All Comments on 'Broken Dream'

for your first story, i enjoyed the read.

why she let her coworker talk about her hubby the way they did.and he tell her to stop working there.weak plot and the marriage wasn't strong.

I could be wrong but it is difficult for a person to write in a language and of a country that isn't their own or wasn't their first.

In spite of those complexities, this writer concieved and delivered a story path involving deceit and manipulations blurred to the point of seeming excess but understandable in a first effort. Relax.

Writer - your talent, imagination and time spent are appreciated in the theme of marital consequence. We hope for more from you at interval - with special thanks and Regard

Very good story, I would love to read about what happened next..... did they get back together

Your writing is very good and if this is your first attempt that makes it even more appreciated. I do wish that some of the writers would come up with more then the Husband always being a Navy Seal. How about a Golden Gloves guy or a just really pissed off husband who is a mean shit when it comes to fighting. I got my ass kicked once by an average Joe who was like 5’-5” and wiry. Who knew I was so cocky and got put down.

Very good story and writing. Looking forward to your next submission.

Regards

Bullshit on the cheating wife, he tried everything possible to stop her........it was all her fault. Forgiving her and staying with her would be a life destroying mistake. Start over with a good woman, let her try and straighten herself out...........but I doubt a whore like that could.

I really see no reason for a second part because it is obvious that they are going their own separate ways. Laura was not an innocent in this story (she was innocent of the criminal activities). She conspired to leave her husband in order to fuck her lover despite several actions on his part to prevent it.

Bottom Line: No one can stop someone from cheating. You can only hold them accountable so that they will be a better partner with the next person.

Excellent writing style which exposed realistic emotions and reactions. Thanks for writing this story.

SleeplessinMD

Well crafted and interesting. Good character development.

The story started pretty clean, but as it went on there were more and more minor typos. You might want to take a look at the volunteer editor program.

His altruism in sacrificing his wife is not believable. It might have been too late to save their marriage anyway, but if he cared for her at all he would have tried. Or he could have cooperated with the authorities but told her the marriage was over if she went to Denver... If she went after that shock, well, hell with her.

I agree, the Seal thing has been way overdone. He had enough motivation, he didn't need to be a trained killer.

These things said, it was a really good first story and you show great promise of being a fine writer.

Good luck! DJ

It was an enjoyable story that did have a few holes in it. It has always been a certainty to me that it is possible for anyone to stumble and end up cheating. Realizing that, I think I would have stopped her when the opportunity was presented. There was relief when he found that she hadn't cheated yet, and he even thwarted the evil whoremonger's plans a time or two. Then, he let his wife go ahead and have the sex, even while she was drugged. That was an abrupt about face in the man's character.

Yes, the Seal card has been played too much but hasn’t the electronic surveillance angle been overused too? Why does everybody have a friend that is a private eye except me? All this time when I thought I was just paranoid, was there really someone out there watching me?

After hearing the name Adaware, I knew I had heard it before and browsed wwwDOTadawareDOTcom. It links to lavasoft. I own one of their programs, called Ad Aware. Better be careful about naming companies. You don’t want to be disrespecting real companies…unless it is Pepsico.

In addition, to Peggytwitty:

Shut up before I have to kick your ass again.

Average Joe

5’-5” and wiry

this was a pretty good story. There is no way they could get back together in real life. She completely betrayed him. It didn't matter what the people in her company did, the wife charged in without a care in the world.

If you do a follow-up, let it be about the husband finding someone who really loves him and let the ex-wife continue her own life.

Very well done!! Your story was emotional and interesting. Looking forward to more of your work.

I add my admiration for your first story to the many others who have commented. I am sure you will get better with each new story you write. Thank you for a very good read.

I believe she had been unfaithful to her husband in that her intent was quite plain. She said to Chaz, "you said you loved me." That means she was responding to those feelings. I do believe some reconciliation could have happened had Jim not allowed the Denver trip, but I didn't write the story so I have to live with what bezelcrix decided.

With that being said, given the result of Denver, there is really no way I see that they would be able to reconcile.

One final thought. I don't believe the authorities would have allowed him to beat Chaz. In my mind that opens the door for him to beat the rap. Oh well.

Thanks for your great efforts. I look forward to your next.

Charleybear

Well writens story. I hope to see many more from you posted soon.

Good first story. The previous commentator had some valid points. I would suggest you find and use a good editor.

Boyd

I enjoyed the story. I wonder if there's a reconciliation sequel in the works. In any casde, I look forward to more from you after this auspicious beginning

Hey, I live in Redding about a half hour from Red Bluff. Send me Laura's phone number.

Although I agree with others that the plot is a bit of "been there done that", there's only so many ways a stupid wife can get into trouble - it's fiction after all and I enjoyed the story. I would like to see a sequel, but you DO need an editor.

Your story kept my interest. Therefore you honored the first rule of storytelling.

Thankyou

Very enjoyable. Hope you write more.

What an arsehole for a husband, jim is nothing short of a scum bag he new she was in trouble from the first time he meet chaz but he let her become seduced by chaz ,then he has the gaul to beat the crap out of him when it was to late to save laura then he crys crocodile tears over her i hope laura finds a man who really loves her

Hey Anon in UK you're a moron. He did just about all he could with out driving her further into Chaz's arms. He if had told her what he know she would have said that he didn't trust her and other crap like that. He had to trust her to do the right thing for it's own sake. If he had stopped it by other means what would have happened when the next Chaz came around? Hmmm? Ever think of that? No I didn't think so.

A bit unrealistic, no law agency would permit his wife to be set up and convicted, especially with the husband involved just because they wanted criminal proof. I can't buy that. And I can't buy either that a husband that loves his wife would let her fall this low either. Maybe he would divorce her, but to watch and wait passively, just letting her fall into the clutches of these crimials...I don't know, it made him less of a man in my eyes, he could have saved her, but he didn't.

Good story but a little rough around the edges with the typos and all that. Anon in uk I don't understand your view to be honest, I am of the belief that we must all make our own decisions and that the husband had to let her make hers. It's the way it has to be in this world.

their right mind would take such a whore back into their life. No not slut, sluts do it for free, she did it for and with regard to work, that means money, and by definition this is a whore/prostitute. If you dont marry a woman with an IQ of less than 70 you have a much better chance of them thinking with their brains instead of their hormones and need to fuck. No woman cheats of accident or because, they do it on purpose. Yeah drugs may be used, alcohol may be used, but the woman has to place herself in the position to be used first. She was going out with her "friends" from work, she consented to live a life separate from her husband. It wasnt an accident she set herself up and and was a willing partner in her own seduction and abuse. Trash is trash, always throw out the trash.

poor laura had to get married and move to the city and in her first job becomes the company slut most people think he should forgive her ,why all she had to say was i'm married leave me alone i love my husband, it was as simple as that, she didn't and he divorced her whose right him or her ileave to you idiots to answer that.

poor laura had to get married and move to the city and in her first job becomes the company slut most people think he should forgive her ,why all she had to say was i'm married leave me alone i love my husband, it was as simple as that, she didn't and he divorced her whose right him or her ileave to you idiots to answer that.

poor laura had to get married and move to the city and in her first job becomes the company slut most people think he should forgive her ,why all she had to say was i'm married leave me alone i love my husband, it was as simple as that, she didn't and he divorced her whose right him or her ileave to you idiots to answer that.

poor laura had to get married and move to the city and in her first job becomes the company slut most people think he should forgive her ,why all she had to say was i'm married leave me alone i love my husband, it was as simple as that, she didn't and he divorced her whose right him or her ileave to you idiots to answer that.

After the divorce Laura will have very low self-esteem for about a year. During that time she be a slut that fucks anything in pants. That is what divorced women do. Then she will settle down and find some other sucker to marry her. When she does, she will have better judgment. Most likely she will fuck other men on occasions, but she will careful.

SOME people should never leave home, they are DNAed for life to a small community. TK U MLJ LV NV

Your story was well crafted in the plot. I had to stop reading it halfway through for work and I couldn't wait to finish it.

That said: GET A FUCKING EDITOR! Quotation marks aren't just accents you throw randomly into paragraphs. Commas are actually useful. Names are not randomly capitalized. Some of your sentences made no sense.

It isn't the writing, it's the rewriting! If you haven't read the story about 5 times (3 if you are VERY good) then you haven't come close to finishing a story.

I mean it. I liked it (though I'm amazed at how many married dudes keep their super ninja powers secret from their wives). But you need to learn more then how to create an engaging plot. You need to put it into a readable format.

I don't get nit picky about an occasional error. I DO write if someone makes an error consistantly. If you want an example of an author who has incredibly improved, try Slirpuff. He found an editor and it tripled the readability of his writing. Other very good authors make consistant mistakes (who shall remain nameless) but otherwise have very well crafted stories.

It is a journey.

The characters were all quite dumb, there were a lot of inconsistency in the setup and timing - and the story was not realistic. Not worth the reading time. Which story did DWornock read? Not this one, I think.

how about a sequel to this or an epilog. TK U MLJ LV NV

I've got to agree with those who pointed out that your story seemed to be more than a little disjointed, wandering in all sorts of directions as it progressed. However, what really left me feeling disappointed in your story was the ending you crafted - specifically, the last sentence.

You just left me (and every other reader) hanging there, waiting for some sort of follow-up to what obviously was a half-expressed thought.

Please, keep on contributing; you've got a lot of potential and that's a gift which should be developed. However, I'd highly recommend using the Editor service which Literotica offers - it's free of charge, and the generous folks who offer ther services as editors will certainly help you to not only polish your work but also give you insights and instruction which can help you grow as an author.

Jim makes a very clear and correct point. The other woman stood by her husband and quit. Laura wanted to hook up with Chaz and betrayed Jim to do it. She worked up to it and had abandoned her marriage before drugs were used on her. The drugs just made her more responsive. She was already willing.

So the ending points about Jim's guilt are bull shit. Laura was an arrogant woman who left her husband. She is an adult. Jim had no rights to stop her. What is he supposed to do? Tie her up to keep her from going? Jim talked to her and explained his concerns and she dismissed him as being jealous. In the meantime she has already been kissing Chaz. It's not jealousy if cheating is actually going on. No husband has real recourse if a wife decides to be unfaithful. All you can do is leave.

As to the excuse that the company were manipulators, of course they were. So are a lot of guys in bars. Laura is responsible to respect her husband and her marriage. Just because people tempt her doesn't get her off the hook. She had the responsibility to resist temptation. She didn't.

And she thinks they are still going to have children together? LOL! What a dope.

what is it on this site, all the men are self blaming pussies. It the end he blames himself for his wife being a whore........WTF

Not as good as this author's other offering but it could have had potential but he ruined it in the end.

they both worked, she cheated and some how you have the husband talking blame for it. It's like the movie, "Unfaithful" with Richard Geer and Diana Lane. She fucking had everything, a great home, a cool kid and a husband that gave her everything and some how that wasn't enough. If that's the case when will anything ever be enough.

The husband should have no guilt. Laura is a big girl and she has to own up to her descions. I believe that even if Jim had told her everything he knewm she would have become mad and accused him of invading her privacy. That's how twisted up Laura's mind was, about what was happening around her. Thank you, for an interesting plot.

Jim didn't need to feel guilty about anything. In fact, the fact that he made a few discreet attempts to short circuit her pending dalliance, he really needed to grow up and realize/accept that his wife was thrilled and excited about the world she was being exposed to AND...she was growing in lust with Chaz to the point of being arrogant, demeaning, disrespectful and haughty with the man she married.

She already knew, even subconsciously, that she was going to get laid, even locally and for sure on the trip. She had no qualms about playing, in fact - she was anxious to get started.

So, too bad, they didn't have a marriage...too bad because he really worshipped the ground she walked on. Her, cheating and being courted was exciting and she was definitely in for the ride.

Thanks. Just didn;t feel the ending suggesting he had some guilt...NO WAY!

Feel like it stopped short of some knd of closure.

I agree with anon - so unfnished. The ending does not feel right for the story line.

The middle (playing watcher) or the end needs to change. They don't blend as is.

Up until then there was some believability, but it tubed at that point. Misspelling his name didn't help either.

Husband should have stopped all of this at the restaurant when he caught wife alone, drunk, and making out with the coworker, all of which a married woman should not be doing and in my opinion is cheatimg. Husband had ample opportunities to stop his wife, at the restaurant when he realizes wife is drunk, or after predator coworker kisses her, or at lunch or before she goes on trip. Husband says he loves wife, but each time, doesn't confront her. He is more interestrd in spying on her to see what she will do than fighting for his wife. He even goes along with her to be used as a whore by the FBI. What kind of husbsnd sits idly by watching his wife being drugged and raped and made a whore.

if you have to stop your wife from being a slut she is already lost.

You barely tried to help your wife. Someone you were supposed to love and care for. She was making a mistake, a big one at that, but you could have and should have stopped her. And yet you didn't. Makes you a wimp in my view Mr. Big Tough Navy Seal. I thought you were supposed to have your friends backs? And you couldn't have your most important friends back? Your wife's back? BAH!

fuck the help shit asshole anon. when you get married the god damn game is over. you cant keep your partner chained up. they make their own decisions. hubby was all over her to get her to understand but she would have nothing to do with it, so she fucked and sucked like any other married cunt slut whore and lost it all. hubby did nothing worng, he tried but he is not her jailer, now someone else is.

Its only a slut, not a real human at all

She made her fuckin' choice WHEN SHE TOOK THE FUCKIN' TRIP!

Now, grow some self-respect along with a set of balls and a brain.

Hubby did the right thing.

5 Big Stars!

Oh, and don't forget to "Vote for Pedro."

Reread this tale. She was a fucking whore skank slut cunt wife who thought she could get away with screwing around at work. Fuck her. Husband was a little wimpy at the end but he didn't take her back. He thought about it but common sense won out. If not now she would have cheated down the road so he made the right decision.

I hate fucking cheaters.

Only a no-life loser would be working his way through the thousands of cheating wife stories here and re-reading and re-commenting - saddest, most pathetic no-life loser ever.

Poor shut-in, there but for the grace of god....

The last three lines! He's thinking - idiot, he knew when he heard her in the restaurant - I'll make it up to you!!!

She didn't respect him or her marriage to stay honest. The excitement was a big turn on and any woman would sense that she was being seduced ... AND...she liked it. Liked the attention so much that she stayed out a lot and lied to her husband.

The way this was written was understandable, any husband loving his wife would be, to some degree, in denial and making excuses/justifications for her actions but reality surfaced and even with reluctance, he did what he knew needed to be done - she was a cheat, willingly and he would neither forget it or ever trust her again.

Good story - Thanks!

about the time you invoked Navy UDT, a unit that stood down in 1983. We'll leave alone that you don't know the difference between loose and lose, since you're l0ser, but c'mon! The husband's boss and colleagues show up at lunchtime at HER workplace?? wtf? The FBI let him sit in on a sting op???? Blow me. Dude, you're why they won't legalize it!

The story had all the elements for greatness but just didn't seem to work.

This is a great start, I hope to read the next segment when it published.

But you need some serious help from a good editor and spellcheck would benefit you too. Leave the Navy Seal crap out. You obviously know nothing about them. Nor do you know anything about how the FBI works cases. And what kind of man doesn't stop his wife when he KNOWS she's about to get into trouble? He certainly demonstrated his lack of love for her by his actions. I gave you a "1" because there were SO many things wrong with this whole mess.

1. It was up to her to walk away from the perverts at work.

2. Once he found out about the perverts, it was up to her husband to call her out and demand and end to it.

3. She chose to go to Denver and officially quit her marriage by cheating and her husband officially allowed her to leave with out telling her what he knew and that she was out of the marriage.

4. Everyone got what they wanted. She didn't want to be married and have kids, she wanted to cheat - she cheated. She would not have risked the marriage if cheating was not more important to her. He wanted to get rid of a cheater - he did. He would not have let her walk out of his life if she was worth it - she wasn't. There really is no need to blame anyone, they both made their choices. Funny how things kind of work out for the best when you think it through! Oh you can feel sorry for Laura, but she obviously didn't really want a good life, she wanted to be a dirty little hooker. He wanted a wife, a life partner, a mother for his children - selfish sluts need not apply.

You left the door open for reconciliation.

Remember = she was meeting with Chaz 2-3 times a week and treating her husband like he was an insecure ass.

In the restaurant she kissed Chaz back - easily and then...when she left Chaz at the elevator to meet hubby she ran back and aggressively kissed Chaz.

She ALWAYS knew she would fuck Chaz and would have already if hubby hadn't kept interfering.

So...even tho she was drugged in Denver, she went to Chaz fully intent to fuck him - husband - give me a break, she had decided weeks ago that she was Chaz's woman so...

Divorce - Damn Right. Yes, she was shook, learned a major lesson but at some point she would have to deal with the fact that she was easily persuaded to fuck around! Would that ever change...who knows - doubtful!

So finally, you left the door open in the last four sentences of a good story...you really pissed some of us off with that crap, and after writing a good common sense and potential reality story...DAMN YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Couldn't go any higher. I never did see a real reason for him to wait as his "innocent" wife was pulled deeper into the mess. Good writing but the plot could not support itself.

bad. Needed an editor/proofreader.

can't read this shit. get an editor. a good one.

3 is the best I can do. too many questions about story

could have stopped her 100 times. this crap needs editing. 1/5

The only thing the dopey husband has in common with a seal,is the intelligence of one with flippers! What a dumb fuck! If he really loved his wife he would have cut it off at the restaurant,confronted her,and MADE her see what Chaz was up to!

- Because his Fed friend asked him to,he sat by while GladAss drugged him and then watched his wife get fucked?! A Seal? More like a weasel! He's as responsible for the marriage ending as she is!

- All that remains at the end of this shit should be that the world is a better place because these two shitty people didn't have an off-spring!!!

why regret throwing out garbage? 1*

It is always hard to put your work out for others. That being said, I agree that you need an editor. They catch things, help you see different points of view, they generally help you with your stories. There are many good volunteer editors on this site, so use one and keep writing.

Seriously consider creating a second chapter for this story. Review some of the comments and see if any can be fleshed out. If he understands he made a mistake, maybe he could fix it.

A story like I like 'em. She got what a whore wife would deserve in real life!

If the writing was at least passable, I would have rated this a 5. You have a really good story, but you need some help with your writing.

. . . it ended absolutely terribly. Your writing is atrocious. You desperately need an editor. 2* for the effort, but clean it up. Even proof-reading on your own would have helped.

... if the husband had stopped her instead of letting her go... and if an good editor had done some proofreading...

Wife was seduced, drugged and raped. So he divorces her. Really plausible. She is better off without the sanctimonious loser,

A good story, good idea, but poor execution of the writing.

i know i makes for crap stories but what i dont understand is why evry male lets there wife cheat on them on literotica couze i would just have confronted her

I liked the way the husband threw her out. Hope that he finds true love later.

why the husband was accepting any blame at all in his mind. From the time she was kissing Chaz, including her being the aggressor before they were going to go to Chaz's room, the marriage was as good as over. She went to Denver expecting and intending to get fucked. There was nothing in the story that the husband had done to cause his wife to cheat.

The fact of the drug is a red herring. She intended to cheat and she did, but before having intercourse the marriage was already toast.

It's hard to understand her motivation other than simply adultery, but maybe that's all there is. He could beat on Chaz for 30 years and Chaz would not get all that is coming to him.

One thing about the phrase "...but all in all my work was still above par." Actually, doing well at golf is shooting below par. Above par means not as great.

please truly end the story

If you want to write about a fictional character with a prior-service military background, it would help if you knew something about the military. UDT was merged with SEALS about 40 years ago. Very few, if any, SEALS are small guys.

I realize that this is an older STORY and I'm not sure if you'll even see these comments . This had the makings of a good STORY if only you knew how to write. It was very difficult to get through. For heavens sakes...get an editor!!!

Her behaviour had made it clear she was ready to cheat and she put herself in the position to get assaulted. There's no reason to trust her in the future and no reason to keep her. Having him crying thinking he too had failed was nonsense.

A story of betray=yal. Never funk with another man’s woman, funk face.

TOO BAD THE AUTHOR IS NOT ACTIVE!

Thats was bad. I mean really bad, I got through the Hotel bar when the dipshit called her and it was so bad I walked away. That hubby was written as such an idiot at that point I'd have rather had a conversation with one of the fascist loving Trump supporters in his MAGA cult.

I blame the husband. His number i job is to povide and protect his family. He should have stopped it fuck the government. As the man he should have protected her from herself. Then divorce her

Thank goodness this pathetic author was "two and through."

He should have dumped her when she went to the elevator of the hotel in the beginning.

Pathetic story with no end.

The whole thing was laughable, but the line "Something I learned from Steven Segal" gave me a true belly laugh.

lamenting the precious moments spent waiting for this story to get better.....;/

The only way for this story to get worse was for him to take her back.

+1 to the previous comments

Was going downhill until the Steven Segal name-drop, that got a laugh out of me.

I felt this was a fresh approach and enjoyed it.

My only thought was to follow the family's reaction and her shame, She never really confronted the issues with him and that left me wanting to hear from her about the confrontation. then elaborate on what happens in court and to a couple of the other women. Divorce shame etc.

I gave it a five felling generous.

I took two stars off for the last sentence.

Pretty much an unfinished story. Maybe FTDS will come to the rescue.

1 star - your English grammar was so bad, it was too difficult to read.

WHERE ARE THE TAGS ??????