All Comments on 'Boom Splat'

too jumbled togather to read

Absolutely outstanding writing. Extremely well written, entertaining, exciting, and painted vivid pictures for the reader. Kind of a week conclusion though. In fact I would say it needs a conclusion, and ending that shows us what happens to all the characters including the wedding party. All in all, it's a great beginning for a great story.

I hope the deer survived.

This story warms my heart

He follows and witnesses his wife cheating, OK so far. So he's confused and doesn't know what to do, interesting up to now. But then his daughter phones and it all goes down the shitter. I could even understand the violence but what kind of sick fuck decides to traumatise his own daughter by showing her mom fucking some stranger, so who was he trying to punish, his wife or his daughter? Then to compound this 'real man BTB' bullshit he dips into the cliché pool of the BTB cesspit by having the attractive police woman giving him her phone number. Please! do me a favour!

A decent start but descended into the normal 'she's a slut, he's a saint' trope.

Eh. Fun slapstick comedy for the first part, then went rambling on some artsy noir trip that didn't have any time to get off the ground. Averages out ok, but could've been better with a more consistent tone.

Well that was just a wonderful little gem of a story. Rated 5*. New cock, new pussy is always better. .....For a while.

Parked in front of my home. Very tall skinny woman, redhead is passing. "Hello beautiful."

I'm not beautiful.

Not true. I'd pay to just lick your ass, you are just so hot.

How much.

$500.

OK, be here in 10 minutes.

Happens. Odorless and tasteless. But very hot for me.

Six months later can do what I want for $40. With her. Boring and not worth the money or the time.

True story. Have pics as proof.

That is just how the shit goes. So,,,, best sex and best cock ever, meh, for just that moment in time.

Can't prove it, but know for a fact that Jodie Fosters's ass smells like perfume and tastes like candy. Ellen/Elliot Page's butt also. That is my reality. And probably the reality of so many who get to experience a new lover. The first few times are magical until you have a reality check, like a stinky fart or something.

Years of regret for moments of pleasure. That is a reality too.

Actually hope wife survives deer encounter to undergo the years of suffering.

And, looking for the next beauty in need of ass kissing reinforcements as to her desirability.

Thanks

This was edited? God how it looked like when it wasn't.

Just another in the recent trend of people submitting unfucking finished stories.

At least retrieve the cash from the wreck....

Wow! Loved it.

That was a hot mess. Poorly written

My thoughts. WTF! FTDS! THE WIND-UP, THE PITCH, OH NO,HE DROPPED THE FUCKING BALL!

All right. Now, who wants to turn a one star story into a five star story by writing an ending. Too bad, Bob, you could have had a Hall of Fame story here if you had only finished it; um, hate to say this but your ending was not clever.

Not bad, but the ending was too abrupt and you left the husband in limbo.

Sorta funny.

5 - excellent. Justice is served. You want fries with that?

QM

Kinda weird and dark.

Liked the start, the narration wasn't quite as entertaining, but overall it was a worthwhile read.

Nice refreshing style. 5*

Okay..... I know you were trying to present the confusion your characters felt, but it fell flat. Still the attempt was worth more than the insipid cuck stories lately.

What a wild ride! What a darkly comical tragedy! One hundred miles per hour into the proverbial brick wall - twice! A brilliant piece of creative writing. Thanks very much.

A few portions of the story are disjointed.

Though I do like the story but those disjointed portions irked me.

So 3 star.

Thanks BobWrongerer.

While most readers probably want more info about who/what/why etc, it was pretty clear that Eleanor was cheating…liked it….panicked when caught in such a public manner….and ran.

.

What saves the story is having her cheating ass die a couple hours from home. Bob and daughter will get closure. Oh Deer!

.

4 ****

Hope she dies with the dear.

I loved it until, [Splat!]. 4 Stars.

The constant shift in POV took a bad story own a notch.

Dang it, don't do that. Lazy and incomplete. And don't hide behind 'journalistic license'.

Good story that accurately captured the emotional trauma while ‘in the event and immediately thereafter. A nice writing style as well.

As an aside, many people are clueless about the resulting carnage of hitting a deer; it usually does not end well for wither party. I have witnessed two scenes of such a collision, both resulting in death of the animal and the driver. Be careful out there!

Thank you greatly for humanizing the officers; they earn, every day, a good sense of humor, regardless of how dark it may be.

Splat!

I thought the ending was too rushed and abrupt.

Pretty good. Four Stars.

Sort of left it hanging. Smacking Bambi will seriously jack up your ride, but you didn't say if it killed her or not. Having the State Police call Sandi Heat and Ugly to advice them to contact hubby about her death would have been a solid finish.

Funny read and an intriguing story. Though not as good as Im just left thinking that there's a lot missing so just feels unfinished. Still it was a good read just needs a part 2.

Wow that was...different.

Maybe you should decide if the story is going to be comedy or horror instead of half and half.

That was decidedly different. Not bad at all.

Mixed feelings. The writing seemed pretty messy even though you refer to an editor. The story itself was a little jumbled due to the writing. I liked the idea behind it, but it was unfinished. Did she survive the crash with the deer? I know from experience you can either kill the deer or be killed. Did he get all his money back? Did the daughter get married? Did the jerk survive his ass-kicking and bring charges? So many questions......

Awesome!

It seemed as if you had what you thought was a neat ending for the story, and then just rushed to it. There's little emotional character development and no real reason or background given for how the characters ended up at the confrontation at the motel. As a result, when I got to the end I really didn't care and was left with more questions than answers. It wasn't badly written, technically speaking, it just wasn't an interesting or compelling story.

I liked it, I gave it 4 stars, but you should have finished it! Cheating bitch hits the deer, she forgot to fasten her seat belt and through the windshield her cheating ass goes on impact with the deer! She's stuck half way through the windshield bleeding out like a stuck pig! She's a state away on a dark two lane road bleeding to death. To bad, no hope, she's found the next morning by a local farmer, dead. What a wedding present for her daughter. We all remember what Forrest Gump said "stupid is as stupid does". I say, "Life is like a shit sandwich and we all have to take a bite."

Bob, your writing is a little off kilter, but I enjoyed this one. Poor dear.

I go with my own feelings now and just hope the deer made sure she never has to worry again. So far I really liked your story. She paints the picture that cheating does to others. You succeeded. And a little payback (even if it costs her life) is always good!

Yeah, ok l guess. But it wasn’t serious as a story

That saved it from a 2/5.

I give it 3/5

Interesting. Every hotel/motel room I've been in has a metal door and door frame, so nobody is going to go through a bolted door. However, this is fiction and that is what every wronged husband wants to do. One rule of thumb: deer wreck cars and moose kill drivers. Next time, make it a moose!

Well, since the end was obviously open for the reader, and I doubt there would be a part 2. I figure the wife lost control of the car and since she forgot to wear the seat belt, when the car crashed, she fractured and displaced several lumbar spine vertebrae, severely damaging her spine column. As a result, she ended wheelchair bound for the rest of her miserable life. At least now, she can remember the great orgasm she had that day, because now she has no sensations from the waist down and can't feel anything at all when stimulating her genitals. I guess it was the best of times. It was the worst of times for her... That's Karma balancing the scales.

That was good and also different.

I must repeat myself. This is a gem of surrealist tragicomedy. Brings to mind aspects of David Lynch. You’re clearly writing above the LW mob. This is a piece for your permanent portfolio.

Interesting ride, unfinished, but interesting. 4*

Good and different read. There appears to be a continuation in there as well. Maybe the wife survives, or not, if so then she faces retribution. The husband getting a grip on himself and building himself back up and stronger than before. Etc etc

I'm not sure why but hell I actually liked this.

Reminds me of that old 70s song.... D.O.A.

.

Well written!! Loved the gonzo style. 5/5

Was she now DEERly departed?

Since you didnt know what you wanted this to be, I dont know what I think it was.

That was good. Please write chapter two!

I liked it and I hope you plan on finishing it as it feels incomplete.

Good but lacking.

Really? Had to be a deer? Why not Ice on the road, a fallen tree, a wondering hoard of zombies, anything but a poor deer!

Unfinished 1 star do better

Great story, very well written, right up to the non-ended ending. What happened? No denouement, no resolution, complete ambivalence as to either BTB or RAAC or anywhere between those two poles. Could have been 5* but can only give it 3*.

Well written tragic tale. Some have asked about the ending - the deer leapt, so it cleared the front of the car and impacted the windshield. At highway speeds, that could easily be a fatal impact for the cheating slut. While I don’t believe death to be the appropriate punishment for adultery, it was a dramatic conclusion.

1* for the snarky, planned no-ending.

3, an interesting story but incomplete and definitely doesn't fit in the BTB category. I quite like the writing style, it feels "lively" and there is a good hook for the story but then it just ends abruptly with no satisfying conclusion.

Yet another 'writer' who is too lazy to FTDS! 1*

I just wonder why someone would write just a half a story and never finish it...

Nice....

The story Nazis don't like this one😂🤣😂🤣

Don't give up the day job.............oh it is your day job..........oh dear!!!!!!!!

Lousy ending.

Nice.

It was a little lacking in information.

But if was a powerful little story.

And it had fries.

4 out of 5 from me.

Wonder how the FTDS crew felt about the endings to The Sopranos and GoT ;>))

If BobW had written the blow by blow of the deer's hooves going through the windshield and (whatever ing) Eleanor there'd have been a hue and cry about the ickiness of (whatever).

Some folks just aren't happy till they know the precise amounts of the asset split, how long it took to sell the house (and the sales price), who the kids sided with, how hawt the MC's new woman is and that the cheating b*otch died alone and miserable.

So, they should fill in those details to their own satisfaction and, voila!, the story is suitably finished. You are welcome.

Can't give it a five 'cuz I can't give Q or Todd a 6+, so ☆☆☆☆

and please keep writing.

A fitting end to a cowardly cunt

This is not a case of FTDS. More like Condense The Damn Story to about 3 sentences and don't waste my time with extra verbiage/. Boo! No stars.

You sir have a distorted mind and weird sense of humor. 4 stars.

Parts of it a pretty good, others are quite low quality. I think you're the first writer I've come across in LW who actually portrays 'emotions' relatively well. Though I have to be honest, that's not the compliment I'd wish it was. Even what you'd consider the best other writers in this category usually write machines that say they're angry, but don't really show it.

WTF?! You suck at writing and story plot.

Yet another load of crap.Since we got past No 100,the stories have gone down hill fast.

This story isn't finished.

But I loved the anonymous comment complaining about the LW group those "idiots" that read it. Roflmao, oh the idiot doesn't realize he read it!

To the author, your ending is shit! Based on the size of the deer, it will normally tear up the grill or in rare cases going through the windshield ending the bitch. If your intent was to actually kill her, then write in a cow which is a 50/50 going through the windshield or a horse which is practically guaranteed to destroy everything inside the cabin of the vehicle.

This story is truly unfinished because all I can see is her stranded on the side of the road with a screwed up grill and radiator with maybe the airbags having been deployed.

Hopefully another author like SaddleTramp1956 or demander will give this story a fitting end?

. . . . an then . . . . .

5 atars. Fun read. I really enjoyed it.

💩 story, no stars. 5 💩💩💩💩💩

Entertaining story. Thanks.

Ed

Did she die slowly? DID IT HURT REALLY BAD?

It's not an ending. All we have is a dead deer and maybe a busted car.

Ez így nem befejezés!! Így nem ér semmit,pedig jól indult , nincs se füle se farka,nincs teljesítve a végkifejlet! Sajnálom!

Thanks

Unfinished

Tiresomely vomit-worthy. Leaving the Reader to fill in the odd detail here-and-there is what writing is all about. But overdoing it to the point of leaving them with gaping holes in an incomplete plot is to short-change them one dime over the eight i think!

........and then?........and then?

Trash LP

This may have been a good story if presented in a normal format but I not only did not like it I could not even get into it.You wasted a good story by trying to be cute telling it in this manner.To top it off you left it unfinished,incomplete and thats a big no,no....JZK

What a load of bollocks, maybe OK if it ever got finished

ending sucks. did like the face time phone showing all that was going on and wife emptying bank accounts

And then "Along came Jones, long tall Jones". Makes about as much sense as this, as this whatever it is, huh anon of 2 months ago. Maybe, Bob, changing your name from Wrongerer to Writerer will magically make you one.

STUPID WIMPY CRYBABY CUCK!!

TRASH READ

[02.11.22]

Fun story!

11/10!!!!!

Interesting concept, adequately written re Writers' Workshop criteria.

If the normal episodes of living were left as unfinished as those of the characters in this story, well...

What would be the point of tomorrow?

MLJ

Interesting beginning. But it never followed up on what became of her husband, or the daughter. Was the slut injured or killed in the “ deer altercation?”. This is highly unlikely, in a modern car, with air bag systems. Also, cleaning out the bank accounts, and leaving town, are not typical female reactions. I can see a guy doing this, but the woman would have been in damage control mode. She would have went to her parents house, and started the “ spin”. Cleaning out the bank accounts, would have definitely caused the husband to get an attorney, and probably start divorce proceedings. So I gave it a “3”, because it had promise. But I didn’t find it believable.

Airbag won't save you from an animal impact high on a car, the sensor is lower on the car body. Slide up the hood, through the windshield and into your face.

Good story very weak incomplete ending

To nitpick:

- rumble strips have brrrrrrrp sound. Think minigun.

- ever tried to break down a hotel door? Not as easy as implied here without tools.

- as to those who say there's no ending, embrace the ambiguity. It's life.

- I personally have had no trouble getting fries.