Boots 03

Boots 03

"Well, do you have a prime suspect then, Detective Tubby? I mean, I watch a lot of true crime TV programs, so?"

"Oh, we have a prime suspect alright! We have fingerprints in all the right places, we have boot prints, we have tire tracks, we have security video from the Strip and from the gas station showing most of the right angles and we have doorbell ring video from the side streets to fill in the gaps and my wife pawned her wedding ring for blue pills for everyone in the squad except me! We even have one palm print from someone making an apple pie!"

"Oh, well, do you have DNA samples then too? I mean, in my true crime shows, it only takes like five minutes to analyze the results, so?"

"Oh, oh, we have DNA samples from all the right places, alright Boots! We have touch DNA from inside of a bra that Officer Randall came across while serving a search warrant on the Apple Pie Shop, we have DNA written down on a little piece of paper and we even went as far as writing AND down on a little piece of paper just in the judge holds court in the festival's Mirror Fun House! And maybe once I lost a Trivia Night contest that Mrs. Bentley sponsored because I thought DNA meant Do Nick's Ass, but I got a couple of points anyways! And a few phone numbers, so."

"Well, yay, then your case is a slam dunk then, right Detective Tubby?"

"Oh, hold onto to your undies there, missy Boots! Crime cases like this are never a slam dunk, but we are well on our way to making our case air tight! But I know that everyone on the Strip is nervous and worried that such a crime could even happen where you all hang out, so, trust me, we're on it!"

"Oh, well, still yay, Detective Tubby for you being on it! I mean, my friend, Coco, is at her wits end from being so scared about some perp just stomping out a cigarette butt in front of her "Cigs & Gars" shop here on the Strip and nobody should have to live in such fear! Justice must be served, Detective Tubby!"

"Oh, we will lay the long arm of justice down on this thug! However, these things do take time and we are in the early stages of the investigation and evidence collecting and unfortunately, since you are the last 126th person to last see the perp and because you where boots, I mean, I still need to interrogate you still. So, like maybe later tonight? Say about 11pm at your place? And maybe with a little white wine? And it's okay if you're in your jammies, so?"

"Tee he, now Detective Tubby, that's something I never saw in one of my true crime TV shows!"

"Oh, red wine? And fury handcuffs?"

"Alright Detective Tubby, that's enough! I want to help solve this case in any way that I can, but I feel compelled to inform you that, um, your son, Toby, um, we have been talking lately here on the Strip, so. Oh, but I promise you, Detective Tubby, um, I haven't sampled Toby's DNA yet! Well, Toby swabbed my mouth last weekend with his finger, but that's all and I'll take a lie detector test for that!"

"Aha, aha, aha, I mean, damn! Well, don't leave town without telling me, but call me if you remember anything else, Lynx. And call me late at night while you're in jammies!"

"Oh, Detective Tubby, I promise you that if I remember anything else about how Gino stomped out his cigarette butt and twisted his foot twice in front of Coco's shop, I mean, I will immediately slip into my jammies, plop down on the couch with my butt up in the air and call you! With my feet crooked up and flipping back and forth, of course!"

"Aha, aha, aha, and make it a live call, Boots!"

Well, there was a crime and I wanted to do my part and help with the investigation, that's all. I mean, Coco from the "Cigs & Gars" shop was scared out her wits for finding a stomped cigarette butt on the Strip sidewalk just in front of her shop, so, the crime needed justice!

And Detective Tubby seriously needed to visit the Cottonwood Street alley for his guy sex needs. He is just way too old for me.

[Shop door chime jingle jangles]

"Boots, I'm boo-hoo scared! And it's not helping that the smallest CD Trap on the Strip is aiding with the investigation!"

"Coco, my boyfriends detective dad is all over it, so."

"Ahh, Boots, your fake, unofficial and noncommittal boyfriend's detective dad is drooling all over your boots and that's about all he's all over. And OMG, I think he's thinking about using one of his latex gloves that he wears to collect evidence as a condom, for Pete's Sakes! Anyways, I'm mad at you, Boots, for not coming to my rescue like you did for Caroline when her original pet dog passed, so. I mean, my goldfish meant the world to me, so."

"Coco, you ate a snack bag size of fishy crackers! And I bought you a bigger bag and a blood orange flavored chocolate bar too!"

"Well, you spoiled me now, so it's all your fault! And I'm running a little short for my hair this Monday evening and the black mail market isn't what it used to be! I mean, jeez, a girl can't even make her dirty money these days! Also, so?"

"Fine, I'll support your hair appointment, but keep your eyes open for the crews that didn't have a chance to chip in for Caroline's new pet Husky. The word is that a few crews are a little pissed at me, so, keep your eyes peeled, okay?"

"Okay, Boots. By the way, Boots, Andrew from the Crew Shirt crew is approaching fast. Hit me up with my hair cash via the Simp Me, Pay Me App, Boots, bye!"

[Door chime reverse jingle jangles]

"Boots! Hey, I'm a little ticked off at you right now! You collected all that donor cash for Caroline's replacement Husky and then you bypassed my crew and now it looks like the Crew Shirt crew didn't even chip in!"

"Andy! I signed every crew on the card, whether they had the chance to chip in or not and I even made the "y" in your name as fancy and as curly as I could when I signed it as Andy like everyone calls you! Also, pet food still costs money, so?"

"Oh, well then, my bad then. Can I put some cash in any pocket of yours that I choose, hmm, Boots?"

"Oh, like the good old days, Andrew, hmm? Like when you used to take my lunch money in front of your friends and then give it back to me 30 minutes later in hallway behind the gym, hmm?"

"Well yeah, but I thought you liked the way I counted the coins in your back pocket, Boots, so?"

"Hmph! Well, I mean, well, fine, Andrew, you had a nice touch about things, but we are not getting sideways or having sideways sex in the alley, got it?"

Well, Andrew and I go way back and his math counting skills were pretty good, so.

[Slurp, whoa, gulp, ugh, ow, slurp, ugh, ooh, ugh, woo, ugh, ugh, ooh, gag, ow, ooh, gag, gulp, slurp]

"I need air, Andrew (wheeze)!"

I mean, at least I wasn't sideways for Andrew, so.

[Slurp, whoa, gulp, ugh, ow, slurp, ugh, ooh, ugh, woo, ugh, ugh, ooh, gag, ow, ooh, gag, gulp, slurp]

"Ahh, are you taking it, Boots? Ooh. Make it sloppy, Boots!"

[Slurp, whoa, gulp, ugh, ow, slurp, ugh, ooh, ugh, woo, ugh, ugh, ooh, gag, ow, ooh, gag, gulp, slurp]

"(Wheeze) I'm taking it, Andrew! (Wheeze)"

"Okay!"

[Splash, sploosh, whoa, squirt, squirt, sploosh, sploosh, splash, squirt, ooh, ahh, oh, ahh, ahh]

Well, Andrew and I go a long way back and at least I wasn't sideways, so.

[Gulp, fire hose, gulp, jeez, gulp, stop already, gulp, swallow, messy, messy, keep it, take it, keep it]

"Ahh, donations well donated, Boots!"

"[Wipes mouth off] shut it, Andrew! But maybe you're of a nice enough size where I could get sideways with you some night, but that's just a "maybe" and not a promise, so?"

"Ahh, are you going to catch that ooze for me, Boots?"

"Asshole!"

[Slurp, tongue lick, slurp, lick, suck, tease, lick, slurp]

"Oh, oh, Boots, I mean, are you taking your boot off because you know that I'm going to recover soon enough and then we're jumping in the back seat to get sideways then, hmm?"

"Hah! You wish, Andrew! (But maybe next weekend). Anyways, I'm just removing one of my boots so that I can wrap all of your cash paper around my ankle like an ankle bracelet. I mean, if I walk back to the Strip with cash money sticking out of my pockets, well, Detective Tubby might arrest me and that faggot would put me in fury handcuffs and push me against the wall! Do you have any rubber bands, Andrew? I need to strap these bills into place, so?"

Huh, the guy had a rubber band, a paper clip and a box of condoms in his glove box, so, huh.

"Boots, um, wow, you have nice ankles then, so, um, I'll drive you back to the "Cigs & Gars" shop on the Strip, so."

[Mwah, ummah, mwah, smooch, lip smack, lip lock, mwah, ah, rub, rub, mwah, ah, ahh, ahh]

"Thanks, Andrew, but walking the alley access walkway things are my thing now since I almost got trapped by the wannabe thugs a couple of weeks ago, so [mwah], I am so going to whimper for you some day!"

[SUV door flings wide open, Boots jumps out and lands flatly on his boots]

"Oh, wait, oh, Boots, are we just leaving it like that for tonight then, hmm?"

Yep! And with the darkness of the alley access walkways in between the buildings, it didn't take long to shimmy out of Andrew's sight. But I paused until I heard him vroom, vroom away. And then I kept creeping my way towards the end of the access walkway where I could see the lights of the Strip glowing.

And then I came upon my first thug, leaning up against a building wall, just like it says to do in the thug wannabe handbook.

"Sup?"

"I mean, I'm just heading for the Lava Java Coffee Shop to get Detective Tubby a coffee, so?"

"Hah! Cops don't scare me, so?"

"Oh, and I don't want you to be scared. I do want you to grow up and trade in your vinyl jacket for a real leather jacket, but that's all, so?"

"Oh, so, you're a sassy one then, hmm?"

"Hah! I'm Boots! Sassy Sally works the third access walkway towards the south end of the Strip, so?"

"Boots? The pet whisperer, Boots?"

"I'm not a pet whisperer! I just took charge of a need, so?"

"Great, so, are you going to take charge of this situation then, Boots, hmm?"

"Hmph! Are we just going to ping pong here or get to the point then, hmm?"

"Fine, Boots, I've been waiting for you, but not stalking you, so?"

[Takes a better look at the wannabe thug through the darkness]

"Well, this just got awkward then, Carl, so?"

"I mean, I'm not a fag, Brandon, I mean, Boots, so?"

"But you want to know what my lips taste like, Carl? Or maybe how my body feels in your hands then, Carl? And I can get you a discount from Sassy Sally if you want to end this right now and save face, so? And by the way, Carl, these are the lips of a guy and this is the body of a guy, which just doesn't happen to be a guy's body, but after it's all over, well, I'm a guy and you'll go mad afterwards, so?"

"Oh, I mean, I close my eyes when I kiss, so lips are just lips and I would have nothing but nice things to say about your robot sex doll body, Boots, so?"

Hah! They all say that when their sexual appetite has a reason to be hungry! Well, actually, I haven't exactly experienced such after math rejection yet, but I've seen the memes! Sometimes guys who get with other guys go mad! Even though I myself have said in the last chapter that memes are not real. But they are a selective choice, so.

[Mwah, ummah, smack]

"That's enough, Carl, now, take off and for Pete's sakes, visit the Leather Store soon!"

Also, huh, more fags should scamper away so easily then.

"OMG, Carl! Are you just going to leave me standing in the dark access walkway alone?"

LOL, yep, all fags scamper right back. And provide a cozy escort to the brighter lights of the Strip.

[As the bright lights of the Strip start to fill in the access walkway, unbutton, push open]

"OMG, Boots, you unbuttoned your shorts! Are we having sex then?"

"Oops, my bad, Carl, tee he, duh, my brain just associated you with your dad and your dad always told me that the polite thing to do was for me to unzip my shorts before using your bathroom and for the privacy, well, he always asked me to that inside of his Study just down the hall from the bathroom, so, duh, my bad, Carl, tee he."

"That faggot!"

[Re-button and zip up shorts]

"It's okay, Carl. I knew what was up and I always turned my back to him, so?"

"Wait, this back?"

"Yep, that back!"

"And you left me to jack off to the couch cushion that you sat on, hmm, Boots?"

"LOL, I just wanted to hear you say it, Carl. Anyways, fuck me in your dreams tonight, Carl and go to the damn Leather Shop!"

"For Pete's sakes?"

"Well, and for your sakes too, Carl."

And nothing ever happened with Carl's dad, folks! Other than he might have jacked off to the spot where I stood and turned my back to him, so.

"Oh, missy Boots, I have one last investigative question for you, so?"

"OMG, Detective Tubby, I'm not wearing a traditional prison ankle bracelet, it's just where I keep my cash money after taking donations in the alley! And I only have one small DNA sample from that guy Carl, who is running down the Strip, which is why I was only able to dab a small amount of ooze, so?"

"Aha, aha, aha, all I do is ooze these days, Boots! I mean, Boots, did you just confess that you like ooze? I mean, I have the ooze for you, Boots!"

"Detective Tubby, what is your last and final question then, hmm? And by the way, Carl is my boyfriend now, so I'm breaking up with your son, Toby and if you're not there when I cradle my head in my hands while going all boo-hoo on his couch with my thong showing from the way I sit on his couch, well, that's on you then. Also, are you oozing in your pants right now, Detective Tubby?"

"Aha, aha, aha, ugh, ugh, oh."

"Well, Detective Tubby, you just gather yourself together while I go to the Husky Pet Food store down the Strip and make a deposit on behalf of Caroline's account. Also, OMG, put on one of your "evidence gathering" latex gloves the next time you're going to ooze a deposit of your own, Detective Tubby! But it's nice to know that old guys have that much ooze left in them, so."

Well, it was quite a wet spot, so. Or it was so thin that the moisture spread like water, so.

[Door chime jingle, jangle]

"Boots, what's Sup then, hmm?"

"Oh, you know, Tasha, I'm just trying to not get gang banged, raped or arrested, so, the usual. Anyways, so, who is your latest non boyfriend, boyfriend these days, hmm? And if you're going to strip down and ask me to be your girlfriend, well, at least let me turn off the shop lights and lock the front door, so?"

"Tasha, I'm just retrieving some donation cash from around my ankle!"

"Well, I'd still be your girlfriend for a couple of days, Boots. I mean, mix my DNA with your DNA and boom, beautiful babies! Also, holy donation snap!"

"Well, I may have a charm or two about collecting donations for Caroline's pet food, so?"

"Hmm, so, charm one is your left cheek and charm is your right cheek then, hmm?"

"Oh, well, it has been said in reverse of that, Tasha, but that's close enough, so."

[Chang Ching deposit! With a receipt]

"Alright then, Boots, Caroline's account has been credited. Also, Coco has been crying for a decent black mail and she said that she would black mail for half price and I could help out with the original black mail photos for half price, if you're interested, so?"

"Tasha, half plus half still equals full price! Besides, we would need a thug or a brute who doesn't like people like me. Also, it should a reveal photo shoot, so?"

"Oh, well then one pissed off and angry bull coming up! Benny is stomping this way like he's stomping out cigarette butts on the Strip and he definitely doesn't like guys who portray a woman! I mean, he wants to fuck you first, but then he will want to leave bruises on you! Also, the bruises will be hickeys, so."

[Door chime, boom, slams, clank, clunk, jingle]

"Oh."

"Boots! Hey, I'm a little ticked off at you right now! You collected all that donor cash for Caroline's replacement Husky and then you bypassed my crew and now it looks like the Under Sized T-Shirt crew didn't even chip in!"

"Benny! I signed every crew on the card, whether they had the chance to chip in or not and I even made the "y" in your name as fancy and as curly as I could when I signed it as Benny like everyone calls you! Also, pet food still costs money, so?"

"Tasha, close your eyes and your ears and hush about this!"

[Tasha peeks through fanned out fingers and cleans out her ear wax]

"Oh, should I just shut my pretty little mouth too, Benny, hmm?"

"Hey, don't say what I'm supposed to say, Boots!"

"[Boink, poke, poke] oh, like how you don't really hate me all that much then, hmm, Benny? All men have a truth stick, Benny! Well, most men, but confess, Benny, if we were to slip out of the back door right now and leave it cracked open a little, I mean, is it the truth that you would shut it if I took my shirt off and left a hickey or two on this [boing, poke, boing, poke], hmm?"

"Well, I mean..."

"And since the alley just outside is full of crumble, I mean, my Denim shorts would certainly make for something for me to kneel down on to protect my bare knees and all, so?"

[Black mail photo shoot begins]

"Well, I mean..."

"I have some experience, Benny, so?"

"Well, I mean..."

Well, here is what I meant, I just whipped off my small shirt and headed towards the back door and guess who followed, right? LOL, yep, both of them! Big bad ass Benny with a boner and Tasha with her camera phone.

Also, stupid crumble in the alley! It hurt even through the thickness of my Denim jean shorts!

[Slurp, whoa, gulp, geez, ug, ow, slurp, woo, ugh, ugh, ooh, ow, gag, gag, gulp, slurp, gag, gag]

"Oh, oh, ahh, ahh, aha, aha, do you need air, Boots, aha, aha, aha?"

[Slurp, whoa, gulp, geez, ug, ow, slurp, woo, ugh, ugh, ooh, ow, gag, gag, gulp, slurp, gag, gag]

"Oh, I'm with it, Benny, I'm with it!"

[Slurp, whoa, gulp, geez, ug, ow, slurp, woo, ugh, ugh, ooh, ow, gag, gag, gulp, slurp, gag, gag]

"Ooh, oh, it feels like someone is watching us, Boots! Oh, oh, such a pretty little mouth!"

[It's now a combination black mail black photo shoot and a revealed photo shoot]

[Slurp, whoa, gulp, geez, ug, ow, slurp, woo, ugh, ugh, ooh, ow, gag, gag, gulp, slurp, gag, gag]

"Oh, wow, the alley has eyes, Benny! Are you going soon, Benny? I'm ready!"

[Slurp, whoa, gulp, geez, ug, ow, slurp, woo, ugh, ugh, ooh, ow, gag, gag, gulp, slurp, gag, gag]

"Ooh, oh, I need that butt, Boots! Let me go there! And we keep it super quiet!"

[Slurp, whoa, gulp, geez, ug, ow, slurp, woo, ugh, ugh, ooh, ow, gag, gag, gulp, slurp, gag, gag]

"Hmm, your size says okay, but that's too messy without a condom, so just go ahead and fag release the old fashion way."

[Flip, flip, flip]

"Ouch! Wow, a damn condom just caught me in the eye, Boots! Ooh, three of them! Also, ahh."

[Side eyes a side eye to the cracked open rear door! Catches a smirk!]

"You fucker!"

[That was meant to be plural, one for the guy with a smirk while holding a wrapped condom and one for the girl in shadows with a smirk while holding a camera phone]

"Benny, Benny, Benny,"

[Thump, thump, pump, thrust, thrust, slam, slam, slam, ooh, oh, thump, pump, slam]

"Half power, Benny, half power! Ugh, ooh, ooh, whoa!"

"Ugh, ugh, brace the wall, Boots, brace the wall!"

[Thump, thump, pump, thrust, thrust, slam, slam, slam, ooh, oh, thump, pump, slam]

"OMG, OMG, Benny, Benny, Blow Benny, ooh, ooh, but grip me tighter!"

"Aha, aha, aha, I'm not your boyfriend, Boots! Ooh, but tight is right! Oh, ugh, argh."

[Sploosh, gush, spalt, squirt, blast, blast, argh blast, ooh squirt, ahh milking, ahh]

"Wheeze, wheeze, wheeze!"

"Huff, ouch, huff, ouch."

[Snap, snap, snap, snap, send to Coco]

"Ahh, I did you, Boots! Also, that was tight, Boots, so, am I your first then, hmm?"