All Comments on 'Branded'

This story definitely needs a second part to have Noel and Jonah to finish the plot

I really love ths story, here's my feedback. I really feel there is another chapter to be written. It would allow closure on several threads. I want to read more about Noel and Jonah, they've just started their life together.

A great story. 4.8 stars. Taking off 0.2 stars because her sperm donor didn't have anything bad happen to him. It's original, well written, engaging, and fun.

Pretty good, but not the best this author has to offer (as I work through all the mole’s stories). One loose thread (for me) was the rapid disappearance of Noel’s father. It’s difficult to believe that he would simply let go of his live-in maid.

Good story 👍

This was so painfully written that I couldn’t finish the 1st page. The dialogue is childish- I’d say 3rd grade level. The characters are cliche and unlikeable. 1 ⭐️

The story is good, the dialogue is terrible.

I’ll add my praise of this story. A couple of the plot threads strain believably but they’re certainly powerful. It’s certainly a sweet story, with interesting, well-developed characters, and I enjoyed reading it very much.

Your research on Guillian-Barré is right on. I lived that a few years ago. My case wasn’t that severe, but I was hospitalized for a long time, and my recovery took most of a year. It was certainly taxing on my family. I lived with the knowledge that I would recover and worked my butt off in rehab.

Thank you for writing and thank you for sharing your work.

It was good, but you rushed the ending.

After 11 pages, you needed to properly tie up all those loose ends.

This needed:

1) Some scenes with Jonah being fully recovered. Mainly so that he's not the patient anymore, and their relationship can take on a normal dynamic.

2) Sex with an exhausted invalid compared to a fit mid-twenties guy are very different things. It would've been fun to see how Noel reacted to being given a robust work out in the bedroom.

3) Noel introducing Jonah to her mother. The connection to that family was just left hanging, and it would've been nice to see how they fit into Noel's new life.

4) Jonah bumping into Zoey again when he was fully recovered. She deserved to feel regret and remorse after callously abandoning him like that.

5) Some kind of third act showdown with Noel's psycho brothers when they got out of prison.

6) Marriage and kids with Noel, to give them both a proper happy ending.

Wonderful story!

I loved Noel’s character and just felt so sad for her, like I just wanted to give her a hug and tell her she’ll be ok.

I’m glad you gave her a happy ending, but I could have used another few pages of him getting fully better & them getting married. It feels a little incomplete without that closure, like we haven’t actually gotten to the happy ending yet, we can just see it ahead of us.

Wonderful, wonderful story 5*

Great story. You killed it with your characters. You wrote Noel beautifully. 5stars

I like this story very much ! Thank you !

Great story! Noel is a wonderful character. Keep on writing. Thanks.

Großartig,

Great, passionate effort on your part. Couple of the plot lines frayed on the edge of believability, but solid storyline. I liked the reappearance of Zoe at the end, scene of the crime, so to speak, but I was hoping for a proposal. At 11 pages, clearly you put the time in, but the ending pace picked up too quickly throwing the rhythm off. 4.6* overall!

Noel’s birth mother is a despicable person, to go off and leave a minor girl with the psycho father and sons, then having the means didn’t come back to rescue her is beyond reprihensible, it shows a totally self-absorbed person with no shred of humanity. Jonah is almost as bad by painting Noel with the same brush as her family and refusing to talk to her, he has baggage that will taint them as a couple for life.

On page 5, Jonah's mother, Maria, became Maggie instead. These types of errors are very annoying. Editors should've caught this.

This was very different and a great read. ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

Great story and characters

I thought the conversations seemed a bit stilted at times and it certainly needed a decent edit but an excellent story nonetheless.

Wonderful story! Noel and Maggie are outstanding characters. I plan to add this one to my list of favorite stories.

5

Outstanding, I loved this story. 5*

Got pulled into the story, lots of hidden curves, lots of hoping and loved the conclusion.

Wow. Just wow. Amazing

Thank you great story

This was a great story although the ending felt a little rushed since the rest of the story was so well fleshed out. As someone who had Guillaume barre little brother Miller fisher syndrome which took me 6 months to recover from I can say it is no joke. While I was in my 40s and had paralysis on one side the migraines double vision loss of balance as well as the residual nerve damage from it. You did a great job describing this. I was in the hospital for almost 2 months relearning to walk and what not. Thank you for doing this justice and doing a good job describing it for people who have never had it

I couldn't get past the he's the love if my life even though we never actually interact.

Simply OUTSTANDING romance. Hit every single component on my authorial checklist. Enjoyed this tale immensely and have added it to my favorites list. Thanks and keep it up!

5 stars

What a great sroty, with such a heartbreaking beginning and early days, so to speak. Noel's strength and the strength of her love for Jonah were truly awe-inspiring. I'd give it ten.. no eleven stars if I could!

Fantastic story. Noel and the Baxter’s are good, likable characters. Zoey and Noel’s family, not so much. I liked how you worked in a good deal of humor, it gave a very positive tone to a terrible situation. Yes, it’s a long story. It didn’t seem long while reading it, that’s part of how I find dialogue driven stories more enjoyable than a series of de-facto events. Very nicely done.

First---5 starts. The story meandered along like a mountain trail but ended where a good life should be. Took a bit long to get there but was worth the trek.