All Comments on 'Brother Comes Home'

hard to follow peace of crap. I spells like yu du

The plot idea was good but it was very hard to follow when you switch between characters speaking in the same paragraph and the spelling errors don't help either.

I read the story and I decide it sucks big time.

This fuckin' story sucks!!!!

I will give you props as the plot being good. Although, when switching between characters it would have been better to clarify, and I felt that this was just way to much of roleplaying, as I don't mind it but I came for a story not a play.

I could point out so many flaws but rather not waist my time, will all due respect. I just hope that your second chapter turns out better if you make one, please try to revision it.

I thought your idea for the story was good, but switching from a 1st-person point of view to a 3rd-person throughout the story left me confused. Also, he brother hasn't been in touch with her for five years - how does he know his cock is bigger than her last boyfriend's?

You didn't characterize the players very well, either. I mean, we don't even know the protagonists' names (and it appears THEY don't know them either, "Fuck me brother?"). She wouldn't have said his name in this situation?

Anyway, good try - keep writing, as you will no doubt improve over time.

Try that again with more details and in third person.

that was a fantastic story, needs to be continued, I am so hot right now. it turned me on so much. keep the stories coming. nothing kinky, kinkness turns me off.completely. thanks again.

great job

who allowed this so called story to be posted? this is nothing but a first draft and NEVER should have been posted with out a major rewrite. now delete it and run it through a good editor and never post a story without going through a good editor first.

The way this story kept jumping from 1st to 3rd person left me wondering who what telling the story most of the time.

Very poor writing style meant I stopped reading it less than a 3rd of the way through

People are thinking that you accidentally wrote this in first person perspective, but I see what you did there...I love the way you wrote this because it makes it easier to put yourself in the story. It's so hot to put yourself in the brother or sister's position, and you already did all the work of changing the point of view sort of like a choose your own adventure story with out the choices...

This isn't a piece of crap, you're all just too fucking retarded to figure out who the fuck is talking. It may not be perfect but it's short, sweet, and hot. More please :)

no background no character development no end all add up to a waste of time. who are they and why should we care about them. why did he leave? why did he come back? what happens now? delete this first draft and rewrite it properly using a good editor then and only then it might be worth trying to read.

Good job, I don't often read in 2nd person(correct me if I'm wrong) but I liked it

Nothing else.

he was happy to have 12 yr old pussy again. he wasn't ready for a woman...

Come on! You can't leave us hanging here. Way to many lose ends. There's two or three chapters to go.

XYZ