All Comments on 'Breadwinner'

Maybe there is some other story that gives this context...

But, who the hell cares?

Your characters are caricatures! And, bad ones at that.

WTF???

I miss you DQS so much.

I can't believe that you wrote this. Worst I've ever read.

Please don’t write stories like this it gives you a poor reputation. It makes you look like a joke . These sorts of stories make you look like a complete fool never ever write stories like this ever again . You are trying to disrespect the writers that work hard on there stories and you write this story so it looks like the writers that write BTB stories are muppets you are clearly a disgrace . You really don’t realise how hard they work on there stories to make it look fantastic. You clearly don’t understand you should be banned from the loving wife category this is clearly appalling .

Wimpy cuckold

utter garbage

Estrogenated soy-boy "man".

Uggghhh!

Why is the main character so spineless?

Please tell me that there is a missing page where his cheating wife falls down the stairs when she leaves his hospital bedside, loses the document he so foolishly signed and she ends up paralysed. Please!

I enjoy your style of writing and storytelling but ... this was frustrating to read!

However, I have faith in you and will look for one of your other stories to read where justice is served.

What a wimp. Why would anyone do a cunt like that a favour? She is evil as is her boyfriend. If there were a god, shit like this wouldn’t happen.

The husband is a weak pussy-whipped wimp because he signed the statement instead of tearing up again. He deserves the physical and emotional pain that he will suffer!

This is just fucking awful. I see the high score and very high following and am st odds to understand

the best ending for it is she falls down the stairs, thru the outside door and is run over by a bus. The sanitation crew came and scraped up her miserable, broken body and organs. But when they tried to bag her heart, what did they find. She DID NOT HAVE A HEART!!! SURPRISE, SURPRISE!!!

Whatever amount of time you spent writing this story is subtracted from the sum total of your life. This story should have went in the circular file.

Your story Separate Vacations is my favorite story. But, this story was"Horrible". No man could be so stupid and wimpy. 1 star.

This is a sad pointless story.

....reader could possibly enjoy this pointless story. Well, not MY kind. I gave it one star but I've often been described as overly generous.

For any answers on what happens afterwards i would refer you to ghosts & shadows chapter 4.

so where is the revenge story of him getting her and her boyfriend

ANd they are all pathetic, No one man or woman with any dignity would take her shit or the fucktoys

. You may sell books but so does dr suess and his are better. effiminate douchebag. glad you dont post anymore here, you truly are awful

Your loathing for men has reached the summit of your mountain of hate. Her boyfriend, his henchmen, and she should be found hanging with their throats slit. You forget, the arrogant rich have enemies willing to hurt them for free. I used that knowledge 35 years ago. The rich guy in Staten Island backed down when I told him he had more enemies than me.

Why would he sign? Why would he help a cheating, morally corrupt cunt who only thinks of herself? The woman is selfishness defined, and we have the wimp bail the bitch out. A big No to this story. I prefer stories with some real actions, not cuck fantasy...

One day you need to write part 2 of this story,too many unfinished stories.

You need another part. The part where he kills her.

A nice compact story but it leaves me with the question: What the Fuck?

I rather liked her in Ghosts and Shadows but here it's shown she's simply a rich cunt who deserves everything bad that ever comes her way, no redemption later just because she throws her money around. Hope she rots in Dante's version of hell. Signed: BTW

Simply, just that

You got to me kidding me you let that heartless bitch get away with just some fake tears. One star 💫

seems all ballless wimps are such because they do not have a friend in mr 45 colt

I'd just heal up as best as possible and kill her when it became possible

What kind of man would put up with her shit?

If it were me, the price for signing would have been 10 million from her uber rich family (his share of the assets) , 10 million from the ass hole for seducing his wife , plus a further 15 million for the assault and personal damages, plus they also get to pay ALL hospital and physio costs.

35 million is decent payback, now you can start thinking about physical payback, two bodies in shallow graves in the desert somewhere sounds about right.../

where is the rest of the story?

Woulda burned her house down with the fuckers that blind sided me and would’ve been in another country before the fire was out

This woman remains a bit player in a lot of the DQS 'verse stories. She doesn't last with her new "fated" lover. He does try to abuse her one time and her own security people beat the crap out of him and his toadies and he is toast at that point. She ruins him business wise economically also.

She tries to rekindle a relationship with her husband here much later in life, but he has moved on and refuses to be seduced by her again.

Basically she lives out the kind of normal lonely life that very rich "high powered" women often do. She has all the boy toy sex she wants but no more actual lovers.

Her husband Bobby was the only man that ever loved her for herself - until she shit all over that. Eventually she realizes he was the grownup all along - while she stayed playing self-defeating power games.

I voted 5 stars for this but I understand why others have scored this the lowest of any of DQS's works here.

WTF would have tore second set of papers up let him burn then hunted his friends down for “a little fun” once I healed and wouldn’t have just sent them to the hospital I would do it right they would die like the bugs they are fucke her and the rest this guy is a cuck gave it a 3 just hoping for the ending that is needed

it seems quite a brutal scene but the guy she's so hot for seems like one of those sleazy office boys that uses air quotes and open hand gestures and says things like "lets think outside the box people". he's already proved he's a coward. amusing really, she may be a looker but her brains are in her cunt.

5* but please write the whole story.

This makes a Matt Moreau story look good.

To everyone complaining, yes....it's a shit story.

But the author said in the INTRO "this is a scene from a much larger story"

She manipulated the man, and yes he's pretty cucked right now. She beat him while he was down, her 'crazy bitch' tears mean very little.

She'll most likely be living with this bad boy that has tough guy buddies that think they're above the law and like to abuse others. How long before she gets abused? How long before this man scraps what's left of himself off the floor? He'll bounce back, that segment of 'he's his own man' is going to ring true without this selfish woman manipulating him anymore.

He's a phoenix and she's icarus. That's how this scene is being set up in my eyes.

He signed it after all they did to him, hell would freeze and sun would die before I would sign those papers, fuckinh pathetic cuckold.

Twisted shit from the king of cucks.

No man would ever behave like your pathetic spineless men do... utterly disgusting.

shes a superficial bitch who disrespected him for being himself. Leave then you cunt. there are authors I regret that no longer post, this mangina aint one. The hubby is always an overweight clueless sadsack with a female who thinks she deserves better and walks away with No sort of balance, punishment call it what you want. MM on steroids don't read the wretched WWWM its long winded garbage. and not finished on here. I only hope no one buys his shit where ever it got sold .its not drama if you cant respect the writing or characterizationsm=, its just pathetic. rant over

After "Ghosts", I thought Robert was a real dick but had no idea what he went through. The first part of this made me despise Gail, not only for cheating as she did but for protecting Cameron from any repercussion from BREAKING A GUY'S NECK, not only covering legally for him but making excuses for why he did it. I would be all up for some kind of revenge for Robert but no, he actually signs it, what BS! I don't think even the wimpiest of guys would do that.

This is worst than any of @MM's stories...He signed it? Really? 1*

It took 6 months for the bones and bruises to heal. Then another 4 months of physical therapy, then 3 months at the gym to build up the muscles. After selling the house, pulling out his 401(K), and taking out a personal signature loan Robert- he refused to let people call him "Bobby" anymore- had a war nest egg of $560,000.

It was time to go hunting. But, Robert needed some professional guides.

After studying the police blotters for the last 90 days, Robert knew who- simply by statistical analysis where the gangs were located. Driving his beat up truck in the worst part of town, he waited. Soon, a few gang member's with red bandannas showed up. "What do you want, Man?" as the switch blade came out and landed under his chin.

Robert smiled; this is exactly the kind of "thug" he was looking for.

"I'd like to make a business deal. You know the District Attorney who keeps doing the drug busts, and keeps harassing you? I'd like to cut a deal where we simply eliminate all of them- at one time. Interested in talking?" Pulling out a bottle of Johnnie Walker Blue Label still in the box- "Here's a peace offering. Call me at this number if you're serious"

A few days later, they had a sit down. It was agreed that 3 teams of 4 men- highly trained and disciplined- would enter the club from the north, east and west. A kill team would be stationed at the south- so when they exited they'd all be killed.

They would get revenge on the DA and his cronies. Robert would get his revenge on his ex-wife.

Finally, the night of the attack came. The teams all entered, shooting with silenced pistols everyone they encountered- including the 2 police officers, and the 6 security goons inside. Those who were armed tried to shoot back- but were shot down in a withering hail of gunfire. The silenced carbines outside of the south entrance coughed their deadly fire, with a stack of bodies to back it up.

Most of the party were dead or dying, bleeding out over the dance floor, or slumped down at the booths.

Robert walked over to his dying ex-wife, and smiled.

"Remember the part about "until death do you part"? I meant it literally- remember this as you die". Taking out a United States Marine Corp sniper medal he pinned it to her blouse over her tits. Then placing a Joker from a deck of cards in her hand "Remember this bitch- when you're a child, everyone wants to be the Batman. When you're an adult, you realized the Joker makes more sense".

After the successful mission, the left- some to start a new life.

This story sucks as badly as any on this site - what was the purpose of this scene?

No. Just flat out f'n no. Here was a golden chance to burn'em and he folds? Screw that

DQS, your story style goes against the grain of most LW.

Gail was a spoiled powerful rich beeoch and a eye catching body. I would have hoped she would have suffered at some level - well it is implied in the Ghost stories. And Gail dumped him due to having meaningful conversations with a female co-worker - it never went sexual, just talk.

If you want to really do a sequel then do one that Gail pays a real price after he moved to LA. She has to come to terms of what she did that her money cannot buy. And that Cameron pays some serious price for seeking a rich married wife. You seem to not wast to BTB with Hugh, then why with Bobby. You write schizophrenicly.

But this story is fucking garbage. It's inexcusable trash. You're better than this. So fucking DO better!!!

the worst story i ever read bar none

Nearly paralyzed and he let's the people who did it off because she wants it for her? One thing I know for sure is that Cameron and his cowardly friends are going to jail and I would be spending a lot of their money after the civil suit for assaulting me. We'd have to find out how much Gail would be willing to wait.

No man, who's had his ass that severely beaten is going to sign such a document. Especially when there's video of it- in what is essentially the enemies hands. It's unrealistic.

You thought some of the people were good people, but everyone wimped out or didn't care to do what's right, they all corrupt. I won't be bothering to read any of the other stories in this universe because of this one. Especially the series with the whore Gail in it the ghost and shadows or whatever it's called. This story deserves it's disastrous rating.

Gail was so sure of herself and her husband that she didn't even bother to look at the paper he had signed until that evening, when she presented it to her lover. She was shocked to see his face turn purple as he read it.

"What the fuck is this?" He roared at her, thrusting the paper into her face. Dazed and confused, she looked more closely at the paper, then at the signature at the bottom.

"Cameron Hapwood," she read.

The guy who could never be swayed one way or another suddenly gives in when his cheating ex wife, who watched him get beat within an inch of his life asks him to?? This is complete shit.

Lol pretty hard to do, but you earned it.

After reading this, I'm thrilled that Gail never ended up with Robert. After reading the entire Ghosts and Shadows series, I felt pity for her....no more. She deserved exactly what she ended up with, loneliness.

This is the first thing of yours i have read that i did not like. This really sucked.

boy did you make him out to be a pussy

This SCENE has only one reason for existing: pissing off as many reader as possible.

Sure, it makes you detest Gail and her inner circle at the Hunts Bank to the extreme, and make shake your head in disbelief YET AGAIN at the ridiculous reaction from a male character dealing with being cuckold (and, until you sign those papers, you were so likable, Robert...), but the main raison-d'être of this short inside view of the end of the Sandlers marriage is to make lose a little bit more faith in humanity. Period.

So, on this point alone... good job, Steele. You obviously have major issues, but you're one hell of a writer, always managing to never make us feel indifferent to any of your stories.

That being said, though... if you ever so cruel to write any tale where Gail somehow managed to get Robert back AFTER THIS... There's a fairly good chance I will end up hunting you down like a prairie dog. There really is some limit to how gullible / dumb you think your readers are...

Finally, I really do not understand this title. Why "Breadwinner"? This whole thing was not at all about money. If someone actually have some ideas has to what this is about, please let me know.

and don't write a story for this ending. Because this sucked ass.

someone please finish this . the whole grow up deal.... that's her trying anything to justify neing an unfaithful wretch.

Bad form to leave a story like that. Shame...

One of those stories that is just like a punch in the stomach, takes all the wind out of your sails. Feels over the top, like it can't happen until it does.

But this story sucked.

Total waste of time.

"Do it for me Bobby"

"Why didn't you ever grow up?"

Two mutually exclusive comments made by Gail in the last two paragraphs.

Total shit.

Low marks.

What happened here??? I thought there was a story somewhere? Guess i missed it. So what happens now? Does this continue in another segment? I´m done with this writer.

never would have signed that paper

THAT'S ALL THE REASONS FOR HIM NOT TO SIGN ! !

This is the kind of story you read if you are on top of the world and feeling great beyond belief. This story will definitely take the good feeling down several notches.

Depressing.

Yes, I read your comments before reading the story. This does not work as a standalone story. It belongs as a chapter of the characters it represents.

If you did, please let me know where. Thanks!

her idea of a real man is- a bloke who fucks other mens wives, cant defend himself against irate husband, gets a couple of cronies to hold husband down so they can beat him almost to death. and this guy gets her wet? so we have a cheating morally decrepid skank and a coward having sleazy office sex. they deserve each other!

no wonder he signed, to quickly get shot of the sorry fuckers.

How pathetic could one author make a character?????? This was just to hard to swallow....

Another unfinished story that could have and ending Bobby deserves. One of total RETRIBUTION.😎

This story cries out for retribution. Say it ain't so I dare you say it ain't so.

I believe we find in Ghosts and Shadows that he winds up a rich software guy and they meet up again on the Bonne Chance where he and his wife are on the cruse. Gail winds up leaving with her tail tucked between her legs, but really, we need some good old BTB on this she devil.

annoys me most about this series of stories and the writer is the story keeps changing, one story says Robert cheated on Gail and this one he says he didn't. This seems to be a trait thru all his stories the characters seem to morph from innocence to monsters without seemly affecting their relationships with those around them. Does no one, like Hugh see Gail as an evil selfish woman as she is portray in this episode, yet he still loves her like a niece and feels sorry for her. Why would you, she is pure evil in this story, sorry the stories don't work and I hate not finishing a series but great writing, stupid story. TK

Read all the comments. There is an overwhelming opinion that this was a stupid cuck story with the main character who has apparently lost his balls. There is no way that a man could act like this without killing himself afterwards. This story may have some merit in another category, but under loving wives this is a pathetic joke. This gets a 1* from me with a sorry feeling in the pit of my stomach for anyone who would act like this and for your obviously hatred for the male side of the species.

love your stories,,,,,,but..... not this one. im not a rabid BTB fan but thats what this story needed. no way would anyone have signed that paper. this story would be fantastic filled out more and with a realistic ending.

you can't tell me that the ex hubby sign those papers. That's bullshit

1* and be fucking grateful you got a star for a bullshit story!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

There is no way in hell that he would have signed that paper - too fucking unreal!

can only give it a 1

I read the story thing is got me a good divorce one instead we get a cheating wife he gets everything she wants How was a good story I really don't understand why would you write a story where the husband gets beat up and gets nothing when he didn't He didn't lie but she did cheat and lie but gets everything she wants please for the love of God tell me how does a good story

Vote 1* for every story rated by 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐅𝐀𝐓 𝐖𝐇𝐎𝐑𝐄 (that's what her clients call her) aka BONNIE/VASTIE aka ANON!

great LW story!! One of the best writers on here. Annoy is just an old ugly fat lonely fool who hates everything and every story

with Tiredandold below. A sad and unsatisfactory tale, frustrating and unfinished; I'm not quite sure what the point of the story was.

This story is SO wrong on SO MANY levels that it is hard to make a comment on any of them. Definitely a mistake to write this with no beginning and no end. No purpose at all.

What a wimp, and apparently he isn't stubborn enough in the end to make Cameron pay for hurting him, I'm actually glad more hasn't been written about him.

In the other story of DQS the ex wife will meet the ex husband (now in the hospital) on a cruiser in the Carribbien. The ex husband will be a successful man and he will be a young bimbo. The ex wife will be depressed from this scene.

to be able to RePhil the jism in that closet-cucks' pie-hole.

"Splurt!"

It is just a scene, and it made me angry, no one wants to see a man left in a puddle crying in the hospital, put there by the new boyfriend in a unfair fight, but that is what this scene does.

It leaves me wanting more, at least some physical revenge. From G&S we learned that he did get his revenge by living a full, rich life, but really he needs to have the pleasure of seeing the assholes life totaly and irreversibly destroyed.

Still its a good scene.

This is fine for what it is, but it's obvious that Gail made major changes between this little bit of business and the events of G&S. Without more connective tissue between the two stories, this seems more like failed (or shelved) character development.

And there is quite a bit to hate about this stor...SCENE. It is a SCENE.

First, HIV got it perfectly correct. You established one thing in the story: That the main gentleman in the body cast was willing to BEAT UP her Mancandy to defend his rights as a husband, come Hell or the Law. And this stalwart swore up and down he would not sign the paper.

And then you had him do a 180 without explanation. If you do not give us an explanation, we get to insert our own ( I go with shitty characterization, see below for more)

You showed us Gail who was a cypher in G & S, except for being a round heeled slut (being a round heeled slut is a FLAW) Willing to psychically rape a husband, willing to murder to cover up your lovers crime, destroying a human being is EVIL. The 'flawed person dodge' is bullshit. You might as well say Stalin was 'flawed'. Mao was 'economically mistaken'. Saddam had 'slight anger issues'.

You as a writer, do not get to show us all one dimension of Gail and wonder why we think she is evil and one dimensional. The fault is on you for that. The only nice thing I have ever seen her do as a character is try to jolly along Hugh, the man who helped her metaphorically cut the nuts off her ex husband, when he was down.

Debbie Debbie Debbie. I was wrong on the second post I wrote about absolving Debbie and right on the first. Why? I have a friend. I know, if I ever committed adultery, I could NEVER ask him to cover up for me, because he is a straight arrow. At the very least, I would lose him as a friend if he did not tell my wife outright. I have another friend, who if I asked, would swear up and down that I was NOT indulging in adultery and that my wife was CRAZY for thinking that (this is, btw, all hypothetical).

You know what your friends are willing to do for you. And Gail seemed to think that she had better than a 50% shot of getting DEBBIE to ask her husband to let a man who crippled another man to be let go. That DEBBIE would somehow agree to this egregious thing. The excuse used by DQS was 'but she didn't do it'.

SO. WHAT? She didn't do it, not because Gail thought that Debbie would say 'no', but because she thought Maitland would tell Debbie to pound sand up her ass! That is not 'Debbie' being moral. It is that Gail would not get the leverage she wanted because Maitland knows how much of a cunt Debbie is.

I won't get bogged down in the rest, but most of the problems with this story are the contradictions or additions made to the characters. Hugh cannot be a paragon of loyalty and restraint AND be willing to psychically fuck over his friend. This is a contradiction. OR...maybe he can. And if you add this facet to the character, we have the right to not like Hugh anymore. WE the readers get to determine if he is 'flawed' or if he is 'evil'. Hint: Look at the score.

And let us not get into suspension of disbelief. I am asked to believe that out of the HUNDREDS of people in that hall, that not a one was gossiping about it the very next day. HUNDREDS of PEOPLE are all silent because...Of course we are given no rational explanation of why the high and mighty (and the low and dirty) do not discuss, gossip or act on this event...because there IS no rational explanation.

And if there is no rational explanation, well...that is the fault of the author, who tried to build an emotional bridge too far.

High drama. Emotionally riveting. But some major problems in characterization, plot and suspension of disbelief.

To be able to give one star to a DQS story. This one sucked onions!

The Gail in this story has exactly the same name as the Gail that is a pious upright woman in DQS1's story "The Last Goodbye".

Gail Hunt fiancée of Norman.

Norman the law partner of Lew and sex partner of Lew's cheating wife Mona.

How many rich women named Gail Hunt are there in Jacksonville, Florida?

I have to agree with the others. This was pathetic!

Readers began seeing him for what he is..a pathetic individual.

What a load of shite. No man or woman would sign anything after that beating, rubbish rubbish.

He talks to Maitland, the Angel of Death. He tells him that Cameron ordered his thugs to beat him to death and it's only sheer luck that he survived.

Congrats I guess. Three out of five. This is the first DQS story I've read that actually made me angry. Ok, maybe some of the early WWWM chapters before Maitland got back on his feet.

I know the male character ends up alright because of Ghosts and Shadows and Gail suffers. But I am glad I read G and S before I read this.

Breadwinner is well written. But I am sorry it is the last DQS story left on this site for me to read. It is leaving a bad taste in my mouth.

His cheating wives just have to tell their husbands how much better their lovers are in bed. This scene is ridiculous. No prosecutor would dismiss such a brutal beating with great evidence on a document produced by the defendant's girlfriend. He would talk to the victim who, in the real world, would want the bastards locked up unless he was bought off.

There is no way this guy would drop the charges. He came to get revenge and now he has it. He hasn't even gotten out of the hospital. He doesn't know if he will have lifetime injuries. No fucking sale.

Reasonable man

What a crock. Nothing to commend this pathetic literary tripe. And what's with the oversized tits fixation?

What a waste of my time.

Snatch this slutty cunt and sell her to a Mexican whorehouse. She deserves nothing less than future and long lasting misery.