BIG TIT DERBY 5X5 Ch. 04

"Hey brotherman; when you gonna get it together and get yourself a lady?"

"Excuse me?"

"Trim, you know what that is, right? You up over here playing with some cameras while there's a whole world out there waiting. All those girls man, all that trim."

This was my cousin Jaquan and in case you hadn't guessed, he's quite the lady magnet. Seriously without sarcasm, this meathead was what you'd call a pretty boy looking like the lost brother of Kevin Garnett at about six five, physically at his peak with a sculpted physique. At thirty two years of age he had yet to work a nine to five living a privileged existence off my physician aunt's dime. His income was further supplemented by a plethora of sugar mammas of various ages.

"You can have my cut of the ladies, Jaquan." I was spending a weekend at my aunt's home while my mother and her running buddies were off to Atlantic City. Dad was currently on a road trip with Ilene and her delightful daughter, Erica Walton. I kind of wished I was there to see what mischief she'd get into.

"Can't stay a cherry forever; you gotta get out there and get in the game. How the ladies supposed to know you're around if you don't let them know?"

"I don't know Jaquan; how do-I-let them know?" I was presently checking the very successful clips of Tressie posted on that website in brief heavy edits.

I'd managed a few hundred bucks despite the doubled amount. Porsha had also been texting up a storm recently, but I told her to call me back when she paid my cousin the money she owed. From what I knew of her trifling ways, that was pretty much a wrap.

"Take me for example; I'm always looking to expand my horizons; you know keeping my options open. Seeing everything the world has to offer before settling down because it's the only way to be sure. You gotta get all the honey's you can before atrophy sets in, little brother." Keep in mind he was giving me this vital life's advice while plucking his eyebrows in the hallway mirror.

"Atrophy?" Jaquan stopped fidgeting with his eyebrows giving me a disparaging look.

"Use it or lose it, baby boy." Keep also in mind, this thirtysomething, select guy also threw a literal temper tantrum on the living room floor because his long suffering mother brought the wrong colored Jordan's. In his thirties, mind you boys and girls.

"Oh, okay."

"You gotta know you speed; know your lane. You see this girl I'm going out with today is this tight, little number with a juicy apple name Akemi. She goes to university downtown and we're going to take in some African artifacts at the museum of Natural History today." I raised an eyebrow as he ran a horse brush over his bald pate several times in obsessive succession.

"What?"

"You ain't gonna go look at no fucking African Artifacts; you just gone fuck that girl!!" Jaquan turned glaring at me with his best Samuel Jackson face, before snickering into his fist.

"Man, you too damn real, cuz." I started laughing at the stupid look on his face.

Both of were laughing for a few minutes as he resumed primping for his date going so far as to conduct gentlemanly check of his body odor by sniffing his pits. I was gonna spend my afternoon kicking back watching some television and working on my laptop. I wanted to get another girl but hadn't found any viable candidates. My cousin's house had an odd floor plan with the main entrance of the home situated on the side of the house. A short stairwell led up to the open living room and adjacent dining room with the bedrooms and kitchen just beyond that.

Everything in the barbell shaped floor plan seemed to happen right in the center as I sat on a couch directly on top of the stairs. This gave me a direct view of the front door, which was presently open, but the steel barred security screen door was securely locked. I was hoping for a glimpse of Akemi because Jaquan had never been seen with an ugly girl. Every last one of his women were something to write home about destined for the covers of magazines or Instagram fame. The house phone started ringing interrupting my musings about the appearance of his latest conquest.

"Get that shit for me, brother."

"Alright." I walked across the dining to the kitchen, which was for some odd reason, dilapidated looking filled with cluttered foodstuffs across all the countertops.

My aunt sometimes grew so weary of Jaquan so she would cat out across town in her condo and send supplies in bulk via the internet. True fact: Sometimes her near-do-well son would act like an insufferable ass just to get the house to himself. The rotary house phone hung high on the wall just inside the kitchen entrance next to the fridge.

"Hello." I immediately knew something was wrong because all I could hear was breathing on the phone.

"Uhm, hello?" Still breathing.

"Hey man, somebody playing on the phone." His ears pricked up as he put a finger to his lips cautiously approaching me, taking the receiver. He listened for a few seconds before shoving the phone into my chest motioning frantically for me to hang up. I put the receiver to my ear one last time.

"HELL-LOOOOO!!" Somebody hung up on the other end so hard that my ear was ringing.

"Did she say anything?" Jaquan looked gravely worried.

"She; you know who that was?"

We were suddenly interrupted by the doorbell as my cousin nearly jumped out of his skin motioning for me to go see who was there. There was this very dark, slender beauty at the door wearing a brightly colored dashiki and some of the tightest and tiniest jean shorts I'd ever seen. Those things looked like jean print panties as she knocked on the door, irritated at my obvious gawking.

"Who is it?" Jaquan whispered in almost falsetto tone, half hiding in the kitchen doorway.

"Some dark skinned sister, she fine as fuck too."

"AW MAN, THAT'S AKEMI LITTLE BROTHER!!" Life suddenly rushed back into his body literally and figuratively as he rushed to the door letting the woman inside who was still eyeballing me angrily.

"Why you don't open the door? DON'T YOU SEE-MY FACE?!!" I put my hands up in front of my body like she had a weapon.

The quick, terse manner in which she spoke coupled with a sharp accent identified her as a genuine woman of the motherland. Jaquan quickly took control of the situation wrapping an arm around her shoulder flashing a million dollar smile.

"Don't mind him; that's my little cousin, we told him not to open that door unless we say because they be up on that home invasion tip around here!" She didn't look convinced.

"HEY, I LOOK LIKE THIEF-TO YOU?!!" Jaquan facepalmed as I shrugged unwilling to answer. I'd had some dealings with people from the ancestral homeland before and arguing with them was like arguing with someone from Brooklyn. You ain't winning shit.

"Come on baby, leave him alone; he sorry."

"I'm sorry." I replied without emotion.

I had the pleasure of watching the loving couple rabbit kiss for a few seconds before the phone started ringing off the hook in the kitchen, alerting Jaquan again.

"UHM, AAAHHH!! We gotta go, baby!"

Akemi looked puzzled but followed suite as Jaquan open the screen door for her giving me a view of her certified apple bottom. I wondered if they would even be allowed inside a museum with her cheeks peeking decadently out from under her shorts. Jaquan hung back watching as she walked to his mustang convertible.

"Uhm, if anybody come by; tell her I ain't here!"

"Man, what you running from?"

"JUST DO WHAT I SAY, NIGGA!!" Jaquan was gone in an instant, the heavy screen door slamming behind him. I didn't know what to make of it as the phone stopped ringing the moment the door shut.

Something was definitely spooking him out of his boxers, but he was gone leaving me to my own devices as I checked my view count again finding a drastic spike in two five minute clips I'd edited from the stuff I shot with Tressie. My comments section blew up spectacularly with requests for more of the crazy church girl as I called her, but I was skittish about releasing the rest at this moment. There was no way I could explain something like that to my mother. It really was true what they said about church girls, tragic backstory or not. Porsha's clips were doing well too, with the staged scene flourishing in views. I was starting to see a little bit of profit from my lewd startup. Extremely loud, aggressive knocking on the screen door shocked me out of the face of my phone.

"Oh shit." Renee Kelly was standing at the screen door staring a hole right through me.

Who is Renee Kelly you might ask?

Jaquan's baby mamma number two and forgive me for stating the obvious stereotype, but she was a walking disaster where he was concerned. They'd dated on and off for years with my cousin even being her escort at her prom which was a culmination of sorts as he was her first, if you know what I mean. Well, that time and many other heated encounters led to the birth of their first and only current child, Daisy Kelly, intentionally not given her father's last name. You see, my cousin had the audacity to question the paternity of their love child, mostly because he was in a relationship and shacking up with baby mamma number one.

This didn't sit well with Ms. Renee Kelly and some accounts say she never smiled after that day. Eventually baby mama number one had enough of the shit leaving Renee to pick up the pieces even moving into my aunt's house with her daughter. This proved to be an epically horrible gambit by my aunt to bring peace to the family. Within two months Renee was literally beating Jaquan from one end of house to the other while both ignored their crying daughter.

So to that end, a second accord of sorts was brokered with Renee returning to her parents with a generous monthly stipend (Child Support) from my aunt which she used to open a moderately successful hair salon. Renee is completely self sufficient not even requiring my cousin to take care of the child but can't seem to get him completely out of her system. Yes, the irresponsible real life baby boy was still tapping that from time to time which fueled her sense of entitlement bringing us to this very afternoon and the reason she was standing outside that reinforced screen door glaring at me.

And by the way, Renee is the reason for that reinforced screen door having thrown another one of Jaquan's conquests through the original screen door following the poor girl through said fragments of that screen door with a big black skillet in hand. During the altercation, my cousin was already unconscious on the kitchen floor with a goose egg at the base of his skull.

"HE'S NOT HERE, HE GONE!!" I inadvertently hiccupped after addressing Renee wishing I'd just said the first half of that sentence. It felt like I was in the middle of the ocean with blood in the water and a great white circling.

My heart leapt into my throat as Renee produced a set of keys unlocking the screen door and walking right up the short stairwell to stand over me. She was close enough that I was able to hear her breathing, noticing flaring nostrils as well. Well, I suppose you're imagining some garish sister of considerable size but as I said before, my cousin had impeccable taste when it came to visually picking the cream of the crop, for if all of his stable were assembled in one place, Renee would stand out like a beacon. I'm not lying when I say Renee Kelly is one of the most beautiful women I've ever seen.

"Where that nigga at?"

"He gone."

"I said, where that nigga at?"

"He ain't here; he left."

"With who?" I was eye level with her crotch, reticent about looking her directly in the face due to the aforementioned stare, an evil eye if you will.

"He just gone."

"Where?"

There was something cold and icy in the way she spoke that sent chills up my spine. Renee was wearing a black leather jacket, a red halter underneath, some form fitting jeans and vintage rider boots with the brown cuff around the top. One would almost think her some sort of cop the way she interrogated me.

"HE AIN'T HERE!!"

"That's not what I asked you; what's her name?"

"I don't know."

"Who that nigga with, boy?" She put her hands on her hips as I continued staring directly at her muff.

My shoulders and back were tensing up just from talking to her. I couldn't imagine what my cousin went through with her as a girlfriend, but then again, he was responsible for creating the vengeful shrew currently tormenting me.

"I ain't no boy; why don't you call him and leave me alone!!" I found the nerve to look up into her face, just shrugging to emphasize my own innocence in the scheme of things.

"Gimme that fucking phone." She snatched my phone before I'd even realized it but found my screen locked because she had the wrong fingerprint.

Renee sat down right next to me extending her arm behind me on the back of the couch as she leaned in close. I averted my eyes fearful that she'd lose it and try to put me through the new screen door.

"Unlock this phone; I wanna talk to Jaquan."

"That ain't his phone; that's my phone Renee." I could feel her breathing close to the left side of my face.

"I said open this phone so I can talk to that nigga, right now." She wasn't playing around, but I had to reclaim my manhood.

"No."

"Excuse me; did you just tell me no?"

"No." I swallowed hard.

"So you didn't tell me no; and you gonna unlock this shitty android so I can talk to that bitch nigga, Jaquan?" Most of the time people were struck dumb whenever she used blue language. When she was calmer, Renee had a more intricate knowledge of the human dialect and educated diction. Jaquan just brought it out of her whenever they were in proximity.

"No, Renee."

"No?"

"I ain't letting you into my phone, sorry."

Her arm passed behind me making me instinctively flinch as she leaned forward resting her elbows on her knees, thinking. It almost seemed like she was frozen in place as I glanced over looking her directly in the face for an extended period of time. Renee was already mad dogging me something fierce as I took in her flawless, symmetrically beautiful face. This sister was light, almost milk colored with a cute button nose over medium lips.

What made her stand out was her cat like green eyes slanted in a way that had some thinking her shared heritage skewed Asian. Her jet black hair was tightly drawn up into a little ball at the back of her head. But as it were, when she opened her mouth, it was all sister girl from around the way. I found her a little too close for comfort; close enough to kiss if I were suicidal.

"Alright." Renee got up disappearing into Jaquan's bedroom where I heard her rummaging around and knocking things over before she returned in horrifying fashion wielding a thick, rusty looking mallet which she pointed in my direction.

"Since you ain't gonna open this up like I said; I'm gonna smash your shit to pieces."

"NO WAIT!!" Renee slammed the mallet down on the table adjacent to my phone, expertly faking me out enough to capitulate.

She tossed the phone in an overhanded arc hitting me in the sternum when I didn't react fast enough. I felt like an idiot unlocking my phone as she sat down beside me again planting the heavy rusted end of the mallet between my legs. I knew when I was defeated, handing her my phone only for her to disappear inside the kitchen with it.

"Jaquan-YOU KNOW WHO THE FUCK THIS IS!! Yeah, it's me with your cousin's phone, nigga. WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU?!! Huh? Excuse me nigga, what the hell?!! ARE YOU BUCKING UP TO ME, HUH?!! YOU WANNA GET THAT WHIPPING NEXT TIME I SEE YOUR BLACK ASS AROUND!! Oh yeah, I know about your little bitch too, nigga cause your cousin told me everything!! I'M TIRED OF LOOKING FOR YOU!! Yeah I know, everything motherfucka!! OH WHO THE FUCK IS AKEMI?!! What? DON'T YOU HANG UP ON ME, NIGGA!!"

The kitchen went quiet, deathly quiet.

I heard the fridge open as Renee appeared in the doorway chugging a bottle of Snapple. Somehow she still managed to look right through me, finishing the bottle. I watched her lean against the counter studying my phone fearing the worst. She looked upset, not angry just crestfallen. This was a woman most guys would kill for on the verge of tears for dare I say it, a loser. Moments later she snatched down a paper towel wiping her eyes and blowing her nose before regarding me again.

"He said, he gonna kick your ass when he get home."

"THANKS A LOT RENEE!!" My cousin wouldn't hesitate to put hands on me for the slightest perceived infraction when we were younger; I shuddered to think what he might do now that I was of age.

"You should've told me the truth."

"That shit is none of my business; I can't trick on my cousin!"

"I don't give a fuck, I asked you straight up where that nigga was, and who he was with-you lied. Maybe you should just go back home before he get back."

"MY MOM IS IN ATLANTIC CITY; I-I was supposed to be staying over here for the week. Now because of you I'm gonna be getting my ass kicked every day!!"

"Call the police, nigga."

"Don't you have somewhere to go, Renee?"

"I got a business to run; you don't know nothing about that. I make money and I don't need no fucking man to complete me cause I can do all that shit by myself, looking good."

I had to catch myself, I almost flipped her the bird. Renee tossed the phone on the couch walking down the stairs to the front door as my ego got the best of me.

"HE GONNA KEEP ON CHEATING ON YOUR ASS BECAUSE YOU ALWAYS RUNNING BEHIND HIM, RENEE!!" She stopped cold in her tracks still facing the screen door.

I couldn't help staring at her curvy, hourglass figure with the painted on jeans. She was a little under five seven and built for modeling in the urban set with the one of a kind heart shaped ass you saw every blue moon. It had to be in the upper forties if not outright fifty inches under what appeared to be a thirty two inch waist. Renee glanced back at me, still looking evil.

"Get your stuff; you're coming with me."

"HUH?"

"Don't make me repeat myself." I didn't have to be told twice grabbing my knapsack and separate camera bag.

Twenty minutes later I was sitting in the passenger side of Renee's white BMW speeding across town to the east side which was a predominantly Hispanic populated area. I wondered if she were part Latin which would explain her looks, but not her potty mouth. Renee was content to blast her music, not even trying to make small talk. We pulled down a residential street as she pulled up behind a narrow looking two story building. Her modest looking hair salon was situated at the front of this building while Renee maintained an apartment on the second floor.

"Go on up, my place is upstairs and the backdoor's open. Don't go in my kid's room or I'll have to lump you up. You can kick it for a while until Jaquan calm down, little nigga."

"Thanks."

"Get out my car." Renee was already pulling off before I got out into the alley, nearly making me tumble over.

I stared after her for a few minutes before opening the gate finding a neat little backyard with a pink toddler's playhouse and kiddie slide in the back. This area was well kept with a nice flower bed full of sunflowers and some ripening tomatoes growing in a makeshift garden adjacent. I took the narrow winding wooden steps up to the second floor as instructed finding two bikes chained up on her back porch. Just like she said, the backdoor opened without the need for a key.

Inside her apartment followed the narrow floor plan of the building with a really high ceiling over tight walls which gave the place a kind of claustrophobic feel in the corridor between the main living room and the back situated kitchen. I discovered her toddler daughter's bedroom which could only be described as a hot pink nightmare stuffed to the brim with all kinds of dolls and toys. Renee's bedroom was closer to the living room sparsely furnished with a large king sized bed at its center with shelving built into the headboard. Two oriental style side tables bordered each side of the bed in the meticulously cleaned space.