Breaking Up and Making Up

Danny went pale, and he almost fell over. 'What? No, I can't do it, I'm not ready.'

'Tomorrow, we're going to go up to Soho and I want you to go out tonight with me so you'll know what it feels like. We won't go far, there's a gay friendly place round the corner. We can walk there and no-one will be the wiser, I promise you.'

'What if someone recognises me?'

'Danni, look at yourself in the mirror, your own mother wouldn't recognise you, so there's no chance anyone else would. Do you trust me?'

He nodded, still aghast at the thought of going outside.

'Well, if I say it's going to be OK, do you believe me?' He nodded again.

'So, get your heels back on, girlfriend. We're going out.'

It was only a short walk to the bar and restaurant that Siobhan knew, but it was a walk of terror for Danny. He kept his eyes fixed on the ground all the way there and he scurried in after Siobhan. They greeted Siobhan as an old friend, and she introduced Danny as a new friend of her and Julia's. They were shown to a table and Danny remembered to smooth out his skirt as he sat down. Siobhan nodded in approval and said, 'There, that wasn't so bad, was it?'

'Apart from the fact that I'm seconds away from having a nervous breakdown, no.'

Siobhan laughed, 'Come off it, you did great. You look great, it's confidence that makes the difference. Try to relax and we can enjoy ourselves.'

People in the restaurant took no notice of them, most were too intent on impressing the person they were with to worry about anybody else. Danny began to relax slowly, but he gave himself a shock when he picked up his wine glass and saw his newly painted nails wrapped around the stem. Siobhan noticed him looking and said, 'That's why being a woman is so much fun, wearing lovely clothes and make up. You'll love it, I promise.'

'Siobhan, can I ask you something? Something personal?'

'Hey you can ask. If I don't want to answer I won't, but go ahead.'

'What was it like the first time you and Julia, you know...'

She laughed, 'You have to be more specific babe. Kissed? Held hands? Went shopping? Shagged each other?'

Danny's face went bright red. 'I mean, Julia knew she's gay, but it was the first time for you, right?'

'Well, I didn't over-think it for sure. I knew Julia was into girls, and when she asked me out for a drink after a show, I wondered if something would happen. I liked her, but I had never even kissed a girl before. We ended up getting a bit drunk, and when she kissed me outside the bar all I thought was, this feels nice. It just seemed right and we ended up in bed together. Julia knew what to do, and I followed her lead. Some of what we did was an eyeopener for me, but it felt so good. We never looked back from there. Why did you ask?'

'Oh, just curious, that's all.'

Liar, thought Siobhan, but she kept it to herself.

Danny began to chill out as the wine went down and when the time to leave arrived, he felt so much more at ease with himself. He enjoyed the evening with Siobhan; having a night out with a girlfriend was different to having a night with mates. They talked about everything, from makeup to politics to sex. Danny shared some of the stories about Jess and the games they had played which merely reinforced in Siobhan's mind that she had been totally right about Danny.

By the end of the evening Danny felt relaxed and happy. As they walked back, Siobhan hooked her arm into Danny's and they strolled back looking for all the world as two girlfriends on their back from a night out. As they turned a corner, a man almost walked into Danny. He froze, expecting exposure and a torrent of abuse. Instead, the man smiled and said, 'I'm sorry, I should have looked where I was going. Hope you're OK.'

Siobhan giggled as Danny let out a huge sigh of relief. 'See, you'll be alright, Danny. I promise you.'

At the door Siobhan said, 'Go and take off your makeup like I showed you. Get a good night's sleep and I'll see you in the morning.' She kissed him on the cheek and Danny said, 'Siobhan, I don't know why you're doing this for me, but I am so glad you are. I can't thank you enough. See you in the morning and thank you again.'

'You're welcome Danny, goodnight.'

She watched him close the door and tried to answer that question for herself. Why was she doing it? She shrugged, it had seemed like a harmless little game to her at first, but she could have stopped a long while ago. She now wanted to see how far Danny would let her take him. there was also the matter of Danny and Carl. it was obvious to everyone except the two of them that there was something between them.

Julia always said she didn't always think through the games she liked to play.

Chapter Ten

Danny slept fitfully, worrying about the next day, but at some point he fell asleep and it was already late when he woke. A quick cup of coffee followed his shower and a close shave. He headed upstairs to find Siobhan looking radiant.

'OK, Danny get your war paint on, then we'll get you dressed.'

Danny did a passable job on his makeup and Siobhan did a little repair here and there but she was happy enough. Siobhan laid out fresh lingerie and stockings for him. He got changed in front of her, no longer shy about doing so. She stopped him before he put the bra on and said, 'I want to make sure those don't slip today.'

She produced a can and sprayed something onto Danny's chest.

'It's just an adhesive to make sure they stay in place.'

She saw the look on Danny's face and said, 'Don't worry it comes off easily enough, so it says on the can, anyway.'

She took each form in turn and placed it on his chest and even Danny had to admit to himself that it felt better than merely slipping them into the bra cups. He put the bra on and fitted the forms into it and felt with a delicious tingle that now familiar tug on the straps. Siobhan handed him the dress that she had collected from the local tailor and it fitted him perfectly. He slipped on his heels and stood up in front of Siobhan and even did a twirl in front of her. 'Will I do?'

She laughed and said, 'You'll do fine, remember what we've done and it'll go swimmingly, mark my words.'

They took the tube to Soho where the charity was based in an office above a massage parlour. At this time of day, they found a carriage only half full, so they were able to grab two seats together. Danny made sure to keep his knees firmly together, but couldn't stop his heart beating like a steam hammer and several times felt close to fainting. He kept his eyes to the floor, trying desperately not to make eye contact with anyone. He was sure that if he did, they would leap up and shout, 'That's a man dressed as a woman.' No-one did, of course. He had forgotten that on the underground, everybody tries to avoid eye contact, believing themselves safe inside the their own bubble of personal space. Siobhan nudged him as they reached their station and Danny stood, gripping his portfolio case tight. His heart beating so hard he thought other people could hear it, he followed Siobhan up the escalators into the Soho sunlight.

It was the first warm day of the year, and the Underground had been stifling, and as he stepped out of the station, he felt the fresh breeze around his legs and he thought, that's one good thing about wearing a skirt, it keeps you cool. They walked down the street, Danny treading carefully on his heels. He was getting used to them, but he still feared putting his foot down awkwardly and falling over. Siobhan smiled to herself as she watched him from the corner of her eye. She knew he was nervous, but he was doing well. If he could find some more confidence, he would have few problems passing as a woman with some more practice.

They walked up the stairs to the charity office, Danny hanging onto the rail for support and he hesitated outside the door. He still had time to turn back, he thought. Siobhan looked at him and nodded, understanding his feeling. He blew out his cheeks, sucked in a deep breath and walked through the door. Siobhan followed and asked the receptionist to let Peta know that she and Danny had arrived for a meeting.

Siobhan spelled out her name to the receptionist, and Danny thought she probably had to do that a lot with her name. She paused, looked at Danny and held his eye as she followed up with 'and this is D A N N I.'

He hadn't thought about his name and he was astounded Siobhan had. He smiled at her and whispered 'Thank you, I like that.' Siobhan grinned and they sat down to wait for Peta. A few minutes later Peta emerged from behind reception and squealed as she saw Danny. She rushed over and threw her arms around him with a huge hug.

'Danni, It's so good to see you. You look gorgeous. Let me have a good look at you.' She held onto his hands and took a step back, 'Wow, you look great, I love that dress, it really suits you.' She turned to Siobhan and drew her into a hug too. 'Siobhan, I haven't had a chance to say thank you to you and Julia for all the work you did for the show. It went so well and we had a great result, so many positive reviews. My phone has been ringing off the hook. Anyway, come on through.'

Peta held on to Danny's hand as they walked into a meeting room behind the reception area. They sat for a few minutes sipping water and chatting about the show and the coverage the charity had received. 'It means it's even more important to find a new designer fast, Danni. There's a lot of work coming up following the visibility the show gave us. By the way, I love your name, Danni. cute to make it a diminutive of your old name.' Danny caught sight of Siobhan smiling broadly just out of Peta's eyesight.

'Thanks,' said Danny, 'makes it easier to remember.'

'Exactly, I did the same when I transitioned. Peter became Peta. So, are you dressing full-time now Danni?'

'Er, pretty much.' Danny said, trying to keep his voice soft and low. 'I need to expand my wardrobe though.'

'I know, I know,' said Peta, 'but you've got some good contacts with Julia I guess.'

Danny looked at Siobhan who jumped in, 'Yes, Julia gets tons of stuff, our flat is overflowing.'

'Anyway, Danni, I think Siobhan told you we like to keep our business within the TG community, if we can. Nobody understands us better than ourselves, right?'

'For sure, Peta, I agree and thank you for giving me the opportunity to show you my work.'

'Well when Siobhan said you were a designer and about to transition, I thought it's a sign. Have you brought your portfolio?'

Danny opened his portfolio case and his iPad, on which he had stored his digital stuff. He felt more comfortable now they were onto his work, but it still shocked him to see his pink nails as he flipped through his presentation on the iPad. Peta seemed to be responding positively to his designs and even Siobhan looked impressed.

'OK, Danni, that's enough I think.' said Peta, 'You've got some great work there especially the digital stuff. If you're happy then so am I. It would be great to work with such a talented designer and for you to be TG, well that's the icing on the cake for me. When can you start?' 'Well, whenever you want Peta, I have some projects I'm working on, but I'm happy to take on what you can give me.'

'Excellent, I think Siobhan told you we don't have a lot of money, but I'm sure the visibility you'll get with us will be priceless I think. We are getting so much coverage at the moment.'

Danny smiled, 'Peta, if you'll have me I would love to work with you.'

Siobhan was grinning her head off.

'So that's agreed,' said Peta, 'by the way, was that your boyfriend you were with at the fashion show, Danni?'

Danny opened his mouth to say no, but Siobhan beat him to it.

'Yes, that's Carl, they live in the flat below Julia and me.'

Peta beamed at them both, 'That's great, look, here's an idea, we've got a press party on Saturday night, why don't you and Carl come along? You can meet the rest of the team and we can introduce you to the press, it would perfect. Please say you can come, Danni.'

Danny was horrified, how had he got himself into this mess? He said, 'I don't know, I'll have to check.'

Siobhan said, 'Don't you remember Danni? That party we were invited to has been cancelled, of course you and Carl can go.'

Danny glared at Siobhan, what the hell was she talking about?

Peta stood up, 'I'm sorry Danni, but I have to take another meeting. We're trying to influence the Government to take more action against hate crimes. There's been an upswing in attacks recently and the police aren't doing anywhere near enough to stop them. It's been great to meet you and I look forward to working with you. Oh, and don't forget, Saturday night, you and Carl, I look forward to seeing you both there, you make a lovely couple.'

Siobhan said, 'Oh they won't forget, they'll be there Peta.'

Peta leant forward and kissed Danny on the cheek, 'You look great,' she said, 'Carl's a lucky guy.'

Danny opened his mouth to confess everything, but all he said was, 'Thanks Peta.'

They left the office and Danny managed to get down the stairs in his heels without falling over. As soon as they were out of the office, he grabbed Siobhan and hissed at her, 'What was all that with Carl and I going to the party? I can't do that.'

She smiled and said, 'Well, I thought that went well, don't you?'

'Yes, well, I guess it did, but this thing about Carl being my boyfriend, where did that come from?'

She took his elbow and guided him towards a nearby restaurant. 'Let's go celebrate with a glass of Prosecco, shall we? We can talk then.'

Chapter Eleven

Danny was still fuming but he couldn't have a row with Siobhan in the street, so he followed her into the restaurant. Siobhan managed to get a quiet table in a booth at the back and she slid in and waited for Danny to do the same.

He stood there looking embarrassed until Siobhan asked, 'What's up?'

'I drank too much coffee, I need the toilet.'

Siobhan stifled a laugh with a cough and said, 'OK, I'll come with you, girls go the toilet together all the time.'

He looked horrified, 'I can't go to the ladies.'

'Well, Danni with an i, you can't go to the gents like that, can you?'

Siobhan thought he was going to faint as she grabbed his arm and virtually frog marched him into the ladies. Luckily, it was still early, and they were alone inside. Siobhan shoved him into the cubicle and stood guard while he finished what he had to do. Danny emerged with his face as a red as a beetroot, and Siobhan told him to fix his lipstick while waiting for her. He felt his hands trembling, but he managed to reapply his lipstick without getting it on his teeth. Siobhan joined him and she smiled at him in the wall mirror.

'Wasn't so terrifying was it?'

He shook his head, 'Only because you're with me.'

The door opened, and a couple of women walked in chatting, took a quick look at Danny and Siobhan and then resumed their conversation. Danny scuttled out as fast as he could and Siobhan followed at a more leisurely pace.

Siobhan ordered a bottle of Prosecco and after the waiter had poured their glasses Siobhan touched glasses with Danny and said, 'Well done Danny, you did so well today. Peta is totally sold on you. To be honest, I think she might have a little crush on you.'

Danny moaned softly. 'No, that can't be, surely? Oh my God, what have I got myself into? What am I going to do?'

'Look, there's nothing to worry about, is there? You did so well, even in the toilet, the women didn't bat an eyelid, did they?'

'No, I guess not, but Peta expects me to turn up on Saturday with Carl, what about that?' He began to whimper, 'I'll have to come clean with Peta, call the whole thing off.'

Siobhan grabbed Danny's hands and held them tightly. 'Look at me, Danny, I won't let you do that. You've put too much effort into this to crap out at the first small hurdle. You can do this.'

Danny snorted, 'Small hurdle? Yes, that would be my flatmate being my boyfriend, only he's not gay, and he doesn't know he's my boyfriend. Is that the small hurdle?'

Siobhan almost said something, but bit it back at the last moment.

'Danni, all you have to on Saturday is to tell Peta that Carl has been called away on business, and you'll be coming on your own. These things happen all the time. She will be too busy with the press to worry about Carl not turning up. Now, take a deep breath and relax. You've got some new work and the chance to be part of something big. Have some more Prosecco and cheer up, for God's sake.'

Danny looked startled, and then began to giggle, 'I'm sorry, you're right. I'm behaving like a wuss.'

He touched her glass with his and said, 'I also need to thank you, Siobhan. You have done all this for me and you've been awesome. Thank you so much.'

'You're welcome Danny, it's been a blast, and I meant it, you've done fantastically well. You're a natural. Are you sure you didn't dress any more after the Juliet thing?'

He shook his head, 'No. the other night was the first time I had even told anyone about it.'

'How do you feel about what we've done now?'

He thought for a moment, 'I guess I shouldn't admit this, but in the small moments between being completely terrified, I'm beginning to enjoy myself a bit. Does that make me a freak?'

Siobhan laughed, 'God no. There are millions of men out there who wear their wives or girlfriends clothes when they can. Anyway, who wouldn't want to wear pretty underwear and clothes, and put on make up?'

Danny laughed, 'I feel so different when I'm dressed.'

'Different, how?'

'It's difficult to describe, but I feel calmer, softer, gentler maybe, more at ease with myself. I felt the same way I did as Juliet, it's like I'm living out another part of my personality. But it's exciting too. Not sexually, I mean, although it's so thrilling to be dressed like this. I feel so naughty.' He giggled, 'Are you sure this isn't freaky?'

'If it makes you feel like you say it does, then to be sure it's not freaky, it's beautiful. So are you, Danny.'

He blushed at her words, and she smiled, 'You look so sweet when you blush. Maybe Carl would like to take you to the party.'

'Well that's one thing that isn't going to happen. By the way, if I do go on Saturday, can I change in your flat? I can't do it in mine can I with Carl around?'

'It's when you go on Saturday, not if, and sure you can use our flat. Now let's get you home, girlfriend.'

Danny felt a tingle as he realised what Siobhan had called him.

Chapter Twelve

They hailed a cab outside the restaurant and they were soon back at the flat, but Danny desperately needed to take his shoes off and use the toilet. As Danny kicked off his heels and ran to the toilet, Siobhan laughed and yelled, 'I'll make some tea.'

Great, thought Danny, he could do with a cup right now. He finished, washed his hands and emerged yelling, 'It's so much easier going to the loo as a man.' He saw Siobhan standing in the kitchen and looking at him oddly, her eyes as big as saucers.

'I thought you were making some tea.' he said as he walked towards her. 'Danny...' she began to say as Danny walked into the kitchen. He couldn't understand why she looked so scared. He watched as she put her hand up to her mouth and her eyes moved away to the side, looking at something on the other side of the kitchen. Danny followed her gaze, and he almost fainted as he saw Carl sitting at the table.

Carl had managed to complete his project quicker than he had expected, and by Wednesday evening he realised he would be finished by Thursday lunchtime. He didn't fancy staying another night in the budget hotel that the client had booked for him, so he checked out in the morning and at lunchtime he headed to the station. The non-stop service got him back into Paddington by mid afternoon and his Uber car pulled up as he came out onto the street. Carl was always happy to be back in London, and he had worked hard this week and simply wanted to get back to the flat, have a drink and relax. He would write the report at home on Friday, so the weekend would be free. He idly wondered if Danny wanted to do something together at the weekend.