by LaRascasse
You've got a good story line going here and you're handling it well. I look forward to reading more.
I love the flip in the typical black sheep scenario. Makes me smile and chuckle out loud at some of the antics going in that house. Poor guy. Can't wait to see where this goes, such a departure for you and find it very interesting to see where you will take this in the future.
I'm not even surprised that I love it. You do so well with your writing, I am amazed. 5 stars.
Just one suggestion, have a more to the point intro to hook the reader.
You know I think you're so talented--and this story proves it. Love the characters! Can't wait to see what happens next!
I don't venture into H&S all that often and only have a story here because that's where it got put when I submitted it. Because of this, I only found your story because of your post on the forums.
In the spirit of leaving actual feedback that doesn't involve a drooling fangirl moment, I have to disagree with the forum comment about this being a lot of purple prose. I actually know quite a few geeks who talk like this on a regular basis, but I have to say it's a breath of fresh air to see it written out. I did catch a couple spots where you missed or misspelled a word, but they weren't bad enough to turn me off from the story.
Overall, you do a good job of bringing the MCs thoughts across. Not just in the 1st person POV, but in the writing itself. Damien is a "normal" kid having to deal with a deviant family. Take the term normal however you want. The flip-flopped positions of the parents versus the teenager is brilliant.
I look forward to reading the next chapter. Since you'll see this on your recent activity, I'm not going to repeat myself over on the forum.
Thank you, LaRascasse, for making me smile. You pretty much owed me since your other stories made me cry. 5 stars and well done!
So you *can* write funny, well written stories that aren't sad or tragic. (Though I've thus far only read the first chapter. Crossing my fingers you don't manage to kill off any characters in the next ones.) Love this so far. It had me cackling aloud and snorting like an idiot.
Random notes:
- Want to both protect Damien and corrupt him.
- I kinda want to read Lucy's erotica. She's seen it all live and first hand so I'm sure it's pretty good.
- Despite Aunt Hannah's claim, not all of us are thirsting for gay porn. I support the lifestyle but it's frustrating to see hot men go at it and know you've got nothing to offer that they want.
Off to read chapter 2!