All Comments on 'Breathe Ch. 03'

Love your stories, great details and not to long and not to short.

Great compossion and breaks between official life and private life.

A continuation with the kids are not necessary, but it could be a great series by itself.

Beautiful story/series! Great character development, consistent, believable plot that just continue to grow. I'm a little confused at the ending dialogue - Did "Susan" tell her daughter NOT to get into a relationship with James? If she did, maybe a Part 4 makes sense. If it was the other way, then you're at a good ending spot (my opinion only). 5*

Great story! Maybe a new story line of how the kids got together with a few snippets of David and Leigh’s on going life when the become grandparents

It’s good! This story was about David, Susan and Leigh and you brought it to a wonderful ending. Too often new writers will try to stretch a good story line too far. Loved the characters and the story but this fantasy is complete. I am sure you have other ideas other fantasies to share with us and I am looking forward to reading them. I just added you to my follow list so I don’t miss any future offerings.

Thank you for sharing. You are a talented writer keep writing.

Cheers

SAGE

I'd Leave it there.

I think it's a perfect ending for this story. Thanks for sharing.

What a nice ending and you did very well.

Good chapter (so far?), although it was too rushed. It started really good, relating the sad events in the present, then it went a little rushed and then it skipped decades ahead without explaining much. It lacked a proper relationship development between David and Leigh. For example, barely after mourning Susan, this line came out of nowhere: "Time went by. The first time my sister and I tried to make love, it was more crying than anything else." I mean, how this happened? At this point they were just brother and sister dealing with their friend's & wife's death and newborn, with only one night of sex between the two, and it was only that, just a one-time between them years ago after David's failed wedding in Chapter 1.

The dreams part was really good, because they talked about it discovering their meaning and what was Susan trying to tell them, and then again, it rushed ahead and we discovered in a few lines that the parents were all dead, about Stephanie, the colonoscopy, and over two decades later, the kids all ground up and having a relationship too... too fast, too quick. Like this was a skeleton, a first draft or idea, of a Chapter 3.

Another thing, this line: "Her doctor was Leigh's doctor, and she remembered us." I think you meant "Susan's doctor", otherwise, it doesn't have the impact it should have and doesn't make much sense.

*IF* you're going to continue this story, I think –and this is just my opinion– you should do it as an standalone story, kind of a spin-off of "Breathe" from the point of view of Suzie-Q, starting since she was a little child, having their first dreams with "Mama Susan", later having the little brother, growing up, discovering who really was Leigh and what really happened in the past with her dad and 'mamas', and when James was 14 and she was 18 about how she started to feel about him. Then a proper development of their story in one solid chapter/standalone story, including the events we read in this chapter from their POV and how it went for them all a little in the future. After that, it's all up to you.

One comment I've made repeatedly is that on this site, there is porn (Let's fuck! Okay!!); Erotica ("We shouldn't! It's so wrong! No, don't Ooooohhh, don't stop!"); and where your work lives: The Story, But With Sex. There's actually a well-told story, with a real coherent narrative, but they also have sex. BRA - Fucking - VO!! Excellent work!

And no, you don't need to add anything. Their story has been told. There was a beginning, a very sad but poignant middle, and a wonderful ending. So many writers here just don't know when to quit. I mean it's "Daddy Daughter Chapter 22" or "Brother Sister Chapter 19". How many times can you describe sex? I guess that's why I much prefer reading imaginative, well-written stories like this, to watching porn. But that's me. and this is about YOU, and your work is fabulous!

please continue

Five Stars.

No, you don’t need another chapter, the story is complete, and it’s excellent. I can’t believe how a reader would complain that there wasn’t enough sex or porn. They don’t get it. The name on this site is NOT LiterPORNICA. It’s LitEROTICA, as in Literary Erotica.

This extended story fulfilled that definition in spades! The haters who just want to read dirty, raunchy stories so they can get off have lots of other venues. This site is (supposed to be, anyway) about erotic stories, stories of love, hope, joy, sometimes pain and tears, and also lovemaking and sex. Those of us who appreciate the difference and prefer eroticism, thank you.

This was a beautiful, bittersweet story. So was “Our Town,” but unlike that masterpiece, this one has a happy ending with a positive outlook toward the future. Bravo!

I enjoyed the way the characters were developed and the style of writing employed. I am left wanting to read more, but I can understand why you might not want to continue the story.

Overall, an excellent submission. Please write more

Nah, I'd say leave them alone. Well done, enjoyed it.

Would have liked an update on Kimberly showing she got her comeuppance. Other than that, great job.

This was a great story and I found myself wanting to cry which in of itself is ridiculous. You told such a poignant story that I agree with the other's commentary, that David and Leigh's story is done. If you do continue another chapter it should be the children's story from beginning to end. Should there be another chapter or chapters I will return to read and hopefully not cry. 😏

Wonderful story. 5 stars

Fantastic story. Write more.

Very good story except for Susan dieing towards the end. That sucked.

As I am from St. Louis - I love the references.......Please I would love to hear more.

Beautiful story. Great characters and plot. Thanks.

Don't worry about the kids, chapter 4 how about dad Susan and leigh reunited one last breath.

Love this story and I agree with Rustyy_nut

A very good chapter, love it. Please continue with the next part. AAAAAA++++++

Do chapter 4

Great story but, no, just let them live their lives.

Read this again for the third time, feel you have still another chapter in this.

Please continue

What a great story, 5/5 from me. You are an excellent author in this brother/sister genre.

Yes please another chapter or two would be fantastic if you can find the time.

Big fat NO!!!! story already ruined with this chapter...........

Major whif with this chapter, in fact started going down hill the last chapter with a major grade heading for a huge crash last chapter. Too many of your stories follow the same trend storyline wise... your call on how you write, just giving my humble opinion.........

A very touching and beautiful story, written so well I cried of course. The choice whether to continue the story is yours but I would have a difficult time reading it. Maybe I wish you had developed it into a much longer novel but you loaded it up then emptied the clip so to speak. Great work though. I would of course read a sequel if you feel compelled. After I read everything else you've written... Lots of stars!!

I enjoyed this series very much.