All Comments on 'Broken Kingdom'

This was kinda hard to read with all of the tense changes mid paragraph. I recommend finding someone to proof read your work and clean it up before submitting.

I hear you on the grammar, it's a giant weak point in my writing. I'm trying to find an editor. If any editor is reading this and wants to help me with the story, I would greatly appreciate the help.

It was good will there be more parts hopefully

I'm almost done with the second chapter. I'll try to do at least a chapter a week. College workload is pretty light currently so might submit a bit more.

i cant read this. grammer is horrible. spelling? syntax on and on. you need someone not inly to proof read but to save your story from you. all over the place story telling. reread your story and you will see

If you are going to copy, pick a good story as this it is not the best one to copy as it quite a crappy one.

just a little outside info, I posted this story on another website under the account "the_fallen". I know it's not an amazing story hopefully it will be once I find an editor but I haven't I copied this story from anywhere and vice versa. if I wanted to I would've picked a story that had a bunch of chapters lol.

Seems a bit short there was that statement of at least a chapter a week, so roughly 18 chapters short then, or did the ideas run out. Not a bad start but seriously never make promises or statements like that one unless you intend to keep it. Shame really as what there is has the makings of a good tale

So finally I was able to upload this. It's an overhauled first chapter, I'm working on reworking the second chapter so those who are following this story. Still working on it, as said before, love it or hate it. Drop your comments, and enjoy!

But the writing.. It's almost unreadable. These 5 pages took me longer to read than a few dozen should have.

I'd recommend making each progressive event be slightly more separate. it's way too confusing right now.

Please check your language , this is awesome but way confusing right now