Bowl Me Over

"Great!" Sara's eyes lit up. Without thinking, she leaned forward, reached up, and kissed him on the cheek, her lips warm and soft to his touch.

Tim smiled sheepishly. "I guess I should have agreed to that sooner."

"Oh, I don't know about that," she said softly, taking a step back. "I think I wanted to do that for a while, and this too." She stepped forward again and put her hands on his shoulder. She gently pulled him forward and down. His lips were sensual and moist to her touch when she kissed him, lightly and delicately. He returned the kiss, his hands moving around her slim waist to hold her closer. Her soft lips tasted like sweet honey as he savored the sensations going through him.

It lasted but a few seconds, but Sara's knees were weakening at his touch. Scott had nothing on this man when it came to kissing. When they parted, the scent of her perfume lingered at his nose.

"Sorry, I couldn't resist," she said shyly.

"Don't apologize, I loved it," Tim replied, looking into her eyes. He took her face in his hands and smiled. "Has anyone ever told you how pretty you are?"

"No, but I'm listening," she replied softly, her eyes shining in the moonlight.

"You are so very pretty," he said. He pulled her face to his and they kissed once more. This one lasted much longer and neither wanted it to end. When they parted, Sara's eyes were still closed, enjoying the sweet sensations that were invading her. If they had kissed any longer, she thought, her knees would surely have buckled and he would have had to carry her into the house. When she slowly opened them, Tim's gray eyes were studying her, taking in every feature of her face.

"I guess I better be going," he whispered. Sara merely nodded. He let go of Sara, turned slowly, and opened his car door before turning back to her. "Sunday at eleven?"

"Yes."

Tim got into the car and put the key in the ignition without starting it. He looked at Sara, who had her elbows resting on the door frame, bent over and peering in at him.

"I had a really good time, Tim. Thank you."

"I'm glad you did. I did too." Tim looked down for an instant. "Thanks for listening. It felt good to talk about it."

"No problem, Tim. Anytime you need to talk, all you have to do is ask."

"I'll remember that." He leaned over and kissed her quickly before he started the car. Sara stepped back and Tim put it in reverse and waved to Sara before he drove off into the darkness. She watched with a bit of sadness until he disappeared and then made her way to the front door.

Tim woke late Sunday morning with thoughts of Sara going through his head. He hadn't felt this good since when he first started to date Janice. The thought of her immediately brought a frown to his face. Why was she still haunting him? He pushed her aside as he often did in the past and concentrated on Sara and drifted back to their date. She had called him on Saturday and they talked for over an hour, mostly about the next days lunch. Sara avoided talking about Janice or anything remotely related. She wanted to keep it light.

Tim dressed casually, jeans and a black shirt, and headed to Sara's house. Jumpy and nervous over meeting her family, his mind wandered to when he met Janice's family for the first time. It was a very nice time, one of the few good memories that he had left of that period. He pushed her again from his thoughts and concentrated on his driving until he reached the house.

Sara met him at the door before he could ring the bell dressed in her usual jeans and tee shirt. "Hey Tim, right on time," she greeted him with a dazzling smile, obviously more than pleased to see him again. She resisted kissing him, but took his hand as she led him inside. Their house was a large, two story structure with four bedrooms and two and one half baths. Directly in front of them was the staircase and to the right was the living room. Her father was sitting on the couch reading the newspaper with one of her brothers. He put the newspaper aside when they entered and nudged his son to do the same.

"Dad, this is Tim Rougeau. Tim, this is my father, Jack."

"Good to meet you, Tim," Jack said as he shook Tim's extended hand. "Sara's told us a lot about you."

"Wow," Tim said, "and you're still letting me in your house?" Jack smiled at the joke.

"Tim!" Sara exclaimed as she slapped his arm. "Behave!" She turned back to her brother who still had his face buried in the newspaper. "The body behind the paper is Jacob. Everyone calls him Jake." Jake waved and went back to reading. Sara frowned, but said nothing.

She led him to the kitchen where her mother and sister were bustling about preparing lunch.

"Hey mom," she said as her mother turned away from the stove. Her sister eyed him coolly. "This is Tim Rougeau. Tim, this is my mom, Kim."

"It's very nice to meet you, Tim," Kim said. Tim now knew where Sara got her good looks. Kim looked more like an older sister than her mom.

"It's nice to meet you, too," Tim replied.

"And this is my sister, Abby," Sara said, directing him to a thin, nervous looking girl just on the verge of blossoming into a young lady.

"Hi," Abby said softly, her eyes held low.

"Hi, Abby," Tim said. Abby went back to her mother's side and continued to help her. Normally, Sara would help with the meal, but since Tim was her guest, the responsibility fell to Abby, and she wasn't exactly thrilled to be in the kitchen.

"Emily and Kyle must be upstairs somewhere. You can meet them later," Sara said as she led Tim out of the kitchen. "Do you want to watch TV or something before we eat?"

"Whatever you want to do," he replied.

She led him downstairs to a finished basement that had a TV and billiards table. There were two recliners and a small sofa near the TV and stereo system. They watched TV on the sofa until lunch was ready.

Lunch was very good and Tim enjoyed it very much. Sara's other siblings, Kyle and Emily, were just as quiet and reserved as the two that Tim had met previously. They were polite, but they rarely gave more than a one or two word answer. Tim was beginning to wonder if Sara was really their sister. Jack and Kim questioned him about general things from time to time and soon, Tim felt relaxed and had lost most of his nervousness.

They left after lunch was over and the dishes were washed. Tim and Sara dried while Kim washed. Tim thanked Kim for her hospitality and the lunch before they departed.

"So, where are we going?" he asked as they left the house.

"I don't know," she replied, "I thought we'd take a walk. Okay with you?"

"Sure, sounds fine to me."

It felt good and natural for Sara to be walking with Tim. Their hands automatically found each other as if pulled by magnets. After her year with Scott, she was so thankful to be with someone who was at ease with himself and with her. She felt very content at that moment as she looked up at Tim, who appeared to be in his other world again. She could easily tell that he was not over Janice or the events surrounding her death, no matter how hard he appeared to try. Sara wondered if he would ever truly be over her.

She was beginning to really like Tim, especially his kindness and humor. He was forever doing little, thoughtful things that were endearing him more and more to her. They still did not have that bond that she felt would lead to her falling in love with him, but the seeds were planted and the roots would soon take hold.

They had said little since they began their walk, only commenting on the lunch and weather. It was a warm summer day, not blazing hot for a normal July 2nd, but very pleasant. Presently, they came upon a small, shaded park. It had a basketball court and a few swings and slides. They found a bench and decided to cool down for a while.

"You know," he blurted out, "I didn't go to her funeral."

"What...?" Sara asked, not sure if she had heard correctly.

"I guess I can't forgive myself for that either." He looked away, not knowing why he even brought it up again.

Sara looked at him, but didn't know what to say. It caught her completely off guard. Quietly, she asked, "Why didn't you go?"

He looked back at her, sadness filling his eyes. "I guess I was afraid to face the family, but I think I was more afraid to face her again."

Sara nodded, her mind in a whirl. She waited a few seconds to collect her thoughts. She spoke softly and carefully, trying to convince herself and Tim about what she was going to say. "I'm no psychologist and I don't pretend to be, but maybe you're still looking for some type of closure. You weren't with her when she died and you didn't go to the funeral. Maybe you need to somehow finish that before you can find forgiveness."

"I don't know," he sighed. "It's so strange because I've been able to push her out of my thoughts for a long time now and I thought I was over this. But, all of the sudden, she's back in my thoughts again and things that I thought were buried with her are coming back, too."

He stood up, hands in his pockets and took a deep breath. Deep down, he knew why Janice was coming back to the surface. He allowed himself to get close to someone again, that being Sara. And he knew he would have to make a choice. Either he would have to face his past and keep seeing Sara, or he could push Sara away and go back to living in his cocoon and not have feelings for anyone and not feel the pain.

He looked back at Sara and knew that he wanted and needed her in his life. He knew that he had to face his fears straight up, but he didn't know where to begin.

"There is something I do know," he said, sitting down again.

"What's that?" she asked.

"I don't want to lose you. I'm not sure what I need to do, but I've got to start now."

Sara nodded and took his hand in hers. "Well, you're not going to lose me. Don't you ever worry about that."

The ride was somber and quiet as they drove through the rural farmland of northern Indiana. It was a gloomy, gray day, a day that matched Tim's mood perfectly. He had seen his therapist again for the first time in over a year and she suggested he visit Janice's grave to help him come to grips with her death and help him get past it. This was not the first time that Dr. Helmy had brought up the suggestion. Tim had opposed the thought before, but he now realized that he had to do it.

Memories, bitter memories swept through his mind as familiar landmarks came into view. During their courtship he had made the trip from his Lafayette home to Auburn many times. They planned to settle in the country, away from the hustle and bustle of the city life that Tim had known.

When they were about a mile south of Auburn, Tim pulled over to the side of the road and put the car in park, sighing loudly.

"It's pretty close, isn't it?" Sara asked quietly.

"Yeah, it's right over the next hill," he replied. "We wanted to live around here. She wanted to live in the country and I wanted to please her. I really didn't care where I lived..."

Tim looked away and out his window, dreading the pain and emotions that were invading him. They had been carefully tucked away for such a long time, but he knew that he had to go on because he wasn't going to turn back now. Smiling thinly, he placed the gear back in drive and started to drive once more.

The Oak Grove Cemetery was small, fully shaded with many trees. Some of the tombstones dated back to the early 1800's and there was a Civil War memorial in the middle of the grounds. Tim parked in the visitor's lot that only encompassed five spaces, his being the only car there. He looked around briefly when he got out, trying to remember where her grave would be. Sara didn't wait for Tim to open her door as she, too, got out and looked at the tombstones. It was very peaceful and quiet and Sara thought that it was a very pretty cemetery, if one could say that.

The wind blew mildly as the leaves rustled and twisted on the branches above them. They walked hand in hand slowly as Tim led Sara to where he thought the grave was. His two sessions with Dr. Helmy had done him a world of good. He got a lot off of his chest that he had been suppressing and hiding and he came to terms with himself once more about those terrible events just two years prior. Dr. Helmy felt that he was taking a step forward by being involved with Sara and not shying away from relationships. Tim came to realize, once more, that the only way to have a meaningful relationship with anyone was to come to grips with his past. And only then might he be rid of Janice's ghost once and for all.

Although he had never visited her grave before, Janice had brought him there once to visit her grandparent's graves and Tim figured that she would be nearby.

Sara really didn't know what to expect. When he asked her to come with him, she was surprised. She thought that he would want it to be a private visit and she thought that she might be intruding. But, she accepted his invitation only because she thought that he would need her. They walked slowly along the gravel path for about thirty yards before Tim came to a stop. His eyes were fixed on a tombstone approximately twenty feet away. Hands at his sides, he sighed heavily to compose himself. Sara looked at him, then her eyes followed his gaze to a group of headstones. She saw it immediately, "Janice Ditmer 1980-2002". It was a silver stone with no other writing on it.

Tim sighed once more, but still didn't move, although he blinked a few times to keep his tears in check. He noticed that the clouds were starting to break up little by little. He glanced at Sara, who was still looking at the grave. He nudged her softly and moved slowly to his past.

When they reached her grave, Tim reached out tentatively and touched the cold, marbled rock. He drew back quickly, as if shocked, then touched it briefly once more. Tim thought he felt rain on his face, failing to realize that it was his tears falling freely instead.

He squatted down, his head was bowed and pressed against his hand that was holding onto the stone.

"I'm sorry," he whispered to his lost love as Sara stood near. "I'm so sorry."

His shoulders began to shake as he began to weep as quietly and privately as possible. They stayed at her grave for quite a while as Tim mourned for Janice all over again. The memories of those horrible days washed over him and he did nothing this time to fight them. With his free hand, he held onto Sara to keep him somewhat in the present. Her presence comforted him in more ways than he would ever be able to tell her. His past was his past now and he could deal with that. He would never hide from it again.

The pins crashed as Tim threw another thunderous strike. Both he and Sara were really on their games that evening. Sara smiled when he returned from his delivery, a broad grin plastered on his face also.

"I can't beat you if you keep this up," she complained.

"Why would I stop?" he asked. "I'd lose my ATM."

"You are such a brat!"

"Of course I am," he answered matter of factly.

They had been bantering back and forth the entire evening. Tim could not remember being happier, even when he and Janice first started to date and she showed no signs of instability. He could think of her now and not get depressed. He had visited her grave twice since that initial visit with Sara, and felt much better about himself. He even visited her parents briefly in Auburn and it was pleasant, not awkward at all. They never did blame him for Janice's suicide and they still thought of him warmly. He made no mention of Sara.

It was the last night of their summer league and Tim had mixed emotions. He didn't want the league to end because it was how he and Sara became close and he really enjoyed bowling with her. But, he had a few tournaments to look forward to and he hoped that Sara would come with him.

Since their visit to the cemetery, they had spent almost every free moment with each other. That would be curtailed shortly when Tim's classes began again, but they still had a few weeks before Tim would have to begin preparing.

It was during those few weeks together that Sara began to love him. She wasn't sure whether or not she was "in love" with him, but she knew she cared about him more deeply than anyone she had ever dated. The change in Tim was dramatic during those weeks, she noticed, and she couldn't help but feel that she was partly responsible in some small way. They were both taking their relationship slowly and not rushing things and they were content with that.

They had talked about taking their relationship to a sexual level, but both found that they weren't ready to take that next step. Not that they weren't interested, mind you. They had had some pretty steamy make out sessions at Tim's apartment and Sara had even let Tim's hands roam under her bra, a feeling that they both loved, but that was as far as it got. She knew in her heart that they would get to that point in the near future and she was looking forward to it.

The season ended as Tim threw three strikes in the tenth frame to finish with a 269 game. He won two games and series total from Sara, who shot a respectable 222-214-236-672. As they sat in their usual booth afterwards, Tim gloated as he snatched the two dollars from Sara's hand.

"Ah, I love my ATM. Cha-Ching!"

"Okay, okay, so you won some more money from me. At least you didn't win forty dollars like you thought you would. What was it? Ten? Twelve?"

"It was ten," he admitted.

"Yeah, so there."

They sat quietly for a while as Tim pondered how to ask her his next question. He was almost as nervous as when he first asked her out. He fidgeted and cleared his throat, then picked imaginary fuzz from his shirt.

"What's wrong?" Sara asked.

"What?" he stammered. "Oh nothing, just thinking."

"About what?"

"Well," he began, "you know I'm going to Louisville this weekend."

"Yes, I know," she said sadly. "I'm really going to miss you."

"Well," he continued, "I'd really miss you too, so I was wondering if you'd like to come along." He hesitated for a second. "I'm sure," he continued, "that they'll have some extra rooms."

Sara smiled shyly, her brown eyes bright and sparkling. "I'd love to, but..."

"But what?" Please don't turn me down, he thought to himself.

"I'd rather stay in your room," she finished, "that is, if you have two beds."

Tim was thrilled. He really hadn't thought that she would want to share a room with him. Truthfully, he just wanted her companionship. He knew that he would have been very lonely without her and he was beginning to realize how much she meant to him.

"It's a double room, so we'll have plenty of space," he replied.

"Great! Thank you so much for asking me. I was going to go crazy with you away for three days. I've never been to Louisville!"

Tim smiled, delighted that he had pleased her and that she wanted to be with him as much as he with her. Sara smiled back, a smile that lit her face. Tim really loved it when she smiled. It was a wonderful distraction whether he was bowling, talking, or just saying nothing at all. It always made him feel good about himself.

"You know, this is really strange," he said.

"What is?"

"Getting involved with you was the last thing on my mind when we started bowling. Now, here we are making plans for a weekend alone together. I don't know. It's just strange how things work out sometimes."

"Well, I certainly wasn't looking for a boyfriend after Scott, that's for sure," she laughed. "But, you were different."

"Uh oh," Tim said, "I love it when I'm called ‘different'."

"Oh, you know what I mean," she said reaching for his hand. "You're so sweet, kind, and you never pushed me into things."

"I was going through my own problems at the time, too."

"Yes, you were," she admitted, looking down temporarily. She looked up as her eyes were starting to mist. She wanted so bad to tell him how she really felt, but she was afraid that she would scare him. She sighed, looked back at Tim and sniffled. Tim noticed the difference, but couldn't quite grasp the significance.