by becky_wilde
Was the killer for me! Learn where to insert a comma and other punctuation!
"Brad fuck me." It's "Brad, fuck me!"
Or at least find someone who can!
I really think you should post more of your stuff. This was really a good piece. The only thing that would have made it any better would be a good editor. Other than that, the pacing wasn't too rushed and made for and excellent short story. -DC
Was enjoying it but couldn't get by the 3rd page because of the grammar and punctuation mistakes! Good story line but that's a killer right there!
I absolutely loved this piece! I hope you keep on writing and go more into the story in the future. Keep it up! You're an amazing writer.
Hi, I would love to go deeper into this story - i like the characters. Please write some more? You do it very well!
...but as others have commented, work on the technical side of things.
This was also a bit soft-edged for BDSM, but the beginner status of your main character probably accounts for that.
Please..... the world needs more of your work. yes there are some editing things that could help clean it up, but.... your passion and kinkiness are inspiring. MOre More More.... oh... oh darn, that sounds so greedy of me, not like the submissive slut that lives inside me so strongly, giggle.
Well hopefully you get the point. Now get back to work writing, pretty please
This is a great story that just did it for me in every way. Thanks for your wonderful work.
I liked the *idea* of the story, but it would really, really benefit from one of the Literotica editors. For example, there were lots of incorrect word usages ("sole" vs. "soul" really sticks out in my mind, but there were many). There were a lot of punctuation problems, especially with missing commas, but also with missing apostrophes and some places that *should* have had commas used periods instead, yielding odd sentence fragments. (And the "legs up to her hips" thing always gets to me...what else would legs be up to?)
I have a problem with THREE people being "in love" less than 24 hours after they meet...should have been stretched out quite a bit further.
That said, I love the story idea and basic plotline, I liked the characters and all. If you worked on the pacing and grammar, and a few other issues I'd give it a higher score.
Still I did enjoy it, and will look for other pieces that you write. :)
Thank you to the people who have commented on my story. I appreciate the feed back. If you really like this story please send it to all your friends. I am an aspiring author and trying to get my name out into the big wide world. I aso have a facebook page under the name of Becky Wilde.
Thanks again.
Becky Wilde XXOO
loved ittttt..!!!
your writing is awesome.!!! and the emotions. oh God!!!
please write other stories.. but something with one dominant man.. i would love to read another story of yours..
take care.