."

Marcus was a very good card player because of his outstanding poker face. In reality, he only knew about two men that Traci had slept with, but Carl had said he thought there were several others, so he thought it was worth the bluff to name a definite number.

Traci staggered slightly before sitting down opposite Marcus. For the first time she looked somewhat guilty, his 28 years of experience telling him that his bluff was probably way low. Fuck. She sat sobbing quietly. He knew she was done talking for the night. The quiet sobbing was her way of getting out of admitting defeat.

Marcus sat at the table with the crying Traci for another few minutes before heading upstairs to change his clothes. He figured he'd order in a pizza for himself. He had a 12-pack of Miller High Life sitting in the refrigerator. His soon-to-be ex-wife could get her own dinner.

******

Once she stopped crying, Traci sat at the table deep in thought. Not that it really mattered, but she realized Marcus never told her how he found out about her cheating. She wouldn't push him on that, either, because she knew he could push her on her number of liaisons. Although she flared angry when he suggested it could be more than a dozen, she knew his estimate was scarily on the mark. In the nine months she had been having her "adventures," she had slept with nine men several times and also had three one-night stands.

Traci had truly hoped her husband would never find out about her dates. She truly loved Marcus and had hoped that the two could revive their marriage after she ended her adventure. She always knew there was a potential she could be caught, but she believed Marcus loved her enough to give her this. She would be eternally grateful for him allowing this and show him every day in the future by being the best wife she could be for him.

Traci wasn't surprised but was hurt when Marcus headed for their son's old bedroom when it was bedtime for the pair.

"We've never slept apart in all our years of marriage. Why start now? It's not like we haven't been sleeping together the whole time I've been dating," Traci said.

Marcus suddenly looked sick. He rushed to the bathroom and regurgitated his Pepperoni Lovers pizza. Traci wet a rag and left it on the counter for him, and then went off alone to bed.

Marcus staggered into his son's bedroom and fell on the bed. He slept fitfully.

The next morning the pair was mostly silent as they got ready for work. Just before Marcus was about to head out to his car, Traci reminded him that she would be getting home about 90 minutes late because she had to work late. The words were barely out of her mouth when she realized she made a mistake.

"Oh shit. How many times did you use that excuse on me to cheat? Is that what this is?" Marcus queried.

In truth, that's exactly what it was. Traci had a lunch date with a man for sex that she had made last week. She hadn't given the date much consideration until she issued her reminder to her husband, because up until yesterday, there wasn't anything to consider.

"Uhh... yeah. I'm going to meet someone. I'm sorry. I made this date last week, and I told you about... working late the day before yesterday," she said.

"Yes, I used work as an excuse a lot, sometimes just working late, sometimes meeting clients, but it wasn't always a lie... sometimes I really did have to work.

"I suppose I should just cancel my appointment. I didn't think..."

"You're not going to stop dating other men for a while, are you?" Marcus asked.

"No, I don't plan to. I was planning to continue for a while longer..."

"Well, then, you might as well fuck this guy, too," Marcus stated blankly, causing Traci to wince.

He walked into the garage, got into his car and drove to work.

"Fuck, that didn't exactly go according to plan," she thought to herself.

******

Marcus was amazed he didn't get into an accident on the way to his office. He didn't remember driving, but suddenly, he was in the parking lot.

Once at his desk, he couldn't focus on his job; his mind wondering exactly how many times his wife had sex with other men in the past nine months-plus. She told him the sex was secondary, but to his mind she was lying, the same as she often did when she said she was working late. Once trust is gone...

He waited until 9:15 before calling a friend who was a family law attorney. He got an appointment for 5, figuring that since his wife wouldn't be home, he might as well be productive.

He was sitting at the kitchen table eating takeout Italian when Traci got home and walked into the kitchen. The two locked eyes briefly before Traci went upstairs. Marcus noted that her hair and makeup looked as it always did. She had apparently straightened up before returning to work after her "appointment."

She came down in casual clothes. Marcus was very aware that she hadn't showered.

"How many times did you give me sloppy seconds?" Marcus asked his wife in a whisper.

******

Her husband's newfound knowledge of her dating... she couldn't think of them as affairs... changed so many things, she realized, as he looked at her with loathing in his eyes. She cringed before answering.

"I should slap the shit out of you, you disrespectful bastard! I would never do that to you," Traci said.

Marcus smirked at Traci's anger. He was trying to hurt her and succeeded.

"Like I thought you would never cheat on me either," he responded calmly. "You've shown me that I don't know you as well as I thought I did."

She sighed loudly, then rolled her eyes.

"Go ahead, play the martyr," she said.

"All right, I will," he said. "You calling me disrespectful is the ultimate 'pot calling the kettle black.' You lying and cheating on me for months is incredibly disrespectful. Even you would have to admit that."

"I'm not disrespecting you. I've already told you. I am enjoying new experiences and relationships," she said.

"You say potato. I say disrespectful, considering you broke our wedding vows," Marcus spat at the woman.

Traci was completely surprised when she was served divorce papers the next week at home on a Wednesday night. The surprise turned into anger as she opened the ubiquitous manila envelope on her way from the front door.

"I thought you were going to give me the benefit of the doubt on this one, Marc. You're going to throw 27 years away because I want to have some new experiences and you are just happy to grow old," Traci bitched.

"What in God's name ever gave you the idea that I would let you sample other men for a year and still stay married to me? Do you see a lobotomy scar across my forehead?" Marcus said calmly.

"Why can't you get it through your head that this is about experiencing new things, new people. The sex happens, but it's not that important," she said.

"Yet virtually all of your dates seem to end in sex, don't they?" Marcus said.

"How do you know that?" she asked, shocked.

"I didn't officially until just this moment. But I know guys. Remember, I am one. If it's on the menu, a guy is going to order it. We are predictable," he said.

Traci grimaced and walked off.

Now that the cat was out of the bag and she was no longer having to hide her dates, Traci felt empowered to stay out later, coming home after midnight on her next two outings. She was both surprised and somewhat annoyed that Marcus was sitting up waiting for her to get home, the way he waited on the children when they were out on dates.

"Have you ever gone line dancing before? Boy, that was a lot of fun last night," Traci said to Marcus as the two ate their usual quick breakfast before they left for work.

Marcus' eyebrows raised. He was more than a little surprised with this development.

"So now you're going to give me a synopsis of your dates? Perfect. Was the sex good, too?" he asked sarcastically.

She smirked at his question.

"Yes. It usually is," she answered flippantly, giving him a smug look.

"But there's the rub, babe. There's always sex," Marcus remarked. "You can deny it all you want, but it's about the sex as much as anything. And that makes you nothing less than a slut. Which is why we're getting divorced."

"Not going to be a divorce, Marcus."

"So you've said, Traci."

******

Marcus waited a week and called both kids to tell them of the divorce. He was surprised when his oldest, Layla, seemed to know all about everything that was happening, and was apparently taking her mother's side in the proceedings.

"Can't you see that she still loves you, and that she'll come back to you eventually?" Layla said.

"Eventually is too late," Marcus said. "I'm not the kind of guy who would share his wife. Her... fucking around on me for almost a year with multiple men tells me she doesn't love me near as much as she thinks she does."

"But you had 27 good years, and she still loves you. I know that, Dad," Layla said. "She just wants to experience new people and things for a while. You don't. You're happy with the status quo. Don't let her desire to have new experiences be the end of you two."

"But she's cheating on me, Layla. I can't just ignore that. We made vows. Till death do us part," Marcus said.

"Doesn't 27 years of being a good wife and mother earn her some bonus points, Dad? What would you gain by divorcing her? A dingy apartment by yourself for the rest of your life. By staying with her you would earn a lifetime of her ongoing devotion to you, doing whatever she could do to please you."

"But doesn't she owe me the same level of devotion that I have given to her?" Marcus asked. "I have kept my vows, even though it would have been just as easy for me to break them as her.

"You can't seriously be supporting what she's done? Does Nate know that you're supporting this lunacy? Maybe I need to find out how he feels about this."

"You won't do that to me, Dad. That would be going above and beyond," Layla said.

"Watch me, baby. I think he needs to know exactly what is going on and your take on it, because this is going to come back to haunt him in the future," Marcus said.

"Daddy, no!" Layla cried. "I would never do that to Nate."

"Then why are you so keen on your mother doing it to me?" Marcus asked. "If you think this is acceptable behavior, then sooner or later you are going to do it to your husband.

"Do you think this is acceptable behavior?"

Layla hesitated. Marcus took that as a sign that he was correct.

Traci and Marcus' son, Ed, was unequivocal in his support for his father's position when he was told about the divorce and Marcus' reasons.

"I never figured she'd go that far off the deep end, Dad," Marcus said.

******

A week later on a Saturday night, Traci was sitting on the sofa in the living room looking over at her husband sitting on the other side of the room in his La-Z-Boy. It suddenly dawned on her that it had been weeks... no... months... since the two had cuddled together on the sofa as they often used to do. Upon further reflection, it had been months since the two had done any cuddling, kissing or had sex. She was so busy with her adventures, she hadn't missed being close or intimate with Marcus. Why hadn't he complained or initiated anything, she wondered?

"Marcus, sweetie, why don't you move over here and we can cuddle together... maybe play around a little. It's been a while for you, hasn't it? You're not getting too old for that sort of thing, are you?" Traci asked.

"I'm good, baby. Yeah, I still like sex, but we haven't had any since I found out you were cheating on me. Not going to touch you. In fact, I had myself tested after I found out you were cheating on me. Doc Sabine seemed a little surprised," Marcus explained.

"Oh, my God! You went to Dr. Sabine? He's going to think..."

"That you're a slut? Yeah. Pretty sure he got that message," Marcus said.

"No. No. No," Traci moaned. "For once, couldn't you think about someone besides yourself? This will be all over town pretty quickly if it isn't already. You've outed yourself as a cuckold, babe."

"Que sera, sera," Marcus said in a blank tone. "Wasn't taking any chances since I know you're taking it raw. You already broke my heart. I didn't need another part of my body broken as well."

"You're a scream. You know that?" Traci hissed. "So we're never going to have sex again? Do you think you can do that?"

She growled and left the room.

******

"Goddamn, I love married sluts!" Traci's latest "adventure" cried out as he came hard in her pussy for the second time that night. "You guys convince yourselves it's your husband's fault, but in reality, you just want some on the side."

Traci's partner couldn't see her frown when he called her a slut because he was behind her fucking her doggy. He missed her flinch as well because of how hard he was coming. He lay down on the bed next to her as soon as he finished shooting several ropes of cum inside the woman.

The young man was barely 25.

Traci lay down on her back and looked over at... what the fuck was his name? Harrison. Harrison Baines. His eyes were closed. He was a handsome son of a bitch, she admitted, but really there was nothing special about him. His body was okay, he was a pretty good dancer, but he really wasn't very smart and couldn't hold up his end of a conversation, unless it was about baseball.

Almost without exception, all of Traci's dates ended with sex. She knew she told herself her dating was about having new experiences with new people, but in reality, it was about having sex with new people. As she thought about it further, maybe... Harrison... Harrison Baines... was correct. She was a slut. A self-absorbed slut, at that. Maybe it was time to reconnect with her husband. The only problem was how to do that.

Marcus' refusal to be intimate with his wife since he found out she was cheating was the biggest sticking point to this reconnection. Traci knew Marcus still loved her on some level, but it would be so much easier to gain him back if she could fuck him stupid several times.

"How do I get him back in my bed? He's been in Ed's room since he found out, and has been as celibate as a priest," Traci said to Marianne Looper over lunch soon after. "I'd bet he's got calluses on his damn right hand."

"You could be in deep shit, girlfriend, if you can't get him back into your bed," Marianne answered. "I thought you had a back-up plan."

"I thought 28 years was a good back-up plan. I mean we had a damn good marriage..."

"If it was that good, why did you blow it up? Most women would kill to have a great guy like Marcus," Marianne asked.

"Because I thought I was so fucking smart. I was so sure I could have my cake and eat it. I'm still not sure how he caught me," Traci said.

"Too late to worry about that," Marianne responded.

******

Marcus had no clue how to live the life of a bachelor; it had been a long time since he had been one. At first, life was all about work and then going home to a lonely apartment to fix a dinner of frozen pizza or Pop-Tarts. Eventually, he ventured out with several friends and found there was a whole world out there he knew nothing about: single professional men and women in their 40s, 50s and 60s.

At first, Marcus sat on the sidelines and watched as his middle-aged brethren all seemed to gravitate toward the women in their 20s and 30s. He understood the attraction, but he also noted that left a lot of unattended older women. The best-looking of these often paired off with younger men, like his ex-wife had done, but there will still more than enough decent-looking women out there, if their ringless left hands were to be believed. Marcus always checked for a wedding ring because he didn't want to do to some unsuspecting husband what was done to him.

"Just because she's married doesn't mean she's off limits," one of his friends, Tom explained one night. "She doesn't necessarily want to sleep with you, she just wants to have a little fun. What's wrong with that?"

"She's somebody's wife, Tom. That's what's wrong with that," Marcus said. "I'm not going to help some slut cuckold her husband. I certainly didn't like it when it was done to me. I won't do it to someone else."

Even with what some of his friends called his quirky requirements, Marcus discovered there were more than enough single women to go around. Some of them were looking for Mr. Right; others were just looking for Mr. Right Now. Marcus wasn't above spending time with each type, and had more than a few hook-ups in the next year.

Marcus truthfully doubted he would ever again find the kind of love he had for most of his 28 years with Traci. Until she decided she wanted to sample more, Marcus thought his marriage was just about perfect. Finding a woman like the Traci he first married was probably an impossible task, he admitted to himself.

Carol Radke was sitting alone at a table for five, guarding the drinks as it were in this world where women had to watch out for men spiking their libations, when Marcus decided to make the woman's acquaintance. He guessed the woman to be maybe a few years younger than himself, with a deep tan or maybe mixed race, shoulder-length straight black hair and expressive, large brown eyes. He could see that she was rocking to the beat of the music while she was seated.

"Do you mind?" Marcus asked as he pointed to the empty seat next to the woman.

"Oh please," she said with a bright smile. "It will be nice to have a full-grown adult to talk to for a while. I'm babysitting the children tonight."

Marcus smiled back and raised his eyebrows in question as he sat down.

"It's girls night out for the youngsters in the office. I'm along to make sure everyone goes home alone and safe. I'm the only one here who didn't need to show ID to get in. Carol Radke by the way," she said.

A chuckling Marcus introduced himself.

"Yeah, it's been a long time since anyone has asked for my ID, too," he said.

The two were engaged in conversation as three younger women drifted back to the table from the dance floor. They all smiled at Marcus and took up the empty seats around the table. Carol stopped talking with Marcus long enough to make introductions. Each of the 20-somethings was polite as they said hello.

"Is Mary Jo around somewhere?" Carol asked after the introductions.

"Yeah, she went off to the ladies' room after the last dance," a young redhead to Marcus' left answered.

"Give her another minute or two, then one of you check to make sure she's okay," Carol said to the table, looking from face to face.

"Yes, Mom," one of the girls answered.

"I've never lost a charge yet at one of these GNOs. Not about to start tonight," she explained to Marcus.

"That's great that someone looks out for the youngsters. Do you come with them all the time?" he asked.

"Whenever they do a girls night out, I do. When they go out by themselves, well... they're on their own. I'm just the old, divorced mother hen. I have two drinks maximum, then switch to iced tea," she said with a laugh.

"Does Mom ever get to dance?" Marcus asked the table while Carol blushed.

"Not often enough, we think," said the redhead as the rest of the women smiled.