All Comments on 'Black Box 1.0'

Interested to see where you take this.

Welcome back.

I enjoyed this 1st chapter.....you didn't need to end on that cliff hanger, I'll be sticking around to see what happens next

Although belonging to a genre that I normally avoid, this is a very promising start to what I am sure will be an entertaining story. If it turns out to be even half as good as "Little Packages" it will still be worth continuing with. I'm sure it will be more than that.

Well you have done it. Hooked me with the first chapter. I look forward to the next. Thank you.

Interesting premise. I hate cliffhangers, particularly spread at 2 week intervals!

As others have said it is a really good start and we know your previous story was over the top outstanding so rock on and looking for the next chapter. Thanks for your time to write and welcome back. Cheers

I enjoyed this first part of your new story, the character development is great and I'm looking forward to the next part

Great start! New tech.....always the hazard of unintended, and unforeseen consequences. Eh?

DS

Another great story. Completely different from your last one. I can’t wait to see what happens next.

The utopia of off the grid...

I picked this up based on how much I liked the Little Packages series. So far I can detect a couple of common undercurrents, but otherwise this is shaping up quite differently. Already I’m compelled to keep reading… :)

Never been found of si Fi but giving this a try, so far so good

I stumbled across this author on the forum, where they were remonstrating with other authors in a thread about why their work hadn't won an award. They stated that they held an ambition of being an award-winning writer of erotic literature, so, I was excited to read their work.

However, the author's work is nowhere near the standard to trouble the judges of any award.

It's clear that the author doesn't display many technical flaws in their writing, but the way they structure dialogue is lazy and rudimentary. I would also implore the author to get out of the habit of starting new paragraphs with their characters' names so often, which demonstrates a fundamental lack of effort and imagination.

But the bigger problems are tied to the author's lack of creativity and vision. There's nowhere near enough detail during conversations that flesh the characters out. Instead, it's just empty, soulless conversations between one-dimensional characters. To call the work boring would be generous.

As to why this entry's been included within Novels & Novellas is beyond me, it makes no sense. The instalments are far too short, which is due to the author's lack of ability to construct compelling characters. If there's no ability or effort to build an immersive world, it's best to stick to short stories that don't exceed 10,000 words.

There's definitely potential here, but the author's statement on the forum about winning an award for this work is baffling. It's nowhere near good enough. Having reviewed the author's profile, it's self-evident that they've rested upon the laurels of receiving a high score within the Mature category.

However, it's clear that if the author submitted work of the same standard to the more competitive categories, they'd be exposed as bang average. There's no heat here, with plenty of unheralded three-star stories being superior to this.

I'm leaving a comment as it's important that the author realises their delusion. If you want to boast about winning awards, produce the work that deserves it.

2 stars.

Despite the long-winded comment below (that probably belongs in “Novels and Novellas” itself), I like the story and am curious to see what happens next. Thank you for posting this. 5*

Good story, but as per the earlier comment I don’t rate it as “award winning” either, interesting concept though.

Fortunately, your latest story got submitted somehow in LW under a different author. Fortune for me.

You seem to be something of a treasure.

Hey, anonymous four people back, in a year ago. Get a life criticize don’t tear down. Don’t go after the person like you did go after the, go after the grammar, go after the length go after anything else but the person. Don’t bring a personality into it, because you’re the asshole. You’re registering as anonymous. Have you written anything? If you have, why don’t you put your name to this criticism. You couldn’t take you can critique but not criticize you fucking moron play somebody else’s backyard if you wanna piss and moan, don’t tear down people here.

Wow. What a great start. Thank you!

Interesting start.

How did she have a banana at that time of the year in that location?

I have read this before and now having more experience of Lit Storie I can appreciate this one so much better.