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When i thought back to that episode later, it was stored in my memory as a series of snapshots, except someone had dropped the box of photographs and they were all out of order and out of context. I saw Dr. Tom, holding the knife and gloating. Me laying on my belly atop a bed and someone rubbing a balm into the flaming skin of my ass. Me, fetally curled on the floor, sobbing. Dr. Tom asking me, 'Who are you?' and me answering, with no hesitation, 'cherie.' Someone yelling at me when i pulled a bandage off my leg to see an ugly, but thankfully shallow, gash. The Hulk carrying me, finally, out of the god-forsaken room. The worst, though, was Dr. Tom, sitting on the edge of a bed, looming over me, saying incomprehensible things.
I remember He told me how proud He was of me. Yet, what He was proud of, was what most shamed me. My voices had gone completely silent, so i assumed they were ashamed of me, too. Even Drama Queen had abandoned me to my fate. He also told me He owned me. That chilled me to the bone, yet hadn't He proved that, again and again? He'd put a knife in my lap, in my reach. I never tried to pick it up, even when He had made it a direct threat. I had reasoned that i had no chance, no way to keep Him from effortlessly taking it from me. But it haunted me now, the fact that i didn't even try. I had given Him carte blanche to do with me what He willed. And He had proven to me that He could. Just like the others; Dolly, willing to die; EgoMan willing to kill, Bitch willing to maim herself to keep from disappointing Him by coming without permission, Lovelorn submitting to brutal punishment with utmost grace when she failed an impossible test.
And yet, as i reflected, i realized i was totally different from the others. They had succeeded. EgoMan would have killed, or believed he would have, had Dr. Tom not stopped him. And Lovelorn, who was set an impossible and a possible test, succeeded at the possible, silently, unmovingly, bearing her punishment. I had failed pretty much every test put before me. I couldn't come without screaming, nor without closing my eyes; the slightest touch had me writhing; and most of all, i couldn't not come, even if life and/or limb depended on it.
I remembered being in the car again, staring out the window at dim lights shining through the tinting. There was nothing else to see in the darkness. He sat on the other side of the seat. I could see His reflection in the window, sometimes, when the light from outside was just right, watching me and thinking hard about something, but i didn't turn toward Him. If all i saw was a reflection, i could believe that it was all just a dream and i would wake up at some point, maybe in Francois' arms and we'd laugh as i told him about the dream. Then i shuddered. I wasn't sure i would ever laugh again. Unless He told me to.
When the car finally stopped, Hulk got out of the front and opened my door. I started to climb out, so obedient, but Dr. Tom reached over and pulled my arm. Reluctantly, i turned toward Him, eyes lowered, not to avoid angering Him, but because i wasn't worthy, even in my own eyes. He took my chin, in that way that used to annoy me. Now i simply didn't care. He raised my face to His. "Come back home to me when you are done," He said, then released me. I knew i didn't have to reply or even nod. What else could i do. I was simply a piece of Him that He was letting go of briefly. A moment later, i was standing on the corner. My purse had been draped over my shoulder. The black SUV was disappearing into night. I didn't know where i was, but even more than that, i didn't know who i was.
- COMMENTS
1966deover 1 year agoDie Geschichten waren wirklich gut.
Schade das der Autor viel zu früh von uns gegangen ist.
Ruhe in Frieden.
kiwiplumalmost 3 years agoI sadly lost total track of anything in this last chapter, who they all were and what the hell was going on. Oh well, it was great, and believable up till now. Sorry to hear the author is gone
kakwannover 4 years agowe start with an abusive lover... to friends teaching her the right things, consents and bdsm(which was REALLY great)... than a new dom who is good to her... than the classic violent husband/abused wife story (he will stop if i go back)... than some sort fo political conspiracy slave, human traffic network... WTF... the last few chapters runed it.
Bastardenalmost 5 years agoI just read this entire story and found it amacingly well written. Now I was searching high and low to see if anything more would come and in the final comment see that this marvelous writer has deceded, loosing the battle to an ugly deciese - RIP - I will probertly never forget this storie, as it put a view on a line of thoughts I have been having.
Thank you, chimera, for your wonderfull writing and I hope you will live on in many People’s hearts and minds
CatsEye4477about 6 years agoI was so sorry to hear about the passing of this author. Rest In Peace, and thank you for your amazing stories.
tany830about 6 years agoI've binge read all 12 parts in the seriously and both anxiously and understandingly await the next!
Anonymousover 6 years agoThat was pretty fucking weird.
Excellent writing, though. Way above average for Lit stories. No endless "off of's" thankfully. However, the odd incomprehensible - "faster and faster as the silence drug out" - several instances of this verb usage in the series. Is the author talking about drugs or about dragging? I'm so startled to see the regular verb "to drag" (I drag, I dragged, I have dragged") become "drug". Regional? Dyslexic? Unedited? Curious.
LeoCharmerover 6 years agoYou should try to always check for author updates in their bios. That's why some of us aren't upset that Chimera44 took a while to update. She had the frame of mind to keep us informed of things going on in her life even though she didn't have to. She even provided ways for readers to see what she's been up to via Twitter and other social sites. Check bios. Just saying.
Chimera44over 6 years agoAuthorMaybe I like to write dramatic stories because it helps keep the drama in my own life in perspective. I have - at the advice of readers - posted personal updates under my biography, but for those who care more about the stories than an author's biography, and after all, that's why you're here, just let me explain that when I don't write regularly, it's not because of writer's block, or loss of interest. Trust me, I am more invested in my characters and their stories than anyone. When I don't post, it's because life has intruded, and as soon as it frees me to write again, I do. When I begin a story, I have the entire outline in mind; where it is going, why, the point(s) I want to make, and how it's going to get there. The writing simple adds flesh to the bones of what I already know. I can only ask for your continuing patience. You can also follow me on Twitter @ChimeraX44 for updates and to find out what I am working on currently. Also, the next chapter of BMOR is half done.
Anonymousover 6 years agoI just don't get why you would take so long to update a story. Why not just wait until you've figured it all out and post it all at once? Even though I've thoroughly enjoyed binge reading this like a book I just can't hold interest for months or a year for you to post again. If you don't show enough of your own interest to keep writing then why should anyone else? Looking back I wish I had stopped at the end of chapter 11. It was a good place to jump off from. Good luck with your writers block or what ever other excuse you use.
