Brash and the Schrodinger Snare Ch. 06

"So, uh...this is going to shock you," Alex purred.

"You're a vegan?" I asked, curiously.

"NoOOo!" Alex laugh-moaned as I gently bumped the lips of her sex with my knot. Cause, remember, I had shifted my cock to be nice and wolfy. Cause, I mean. Werewolf. Vampire. It was just logic. She hung her head forward, letting her long, black hair frame around her head as blaster fire started to fill the screen. "Mmm, it's because, ah, fuck, yes, it's that I've never had wolf-cock before." She grinned, weakly, turning her head back so she could peek over her blue-gray shoulder. "Never met someone, ah, with Protean high enough who wasn't, ah, Cain, wasn't also a total fucking asshole." She closed her eyes.

I giggled. "I'm only five percent asshole."

"Brash. You are negative ten percent asshole," Alex murmured, quietly. "And you can take that to the bank."

I leaned forward, kissing the back of her neck. Then, slowly, I started to rock my hips, now that it felt like Alex was getting more and more used to my size and girth and general wolfiness. I decided to complete the image by growing some fur, a tail, and a big old muzzle. You'd think that such details wouldn't have as big an impact as they would, considering how Alex was both focused on my dong and on the spellbinding excitement of the Battle of Hoth. But girls were very detailed oriented. And there was no detail more important than the difference between being fucked by sexy bishi anime boy and being fucked by a sexy werewolf from Van Helsing boy.

Seriously, go re-watch Van Helsing. That's one sexy ass werewolf. I closed my eyes to thin slits, watching the film over Alex's head. Yeah, I'd see it dozens of times, but...it was Empire Strikes Back. But that didn't stop my hips from sliding back, then slapping forward, my furred balls slapping against Alex's clitty and thighs. Her legs spread even wider as she started to pant and gasp quietly. And I learned something very important now!

Vampires did not warm up fast.

Alex remained cool to the touch for a long time. My knot was bumping against her sex every single thrust, teasing her more and more with my girth, and she remained cool. But she was also super duper hot in that she was so fucking sexy. My nose gently bumped against her wet neck as she shuddered in bliss. Her mouth hung open and I could see her fangs glinting slightly in the reflected light of the movie. "Oh Brash...oh Brash!" She whispered, quietly. Not oh Cain. Not oh Gods. Or God. Or Jesus. Just...my name. My paws settled on her shoulders as I licked her, then thrust just a bit harder.

"Can I knot you?" I growled.

"If you don't I'm...rrrhh...ripping your fucking throat open..." Alex snarled, her voice dipping into a bestial growl that was as sexy as it was utterly scary. I grinned, my paws sliding from her shoulders to the small of her back to her cute, skinny hips. I took hold of her, drew back so that the very tip of my wolfy cock was caught in her sex. She was twitching so much and so very excited that I nearly popped out of her. But I stayed in just long enough to slam home and her sex opened and took my knot. She was so tight and so very very very wet at that moment that I nearly lost control as Alex quivered and threw her head back. "Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!" She screamed.

"DUUUUUDE!" Cindi screamed and threw popcorn at the back of my head. Damn you, durations!

"Shut the fuck up, Cindi and just admire the fucking show already!" Alex growled, her head hanging forward as I started to draw my hips back, which caused my knot to strain against her pussy. I pushed forward again and Alex's whole body rocked as another orgasm. Meanwhile, on the screen, TIE fighters were exploding roughly at the same rate and speed as Alex's orgasms. Which was way too few orgasms, to be totally honest. As Alex fucked back against me, I growled and let my tongue loll out of the side of my mouth. My ears flicked back and I tried to get into the sexy, Van Helsing style werewolf mindset. Step one: Look all sexy and black and furred. Step Two: Kill the sexy romani girl. Wait, no, fuck! Not that part! This worry, fortunately, was enough to keep me focused, even as Alex's pussy did its best to essentially make any and all attempt to keep myself from just loosing myself inside of her...uh...hard.

Really hard.

Cindi, meanwhile, was still watching my balls slap against Alex's pussy. Kira was doing the same, their eyes both wide.

"G-Guys!" I hissed. "You're missing Yoda!"

"Fuck Yoda..." Cindi whispered, slowly. "I mean...f-fuck! Yoda!" She swung her head back forward and held her popcorn box - which was now empty of corns - up between my swaying balls and Alex's gloriously vampiric pussy and Cindi's eyepeepers. Alex, meanwhile, had actually shrunk her hair down on one half of her face, so she had this kinda sick cute punk rocker look, with a frizzy half and long hair on the other half. I was about to ask why, but then I saw the exact reason: It let her watch out of the corner of her one eye. She hissed and shuddered.

"God, Luke is so whiny, isn't he?" she gasped out.

"Kinda!" I squeaked.

"Okay, Brashy..." Alex panted heavily. "G-Gonna...gonna have to...ask you to...fucking cum inside me, please, fill me up with your hot dragon cum, please, please!" Her voice actually caught and I slammed home hard and roared over some of the most sagacious and wise things ever stated by a puppet in the history of cinema. At least until The Last Jedi came out. Then, I collapsed against Alex's back, unable to keep myself up. My knot shrank slowly and Alex actually focused and tightened herself even more. She didn't want to let me go. Slowly, I lifted up my arm, resting my elbow on the metal edge of the railing.

Alex looked at it...then cooed. "Aww, honey..." She bit down on my wrist and I shuddered as she drank.

I guess we were gonna be good married folks, after all.

"...Jesus...Christ..." Cindi whispered. Her eyes were fixed on my furred balls. My soaked furred balls. About seventy percent of that was Alex, and twenty five percent was cum dripping out past my knot now that it had slipped down. Cindi gaped at it - and I didn't admonish her for it.

After all! She had already seen Empire.

***

There is a tiny prob about telling a story with travel in it. Like, I could just say 'six days and so and so orgasms later' (note to self, count number of orgasms!) and just skip past all the travel. And on the one paw, I totally get why you'd do that. Subspace travel is, at the best of times, so very boring. There's nothing to see, and nothing to bump into. No monsters, no demons, no geller field malfunctions to cause demons to be there. Nothing!

But...you'd also miss, like...

That time where P90 and I played poker. But neither of us actually knew how to play poker, since I had no wi-fi and my head computer only had real games in it, not fake made up games for spy movies. So, P90 and I just made rules up. I liked the rule she had about the one who could embed the card in the other one's face first having to sing the Diamond Asteroids national anthem backwards. That was fun!

That time where I was running in circles outside of the Ravenloft mansion and heard a pattering showering noise and some really off tune singing. Since I knew that peeking in a shower was unethical and wrong, I instead stopped running and shaped my ears to be directional microphones. On the third floor, I could hear Cindi Fong belting out, at the very top of her lungs and exactly one and a half notes out of tune: "Baby I'm a fiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiirework! I don't know how nothhhhhing works! I'm gonna oh oh oh all across the, uh, sky! I think! I don't knooooooow the words to the soooooong!"

Then there was the time where I was showing Kira, who had been watching films in the Ravenloft mansion theater, that dogs could in fact look up by shapeshifting into a dog and looking up!

Oh! And, best of all...the many...many times where Alex and I laid in bed and tried to see who could come up with the dumbest word. I won only three times out of ten, because Alex had access to loads of super dumb words that vampires used. Seriously, diablerie? Who came up with this stuff? And between the goofy names and pulling silly faces, there was lots of sex. Some of it was gentle. Some of it was rough. Most of it went at a pace that slipped and skidded like ice on a frying pan. Sometimes, it'd sit in place and get very very very very wet. Sometimes, though, we'd go wham bam, zoom, all over the place.

No matter what it was, it was good!

And there were some times where I dreamed...and woke up sweating and shivering, remembering nothing but the flash of a machete and the gleam of a welding mask and a certain knowledge that something horrible was chasing us. And the worst thing was?

Lord Darkeye was. And as much as I wanted to forget that, I couldn't.

***

Six days and forty eight orgasms (I had my head computer count, for future historians!) later, the Rusty Dragon dropped out of subspace and into the orbit around Junkstar. I was seated in the driver seat and Cindi was in the spell-jammer seat, the helmet locked around her head. She had avoided me a little bit after the whole 'banging my vampire girlfriend in the movie theater' thing, but right now, she was all focused and business. Meanwhile, I was eager to finally get a chance to fly the Dragon. I mean, I couldn't fly anymore right now, so I was going to take advantage of flying anything, even spelljamming yachts called dragon.

But for a moment, I just...gaped.

"Holy Moly," I whispered.

"Yeah. That's Junkstar," G282 said from behind me. "A more wretched hive of scum and villainy you'll never see this side of the Chromatic Kingdoms." She shook her head. Kira giggled behind her and G282 shot her a look. Kira giggled even harder. See, my educational program was already paying off!

Junkstart was not a planet. Planets were normal, save for those made of crystal or screaming faces or cheese. Junkstar was a mass of starships. There were whopping huge Quetzalcoatl class battleships, and tiny Drake frigates and ore haulers and dwarven faceships and goblin deathballs and Ouster riggers and pirate skiffs and ancient spelljammers that were made entirely of wood that was preserved and fossilized by exposure to vacuum. There were wedge shaped metallic omniships, and there were demiships whose demiplanes had been shut down, dumping all their extra mass into local space like a chaotic explosion of material. There were portals to different planes of existence - flickering open and shut as millenia old portal ships fired off their engines in spasmodic flurries. There was the entire upper half of a five hundred kilometer tall statue built to honor the Nameless Robot Pharaoh of Karnak II, still spraying flame out of both of its eyes and silently screaming about how everyone should remember his name in the emptiness of the vacuum.

"That...is so cool," I whispered, taking the controls.

"Okay, Brash, since this is your first time flying a spelljammer," P90 said from behind me, pointing with one pink finger. "Remember, full speed is one million miles an-"

Junkstar went from being a sprawling mass that was very far away to being a sprawling mass that was about to kill us within a split second. I whooped as every girl in the cockpit screamed their heads off, clinging onto straps as I grabbed and twisted on the controls. The Rusty Dragon went into a spin as I shot between the tusks of an orc ramming-asteroid, then skimmed past kilometer after kilometer of Imperial macrocannons. I shot between the five hundred meter long, hundred meter wide guns of a Metallic gunship, then pulled up to shoot past the shoulder of the robot statue. I laughed, then cut the engines, flipped us around with the RCS and then kicked the ion engines on - shooting us forward at merely very fastly speeds rather than extremely fastly speeds.

I threaded a needle of gnarled wreckage, twisted my ship into a giant's ship's air ducts. Since giants were, well, giant, they built their ducts big enough for smaller ship's to fly through. I grinned and looked at Cindi. "This is fun!" I said.

"WATCH WHERE YOU'RE FUCKING GOING!" Cindi screamed at me.

I saw we were flying towards a vent. I cut engines. Spurted the RCS. Spun us around. Then I kicked on the ion engines at the very last second. They burned through the vent as we were still decelerating, allowing the Rusty Dragon to explode into the open air of a cavernous opening in Junkstar, shrouded by a constellation of glittering, ruby red molten metal. As we floated there, the ship registered the presence of oxygen - contained by a magical field. Which I had detected. Since I was cool like that. I grinned at the rest of the cockpit.

"We're here!" I said.

"Holy fucking shit what the fuck was that!?" A voice crackled over the radio.

"This is Brash the Dragon, captain of the-" I started.

***

"I said I was sorry," I said as P90 dragged me behind her. I was still in restraints, but I had gotten the duct off my mouth by pushing at it with my tongue. Some of it still dangled from my other cheek. P90 ignored me as the rest of the crew walked forward. Kira and G282 were conferring at the head of our little party, while the gnomes of Junkstar eyed me. I tried to wave at them from my restraints, but my arms were all wrapped up.

"I think that he's here," G282 said, pointing at one of the many scrap built buildings that filled this interior space. Basically, several ships had come together in a big old scrump. IN that scrump, there was an open space roughly the size of a human city. In that city-sized space, built on spars and platforms and floating gravity sponsors, was a gnomish city. Which meant it was easily twice the size of a human city. And there were lots of gnomes. And non-gnomes. But the Junkstar gnomes were, in a generalized type, short, dirty, and covered in pouches. They wore clothes with huge pockets, loads of wraps with more pouches and pockets, shoulder pouches, backpacks with even more pouches. And those pouches and pockets were filled with junk. Which made sense! But the non-gnomes were a wild mix. I saw Ousters and goblins and lizardfolk and elves and drow and dwarves and Svirfneblin and Illithid and Jiangshi (that's Chinese Hopping Vampires!), and even some humans!

Two of the humans were wearing United Nations Space Defense Force outfits.

And were looking at me.

One was holding an iPhone. The other was holding a gyro. A half eaten gyro.

"Hi!" I said, cheerfully, as P90 continued to drag me past.

"Holy shit, it's the Miles kid," the girl with the gyro said. She dropped the gyro, a sign of how important this was, and started to shove through the crowd. But then P90 took a corner and I was dragged into a shop. I craned my head to look around the shop. Meanwhile, I heard Alex doing her wifey duty.

"So, guys, I know dragging Brash around is funny and all..." she said.

"Yeah, I'm starting to feel bad..." Kira whispered.

"Oh, no, I was just thinking we should do it more often," Alex said, grinning.

"Wifey!" I exclaimed.

Alex gigglesnorted. "Dude, Brasho, I'm just teasing. Also, you know, uh, you can just teleport out, right?"

"RIGHT!" I exclaimed, then suddenly, was standing upright, grinning at my wifey. "But to be fair...being dragged was funny!" I said, cheerfully as the door to the store exploded inwards and the two UNSDF officers sprang in. They were both holding combat wands - they looked like scorching ray with underslung Melf Acid Dart wands for things that were a bit tougher and needed to get seriously melted. Like robots! Or Earth Elementals! It was against the law to use the acid arrow wands against living people. Like, people got war crimed for that.

"Hands up!" The girl shouted.

"Mr. Miles!" the man said.

"Hi guys!" I said, waving, while two robotic arms emerged from above the door, tipped with big grabby claws, which grabbed both UNSDF officers and pulled them into the air.

"Sue Lee!" A booming, brash voice called from the back of the store. "Do the thing!"

"Yes, Mr. Wrench." A bored sounding girl said.

"What the-" the UNSDF girl started before they both got zapped with sleep spells and went out like a light.

"...well, that was rude..." I said, turning around to see that the rest of the shop was dominated by junked robots. There were blue robots! Red robots! Egg shaped robots! Girl shaped robots! Boy shaped robots! Drill bots, brick bots, flame bots, ice bots, ice skating bots, bouncing ball bots, impact bots, and even, mega bots! Between the bots were bits of bots: Gears, wires, cables, disembodied hands, eyeballs, and a rather large amount of robotic genitalia. But stepping among the detritus was a gnome. He was dressed in a rather stylish looking human style suit, unlike the rest of the gnomes here, and had a huge mustache. Spiky, not handle barred. Next to him was a prim looking half-elf girl, who stepped over and started to disarm the UNSDF people.

"What's rude is interrupting a gnome during his thinking time!" The mustached gnome barked. "Sue Lee, get these guests seats!"

"Yes, Mr. Wrench," Sue Lee said.

"But they were here to-" I started.

"Whatever they were here for, I don't care! Those wands. Tch!" Mr. Wrench clicked his tongue. "Magic! Unshielded magic, so it's basically haywire city in this room!"

"Those wands-" I started.

"Were built by humans, ergo, not built by me, ergo, not to Wrench Incorporated standards!" Mr. Wrench thrust his finger into the air.

"I just-"

"I don't want to hear the end of ANY sentences!" Mr. Wrench swung his hand wide. "It interrupts my flow! Isn't that right, Sue Lee?"

"I wo-" Sue started.

"Why are you here!?" Mr. Wrench growled, swinging to face Kira. He started, upon recognizing her. "Princess Kira! You're supposed to be dead!" He laughed. "Not that I sicked anyone on you. That'd be Lord Darkeye's job." He shook his head. "What a piece of work he is!"

"That's-" Kira started.

"What an amazing feat of cybernetic engineering!" Mr. Wrench said, his eyes shining as his hands spread wide. "Now, why are you here? Get it out!" He snapped his fingers at Kira. Kira blinked slowly at him.

"I am here..." she said, then paused.

Mr. Wrench tapped his foot, crossing his arms over his chest as, behind us, Sue Lee started to set down chairs. Slowly, I sat down in the chair, which had clearly been cut physically out of an Ouster rigger ship. Which meant it was designed to be uncomfortable. Freaking Ousters.

"...to ask you..." Kira paused.

"Come on, come on, I don't have all day!" Mr. Wrench snapped his fingers.

"...to scan my ship for any tracking bugs," Kira said, finally.

"Well, why didn't you say so!" Mr. Wrench flung his arms wide.

Kira frowned. "Should I actually answer that question?"

"Can you let the UN guys free?" I asked, pointing at the arms.

"Pff, like I care about them!" Mr. Wrench waved his hand. "Still, handling your ship will be easy. The only issue is handling the payment!" He rubbed his palms together and then sat down in one of the seats that Sue Lee had set out. "Are you rich?"

"Um, wait, no!" I held up my hands.

"Not rich, eh?" Mr. Wrench rubbed his chin. "Well, I can use you to fight against the Kult of the Gear."

"What cult?" I asked.

"No, Kult. With a K. Because they go fast," Mr. Wrench said, nodding slightly.

"K means fast?"