All Comments on 'Broken Defence - Revised -- Pt. 01'

Excellent.

I've known a Holly twice, Tom grasping at vapours is all too familiar.

Looking forward to other chapters.

it feels you are writing the story from very close to heart. I cannot wait for the second part. Please post soon

Jesus, seeing this guy debase himself over and over, from being her emotional support tampon through university all the way up to putting up with her shit just is depressing. She's entirely self centered, neurotic, and a whole basket of red flags. I'm sure that you'll make it all kissy and happy by the end but in reality he would be crazy to be with someone who doesn't really give a shit about him.

Are there men really this pathetic?

Just tell her to sod off. To much time and effort. Woe is me, I’ve been a slag, been caught and now I want you to feel sorry for me.

Great beginning!

5

The original was a good story; the revised version is a slight improvement. Thank you

Revised story and yet Tom is still so pathetic snd desperate for the entitled arrogant bitch.

WASTE OF TIME READING THIS REVISED VERSION - STILL A WEAK WIMPY MC

Damn most of the dudes posting "criticism" just sound so angry and are projecting their issues with women on this site