All Comments on 'Blood + Time Ch. 01'

This is a cyclone of words. Agree with the two prior anonymous comments. Pull this chapter, have an editor help you with proper structure and resubmit.

Grammar, punctuation and changing tenses made this difficult to follow, if you continue to write, consider working with an editor. 2*

Though you present some interesting scenes, all your work is undermined by the shifting tenses. Because of the high level of action, you may find it useful to stick with past tense. As it is, vacillating between present and past is disruptive to the flow of the story.