Bishop Takes the Queen Ch. 04

Bambi sighed. "Listen," he said, then sighed again. "Zion, Metri, Bambi, Jimmy? All the same, right? You already are who you're supposed to be, alright? You don't need to change, you just need to change how you view yourself. You're perfect, Zion. You're also perfect as Metri."

"I'm not perfect," he countered, looking down at his neatly trimmed nails. "I'm not even close."

"Not what I mean, and you know it. No one is perfect, but you're perfectly fine as you are, as Zion, or as Metri. I'm not saying never change. I'm saying that you don't need to reinvent yourself. You are you, and we love you because of that. Because of who you are."

He felt himself tearing up again and held his breath until it passed. "I'm trying," he finally said. "I... Thank you, still. It means a lot to me."

"I know it does, because it means a lot to me. You mean a lot to me, Metri. Zion. I'm glad you're getting help. And, honestly? I'm glad you and your man-bun bunny are getting closer, too. I want you to be happy, lover. You deserve to be happy. Come here."

Without more warning Bambi reached across the car and grabbed him, pulling him into an awkward hug that somehow knocked the air out of him. "Thanks," he said, returning the hug, feeling weepy. He pushed his way out of Bambi's hug before he started crying again. "Really, thanks. I'm gonna go, tape is getting all itchy."

Bambi smirked. "Told you to shave."

"It woulda taken too long. I'll do it for next time. Thanks again." He opened the door and hopped out of the car before he could get pulled into another hug, or start crying again. "See ya later." He shut the door behind him.

"Bye lover," Bambi called from the lowered passenger window. Zion smiled at him, arms wrapped around his chest as a cold wind cut through his thin clothing.

"Byeeee bitch!" he called back, then rushed into his building. The dusty smell and stale warmth of his building felt welcoming. He smiled and hummed a song from the restaurant that was stuck in his head as he climbed the steps, then stopped dead in his tracks when he realized Carlin was watching him. It almost looked as if Carlin was waiting for him, but that couldn't be the case, right?

He couldn't move with Carlin watching him, seeing him in drag, especially seeing him with his messed up makeup and eyes probably still puffy from crying.

"Hey," Carlin said, a warm smile crossing his lips. He picked up his mug and went to stand, then stayed seated, hiding behind his mug. "Kinda cold out for that outfit, isn't it?"

Sheer embarrassment pushed him into high gear and he sped towards his apartment, but not wearing heels in so long had him off balance. He almost fell, caught himself on the wall, then surged more than ran to his apartment. He nearly dropped the keys trying to bust into his apartment, then slammed the door harder than he'd meant to once he was inside.

"Fuck, fuck, fuck, why am I so fucking awkward?" he moaned as he fought with the straps on his heels. He kicked one off, then started the same fight with the other one, leaning on his door for support. "So fucking embarrassing."

He fought back tears for the millionth time that day, then headed for his bathroom and began the quicker job of deconstructing Zion. Nineteen minutes later he was stepping into the shower, and it only took that long because he had to gently ease the tape off of the hair on his nethers that he'd neglected to shave. Still, it hurt as he pulled each and every stray hair out with the gaffe tape.

He lingered in the shower, enjoying the hot water as he tried, and failed, to let it go how embarrassed he was that Carlin had seen him like that. Carlin's words replayed in his head over and over, and he knew he was over analyzing them, Dr. Collin's had taught him enough to know when he was doing it, but just because he knew it didn't mean he could stop.

All of his good feelings from dinner with Bambi were replaced with self-loathing, anger that he'd let Carlin see him like that, but also anger that he felt like he had to hide who he was from Carlin. It was in his head, Carlin had never said anything negative about him as Zion, and had seen him for years in drag, but he couldn't let it go.

He felt brittle when he got out of the shower and dressed in trainers and an old tshirt. It was terrible, how easily all of the work he'd done with Dr. Collins unravelled when he hit even the tiniest speed bump. He looked at the clock, way too early to go to bed, and he wasn't even tired, but he had no idea what to do.

It shouldn't have surprised him to find a text from Carlin on his phone when he finally checked it, but it did. His heart jumped up his throat as he hesitated, then forced himself to read it.

'Sorry if I said something to upset you. Call me if you want. I'll be home all night.'

It hurt his chest that he'd spent the last forty minutes scrutinizing Carlin's words, that he'd gotten himself all upset for nothing. He thought about calling, but he wanted to see him, wanted to talk to him in person. Afraid of the interaction, but also terrified that he'd misinterpret every text message, he threw on his house slippers, then grabbed his keys and forged out into the hall.

Carlin opened the door after his first frantic set of three knocks, which was probably good, because he was ready to bolt back home, his confidence instantly faltering.

"D'Metrius?" he asked, pulling the door open wide. "Hey, baby, you okay?"

"Um, yeah, um, yeah. Just. Um..."

"Wanna come in?"

"Yeah, um, if that's okay?"

"Of course it is," Carlin said, stepping to the side. "Please come in."

He hesitated, then forced himself inside. It was warmer here than in his room, and definitely warmer than in the hall, and it smelled good enough that it made him relax, even if it was only a tiny bit. "Thanks," he whispered as Carlin shut the door.

"Anytime. Make yourself comfortable. You want something to drink?"

Why did it still feel so awkward every time he stepped into Carlin's apartment? "Nah. I'm, ah. I just wanted, um. Your text."

"Oh. Yeah, I was a little worried, you seemed pretty upset. I'm sorry if I said something wrong. I don't often deal with drag queens, I mean, you and your friends are the extent of my interactions, but I did look some stuff up online, mostly so I wouldn't make a fool of myself. I'm sorry if what I said made you feel bad. I didn't mean for it to..."

"No, I mean, it wasn't you. Like, I was already, um. I was a mess. Like, I didn't want you to, um, like, I haven't done Zion since we, ah. Started dating. Right? And, my makeup was a mess, and I wasn't feeling-"

"I thought you looked beautiful," Carlin cut in. "You looked really sexy, and beautiful."

D'Metrius swallowed down the next words that tried to rise up his throat. "Really?"

"Really," Carlin agreed so quickly he knew he meant it. "I've always thought Zion looked good on you."

He didn't know what to say, and his cheeks were burning hot, so he avoided Carlin's eyes. "Um. Thank you. I guess."

"You did look lovely. I think you're beautiful as D'Metrius, too, just for the record."

He snorted. "I'm boring, we've had this conversation already."

"There's the D'Metrius I know," Carlin teased. "My statement still stands. I don't think you're boring."

Carlin had this way of disarming him, of comforting him even without touching him. "Fine, whatever, Charles."

"There he is," Carlin said, one eyebrow raised in amusement. "Still. All I was trying to say was that you looked cold. I wasn't trying to make you feel bad. You looked good."

"My makeup was a mess, Chapman. I did not look good."

"I say you did, and nothing you can say will change my mind."

"Oh. Okay." Disarmed again, a short silence fell between them. He felt the need to break it. "If you're attracted to me why won't you have sex me?" It wasn't what he'd meant to say, it just kinda slipped out, but there it was, no way to take it back. His heart was pounding hard enough he could hear the echo of it in his brain.

Carlin looked up sharply. "Didn't see that one coming," he said, looking down to the floor. He exhaled slowly.

"It's not that I don't want to," he finally said. D'Metrius opened his mouth to say something but Carlin held up his hand. "No, wait, let me finish. I want to, baby. I really do. But, I wanna make sure you're ready, and that you're healed enough here," he touched his own heart, looking up and meeting D'Metrius's eyes while he did. "I want you to wanna be with me like that. I want you to be comfortable. I want you to feel safe, loved. You said you haven't bottomed since your time with Alex?"

D'Metrius shook his head, somehow his ex's name on Carlin's lips making him feel guilty. "No. Sorry. I didn't, I shouldn't'a said it, I just-"

"Yes, you should've," Carlin interjected. "Sorry to interrupt, but you should've. I want our relationship built on trust, baby. If you don't feel safe, if you're not ready, I don't wanna push you."

"I don't want to lose you," D'Metrius growled. "I don't want you to feel like you need to go somewhere else to have your needs met."

Carlin stood up, then threw himself on the couch next to D'Metrius before he could react. Warm hands wrapped around his and squeezed, trapping him completely even without any real pressure. "My needs are sitting next to me on the couch, baby. You are what I need."

"But, the sex-"

"We have fantastic sex, baby."

"But that's not actual sex! Blowjobs and handjobs aren't actual sex!"

Carlin squeezed his hands gently. "Baby, I always feel fulfilled after our time together. Always. Even if we never have penetrative sex, I would still feel the same way. I wanna be with you because I like you. Because I want to be with you. Not for the sex, but for the other times. If we have sex? That's icing on the cake."

He didn't know what to say, so he didn't say anything. Carlin sat with him, holding his hands the whole time until he calmed down. "Thanks," he eventually whispered.

"I like seeing you all dressed up as Zion occasionally," Carlin said, shifting to pull D'Metrius against his body. He wrapped one arm around his shoulder and pulled him close, giving D'Metrius a good whiff of his unique scent. D'Metrius snuggled into his side. "I also like seeing you as D'Metrius. Does it embarrass you when I see you as Zion?"

He half-shrugged. "Kinda. I mean, um. I just really don't want you to get all weirded out about it, I guess. It's so personal, and I really care how you feel about it. Like, more than I care about anyone else's thoughts, cause fuck everyone else."

Carlin chuckled, which made him feel better. "Fuck them. And, you know, I've seen you as Zion off and on for the last two years, right? I already told you that I've liked you, or at least been attracted to you, for most of that time, right?"

He nodded. "I guess."

"Well, I was, and am. And if you being Zion was gonna make me weirded out, it woulda done it by now, right?"

"I guess."

"Don't think you have to hide any part of yourself from me, please. I wanna be a part of your life, and I hope you wanna be part of mine."

D'Metrius swallowed hard. "So much, like that's why it's so heavy. Why it feels so important. I wanna be the kind of person who-"

"You already are," Carlin cut in again, squeezing him closer. "You've always been the kind of person I wanna be with. Ever since the first time we met."

D'Metrius held his breath, then slapped his way out of Carlin's arms and stood up and began pacing. It helped him wrangle his emotions under control again. Carlin looked shocked, and a little nervous. "You gonna make me cry, Claus. I'm tired of crying today."

Carlin bit his lip, looking unsure, but the movement was pure sex to D'Metrius. "Baby?"

"I'm ready. I really am. I've been thinking about it a lot, working through stuff with Dr. Collins."

"You like her?" Carlin asked, leaning forward, propping his elbows on his knees. "Is she helping?"

"I really do, even if it is kinda weird talking to this stuff with a white lady."

Carlin sniffed. "I've known Pam for a long time, she's worked with some of the kids I've mentored over the ages. She knows what she's doing."

"I know. I was just saying."

"I know," Carlin agreed. There was a brief silence between them. "We don't have to, D'Metrius. Have sex, I mean. I'm happy enough just being with you, getting to touch you and love you. I don't ever want you to think that I need us to have sex to make this relationship worthwhile. I don't. I just need you."

"Don't go getting all sappy on me, Corbin," he said, mostly to deflect the tears that kept rising up. "And, I want to. I'm ready. I know I am. I mean, this and that, with Alex? Fucking day and night difference. I wanna be with you. I want to be closer to you. I wanna know how you feel inside me."

Carlin moaned in the back of his throat. "Do you know what you're doing to me, baby?"

"I hope I'm seducing you," he replied, suddenly feeling unsure. "Am I?"

Carlin stood up and closed the distance between them, stopping him from his pacing with a hand on the center of his chest. "Oh yes," Carlin growled, voice lower. "Keep talking."

Heat rose up the back of his neck. "I wanna know how you make love, Carlin. I wanna see your face as you bury yourself inside me." Carlin took another step forward, sliding his hand down his chest until it landed on the hem of his sweatpants. "Mmm, Carlin..."

He wrapped one hand around the back of Carlin's neck, then pulled him down for a kiss. Just as their lips met Carlin tugged him forward by the band of his sweats, pulling their hips together. "Baby," Carlin whispered into his mouth. "Baby."

D'Metrius decided Carlin was still talking too much. He pulled him closer and took his mouth, kissing him with all the emotion he'd been holding in. Carlin moaned, then slid his hands around D'Metrius's hips and down to his ass, cupping his cheeks perfectly.

Carlin wasn't going to be outdone by D'Metrius's kisses, he claimed D'Metrius's mouth until it was all he could do but relent. He found his fingers tangled in Carlin's messy manbun and decided he wanted to run his fingers through the thick hair. He found the tie and tugged, but it was confusing trying to take it out without looking. Carlin pushed his hand away and pulled the tie out to release his hair. After his mane was free his hand slid under the hem of D'Metrius's sweats to cup his ass directly.

"No underwear?" Carlin purred, breaking away from the kiss, leaving D'Metrius panting. "I like."

"Your hair," he gasped, still trying to catch his breath. "I really like your hair."

"Hmm," Carlin said, slipping his other hand inside, then pulling D'Metrius's hips into his own. "Good. Fuck, baby, you're so fucking sexy. You just showered?"

He nodded, the movement opening his neck to Carlin. Carlin's lips found their way to his throat and he kissed his way down his neck until he hit the hem of his shirt. "Wanna go to bed?"

"Fuck yeah," D'Metrius agreed. Before he could break out of Carlin's arms he was up in the air. His legs wrapped around Carlin's waist instinctively, and then they were kissing again as Carlin carried him back to his bedroom. Carlin's fingers dug into the flesh of his ass in the most perfect way, and he wanted more. Wanted so much more.

Carlin put him down gently on the bed, and even though he knew it was just for a second, he still couldn't stop himself from whining. "Do you want me to undress you, or do you want to undress yourself? What would make you more comfortable?"

"I wanna watch you strip," he said instead of answering. "I wanna see your body."

Carlin didn't hesitate, he pulled his black tshirt over his head in a motion that had D'Metrius salivating, then unbuttoned his khakis and pushed them down his hips along with his underwear. He pulled off his socks, which was a little less sexy, then stood at attention for D'Metrius's inspection.

Hair covered his chest and was as salt and peppered as the hair on his head. The thick nest of hair around his shaft was black as night, though, framing his massive member perfectly. D'Metrius couldn't help it, he needed to taste him, needed it right now. He was on his knees in front of Carlin, and then his majestic piece was in his mouth, salty and bitter precum clouding his mind with need.

"Baby," Carlin moaned. "You're so good at that. Feels so good." Carlin's hand landed on his cheek, not guiding his movements, just stayed there, a gentle caress. Somehow the movement made him ridiculously happy, and he knew he was ready. Knew that sex with Carlin wouldn't be like anything he'd ever done. It would be new. Virginal.

The thought made his cheeks burn, and he hid it as best he could by sliding his mouth further down Carlin's shaft as far as he could go without gagging, then pulled back and looked up, meeting Carlin's gaze. He slid down again, eyes locked with Carlin as he sucked hard, then pulled back up.

"Fuck," Carlin moaned, then gasped as he slid down again. "Baby, are you ready? Do you really wanna-"

"Yes," he said, breaking away just long enough to say it before plunging down again, sliding Carlin's precum across his palate before sucking down.

"Baby, fuck, baby. If we're gonna make love I need to get you ready," Carlin said, voice thick as honey. "Let me get you ready." He whined in the back of his throat and sucked his way down Carlin's member again in defiance. Carlin's fingers stroked his jawbone as he watched. "But we don't have to. This is amazing, too."

He pulled off Carlin and watched as a bridge of spit formed between his lips and Carlin's rod, then broke in the middle, feeling conflicted. He wanted to be pierced by this massive piece, but he also wanted it to blow down his throat.

Carlin lifted his chin up gently, meeting his eyes. "I'm off tomorrow, not sure about your work schedule, but we have time. There's no need to rush this."

"Carlin, I want it all." He knew he was whining, but it didn't matter.

"I know, baby. So do I. For now, let me take care of you, okay?" Carlin lowered himself down until he was squatting in front of him, then kissed him gently on the lips. "Let me get you undressed." He tugged at D'Metrius's shirt hem and he leaned back, allowing the garment to be pulled over his head. "Fuck, baby, you're a work of art. Stand up and take your pants off?"

He did, hypnotized by Carlin, willing to do anything to make him happy. He knew in the back of his head that he shouldn't allow himself to feel this way again, but he felt safe with Carlin. Safer than he'd felt in years. He pushed his sweats over his hips and let gravity do the rest, then kicked them off.

Carlin watching him had him flushing again. "Yeah, baby, you're so beautiful. Get on the bed?"

He sat down on the bed, his dick pointing straight out like a dowsing rod calibrated just for Carlin. Carlin sidestepped the bed and moved to a nightstand. He rummaged around in the drawer for a moment then came back out with a tube of Astroglide and a length of condoms. The sight of the condoms made him feel bad for a second, flashing back to his last few disappointing flings, and he knew he didn't want them tonight.

He wanted to feel Carlin, wanted nothing between them, nothing in the way. Carlin walked back over to him and he snaked his hand out and caught the length of condoms, tugging them from Carlin's hand.

"Baby?" Carlin asked, looking confused.

"No condoms," he said, throwing them on the floor on the opposite side of the bed from the nightstand.

"We don't have to do this."

"I wanna do it. No condoms. I wanna feel you, Carlin. I want to be as close to you as possible for our first time, okay?"

Carlin bit his bottom lip as a series of emotions scrolled across his face. He eventually landed on sexy Carlin as he leaned down and caught him in a kiss that took the breath from his lungs. "You sure, baby?"