Billy Bamford Goes Birdwatching

She tried to focus on the game but with only limited success. Her boyfriend wasn't bad and had a stronger serve but she was by far the better player. Except she was dropping points left, right and centre. Because out of the corner of eye, she kept glimpsing the jumbo sausage of the unknown new member.

It seemed to exist in its own right, independent of his body. When he served, it leaped into the air slightly after him. When he dashed across court, it trailed after him. When he played a vigorous rally, it... well, it went everywhere.

"Game!" shouted her boyfriend. "I must be getting better!"

Suzanne hadn't even noticed the score. She'd been mesmerised by the big, bouncing penis. Maybe she'd been too hard on her boyfriend and his magnetic attraction to Alice's big, bouncing breasts.

"You know, Suze," said her boyfriend, walking over to whisper in her ear. "That game got my blood pumping. How do you fancy-"

"Yes," said Suzanne before he had even finished talking.

2. The Swimming Pool

"Well, that was invigorating," Alice said, bestowing another radiant smile on Billy.

"Let's have a quick shower and jump in the pool."

"Okay," said Billy, slightly bemused. He usually had a shower every other day and he'd had one yesterday. "I don't have a towel though."

"Don't worry, Billy, we have plenty of towels. It's just through here."

The shower room contained nine waterfall showers arranged in a C-shape. There was only one other occupant, a portly, elderly gentleman. His face lit up as Alice entered. Then his eyes flickered downwards to Billy's crotch and he went slightly ashen.

"Probably, er, done, yes," he said as he swiftly exited.

"There's soap in the dispenser, Billy. Make sure you get nice and clean. Don't forget your downstairs."

Billy was an easily influenced fellow and did what he was told. Which meant that minutes later when two middle aged women entered the shower room chatting, Billy was diligently lathering up a pair of testicles the size of billiard balls.

"So I says to Maggie, I say..." The woman's words dropped off so Billy and Alice didn't get to hear what she'd said to Maggie.

"Come in, ladies, plenty of room," said Alice cheerfully. "This is Billy, he's a new member."

The pair ceased to hesitate on the threshold and entered the shower.

"Always nice to have new members," said one.

"You're a big lad, aren't you, Billy? I bet you'll enjoy the gym," said the other.

Billy pushed his wet hair back from his forehead and shrugged.

Alice smiled to herself. "Okay, I think we are clean enough, Billy. Let's do a couple of lengths, shall we?

***

If you had told Marni Price at the start of her pregnancy that she'd want to spend as much as possible of it naked, she'd have asked if you were taking the piss. In fact, that's exactly what she did say.

She had found pregnancy a chore. Her swollen feet, her compressed bladder, her aching back and boobs. She had to go to the toilet every five seconds and it seemed like she was always sweaty. Embarrassingly, she was also horny all the time. Even more embarrassing her husband seemed to find her as attractive as a dairy cow and so she'd had to resort to chronic masturbation.

It's like being a fucking animal, she'd confided to one of the other mum's-to-be at her NCT group. I've got just the thing, the other woman said, taking a brochure out of her handbag. Are you taking the piss? Marni had asked in shock. Don't knock it till you've tried it, the other woman replied.

That night Marni read the brochure. It looked lovely but why did everyone have to be naked? Then again, what did she have to lose? So, mind made up, she rehearsed her pitch. I want to join a health club, she'd told her husband, it's a bit unusual... Sure, he'd said, interrupting her and not really listening. Not really wanting to listen. Fine, she'd thought. Screw you. She bought a trial membership and had it billed to him and didn't mention it was a naturist health club.

And, from her very first visit, she was hooked. When her husband saw the bill, he wanted to cancel it but there was no way she was giving it up. She gave him a tongue lashing that could have stripped paint and he meekly backed down.

Now Marni leant against the side of the pool, the water up to her chin, her body blissfully buoyant. As she rested, someone went past her doing backstroke. A man. Very obviously a man... She felt her head turn as if pulled on an invisible string as she watched the prodigious periscope go past, protruding above the waterline.

As she finally turned away, she made eye contact with Alice Walker. A moment of connection passed silently between the two women. Alice winked.

Marni managed to put the exorbitant endowed young man out of her mind and did some gentle lengths in the slow lane before getting out. But by some cosmic coincidence, the unknown young man had beaten her to it and she found she was queuing for the ladder behind him. He hauled himself up and Marni admired the large muscles in his arms and back. Then his large, toned arse emerged. And then, clearly visible between his large, thick thighs, his gargantuan cock.

Marni couldn't control herself. Her nipples stiffened and for the first time in weeks she wished she had a swimming costume to conceal herself. A deep, throbbing ache bloomed between her legs.

Finally, he'd stepped onto the side of the pool and Marni was safe.

But wait, no, she wasn't. The man - not much more than a boy, really - turned round and crouched in front of her. Dangling in her face was a penis that, while soft, was considerably larger and fatter than her husband's hardest erection. The head was almost brushing against the tiled floor.

"Can I help you?" he asked, holding out a hand.

"No, no, I can manage," she said, slightly breathlessly. "Thanks though."

The man shrugged and turned away.

Marni just stood there for a second, the image of that massive dick imprinted on her mind. Then she pulled herself out of the pool with some difficulty, waddled over to the toilets and plunged two fingers into her steaming twat.

3. The Sauna

"Okay, let's head over to the sauna next."

"What's that?" Billy asked.

"It's a Scandinavian invention," Alice explained. "It's a wooden structure where the air is heated by stones and water to create steam. It promotes perspiration and hence wellbeing."

"So... it's like a hot shed?"

"Sort of, Billy, sort of," she said patiently.

***

If you had told Emily Saunders two months ago that she would be happy to sit naked in a public sauna with her mum and sister - and any men who happened to come in - she'd have laughed in your face. But here she was.

Their mum had bought the three of them membership when her younger sister Rose moved out for college. So we can have some girl time together. Rose had loved the idea, Emily had been appalled. Couldn't we just go shopping in Leeds? she'd asked. You know, with our clothes on. But it was two against one and, even if she wasn't a natural born exhibitionist, she'd discovered an unexpected latent interest in being naked.

So when the door opened, Emily felt the usual tingle of excitement and fear. Who would it be? Who would be seeing her naked as the day she was born now?

This flash of excitement quickly flattened out when she realised it was Alice, the annoyingly gorgeous assistant manager. Tall, sophisticated and possessed of an indecently large and firm pair of boobs, she made Emily feel gauche and flat-chested. Which, well, she was - she just didn't like to be reminded of this fact.

But then in walked a boy behind her and she felt her jaw drop as she realised he was toting the most enormous penis she had ever seen.

Again, a couple of months ago, she would hardly have considered herself an expert in the subject. But now she'd seen literally dozens. The initial shock and excitement had word off and penises had just become a normal body part like any other. This, however, certainly wasn't normal.

Her mother and Rose had been chatting but had abruptly stopped as the pair entered and now the silence in the sauna seemed slightly oppressive.

Because she was not a slut, Emily sat normally in the sauna with her legs together. Alice, on the other hand, leaned back and allowed her legs to loll casually open like a man in a pub. The neat arrow of her pubes might have pointed upwards but it still drew the eye downwards. Emily couldn't help look at Alice's shamelessly exposed labia, as neat as the rest of her body and as relaxed and gently parted as her thighs.

She realised she was staring and lifted her view higher but that just meant she was looking at the heavy swell of Alice's breasts, a little sheen of sweat starting to form on them. So she raised her gaze higher and discovered she was looking directly into Alice's eyes. The other woman's look was frank and knowing. Emily found herself blushing furiously and quickly turned her head.

But now she was looking at the enormous sausage sprouting from the bush of the man's crotch. It draped itself over an equally enormous set of balls and then dangled down over the edge of the bench. And it wasn't just the length. It was so fat!

Emily squeezed her thighs together, praying this wasn't noticeable, as a warm wetness blossomed between her legs. She realised she was staring again and quickly looked up.

With a shock, she realised it was Billy Bamford. He has been in Rose's year at school so she knew of him but didn't really know him. He was nice looking and nice mannered but, well, a bit thick and he hadn't stayed on for Sixth Form.

Emily's train of thought was interrupted by Alice arching her back, another slutty move that made it impossible not to look at her breasts - and made her breasts look better than ever. Emily squeezed her thighs tighter.

"Well, Billy, I think that's enough for now," Alice said. "Ladies," she added politely as she stood and ushered Billy outside.

The sauna door closed and the Saunders family were alone again.

"Bloody hell, mum," said Rose as soon as they'd left. "Did you see the size of his willy!? Billy Bamford," she whistled, "who knew?"

"Shush, Rose! How rude. You know it isn't polite to make comments about other people's bodies."

"It was like a chuffing third leg," her younger sister continued, unabashed.

"Oh really? I can't say I noticed." This lie was delivered with the utmost sincerity but rather spoiled by the theatrical wink she gave Emily.

Emily hadn't thought it was possible for her to blush any deeper but somehow she managed it.

"He's obviously a new member - it sticks out a mile"

"Mum!"

"I'm rather warm all of a sudden, perhaps it's time for us to go. I can drop you girls at a friend, if you want. I've just remembered there is something I need to discuss with your father."

Part Three

"Well, Billy, how are you settling in?"

Billy turned to find Mrs Fletcher behind him. However, unlike the last time he had seen, she was now entirely naked.

"I must say, it's a relief to be out of those blasted clothes."

Mrs Fletcher's blonde hair was out of its bun and fell onto her naked shoulders. Below, her huge breasts sagged slightly but were incredibly shapely for their size. Her tummy was soft but she still had a clear waist, her hourglass figure flaring out again with her wide hips. A neat blonde bush crowned her thick thighs.

Billy's jaw hung open. Literally. She looked the way he'd always imagined Miss Brown would look when she was naked.

Perhaps Billy was already primed by more naked flesh than he'd seen in the rest of his lifetime, and this was the metaphorical straw that broke the camel's back. Perhaps memories of his favourite teacher were woven into the bedrock of his sexual subconscious.

Either way, his body started to respond. In testament to his age and virality, Billy's penis rose rapidly in a smooth 180 degree arc till it was pointing straight at the ceiling.

"Oh my," said Mrs Fletcher.

"You can say that again," said Miss Walker.

If it had been impressive in its flaccid state, it was something else entirely now it had grown into a monstrous monolith of manmeat.

"Is that because of me, Billy? That's quite the compliment, I must say!"

"You've still got it, Mrs Fletcher," said Miss Walker with a wink.

"But not entirely appropriate for our public spaces. Don't worry!" she quickly added at Billy's crestfallen face. "It's perfectly natural but let's pop through here and take care of it."

"I'll leave you in Mrs Fletcher's capable hands then, Billy," said Miss Walker, giving him a quick kiss on the cheek. "Thanks for coming on my tour."

Billy raised his left hand in wonder to touch his cheek as Mrs Fletcher took his right hand and led him back the way she'd come.

"Private changing room," she explained, closing the door behind them. "Perks of being the boss. Now, have you ever been with a woman, Billy?"

Billy shook his head.

"No, I thought not. Have you ever... taken care of yourself?"

Billy looked blank.

"Taken care of yourself," repeated Mrs Fletcher, making a universally understood hand gesture.

Billy nodded.

He regularly took care of himself. When you woke up every morning with nine inches of rock hard, wrist thick morning glory you didn't have much choice. In fact, in order to keep the beast in his pants pacified, Billy masturbated three times a day, every day: once in the morning, once when he got in from work and once before he fell asleep. While Billy was a rather unimaginative lad, he had a rich sexual appetite and rotated through his harem of Sam and Lucinda and Kathy and the other girls on his wall.

"Would you like me to take care of you?"

Billy nodded.

"I could take care of you the way you take care of yourself... or I could, well, you see, Billy, I don't really like the term but there's not really a better alternative. Have you heard of a titwank?"

Billy shook his head.

"Can you guess what it is?"

A moment's hesitation and then Billy nodded.

"Would you like one?"

Billy nodded vigorously. There was no hesitation this time.

"Okay, have a seat then, dear"

Sits back and she kneels in front of him.

"Billy," she said tentatively, unsure how to approach the elephant in the room. "You do realise your penis is rather large, don't you?"

Billy shrugged. Now she mentioned it, it had seemed a bit bigger than the others at the club but then he hadn't looked too closely. That would be gay, wouldn't it?

"And when I say 'rather large', what I mean is 'bloody huge'. Enormous. Gigantic." As Mrs Fletcher spoke, she started to stroke said gigantic penis with both hands. Billy let out a groan and tilted his head back.

"Not normal to have so much room to work with." She leaned forward and enveloped his shaft with her boobs. "I'm rather a buxom lady." She'd swamped many a man in her abundant cleavage. But Billy had her outmatched. The fat wedge of his glans protruded proudly from her breasts, despite his smothered shaft.

Mrs Fletcher took a moment to admire his manhood and then, gripping her nipples, she violently hauled her breasts up and down the length of his shaft. She looked up from her handiwork to see Billy's head tip backwards in ecstasy. Tugging her nipples harder, she increased her speed.

"Let's make this lovely big thing spurt, shall we?"

Billy erupted like the fountain in the town square. No, Mrs Fletcher corrected herself as Billy's prick spluttered and spurted, showering her with great globules of jizz, more like a Roman candle.

Mrs Fletcher sat back on her heels in shock. Spunk dripped from her nose and chin, collateral damage of the mighty blasts that had glazed her breasts.

"How did that feel, Billy?"

"Good."

Under other circumstances, Mrs Fletcher might have found this a somewhat lukewarm review but it was clear Billy was a man of few words and the evidence of his enthusiasm was abundantly clear. And sticky. Mrs Fletcher wiped a ticklish thread of man muck from her face and stood.

"Let's have a quick shower and get cleaned up, shall we?"

Billy nodded, slightly confused. Why was everyone always making him have a shower?

Because Billy Bamford was a simple lad with a big heart. Not to mention an enormous penis and a new found hobby. And Billy's big adventures were just beginning!