Breaking Up Pt. 02

"Come and sit down, I'm your mother and if you're gay then you're gay but it doesn't change a bloody thing as far as I'm concerned."

Ilona sat down on the end of the bed and faced her.

"I'll pay you for the dress," she sighed.

"What the bloody hell for?" Charmaine's eyes widened, "it's a dress and providing you don't put on too many kilos you can use it for when you get hitched to a woman. Dresses aren't homophobic the last time I checked, but tell me. What's brought this on?"

Ilona let it out in fits and starts interrupted only when she had to look at her phone every time a message came through. The second last one was a picture message from Nick showing his bare feet in front of a hotel pool with a cocktail in his hand.

"Well, what's done is done," she slid off the bed and stood up, "and at least you did this before you got married, it's less complicated."

"What do I tell him?"

"Tell him it's over," she shrugged, "a woman has got the prerogative to change her mind whenever she damn well pleases. Your father learned that one before we got married, to his shock," her eyes shifted to the window.

"My mother was strong willed too when she was younger but it was a different generation, women were expected to knuckle down and just be grateful they hadn't been left on the shelf. She was the last of her girlfriends to get married and she was grateful to get rid of the title, spinster," Charmaine smiled crookedly.

"But you have options, you've got a family who support you, a woman who sounds as if she might be the right fit although the jury is still out on that account, and once you can find an alternative place for Elaine and her daughter you'll have your old unit back."

"You're right, I'm putting it off because I know he's going to beg me to reconsider even after I've told him no. He's the persistent type."

"Until he's slapped with a restraining order," her mother moved to the window, "I've still got all my old contacts at work, it'd take an hour to draw one up and have it in front of a J.P. If he breaks that then he's up before the magistrate," she turned and put her back to the window.

"Hopefully it won't get to that extreme though, providing you're firm on the phone. If he wants to go to relationship counselling tell him no. If he offers to speak to his mother tell him no. A man will do anything to please a woman. I've seen tattooed alpha males on their knees literally begging their wives and girlfriends to reconsider their decision to leave."

"Have you ever thought of leaving dad?"

"More times than you can imagine," she chuckled, "especially in the early years. You're a lot like I was at your age, impulsive, focused, and not willing to sacrifice too much of your independence but thankfully your dad was able to adjust. The last time I thought of leaving was when I turned fifty, there was a guy showing some interest in me and your dad and I had been working through our own issues but I decided against it."

"What changed your mind?" Ilona picked up her phone.

"Impulse," she grinned, "I bought a dildo instead and your dad was so fascinated by it that our sex life took on a whole new dimension."

"Mum," she winced, "I really needed that information."

"Just saying," she pushed away from the window and approached the bed, "I'll be out there, make your call and then we'll blow this one horse town."

Charmaine threw her arms around her youngest daughter.

"I love you, sweetie. Never ever doubt that."

Ilona felt herself receding as she melted into her mother's arms. She'd never doubted that her mum would be anything but supportive but even so it was good to feel her arms around her and then she was pulling back and looking at her phone.

"Put the kettle on, you can have a brew while I check I haven't left anything."

"What about the furniture?"

"The lounge suite is mine but I'm not going to fight him over that or anything else. Let's not make this complicated."

"Whatever," she shrugged, "we'll get you a new lounge suite and bed."

Ilona moved to the window and tapped her phone again. There were about a dozen messages from her girlfriends and notifications on her Facebook page and she turned to the one she'd read from Jodie that morning.

Jodie: Hey, just an update about your wedding invite for Frankie and myself. Frankie and I are no longer a couple. I've moved back to mum's joint for now, but I still want to come. I'll be there on my own because despite my breakup I know this is the best thing for me and I want to be there for your special day. You were my guardian angel and my inspiration. Miss you heaps. Looking forward to catching up! Love. Jodie. xox.

A lump came to her throat as she pictured the nervous gay girl she'd rescued in high school from the usual bullies and trolls. The fact that she'd ended it with Frankie however was something of a relief. Most of their friends despised Frankie. The insult 'green-eyed monster' certainly applied to her and if not for Jodie's inner strength she might well have become Frankie's hostage. It had taken a toll on her nonetheless, she posted updates infrequently and most of those posts were pictures of food but there had been no pictures of her and Frankie for months.

I must get back in contact with her again.

Ilona stared out the window one last time, savouring the view that had been a comfort to her when she was feeling hemmed in or depressed and then she turned and took a picture of the near empty wardrobe.

"Let's just do this," she murmured.

Nick answered in his usual breezy way.

"What's up, honey? Did you like the picture of my feet?"

"Yeah I did," she sat on the bed, "it's kind of appropriate now I think about it because I'm using my feet now."

"Have you been drinking as well?"

"No," she replied, "I'm walking, Nick. I can't do this anymore. I've taken my shit but I'm leaving you the furniture and moving back to mum and dad's joint."

There was a long silence followed by the crash of breaking glass and a, "fucking hell."

"I'm serious, Nick. I've left the ring in your top bedside drawer."

"Sorry, I just knocked my glass over. Now there's broken glass all over the ground. What do you mean it's over? We had one fight on Friday and I said I was sorry. We can work this out, look I know mum's been a pain in the arse and I know I should have said something sooner but you know what she's like but I'll speak to her and lay down the law."

"Well that's good, for you but it doesn't change anything for me," she turned and put her back to the wall as she stared at the sparse wardrobe, "this actually has little to do with you and more to do with me and something I've been struggling with for a while now."

"What?" Nick's voice rose an octave.

"I can't be with you, Nick in the same way I can't be with another man. I've been trying hard to play the game but I just can't go through with this," she ran a hand through her hair.

"I'm gay, Nick."

There was a protracted silence and then she heard him exhaling loudly.

"You're what?"

"Gay," she knelt on the bed, "it's not a fucking disease, I've been fighting this for years and now I've just decided to give up and accept what I am."

"You fucking lying bitch," he shouted at her, "you mean to tell me all this time you were pretending to be my fucking girlfriend you were perving on other sheilas? You probably fucked that fucking bunny boiler Jodie as well, weren't you?"

"Nick, shut up," she snapped back, "I never fucked Jodie, she's my best friend. What do you want me to do? Meet you at the fucking altar and lie in front of our friends and families, and then go out and have an affair with a woman? What kind of a life would that be for either of us?"

"You're a fucking selfish cunt! Do you realise what you've just done to my family? My dad has spent thousands on this fucking wedding! He's gonna be wiped out all because you wanna go for a fucking fur burger, you fucking selfish slut. I'm gonna take you to court you fucking cunt-faced moll, I'm gonna fuck you over so hard you'll wish you'd never been fucking born."

Ilona ended the call and pinched her nose. He tried to phone back but she cancelled the call and instead posted the picture of the empty wardrobe on her Facebook page.

Ilona: Have just ended it with Nick. I'm so sorry for those who've been looking forward to this wedding but I can't marry him and living with him has become impossible. Have moved out and my living situation is fluid but I will be in touch via Facebook and texts. I love you all dearly and I'm sorry again.

A tear inched down her cheek as she stood up and stared at the bed she'd shared with Nick. It was one of the few pieces of furniture he owned outright, the rest was either stuff his parents had bought for him or things she'd bought. A minute or so later she grabbed the last two black bags and walked into the kitchen. Just as she dropped the bags on the floor though her phone beeped and she looked at the message from Nick.

Nick: FUCK YOU BITCH!! FUCK YOUR FAMILY. FUCK JODIE. FUCK YOU TO HELL. YOU'RE A DEAD WOMAN WALKING YOU FUCKING BITCH-FACED CUNT!!

"Everything all right?" Charmaine raised the mug to her lips and then her eyes widened as Ilona held up her phone, "colourful usage of my favourite words."

"I'm not looking forward to facing up to his mother."

"Leave that fucking bitch to me," she sipped her coffee, "I can strip the wallpaper off a wall and she's had it coming. You just sort out your living arrangements and let me handle the witch from the ditch."

"You want me to introduce him to my little friend?" Darren asked as he too looked at the text, "his kneecaps need rearranging."

"No baseball diplomacy," their mother rolled her eyes, "forward the text to me and I'll call a friend, he'll get a visit from the local cops. He hasn't got any guns has he?"

"He's been talking about getting a shooter's licence," she replied as she forwarded the text to her mother, "that was three months ago and I said I didn't want guns in the house, which was why we had our last fight. Apparently I'm too much of a loony liberal."

"Well once the cops see that it'll be on file and if he tries to apply for a licence it'll be refused," their eyes met, "trust me, it doesn't take much to refuse an application. I have lunch once a month with the chief firearms officer."

"Thank fuck for that," she sighed.

"I'll put these bags in the ute," Darren picked them up.

Ilona's phone beeped several times in a row as she sipped the coffee her mother had just made, all but one were from her girlfriend. Nick did post more abuse on her page in an expletive-riddled rant that was being attacked by her girlfriends. It seemed she'd ignited a firestorm and she felt a slight ease filtering through her.

When the phone rang again she nearly cancelled it until she saw the name and a smile nudged her lips as she accepted the call.

"Jodie," she picked up her cup and walked out into the laundry, "how long has it been?"

"Too long," Jodie replied, "I'm so sorry, I knew you guys had problems but I had no idea it was that bad," she paused, "but I'm here for you."

"Thank you," she leaned against the back door, "it's kind of weird you calling me though, after last night."

"What happened last night?"

"I slept with a woman. Julie is one of my colleagues," she looked down, "I didn't technically cheat on this one, I just took the ring off and then we fucked each other's brains out."

"Oh, okay," Julie paused, "wow, that's a bolt from the blue."

"I haven't posted it on Facebook yet but Nick knows so I guess it won't be long before the whole fucking world knows."

"Don't worry about him, he's an arsehole."

"I know," she swallowed, "but enough of my shit, how are you?"

"I'm in a good place now. You saw my post?"

"I did. When did this happen?"

"Last weekend. We had a big fight when I picked out my dress for the wedding but Frankie said it was too revealing. It's not the first time she's tried to organise my wardrobe but it's been building for the last six months so I used that as an excuse to just walk out. I moved back to mum's joint yesterday so I'm halfway through putting my shit away."

"Well at least you've got a place to go back to. I'm crashing at Julie's place while I try to work out what to do with my unit but it's complicated."

"I'm there for you," Jodie reassured her, "seriously, you were my guardian angel so now I'm just repaying the favours you did me and if you get stuck you know there's spare bedrooms here, mum would put you up in a heartbeat."

"Thanks," she pinched her nose, "but I could use some feedback," she stared at a patch of peeling paint on the ceiling, "this didn't come out of the blue now that I think about it, but it's like it's been sitting inside me just waiting for the right person to come along at the right time. I've only known Julie for a week so there's no chance I'm going to just move into her joint, been there, done that and got the tee shirt."

"Any time, any place, just call or text. You know where I live and I'll listen to you all day and all night, I'm your friend."

"Thanks," she stroked her throat, "I'll call you tomorrow but let's keep this between us, for now, even though it's probably going to go viral once Nick starts blabbing his mouth off."

"For sure, if anyone finds out it won't be from me."

"Talk soon, I promise."

"Love you to the moon and back," Jodie farewelled her.

"Love you to Pluto and back," Ilona came back with their traditional farewell.

She stared at the phone after Jodie had hung up.

Thank you, Jodie.

***

Julie had just finished cleaning the upstairs rooms when Ilona arrived back with Darren and their parents, the vacuuming was usually done every fortnight and it had been two weeks since she'd vacuumed upstairs. She was halfway down the stairs with the vacuum cleaner when the doorbell rang, causing her to stop and hurry to the door. There was a look of surprise on her face when she saw Charmaine and her husband, Ian. You could see the resemblance instantly and when Ilona introduced them Charmaine held out her hand.

"How are you?"

"Good," her eyes shifted to Ian, "I was just vacuuming the upstairs and thought I'd do the stairs on the way down."

"Do you need a hand?" Charmaine released her hand.

"Um, no but thanks," she glanced over her shoulder, "Ilona, can you get them something to drink while I finish the stairs, please?"

"Sure," Ilona replied, "come on through and I'll introduce you to Max."

"Who's Max?" Ian asked as he followed his wife and daughter.

"A big white hairy boarder," Ilona chuckled as she led them inside.

Charmaine's eyes shifted to the sewing room as she stared through the open doorway and Julie managed a smile.

"My sewing room."

"My God," she stepped inside, "my sewing machine sits in the hall cupboard," she eyed the sewing machines against the far wall, "I'm impressed."

"She's made me three blouses already, for work," Ilona replied, "I'll show you later."

Ilona offered Julie a smile as she led them into the living room, leaving Julie to finish vacuuming the stairs. It felt almost strange having her parents visiting the home of a woman she'd only known for a week. There was that sense of awkwardness because there had been no morning after talk, just a promise that they'd talk but there was also a familiarity as well. She knew the kitchen quite well because she'd cooked dinner last night but she still felt relieved when Julie returned.

Nevertheless, she felt a little out of sync relating the conversation she'd had with Nick, especially when it came to the fact she'd outed herself to him because technically speaking, she hadn't even come out to herself. This feeling of unease was somewhat mitigated however by Julie who told her parents that it was early days but that her offer of a place to stay was a solid one.

"For as long as it takes to sort out your other place," she set her coffee cup down.

"On the other hand though I have one other offer or suggestion," she glanced down briefly, "you could give my details to Elaine and see if she wants to move in instead, which would free up the unit for you."

"Elaine?" Ilona's eyes widened, "my Elaine, and her six year old daughter?"

"Yeah," she nodded, "the house she wants to apply for will be subject to a bidding war, you'll have at least one fake bid to try and raise the other bids but there won't be any other bidders if she wants this place."

"You do realise that she might very well stay for six months, or more. Elaine needs a place to settle down, she hasn't had a car since her old one was written off by joyriders although Darren has said he could find her an old second hand car," she glanced at her brother.

"So what?" Julie shrugged, "if she stays here for a year what do I care? Without putting too fine a point on it, it's early days for both of us. We haven't talked about where this is going but you need a place to stay where you've got your own space and she needs a place close to her mother. You've already given her a glowing reference and I believe you. If she moves in here then it's company for me and you and I can approach this on our own terms without the pressure of living together, I've been here before and moving in together right away isn't always the best idea."

She glanced at Ilona's family and then Ilona.

"Basically, you can stay here for as long as you need to, but there is that second option. If she takes it then fine, if not then you keep staying here until she can find a place in Mooroolbark."

Ilona glanced at her mother briefly before replying.

"Okay, thank you. I'll drop in and see her today."

"I like her," Charmaine announced an hour later as she perched on the edge of 'Ilona's' bed in the main upstairs bedroom, "she has that practical approach to life, there's none of the airy fairy bullshit it's just pure pragmaticism at its best."

"Do you think I'm making a mistake?"

"What? Leaving Nick or taking up with a woman?"

"The second one."

"It's not up to me to make that decision, this is your life not mine. I raised you the best way I could and I've made mistakes, not so much with you but Darren was my guinea pig. Whatever mistakes I made with him weren't made with the next one but I made mistakes with Tracey and more mistakes with Ben. By the time I got to you I'd pretty much ironed out the wrinkles."

"What did it for you and dad?" Ilona leaned against the windowsill, "I don't want the old story about your night out on the town, I mean deep down."

"Deep down," Charmaine smiled crookedly.

"Deep down I still had doubts. I'd smoked a joint with guys before and felt similar urges but I guess I rolled over in bed the morning after the night before and he was still fast asleep. A lock of hair had fallen over his eyes and I felt this lump in my throat because Ian had become not just my boyfriend but a friend as well. We were actually friends before we got together. I'd always lived by the rule that you never fucked your friends but that morning I questioned my rule. If I was going to spend my life with any man or woman then they had to be someone who was also my friend. I mean, who are we supposed to exchange marriage vows to? Our enemies?"

She stared at the floor.

"And that's why we've stayed together for so long and there's certainly been times when both of us looked around and did a bit of window shopping. I was a big window shopper and not just men but women as well but at the end of the day he was and still is my best friend. Why would I want to hurt my best friend by having an affair?"

***

It was certainly food for thought she mused another couple of hours later as she pulled up outside her unit in Boronia. What was the point in picking gnats out of goat shit as Darren always said. She glanced at the outside of the two bedroom unit. It was one of ten units on the same block of land, her mother had once recalled the days it had been vacant land where kids used to pick blackberries and wage war on each other amongst the bushes. Apparently, one of Charmaine's girlfriends had lived on this same street. It was the kind of information she'd filed away under vaguely interesting trivia and to this day she'd never seen the need to share it.