All Comments on 'Breathe Ch. 02'

OMG, how sad is that? Especially when you are with your soulmate as these two seemed to be. You made my eyes leak now. He is going to have some dark days and horrible nights ahead of him. I hope Leigh is going to be there for him and the baby because he is going to need lots of support. I do hope you can make the next chapters a little easier for us readers who really get into a story like this and feel a part of the scene.

Very good story but the end was very sad

I can't even think of what star to give this.

It was hot for sure. I fell in love with Susan.

However, you are supposed to vote at the end

and the ending blew my mind.

My overall feeling is not good.....

I'll get back to ya.

Holy shit - I did NOT see that coming! Great writing with a plausible premise that sucked me in so deep my heart on the floor for David and Leigh. (my daughter is going to get induced tomorrow night for my grandchild, so now you've scared the hell out of me...) Look forward to the next chapter as their world crashes down. I was expecting the sister to get pregnant as they had unprotected sex as opposed to their first time when he withdrew) 5*

Have too admit didn't see that ending happening...hope this isn't the end

I'm with anon oh man. Dont know what to think. It was awesome right up until it wasnt. Not sure how to rate it, so for now I wont.

Jedd

It was going so well, how could you that to us?

Predictable

When sister joined I knew Susan was history. I thought SIS would end up preggers, but when Susan did I sensed her demise. Which sucks I liked Susan but I just didn't see this as a polyamory story. So, Bro and Sis and Baby make three.

Well that got dark...

That ending so super sucked!!! Awesome story until the end then you just broke my heart...

Now that you pissed everyone off!

Your style has certainly 'matured!'

Keep writing, please!

I've noticed you keep using the word "complement" in all your stories when someone is praising someone else, but...

Complement: A thing that contributes extra features to something else in such a way as to improve or emphasize its quality.

Compliment: A polite expression of praise or admiration.

I believe you're trying to say "compliment" instead.

BTW, nice story, really good. The end though, really sad. I think I leaked a tear or two by the end...

5 stars until the last line, but then just one was left

Wow what a terrible ending to the story. It was cool until I read that. You should take it down and rework the ending so she stays alive.

I think that you write well from the technical aspect (good grammar, few spelling errors) and your style is very enjoyable to read, but your pace is just way too fast. As far as I can figure, this story covers something like 3 years of their lives. I am all for time time compression, the best stories make use of it, but what makes those stories great is that when they slow time down for a vignette they take the time and put an effort in to make those snapshots detailed and memorable.

There were some really great moments in this story, such as the threesome, but you just blew through it and made what should have been an incredible and significant event no more memorable than passing a mile marker on the interstate at 70 mph. I'd really like to read more of your work and I hope that you take my comment into consideration and let your characters "stop and smell the roses".

Wonderful story including the ending. Susan was just too perfect and the couple just too perfect a match. Something had to happen. With that ending you turned a nice feel good story into something memorable. Depending on what’s next. I suspect you have it or you wouldn’t have thrown in that gut punch. Staying tuned for chapter 3.

Much better than the first chapter. You are improving rapidly as a writer. Keep writing please you have a lot to offer.

Cheers

SAGE

Loved the story... did NOT like the ending.

Well that was a nut punch of an ending. Shows how well written the story is that I felt so bad for the characters.

Wonderful story. 5 stars

I agree with the other poster.. you need to slow down and allow the characters to breathe.

What! I am enjoying the story . AAA+++

I thought something like this would happen. I guess in the plot it had to.

Sad, but predictable now to find out if the baby lived..

5/5