Bringing Out My Secrets

I discovered the world of BDSM porn in my early twenties. I had started to realise that there was a world of kink and fetish out the a few years before and gradually built up a picture of what this world entailed through snippets and finally porn. At this time there was no internet and I would furtively enter sex shops and emerge having splashed out on maybe one or two magazines. This porn usually featured black and white images and it was hard to conjure up a further image of the pleasures I imagined this life could bring.

By my mid-twenties I had quite sizeable collection of BDSM porn. I was buying American magazines which had much more graphical displays of simulated play in colour. I got no further with my quest for real play or meets but that eventually changed.

I met Deborah at a local singles event. I cannot tell you what attracted me to her but I liked her vivaciousness despite her not being the most attractive woman there. I was drawn to her and after introducing myself we started chatting. I was confident enough to ask to meet her again and we ended up going on a date. A few dates turned into us sleeping together and then I asked if she would like to be my girlfriend.

Sex with Deborah was good. She was really uninhibited and pretty soon I had acted out so many vanilla fantasies I had thought about. She was also quite naughty as she suggested one night we drive to a local forest and have sex and we also did it on the playing field at a local school. I was really enjoying life with Deborah but didn't dare tell her about my kinks or desires as real women into that sort of stuff didn't exist except in my fantasies, or did they?

Deborah stayed over one weekend. On the Monday morning I had to leave early and so I suggested she stay and let herself out. I didn't see her until the following weekend when she stayed again. We had dinner and some drinks and then started getting intimate. Soon afterwards we were in bed and making love. Afterwards she cuddled me and her hand moved down cupping my balls and then she gave them a squeeze. The first squeeze was playful and light but the second was a lot harder.

"Why don't you tell me what you really want," she asked. I played a bit dumb and she went on to say she'd found my porn collection when I had left her alone the weekend before.

"There's quite a lot I don't think you want anyone to know about in those magazines," she continued with. I knew I couldn't deny it but was really torn about telling her my fantasies as real women would think I was disgusting or perverted, or would they.

"Why don't you try me," she said when I still hadn't replied. She also released the grip on my balls and moved to let me rest my head on her naked breast and then it all came out.

I admitted to her my love of BDSM and how the porn depicting punishment play really appealed. She nodded and let me continue. I told her how I was turned on by the images of women being tied up or restrained, often to BDSM furniture and then beaten using CP tools. I told her how I wanted to swap places with them. "Dressed like them," she asked, to which I replied yes. I wanted to be punished and end up with red cane marks on my bottom. My mind was a complete mess afterwards and I waited for her reaction but she simply said, "well let's see what we can do."

The following day we did the usual vanilla daytime weekend stuff and in the evening enjoyed the same routine as the night before. We soon started getting intimate but she suggested that I get undressed for the next stage and then that I lay over her knee after she had donned some leather gloves. I had no idea what to expect but felt excited. She started by warming me up, rubbing her hands over my naked bottom and then giving it light slaps between the rubs. Her soft warm hand felt lovely and the slaps were not hard. She continued this for a while and then gave a final, "are you ready for more?" I nodded my head and then the real play started.

I couldn't see but I am guessing she took her hand right up and then brought it down with the force and speed aided by gravity until it struck my bare bottom. The force of the strike was painful with a brief moment of calm after the slap followed by a feeling of pain coursing through my body. Her slaps were frequent and it was clear she was very skilled at administering a spanking of this nature. I counted fifteen slaps before she stopped and I could feel that my bottom was now very warm and when I looked in the mirror later it was also very red. I felt like I was radiating heat all night in bed and looked forward to the next instalment but had to wait a while.

The following weekend I was like an immature puppy wanting more of the same I'd had the weekend before but was told, "good things come to those who wait." We continued with our vanilla lives and then towards the end of the weekend she asked if I had been good enough for more? This time I was staying at Deborah's and she revealed quite a selection of BDSM paraphernalia hidden away in the bottom of her wardrobe. She dressed in a black PVC outfit emphasising but covering her breasts and wore a pair of over the knee high heeled boots. In her hand she carried a rubber flogger. I did come when I saw her dressed like this but was still fully clothed and so only ended up with a sticky mess in my pants which she soon told me to remove.

Play commenced with me undressing and then she made me kneel over a chair. She struck my back with the flogger before applying a paddle to my bottom and finally a cane to my thighs. Each tool was used ten times and it did hurt but was a pain I relished and enjoyed. Also, as she applied each tool all I could think about was when did she acquire all this equipment as the quantity of it and her skill made me realise this wasn't an impulse thing.

She released me afterwards and allowed me to wank myself to a climax. On that occasion my cream was wiped up in a tissue and thrown in the bin but in later sessions she would make me eat it. She then cuddled me and said, "you are not the only one to have kinky fantasies." She told me that she had discovered kink in her early 20's and loved it. She had started as a sub but soon realised that Domming was her calling. She confessed a lot more to me too about her experiences and play sessions she enjoyed.

I enjoyed another six months with Deborah until we both knew the relationship wasn't working and we parted company amicably. She remained a friend and introduced me to the world of munches and play parties. It was at a munch that I met my now wife and we continue to enjoy a healthy BDSM and vanilla lifestyle.

Deborah and I lost touch eventually as she moved abroad. I know I could probably find her using social media but I don't want to. Wherever you are Deborah thank you for what you did and for making me realise that there are real women who enjoy the BDSM lifestyle as much as I do.