Big Bang Theory - Penny's Halloween

(Fictional story about fictional characters)

(This is my interpretation of S1, E6; "The Middle Earth Paradigm")

***

The four nerds trudged up the three flights of stairs leading to Apartment 4A, complaining and rehashing their recent thrashing in Paintball at the hands (and guns) of a juvenile bar- mitzvah party team. They were exhausted from toting their heavy, cumbersome, state-of-the-art protective equipment and "head nerd" Sheldon was haranguing them about their embarrassing defeat. "Wolowitz shot me in the back," he barked.

"You were leading us into disaster," Howard replied.

"I was giving clear and concise orders," Sheldon corrected him.

"You were hiding behind a tree yelling, 'get the kid in the yarmulke,'" his roommate Leonard disagreed.

As they rounded the bend in the staircase, they met their beautiful blonde neighbor Penny who was descending the stairs wearing her totally nondescript and drab, and yet on her incredibly sexy; Cheesecake Factory uniform. "Oh hey guys," she chirped, "so how was Paintball? Did you have fun," she inquired.

"Sure," Sheldon whined, "if you consider being fragged by your own troops, fun."

"Okayyyy," she proceeded, "hey I'm having a party on Saturday so if you're around, you should come by."

Leering at her cleavage, Howard asked, "a boy-girl party?"

"Well, there will be girls there and there will be boys there...and it's a party," she admitted, "so...yeah. And there will be music and dancing."

She thought the quartet was going to get whiplash from shaking their heads as they replied, basically in unison, "oh no...we...we don't dance," with Sheldon finally just saying, "no."

Penny replied, "are you sure...come on, it's Halloween."

"A Halloween party," Sheldon asked.

"You mean with costumes," Howard's eyebrows raised as he continued to stare at Penny's inviting cleavage.

"Uh...yeah," Penny answered with a puzzled look on her face.

The four nerds just formed a circle and looked at each other as if reading each other's minds. "Is there a theme," Leonard wanted to know.

"Um...Halloween," Penny stated.

Sheldon quizzed her, "are the costumes random or genre specific?"

"As usual, I'm not following," Penny admitted.

"He's asking if we can come as any costume we want...," Leonard began before Sheldon interrupted.

"Comic book, science fiction, anime, Greek gods, TV, film, Norse gods, Roman gods, cartoon..." Sheldon spouted off before Penny grinned and headed toward the stairs.

"Any costume you want," she sighed, and patted Sheldon's cheek as she passed.

"Gentleman...to the sewing machines," Howard declared.

On the day of the party, Leonard heard a knock on their door and went to answer it, proud of the very authentic The Flash costume he was wearing. In rushed Howard, also sporting a Flash costume, causing Leonard to exclaim, "oh no."

Right behind Howard, Raj jumped through the doorway exclaiming, "make way for the fastest...," and he never finished his sentence when he saw two other costumes just like his.

This time Howard said, "oh no."

Almost immediately, from behind Leonard, they heard another "oh no" as Sheldon came out of his room also dressed as The Flash. "This is why I wanted to have a costume meeting," he proclaimed.

"Wait...we all have other costumes," Leonard suggested, "we can all just change."

"Or," Raj volunteered, "we can all just walk right behind each other in a line and it will look like one person going really fast."

"No...no," Howard stated, "this is a boy-girl party and this Flash goes solo."

"OK, so we all change and no one gets to be The Flash...agreed," Leonard asked.

"Agreed," they nodded...and Leonard quickly added, "I call Frodo."

Nearly two hours later, they were back in Sheldon and Leonard's apartment with Leonard carefully pulling on his hairy ears when Raj came through the door, "sorry I am late but my hammer got caught in the bus door."

"You choose Thor," Leonard asked, slightly surprised.

"What...just because I'm Indian, I can't go as a Norse god...that's racist you know," Raj told him. "Look at Howard...he's not English but he's dressed as Peter Pan."

"I'm not Peter Pan," Howard told him in a disgusted tone, "I'm Robin Hood," and he held up a bow.

"Are you sure because I saw Peter Pan and Cathy Rigby was dressed just like you...she's a little bigger of course," Raj informed him. "Oh, and look at Sheldon," as the quirky scientist emerged from his room dressed in a black jumpsuit with vertical white lines, "he's neither sound or light but he's obviously the Doppler effect."

Leonard approached Sheldon and said, "there's something I wanted to talk to you about. This is the first opportunity I'll have for Penny to see me as one of her social group and I'd really like it if you didn't embarrass me by being...you know...you."

Walking across the hall to Penny's apartment, Howard informed the group, "if anyone gets lucky tonight, I've got a dozen condoms in my quiver," and then he knocked on her door with his bow.

Opening her door, Penny was genuinely surprised to see them, but greeted them with a big smile, "oh hey guys."

"Sorry we're late," Sheldon stated.

"Late," Penny asked, "but it's only 7:05."

"I know but you said seven o'clock," Sheldon continued.

"Right...but when someone says seven o'clock, no one shows up then," she told them, but moved aside and invited them in, "well, come in guys."

Looking around her living room, Howard asked, "where are all the girls...in the bathroom?"

"Probably," Penny told him, "but in their own homes."

"So when does the costume parade start," Sheldon wanted to know.

"Costume parade," Penny was puzzled.

"You know, so the judges can choose best-costumes and award prizes," Sheldon said.

"Oh, I'm sorry sweetie, but there aren't any judges or prizes," she admitted.

"This party is going to suck," Sheldon mumbled.

"No sweetie...you're going to have a great time," Penny assured him, and you guys all look so great. Look at you: Thor, Peter Pan...so cute."

Leonard started to interject that Howard was actually Robin Hood but Howard stopped him, "that's right...Peter Pan, and I have a handful of pixie-dust here with your name on it," and he blew an imaginary handful in Penny's direction.

Becoming serious instantaneously, Penny answered, "no you don't. What's Sheldon supposed to be?"

Leonard said, "oh he's the Doppler effect."

"Yes," Sheldon elaborated, "it's the apparent change in the frequency of a wave created by the motion between the wave and the observer."

Putting her acting skills to good use, Penny smiled, "oh...yeah...I see it now...very clever. Now you guys make yourselves at home while I go shower."

"Are you sure you don't need any help in there," Howard leered as Penny walked away from them.

Truthfully, the lecherous nerd made her skin crawl, the way he was always ogling her, but she was feeling highly exuberant with the prospect of her party, so she dismissed him as nicely as possible, "no thank you...but I'll let you know."

"Did you hear that," Howard grinned, "she'll let me know," and he rubbed his hands together.

"Yeah...right," Raj commented, "you have a better chance of becoming a big-and-tall model."

The four scientists took seats on the sofa and an hour and a half later after the other guests had arrived, and the alcohol and snacks had begun flowing, they were still in the same places. Raj had a bowl on his lap and remarked, "this is goood Chex mix...want some Howard."

"No...peanuts...allergic...I can't afford to swell up in this costume," he answered.

"I don't get it," Sheldon proclaimed, "if there's no costume parade, what are we doing here."

"We're socializing...meeting new people...supporting our neighbor," Leonard smiled as Penny walked past.

"Telepathically," Sheldon questioned.

The apartment was now filled with Penny's acquaintances, all dressed in various costumes...most of them designed to be highly sexual and revealing. Raj spoke up, "Penny's Catwoman costume is the worst ever...and that includes Halle Berry...of course Halle Berry made up for it with that wonderful mocha caramel skin."

"She's not Catwoman, she's just a generic cat," Leonard defended her, "and I think she looks amazing." She was dressed in an extremely short black skirt that showed off her toned shapely legs to mid-thigh, and a black crop-top with long sleeves exposing her taut belly. She had painted cat whiskers and a black nose on her face and attached a tail to the skirt.

"Ooo look at the slutty nurse costume," Howard observed as he got up, "I think it's time for me to turn my head and cough."

"I want to get to know Penny's friends, but I don't know how to just jump in, "Leonard admitted, "come on Sheldon, you're going to be my wing-man."

"Well OK, but if we're going to use airplane metaphors, I would be more comfortable being the man from the FAA who examines airplane wreckage."

After many unsuccessful attempts at socializing, and many wrong guesses as to what Sheldon's costume was (several "giraffe" and "barcode" guesses), Leonard stopped in his tracks and stared at the doorway. "Oh no there's Penny's old boyfriend, Kurt."

"I wonder what he's doing here...besides disturbing the gravitational flow," Sheldon asked. He was an impressive physical specimen, dressed in some sort of Tarzan outfit and Sheldon added, "so I guess that means we'll be leaving now."

"Why should we leave," Leonard stated, "for all we know he crashed the party and Penny doesn't even want him here." Just then, Kurt reached for Penny and hugged her.

"Do you have a backup hypothesis," Sheldon asked.

"Maybe they just want to be friends," Leonard added.

"Or maybe she just wants to be friends and he wants something more," Sheldon suggested.

"Well then we're on even ground," Leonard tried to be positive.

"Except you're closer to it than he is."

Leonard continued, "look if this was fifteen thousand years ago, by virtue of his size and strength, Kurt would be entitled to his choice of female partners; but our society has undergone a paradigm shift. In the information age, the intellectuals are the alpha-males. I'm going over there to assert my dominance face to face."

"Face to face...are you going to wait for him to sit down, and are you going to stand on the coffee table," Sheldon wondered.

Wandering over to the doorway, Leonard approached Penny, "hi Penny."

"Oh hey guys," she smiled, "are you having a good time."

Looking at Sheldon, Kurt sneered, "you're a zebra right...and what are you supposed to be...an elf."

"No, I'm a hobbit," Leonard replied.

"What's the difference," Kurt asked, and after Leonard painstakingly explained, Kurt said, "why would you want to be a hobbit. Well...whatever...why don't you just hop along on a quest because I'm talking to Penny."

"I think we're all talking to Penny," Leonard stood his ground.

"Maybe you didn't hear me...I said go away," Kurt stated forcefully.

"Kurt, be nice," Penny implored him.

Stepping forward menacingly and rubbing the top of Leonard's head, Kurt replied, "but I am being nice...right little buddy."

Pulling back, Leonard responded, "I understand your impulse to try to physically intimidate me because you can't compete on an intellectual level and you haven't progressed on the evolutionary tree. I think I've made my point."

"So I'm un-evolved," Kurt asked, "you know you use a lot of big words for such a tiny dwarf. How about if I make a point out of your pointy little head." He picked Leonard up as if he were a twig and was going to throw him out the door but Penny was in the way.

"Put him down," she demanded.

"But he started it," Kurt retorted.

"I don't care who started it...put him down," Penny ordered; and Kurt shoved him to the sofa.

As Sheldon sat next to Raj (who had just discovered that he could talk to girls after consuming alcohol), Penny asked Leonard, "are you OK."

Attempting to save face, Leonard bravely smiled and told her, "oh sure...just fine. You know it's getting late, I think I should be going. Thanks for inviting me." He held his head high as he ambled across the hall to 4A, even though his shoulders were slumped.

A while later, as Leonard sat on his couch feeling sorry for himself, there was a light knock on the door and Penny's cat face poked into the apartment. "Hi Leonard," she spoke softly, "I just wanted to make sure you were OK."

"I'm fine," he answered, trying to seem cheerful.

"I'm so sorry for what happened," she apologized him, sitting down beside him and making sure she didn't sit on her tail. She was carrying a bottle of tequila and sat it on the coffee table.

"It's not your fault," he assured her.

"He always does things like that," she admitted, "that's why I broke up with him."

"Then why was he at your party," Leonard asked, trying not to stare at her beautiful face.

Penny slowly began to cry as she sobbed, "I ran into him a couple weeks ago at the supermarket and he was all apologetic, and I am such an idiot because I always believe guys like that." Tears were flowing now as she continued, "and I can't go back to my party because he's there, and I'm really drunk and I just want to talk." Turning to him, Penny laid her blond head on his shoulder and shuddered with tears.

Unaccustomed to offering solace to pretty girls, Leonard just out his arms around her and soothingly said, "there...there."

Looking at him, Penny asked, "what's wrong with me."

"Nothing's wrong with you...you're perfect," Leonard told her.

"I'm not perfect," she sobbed.

"Yes you are."

"You really think so...don't you," she looked into his eyes as he nodded in the affirmative. Leaning in, Penny planted her soft lips on his and kissed him tenderly.

When they broke the kiss, Leonard asked, "Penny how much have you had to drink tonight?"

"Just...a lot," she admitted.

"Are you sure you're being drunk and mad at Kurt didn't have something to do with that kiss," he suggested.

"Maybe...you're pretty smart. Why can't all guys be like you," she wondered.

"Because if they were, the human race couldn't survive," Leonard sadly admitted.

Leaning against him, Penny whispered in his ear, "I should probably go...but I'm not going to. You are the nicest, kindest man I have ever met and I'm not leaving...and I'm not THAT drunk." She again pressed her subtle lips against his and they began a kiss that lasted nearly fifteen "Mississippi's" as their tongues played tag.

When they broke, Leonard had a huge Cheshire Cat grim on his face and exclaimed simply, "wow...that was nice."

"It sure was," Penny agreed, "you're a really good kisser."

"I've done a lot of research...you know...internet," he declared.

Reaching for the bottle, Penny took a long swallow, turned to Leonard and proceeded to transfer the cool liquid from her mouth to his. Trying not to choke as it burned his throat, he told her, "I never knew drinking could be so much fun...can we have another." And they did...several. Leaning back against the sofa, they stared into each others eyes, and Penny's hand began to explore Leonard's chest, snaking inside his tunic and finding that he was nearly as hairy as his hobbit clothing.

"This is really nice Leonard, we should have done this before," she offered as her hand traveled down to his stomach and was surprised to find that it was much more firm than she had expected. Not really sure how he would be permitted to respond to her touch, Leonard began to rub her shoulder over her shirt. She smiled, almost chuckling, and easily pulled her shirt off over her head, flinging it over the back of the sofa. "It's OK...you're allowed," she encouraged him as her magnificent breasts jiggled. She had been bra-less and Leonard sucked in his breath as he stared at the most perfect set of tits he had ever seen (including the Playboys under his mattress back in New Jersey). Wonderfully firm 36 C mounds of flesh with elliptical pink areola stared back at him.

He gingerly reached out his hand, as if he were afraid her flesh would burn him, and began to gently fondle and caress her left breast. Her nipple was already erect and the size of a gumdrop when he trapped it between his fingers and carefully squeezed. Sitting sideways, he was only able to concentrate on one glorious breast at a time, as he leaned over and began to nibble on her spongy gumdrop. "Oh my God Leonard, you are so good at that," she moaned as her hand slipped lower on his belly. Finding his erection, she exclaimed, "oh my, and grasped it firmly with her soft fingers. Judging by the feel; and she did have extensive experience to draw from; she estimated that it was around nine inches and very thick. The perfect size, in her estimation.

"Leonard," she purred as she continued to stroke his hard-on, "this could be the start of an amazing relationship. I know I haven't been your neighbor for that long, but there is one thing you should know about me...I love cock...I love being fucked." She sunk to the floor, kneeling between his legs and began to pull his trousers down and off, following with his boxers; her tail waving behind her. "Oh yes...that's a beautiful cock," she admired it and began to slide both hands up and down it's length.

"I'm sure it's smaller than you're used to," he dipped his head and nodded towards her apartment.

"Oh...Kurt," she chuckled, and held the fingers of her hand about three inches apart. "And his balls are the size of marbles," she added, "I think it has something to do with all the steroids he takes to make his muscles bigger. The one muscle I care about seems to have shrunk. And I think that's why he's always losing his temper. That's the only reason I stayed with him as long as I did...to be honest, he scares me."

"Huh...yeah," Leonard responded,suddenly felt proud of his penis, "'roid rage...I've read about it in the scientific journals. Never thought I'd actually know anyone affected by it."

"Yeah...he's the reason I keep a Louisville Slugger by my bed," Penny admitted; and Leonard was proud and surprised that he actually knew she was talking about a baseball bat.

Leonard bit his lower lip as he watched Penny's gorgeous blond head dip between his legs; her tongue lapping the drops of pre-cum off his crown. He hurriedly threw off his jacket and tunic, leaving only his socks as Penny started to lick the length of his prick from balls to head. As she lowered her open mouth onto his rigid meat, she stared into his eyes and he thought hers resembled pools of emerald tinted water.

Feeling her warm mouth close around his penis, Leonard groaned and slid his fingers through her luxurious blond hair. Bobbling her head up and down while fondling is scrotum, Penny deftly swallowed every inch of his prick into the back of her throat. Her amazing breasts, hanging down from her chest, were wobbling as her head bobbed and Leonard reached down and kneaded them gently, rolling her gumdrop nipples between his fingers. He was in heaven and, all too soon, felt his load rising in his shaft as his beautiful neighbor sucked it. He tried to warn her, but she just took him deeper into her throat as if sensing his imminent explosion.

He didn't mean to, but Leonard grasped her head and held it in place as he erupted inside her mouth, shooting his load into the depths of her esophagus. His body shuddered as he filled her mouth, and he was amazed that not one drop leaked out of the corners of her lips. When he was done, Penny leaned back on her heels, a sly grin on her face, just as the door flew open and Sheldon stormed in. He barely looked their way as he stormed across the living room spouting things like, "Penny your friends are a bunch of cretins," and "if I hear guesses like zebra and bar-code one more time I'm going to scream. Whatever you two are doing...stay off my spot."