Boss Nanny Ch. 19

"There's not much I can do until he gets back and I'm pretty sure he's gone for another week."

"That's a long time."

"I know! And I'm kind of mad about it."

Brad's phone rang and Matt threw his hands in the air. He needed his dad's full attention right now. Matt was feeling really ignored—by Seamus and now Brad. "Dad! Can you silence that please? I'm trying to have a conversation with you."

Brad pressed a button on his phone, making it quiet, then held the phone out to Matt. Before he let go, he held Matt's eye and smiled. "This wouldn't be a problem if you didn't turn your phone off earlier." Then he was gone.

Matt looked at the phone. It was a weird number. Not a local area code but not from another country, like say, Mexico. That was a little disappointing.

"Hello?"

"Hey." The voice was familiar but a bit meek and hesitant.

He stood up from the couch. "Seamus."

"I'm so sorry," Seamus pleaded. When Matt didn't reply right away, he continued. "I was so upset. By the time I got my shit together, it was too late. I went by your apartment and stopped by the office. I kept missing you. I shouldn't have come. I should've stayed there. I should've camped outside your door. I'm so fucking sorry."

Matt closed his eyes and took a deep breath. He wanted to yell at Seamus for the things he said and how he made Matt feel. He wanted to be mad and hang the phone up on him.

"I'm not mad at you."

"You're not? Then why'd you leave?"

"Because you were being an asshole and I didn't want Aidan to bear witness. But I wasn't mad at you. I blame Mike...and Aidan."

Matt could see Seamus in his mind's eye, holding the phone with his eyes closed, a small smile playing on his lips.

"It doesn't justify what I said or how I treated you."

"I never said it did. But sometimes we don't need justification, we need compassion, understanding, and a little sympathy. Lord knows you've given me those in spades." Matt listened to the silence as Seamus took in his words. He could only imagine how hard it must've been for Seamus to be on the receiving end of any of those things. Between his family and Kelly, those had to be foreign concepts.

No wonder Seamus had reacted the way he did. His reaction was purely a defensive strategy as he waited for Matt to disown him.

Matt laid down on the couch with Seamus pressed to his ear. "After the whole Mike fiasco, Aidan and I picked up your favorite pizza. We wanted to surprise you. My plan was to come back, eat pizza, put Aidan to bed, and let you decompress everything that happened. We didn't get a chance to do that and things really blew up. We could talk about it now?"

"Matt," Seamus said softly. "That's not why I was upset. Was I shocked that Mike came by? Yes. I was fucking stunned. Did the things he said open old wounds? Definitely. But getting a call from you, hearing Aidan screaming so hard I thought he was dying, then arriving at the ER only to find out I couldn't go back...Matt, that fucking killed me. It brought me to my knees. My blood ran cold. The terrible things that ran through my mind—" unthinkable things. "Mike could work with Kelly's parents and take everything I own and it would hurt less than sitting in that god forsaken lobby scared that I might never see Aidan again. Of everything I have, it's you and Aidan that hold any value.

"I'm sure what transpired with Mike contributed to my escalation. He couldn't have picked a better time to shine a light on my biggest insecurities. My biggest fear is losing you two. Even when we got back to the apartment, I was still afraid. We'd been separated for two weeks, I was getting ready to leave again, and I just wanted five minutes with Aidan. Honestly," his voice caught. "The fear I felt hadn't gone away. I just wanted to hold him and cry. I wanted to let it out but I couldn't."

"Oh Seamus." Matt wiped the tears from his eyes. "Why didn't you say something to me?"

"I couldn't handle the rejection."

"I wouldn't have—"

"You could have, Matt. You could have and you did. You told me it was you who needed to stay with Aidan."

"That's not how I meant it."

"I know, but it's how it felt. What if I would have explained myself only to have you tell me no again?"

"What if you explained yourself and allowed me to understand where you were coming from?" Matt countered. He had Seamus there and the older man knew it. When Seamus didn't respond, Matt asked. "Can I see you, please?"

A moment later it rang for video chat, then Seamus appeared. It was dark and he was in bed. The light from the screen was the only thing illuminating Seamus's face. He didn't look good. There were clear signs of exhaustion and emotional stress.

"How's your trip?" Matt asked.

"Not great but the guys are doing their best to keep me sane. How are things with your friends?"

Matt groaned. "I'm not talking about them. They all bailed and never told me. I'm so mad I could rip their balls off."

Seamus frowned. "So you could be here with me?"

"Yeah, I'm mad about it too."

"You could still come for the last week."

"I don't even want to know what those plane tickets would cost."

"Doesn't matter," Seamus said with all the seriousness in the world.

Matt laughed. No doubt his boyfriend would move the sun and the moon to get him and Aidan there. "I bet it doesn't. But Aidan and I don't have passports anyway."

Seamus was propped up now and his voice was more confident than it had been. "You could make an appointment at the main office. They have exemptions for immediate travel and they'll print the passport right there."

"I could and I would, but there's a few things I need to do before you get back."

Seamus shook his head. "No. There's nothing you need to do that could possibly be more important than you guys coming here. If you refuse to come here, then I'll come home early."

Matt tilted his head and looked at him like a parent waiting for their kid to calm down. "Do you trust me?"

"That's low, Matt. I can't answer that and get what I want."

"Actually, you can answer it and get what you want. Now, do you trust me?"

The low growl made Matt smile.

"Yes, I trust you."

"Good. Now go back to your vacation and I'll pick you up from the airport."

"Wait!" Seamus shouted in an almost panic. When he spoke again, his voice was softer. "I'm not ready to end the call."

"Okay," Matt smiled. He didn't want to get off the phone either. It's not like my dad needs his phone...wait. "Why'd you call Dad's phone and not mine? Also, who's phone is this?"

"It's Jay's phone so don't go sharing his number with the world."

"He must love you if he's letting you call people from his phone."

"More like he was tired of me moping around. And I'm not calling people, I'm calling you."

They both blushed and stared at each other through the camera. So damn sappy.

Matt cleared his throat. "How'd you get Dad's number anyway? If you had his memorized and not mine, I'm going to freak out," he warned.

"I don't know anyone's phone numbers by heart. I was going to message you on Instagram but I couldn't log in from another device without them wanting to verify my account since I'm trying to gain access from another country. In order to verify my account, they want to text me, but I don't have my phone. Not having my phone has been a giant cluster fuck of epic proportions. Jay said he would DM you on Instagram but I worried that could come off wrong. So we messaged Brad instead and he gave us your number. With the way things have gone for me, I wasn't surprised to call and find your phone was off."

"I told the guys to fuck off for ditching me, then turned off the phone so they couldn't bother me with their stupid excuses," he explained. "Were you texting Dad tonight?"

"Yeah, I was trying to figure out what to do."

"God, I was so irritated with him. I was pouring my heart out to him and he kept grabbing his phone and texting. I was this close to throwing his damn phone across the room."

"I'm glad you didn't."

"Me too."

"Besides being upset with me, what did you do this week?"

"I'm not upset with you," Matt reminded him. "I kind of had a shit week though. I got it in my head that there was a certain way I needed to keep Mom and Todd's memory alive for Aidan. I ended up taking him to the cemetery, which was terrible. By the end of the whole thing, I'd spent too many hours trying to put together a ridiculous facade that didn't fit us."

"You're doing a great job, don't let anyone tell you differently."

"I know. I need to stop worrying about how others might do this and focus on doing what's right for us. I ended up taking Aidan to Dairy Queen on Friday. It's something Mom used to do when I was in school. She also made chocolate chip and banana pancakes on Sundays. I was thinking we could do that with Aidan."

"I think that sounds perfect."

"I missed your birthday," Matt continued. "I feel really terrible about that one."

Seamus sighed. "It's whatever."

"It was super shitty of me. I'm sorry."

"Apology accepted, but you better come next year."

"I will," he promised. "I should've come this year. It was a mistake not to. Besides asking us that one time, you never brought it up. I didn't even know what dates you were gone. The lack of chatter made it seem unimportant."

"I know, that's my fault. I wasn't excited to go because I didn't want the separation. So I didn't talk about it."

Matt sighed. "I love you."

Seamus closed his eyes and rubbed his chest. "I love you, too. So fucking much."

It was late. Matt stretched out on the couch and grabbed a throw to keep him warm. Seamus already looked better. His face wasn't so sad and dull. He was still wearing his guilt but even that had softened with relief.

They talked and talked. Seamus shared about the trip and Matt vented about his friends. He was pretty sure those friendships weren't the ones he'd be fostering through adulthood. Not that he didn't love them, but he accepted that some friendships change.

"My phone's going to die," Matt finally said.

"Charge it."

"It's somewhere in Dad's room. I'm not going to go dig around in there while he's sleeping."

"Call me on Jay's number from your phone."

"Why didn't I think of that?!" Matt sat up and started toward the kitchen. "Isn't Jay mad you've hijacked his phone?"

Seamus's laugh was a breath of fresh air. "I told him we'll be sharing it the rest of the week."

"And he didn't care?"

"Oh, he cares," he laughed again. "But he won't do anything about it."

Matt pressed the power button on his phone and watched the icon flash as it booted up.

"Guess whose texted Jay a half dozen times since we've been talking?"

Matt looked at Seamus with hope in his eyes. "Loren?"

Seamus smiled brightly and nodded. "Yep. It looks like things are going well. He's been awfully attached to his phone, which is why he's grumbling about sharing it.

"Hey, my phone's on, I'm going to—" call you back.

"Fuck," Matt cursed, as his dad's phone died before he could get Jay's number. Despite the abrupt ending, Matt's heart was light for the first time in weeks. He felt good. It helped knowing he could call Seamus back in the morning. He needed to sleep anyway. Aidan didn't care how much Matt slept, he would still demand his attention first thing.

Talking had brought him peace, but also longing. Some things wouldn't be completely resolved until they saw each other face to face. Until then, Matt had work to do. He needed to make some changes before Seamus got back.

Which meant Matt needed to get to work.