All Comments on 'Big Cousin Obsession Ch. 02'

Hi DinaParker69,

I am truly impressed with your work in 1st chapter. Your writing shows you are a great writer leaving some grammatical errors but it's affordable. Your story have everything a good story should have like romance, passion, realistic touch etc. Hatsoff for chapter 1.

But in chapter 2 your story got a downfall. You didn't do justice with Derek's and Lauren's character. Why?

1. Because Derek seems a little childish in this chapter. When Sarah broke his heart selfishly he was all alone. On that time Lauren accompanied him and first of all earned him justice against Sarah's selfish wishes. Then she accompanied him to guide him out of loneliness. They made a deal to just be casual with having sex. But in middle of the story Lauren told him she love him like a lover tells and also Derek told her he loved her. But now in the end when Sarah came he bored with Lauren fucktoy and now wants Sarah back. How cruel? How in the end he didn't love her. He used her and then threw her?

2. Another proof of Derek's selfishness is when in the ending of the first chapter he accepted in his mind "he didn't want more with his cousin." If he loved his cousin and accepted it on her face then why now he didn't want more with his cousin. The person who helped him now in selfishness he is breaking her heart and also if she is angry then putting a blame on her. How cruel your Derek's character is?

These two thing I have wanted to tell you. You must do justice with your character mam. Characters are life of a story.

You didn't do justice with Lauren. You should change this. I know writing is not easy but you are good in it. I became a fan of your writing after reading 1st chapter. But now take my advice and do justice. I am a professional writer and also knows that a writer writes according to the wishes of the reader. So give some thought to my advice and do justice.

Thank you

Your Wellwisher

Sort this out. This chapter is full of selfishness.

Now Sarah came and took him away.

Derek is very unfortunate as he didn't realised who loves him truly.

Who says there is no future with cousins.

Explore the world women and you will find various couple who are cousins and related to each other.

Derek is a very week character I must say.

We went from chapter 1 with just Derek being an asshat but it was still savable to them all being asshats (-_-)

You destroyed Lauren's character with her screaming and letting the cat out of the bag like that, it is obvious that Sarah is just a selfish bitch that is using Derek and will grow bored of him in time.

Amanda and Kath are meant to be Derek's friends not Sarah's yet one set him up with her knowing she broke his heart and both then lied to him repeatedly when he asked them questions.

Derek needs to pull his head out of his arse, realise that only Lauren actually loves him and say a big "Fuck You!" to his so-called friends that act like real cunts towards him. And of course punch the next person that calls him 'Der' right in the face.

And first cousins can have perfectly normal relationships, Hell my mother and aunt have been giving me hints about one of mine for years.

Despite all this I will read the next chapter hoping you fix it (or better yet delete this chapter 2 and and last part of chapter 1 and write in new content).

I find it ridiculous that this has the "true love" tag when Derek is leaving his true love for the woman that spat on him and crushed his feelings.

Why did you turn everyone into smallminded, shortsighted assholes in this chapter?

I think U should have gone with Lauren instead of bringing Sarah back into the picture. Even though Lauren is his cousin U have shown that She has more love for Derek than anything Sarah has to offer. There are all kinds of ways cousins can be together by moving away when they get older. They will still have to deal with family in the story but they all know how close the two of them are so it will not be a surprise to any of them at the outcome of their relationship.

I think you wrecked it putting him with Sarah instead of Lauren.

I hope he sorts himself out in the next chapter and chooses Lauren

You really screwed up a good story by letting Sarah back in. Will not be reading anymore of yours. You don't understand want trials and hurdles Lauren and him would have gone thru to get where they were and you just want to end it like you don't care about siblings being love. Maybe you should try it sometime then you'll realise the difference. Good luck think you will need it to stop readers not leaving good results. Won't even rate this cause there is no meditative star.

Ya the pain she would have indured...my opinion ( I know it's your story ) fix this

please :(

I think you should put Derek with both of the girls and make him realize that he is in love with both of them that will make this story even better in my opinion

Honestly, I don't think Sarah should be the one to finally be Derek's love..It doesn't make sense for a woman to finally go back and "love" a man who has loved you for years...Amd yet you only want him for sex, your own satisfaction.

I would like to see him with his cousin. let him realize that shes always loved him and his girlfriend just left him behind

Lara deserves better than this. Sarah just used him and after all that built up obsession with his cousin you just pair him up with an indecisive bitch. I didn't like it

Good stories. Unfortunately, both chapters 1 and 2 gave depressing endings.