All Comments on 'Broken Trust on the Homefront'

Good first story!

5

Very good first story - thank you. Looking forward to the next chapter

Well done. 5

Some stuff off on the military part so I’ll rate both when part 2 comes out

I absolutely hate that this story was not titled "Part 1". This site is littered with unfinished stories, so I make it a point not to start anything that isn't complete. I see that this is the author's first story so instead of leaving a bad rating, I'll just give some advice. Title multipart stories as so, at the end of each chapter, finish with "to be continued". At the last chapter, title it with the name, then "- end". Put "The End" at the end of the story.

WOW! Excellent story in capturing the feelings of returning veterans with emotional scars from war. Insightful explanation on how people adjust and move on with life rather than being frozen in time. This is like reading an updated version of the classic movie, "The Best Years of our Lives". Looking forward to the next installment.

Very good 1st story with a good plot, maturing and trying to find one’s self through so much bloodshed and yet no mention of PTSD. The ongoing episode with Jen was and should have been over in a confrontation when he saw her scanty pic texted to her “other” boyfriend!!!!! He doesn’t like Gavin and apparently hates him, and punched him once, and then does nothing????

There were a few places where the word context and form were a bit off, but a very good 1st. Please don’t always assume that spell check fixes everything as it only checks word spelling, even if the it doesn’t fit.

Can’t wait for Part 2 and see how things are working out for his future.

I would like to think that the Army would be more aware of the psychological vulnerability of their very young soldiers. When one loses a couple of close buddies there should be help available. Each soldier should be told to watch out for his buddies mental collapse upon the loss of a close buddy. In this tale it was too convenient for Robert to find out that Jen had been cheating on him since he left on deployment, thus justifying the transfer of his affections to Tally. The whole story is screwed up and although it is possible for these things to happen, it takes a superior story writer to get through it reasonably. This was certainly not the case. He took on too big a task and failed. 2*

> First story, full send.

I saw this on the first line - and thought this was a complete story - not just part 1.

A couple of places where the military jargon lost me - and I'm retired Army. (Must be new-fangled stuff.)

PTSD is real. 22-per-day.

Powerful story! I’m former Air Force so I don’t know, but wouldn’t his unit be checking in on him after what he went through? He’s in no condition to deploy again and would be a risk to his unit. If nothing else, they should let an NCO know. 4.4*

Very difficult story to read. I look forward to the next installment.

What's up with Tally? According to her Jen has been Jodying around with Gavin since the day Robert left for the war. According to the messages Robert read on Jen's phone it was more of a slow process. Which was it? What's Tally's agenda? Think about it for a second Robert. Can either of these women really be trusted? 4 stars. Pretty good but not perfect. What circle of hell do Jodie's go to? Hoping Gavin finds out in part 2.

I hope you continue writing! I feel this story shows a lot of writing talent and promise. There may have been one or two spellings or grammar things that caused me to pause for a few seconds, but I was too engaged with your story to take much note of them. Also I'm not an expert on storylines, character development, etc... but I, for one, am really impressed with your writing talent and hope you continue. I appreciate that the great majority of Lit Writers are not pros and spend a lot of time (without payment) entertaining people like me. If someone's writing is poor, I just move on to another story and hope it's better. In this case, I did not want to quit reading when I had to. I would much rather have the enjoyment of reading strongly-written stories like this than read 'perfectly written' (non-existent in my experience) stories that have less impact. This story grabbed me early in the telling, had me very engaged with the main characters, and leaves me very hopeful that we'll soon see Part 2. Great first run!

Thank you all for the love already! Holy shit this truly blew my mind. Addressing some things:

Part 2 IS on the way! I just ran myself into a wall and have to re-do a bit of things but it is what it is.

@Turning Agreed, it's not meant to be entirely up to date BUT it works for the plot.

@Overcritical So this is kinda mirroring my first deployment, I had zero support from everyone except the people these characters are based off of. Jen-Rob was a little rough, but because this is my first story, I honestly winged it.

Please continue, I can hardly wait for more. The demons never leave.

To clarify to a lot of comments, either past or future, the issue of no one reaching out to Robert was a direct reflection of what happened with me on my first deployment. Leadership just did not give a fuck about the new guy. I coped with hanging out with the real people Morten and Pyler are based on, and they did their best but it didn't work.

Now we have systems in place because so many people lost the war to depression and PTSD and leaders who care, whether it's to save their own asses and look good for promotion boards or out of genuine care. I just wished I had someone who could've helped me out when I was at my lowest.

get your ass in gear - please

Hit close to home. wasn;t in the sand box but was in the mts,pattys,and slime back in the 60ths. still get antsy when i hear pop pop pop.

Fantastic first story

5stars

Jody/Gavin has a lot to answer for. Robert needs to deal with that quickly then move on to a better future with a better woman (Tally).

Great story! Need to see how it ends so finish writing the next part and upload it!!!

Update, Part 2 is almost completed. I tried getting it out before I went to the field, but I couldn't quite get it there. I'll finish and upload once I get back home from the field!

Good but Should have been loving wives

First, thank you so much for writing this story. We, as a nation, need to hear these stories that result when we send young people off to do our dirty work. Perhaps it is true that better supports have been put into place, but there are still many people both in and out of uniform that are suffering. Being retired from a civilian public safety EMS career, I’ve met many.

Don’t worry too much about commenters that tell you your story should be different. It’s your story, whether fact, fiction, or some blend of the two. You can write it however you want!

Typos and misuse of words can be distracting for a reader, but I don’t think you’ve done too badly in this one. I would encourage you to edit carefully and seek help with that if you can. A clean well-edited story shows your respect for your readers.

Due to the impact and subject matter, I’ve got to say 5* from me. It’s a great first story. Thank you for writing and thank you for sharing your work.

Fuck, the feelings this dredged up I was not prepared for. Well done.

See the comments from the other readers. Enjoyed this part of the story - watching for the continuation. Keep up the good writing, as I look forward to your future stories.

Excellent writing. The extensive use of personification, metaphors, alteration, and simile added great depth to the facts and the emotional heart of the story. Robert was torn between his battle experiences and the fear that his girlfriend was cheating. It was easy to understand the feelings of both Robert and Jennifer and thus come to know why they acted the way they did. The story's structure is near perfect with a blend of both their feelings. The emotional depth of the story made it difficult not to identify with either of the characters. I have never been in battle but from what I heard Robert is suffering from PTSD and needs professional help.

Great storytelling! I was fully invested in the main character and really wanting for the revelations. The next chapter begins the truly interesting payoff so I hope you are working on it!

Damn can't wait to heart part two and the escapades of Jen

Mother fucker.

Glad your character did not join the 22 club.

Been there got the fucking tee shirt…

Got the divorce too… damned slut…and took my kids.

Fucking courts…

I hope his rage finds a good outlet …. Booze only numbs the pain for a little while

Damn good read…

Fuck. You hit me right in the forehead. Everything slowed down for me too. It was like I was in the fucking Matrix movie. Still pain in the mind and body. Lost my knee and 3 inches of my femur.