by HotRegina
Who the fuck thinks shit like this up?? What a fucking horrible ending. Brother is a moron, his best friend is a back stabbing cunt, and the sister is a whore in the making. Nothing redeemable about his story at all. Delete it.
Dear HotRegina,
First of all, I want to say that before the part when Evan's plot entered the story was great with less gramatical errors and good combination of words. The plot of the story until then was great with a great potential. But then you entered the plot of Evan that was also great but you made a full fledge love story to a mere threesome. The feelings in the story was killed at that moment. This story had a great potential and could have taken two turns without making it a threesome and a fuckfest.
Here are the two turns you could have taken :
1. You could make it a happy ending story in which you could make Brian and Brianna both lovers and make this story a full fledge novel with multichapters and with plenty of love related emotions.
2. You could make it a sad ending story in which Brianna and Evan became lovers and brother Brian was left alone to carry the pain of unrequited love. In this you could include the emtions of a lover and can familiarise people with pain of a lover whose lover will never be his.
But you made a decision after all this is your story but please next time remember that a reader makes a bond with the character and makes the character's feelings his. I am a professional writer and can just give you an advice that make changes in this story and make it full of emotions. I have read the previous comments and looks like people didn't like this story so change it as we all writers writes for people's happiness.
Thank You.
Your Wellwisher.
Nice story until Evan got involved - I prefer just the two siblings. Angry scene was a bit off-putting.
But keep writing !
Eh, nice way to fuck it up. Evan killed what had promise to be a good story.
Its not one of those things in life where men can share their women !
The other part is, no one talks like that, "oh no big brother" people use names !!
Works parttime, can afford to put himself through school and get an apartment ... damn a full time employed single guy could afford that for sure !
This story is all over the place and really needs an editor
I give it 2* only ... needs serious work !!