Breaking Point

No sex in this one, it simply looks at how much crap a person can deal with.

Jesus Christ! Could anything else go wrong... the worst period of my life seem to have no end. Surely things can't keep going downhill, I have got to catch a break somewhere along the line. Work is now a daily trial to survive and the one person who I trusted more than anyone else, is the one causing me the most grief. Perhaps I should explain how this all started.

I (Jim Anderson) met my wife Kate on my first day of work at 'Chisum Engineering'. I was 18 and nervously attended my first day of work a few weeks after final school exams (Advanced levels). I had done well and could have headed off to college but knew it wasn't for me; I'd had enough of education and my parents couldn't afford to support me through 3 years of university. Kate was the Human Resources Assistant supporting the company induction and was drop dead gorgeous.

It took me three months to build up enough courage to ask her out; it was surely just a case of how gentle the rejection would be. Only she didn't! she actually said yes and asked where we were going. I was so certain she would reject me, I hadn't even thought of anywhere.

Move on 20 years and amazingly we both still worked at the same firm, we'd also been happily married for 18 of those years. I headed up the Project Management Team whilst Kate had a meteoric rise to become Director of Human Resources at the sizable engineering plant. Everything was fantastic; we had two great kids, Amy 16 and Jack 14 who were both doing well, a lovely home and a comfortable life style.

***

John Newcombe had been my best mate since primary school. We'd started knocking about with Rob Turner at high school and stayed friends, with Rob's younger brother Paul tagging along a few years later. Paul was the only bachelor between us; the rest of us were married and the wives were all close, having known each other for years.

Paul was more focused on his career than the rest of us, I'd recommended our company to him and was delighted when he landed the Director of Operations role. It was a very well paid job and we celebrated accordingly. Paul explained he was surprised to get it, as old man Chisum had given him a really hard time during the interview.

Six months later the four of us where having a few pints on a Friday night, when I mentioned Kate being a bit off and distracted recently. I raised it as I thought the other wives might have mentioned something to my friends, especially if was anything medical. Nothing had been said; the guys were all concerned and agreed that it was highly unusual for Kate.

I admitted that the thought of an affair had crossed my mind. The guys didn't believe that could be true but asked what was making me think that. I had trouble explaining it, other than something just 'felt off'.

Paul hadn't said anything at that point, then suddenly launched into an all-out defence of my wife, saying he worked with Kate and there was absolutely no way she would even look at another guy; what's more I was a complete idiot for ever thinking she would.

It was almost a rant, I thought it very strange; Paul's defence was just too vehement. When I looked around I wasn't the only one surprised. I remembered that he'd often flirted with Kate, lots of jokes and small touches and since working at the firm they'd been away on a couple of business trips.

I was staring at him trying to work things out, he didn't react but he was starting to look guilty and was hyper agitated. Rob knew him better than anyone and picked up on it too.

He looked at his younger brother, "Please tell me you're not that stupid."

At the same time I almost shouted, "So when did you start fucking my wife!"

Chaos erupted, we both stood, I tried to attack each him, John and Rob just managed to keep us apart. Rob dragged his younger brother outside and told him to fuck off.

"But I'm your my brother."

"I mean it fuck off before I kick the shit of you myself. You stupid, stupid arrogant prick."

John and Rob tried to say it might not be as bad as I thought and that I needed to talk to Kate to find out the truth. I agreed and traipsed home, when I got there, Kate was sitting at the kitchen table crying.

"I take it Paul called to warn you then... Is it true?"

Kate didn't deny it, but did downplay it, saying it wasn't an affair. Seemingly they had 'messed around' on a business trip together. I dug enough to confirm messing around constituted sex. She swore it was an alcohol fuelled one off, but I wasn't convinced. Rob's heartfelt defence of her made it feel like there was more involved.

***

I'll admit my reaction was unyielding. I didn't give a shit if it was once or a hundred times, cheating was cheating and I had been completely blindsided. Kate couldn't explain her actions or why and her apologies all felt meaningless.

In the following months we separated and were heading for divorce, that was bad enough but to make things worse Kate started seeing Paul again! That pretty much confirmed my suspicion that there had been more to it than a 'one off'.

The pints with John and Rob stopped; it was awkward with their wives being friends of Kate. They did ask but I wasn't in the mood for company and I had little money to spare. I also thought they'd be socialising as a group, especially with Paul being Rob's brother. Losing your wife to one of your best friends really was a miserable experience; it felt like I had divorced my whole life.

Kate won custody of our two kids and she kept our house. I knew Paul spent time there; despite that, I was still paying for half of the mortgage plus child support. All I could afford was a shitty little flat in the crap end of town. That didn't help with the kids; they weren't too keen to stay over and wanted to spend time with their friends who all lived near our old house.

At first I took them for days out spending any spare cash I had on trips, which we had all loved and had done regularly since they were little. Then the timing conflicts started: they were going on a city break with Kate and Paul, then a school trip away, then a stay over with friends; it was a never ending list of excuses.

In the end I had hardly seen them for the past two months and was really missing them. If it wasn't for their sports I might have lost touch completely. I had always covered their sporting events and had coached them both at football. Kate never attended, preferring to give herself some 'down time', now both her and Paul attended everything.

At half time in Amy's football match I asked Kate why she was there. She got all indignant saying they were her kids.

"You never bothered before."

"Well I thought it would be good for the kids, to show support for them through our breakup."

"As long as you are doing it for them not for yourself or to prove a point. You wouldn't do anything as shallow as trying to rub my face in it with your boyfriend."

"Don't be ridiculous, we're finished and I have no interest in you at all now."

As she said that she stepped inside Pauls arm and cuddled in. I walked away biting my lip for the umpteenth time.

***

Work was just torture; I had to put up with seeing Kate and Turner regularly. The worst thing was never ending barrage of comments from the guys in his team. They seemed to enjoy baiting me; I knew they were looking for a reaction and managed to keep my temper in check, just!

Thankfully my team were a saving grace, in particular a new hire called Josh. He was ex-military, only in his late 20s and had lost both legs. He didn't explain what had happened, so I didn't ask. Depending on his level of pain he either used artificial legs or shortened versions that he called 'stubbies'. He was really reserved and quiet, keeping his own company mostly. When it came to logistics though, he was a Jedi Master, I had never known anyone who could retain so much information and respond to complex changes so effectively.

I was surprised one day when he quietly asked was I was putting up with so much shit. I tried to explain my tales of woe and crap in my life and immediately felt stupid given everything he must be dealing with.

He looked at me with a serious expression, "It comes down to a simple choice: get busy living or get busy dying."

Did the military instil that in you?

He started laughing uncontrollably, "Not a chance, its far to profound, it's a quote I ripped off from the film Shawshank Redemption, the British Infantry version would be: "Just get on with it you wanker."

I joined in with his laughter, realising it had been months since I's had a good laugh.

I finally saw a bit of light at the end of the tunnel when Marie an accountant for the firm asked me out. I hadn't even thought about dating and she took me by surprise. I had known her years and knew she was divorced, she was a lovely person. We dated a few times before Kate got wind of it. I heard rumours Kate was slagging her off and calling her a slut but couldn't prove anything.

Marie came over to meet the kids but they were absolutely horrible, ignoring her initially and then reciting their mother's opinion of her. I was mortified by their behaviour and told them so. Marie was a gentle person and got really upset, before she insisted on leaving despite my apologies. I told the kids to go home to their mums whilst struggling to contain my temper.

I called Marie numerous times, when she eventually picked up she explained that she didn't want to cause any problems with my family and is was better to call a halt now rather than later.

I was absolutely gutted. I think I was done, no matter how I tried to do the right thing; I got shit on from a great height... I might as well give up! Then Josh's comments came back to me.

***

I was trying to find some positives in my life when Amy informed me that Paul had promised to buy her a car and driving lessons for her 17th birthday. I was furious, but said that I would need to discuss that with her mother first. Amy stomped off in another huff. I called Kate asking how my 16 year old daughter was about to own a car without me knowing anything about it.

"You know I wanted to teach the kids to drive, and I certainly don't want her owning a car yet."

"Why not it's a lovely thing for Paul to do; don't be upset just because you can't afford it."

"So you'll be happy with her driving around parties with her friends, do you have any idea how many road accidents involve kids that age? I wanted to ease Amy into things, just let her use our cars until she was more mature and we could trust her."

"Oh, well no, I hadn't thought about that, I guess that would be a worry."

"And since when do I get cut out of all the decision making involving kids, in favour of your boyfriend."

"I am their guardian."

"Wrong, we both are, you just happen to have custody. You'll be telling me that fucker wants to adopt them next."

"Don't be ridiculous, I agree we should have asked you first, I will tell her we won't do it."

"Great, so I'll be the bad guy again, ruining her chances of a car and Paul stays the hero. Are you two deliberately trying to cause problems between me and Amy or is it just a gift you have?"

"Of course not, Paul is just trying to be supportive and bond with the kids."

"Tell him to back off, he has you and seemingly my kids but I am their father, I have a right to be included in these decisions."

"I'm sorry ok."

Those words didn't match her tone which sounded disdainful.

"How many times are you going to apologise after making selfish decisions? Try changing your actions instead; think about someone else other than yourself. You and Turner are certainly meant for each other, you're like two peas in a pod."

"What is that supposed to mean? You sound jealous Jim, you were the one who left me remember; if you hadn't we would have still been making these decisions together."

"And you were the one who fucked around, it's pointless bringing that shit up again, we need to do what is right for the kids. I don't want them spoilt, they should earn things and be self-sufficient. Amy can do a part time job if she wants to save up for a car and then we can help her... not just give her everything on a plate."

I was angry with Kate's comment about not being able to afford to help. That was because I was still paying the mortgage and child support. It was infuriating especially seeing as Turner seemed to be spending a lot of time there. Trying to deal with Kate was like repeatedly dashing my head against a wall and getting the same result.

***

I saved up everything and reckoned I could just about afford it. I phoned Kate to make sure the kids would be there on Friday for the weekend pick up. Surprise, surprise... they had a trip arranged and forgot to tell me.

I had to threaten her with the family court before she agreed I could go over on Friday to see them, prior to them leaving Saturday afternoon. I stood in our old kitchen remembering happier days, the kids sat at the table and Kate stood at the bench just like old times.

I suggested a holiday; the one we had planned as a family for years: a road trip through Europe in the summer. Amy had wanted to see as many European Capital Cities as possible, whilst Jack wanted to do 'Via Ferrata climbs' and adventure sports in the Alps. It wouldn't be cheap but I was willing to spend everything I had and borrow the rest.

The kids were enthusiastic and started talking about the different places we could visit. At last a positive, they had responded how I'd hoped!

I saw Kate looking thoughtful, "That was supposed to be our family holiday Jim... we planned it together."

"Well we can't do it together now, and it's probably the last chance we get before Amy is away holidaying with friends."

Just then Paul came into the kitchen like he owned the place. Jack excitedly told him about the trip.

Paul nodded and said it sounded great, then added, "I guess we can do our holiday another time."

All three turned to him in unison and asked, "What holiday?"

"Well I was thinking of a summer long trip across the United States, you pick the route but it could include Disney then jumping across to the West Coast, doing LA and the Pacific Coast Highway."

Amy interrupted, "Oh my God, that would be an amazing trip... could we do New York as well?"

"Don't see why not... we could call in there for a few days to break up the flights back to blighty."

Jack was straight into questions about the rides at Universal and if they could go to Bush Gardens or a 6 flags park, he loved all the thrill rides.

I never hated a person more in that moment. He knew he had me, I could hardly insist on a lesser trip when they were so excited. I stood and walked out the kitchen doubting anyone noticed me leaving.

I had just gotten to my car door when Kate caught up with me, "Jim, Jim I am sorry about your trip."

"Answer me one question truthfully Kate, is that the first you have heard of this holiday?"

"Well yes, I don't think Paul had had the chance to tell us about it, I am sorry it conflicts with your idea."

"Jesus Kate, you're not that stupid, he just made it up on the spot, and I can guarantee nothing is booked. He is taking my kids away from me and you're helping him. What the fuck did I do to deserve that?"

"I am sure it's an innocent clash."

I'd finally had enough, "You keep saying sorry and then do the exact same things over; so here is what is going to happen. Tell your boyfriend this... the next time I have the slightest issue with access or being excluded from parenting my children, I will take the matter up with him directly."

"Are you actually threatening us Jim?"

"Talking to you is like pissing into the wind, so yeah I am trying a different tact and will live with the consequences."

"You wouldn't hurt us."

"Maybe not you, though you deserve it, he on the other hand is due some payback. You and he should think carefully before you put someone in a position with nothing to lose and that's exactly where you've put me."

I looked up to see Paul standing at the door, I half expected him to attack me, he was bigger after all, but he just scuttled back inside the house. I saw the disappointed look on Kate's face but she covered it quickly.

"There you see, a real man doesn't resort to threats of violence."

"No, he runs away it seems."

I calmed myself, looking back at Kate, "Are you trying to win their affections and alienate me. They are my kids, not his! I'd like to think I am a good dad, you should want me involved instead of playing pathetic games."

Kate seemed to have lost the ability to speak, "It's not... you are..."

"This shouldn't be a competition, but let's admit it... you've won, I've lost! You got the house, the money, our friends, the rich boyfriend and the kids. Your winning doesn't mean I have to lose every time Kate, the old Kate would have realised that well before me."

She just stood there opened mouthed, not saying a word.

"For God's sake, I give up! I want to talk to the kids again tomorrow without the fuckwit in attendance."

I jumped into my car and sped off, leaving Kate stood there looking like a gold fish.

***

I made sure Turner wasn't there before I went in. The kids slumped down on the couch in our old living room looking as if it was a great effort on their behalf; whilst Kate stood at the doorway.

"Don't worry; I won't take up much of your time!"

No verbal response, but Jack managed to look up at me.

"I know the breakup is hard for you both, and I wanted to remind you how much I love you; so does you mum, that will never change."

Kate looked surprised that I had included her.

"But I don't what is happening with you guys. I can barely recognise you these days. You're great kids but now you've developed this snotty attitude like nothing is good enough."

I love you to bits but I deserve better than to be messed around: if you want to move on with your mum and Paul I will back off; if you want 'stuff' and big holidays then Paul is your man. What I won't do is show up every weekend to hear some lame excuse about you being busy.

Kate tried interrupting, "I hardly think..."

"Yeah well, I've heard enough of what you think and I am talking to my kids potentially for one of the last times."

"I can't buy you the things he does, but I'd still like to spend time with you both, do sports, go camping, whatever it is you want. I know it's not Florida or wherever; but it would be us together and you'll both be off to college in no time at all."

Still no response other than looking awkward and fidgeting.

"The way you guys behaved with Marie was unforgiveable, what gives you the right to treat someone in that manner. That is not how we brought you up; I have never been so embarrassed of my own family. I hope you're all happy, she won't have anything to do with me."

Kate riled at that, "Well she wasn't good enough, she..."

"Really Kate, what did she ever do to you, she is a lovely person and all she did was agree to go out with me. You were fucking lover boy when we were married and I never slagged him off. But well done, you have scared her off, worried about my psycho ex-wife and kids."

I winced realising I had said all of that and sworn in front of the kids. Both Amy and Jack looked shocked, that information seemed to be a revelation to them.

I turned to Kate, "And another thing, thanks to Turner rubbing lack of funds into my face, I checked with the Child Maintenance Agency and they reckon I should have offset the mortgage against some of the child support, so you can expect an assessment and revision. Maybe lover boy can step up and pay towards my house that he seems to be living in."

Amy piped up and looked at her mum, "Dad's still paying...."