All Comments on 'Brotherly Love'

i stopped on page two when you killed off the parents and had the sister raped and killed keep the garbage out of the stories or put them in the nonerotic area you just killed a story that was getting good and i will never finish i wish i could give a negative vote for this one

DBRS

Agree. The deaths and rape killed the mood of the story.

But there's a tempo that has to be maintained in a story to keep it from being boring. The story seemed to drag a little in the middle pages.

A lot of the story has been about him trying to fuck his sister who seems to be scared of ruining their relationship. Since he is her only living relative to whom she wants to associate with, he had to put up with her teasing. It just became a bit boring after a few pages of nothing more than her teasing him.

So in the last paragraph he finally gets to stick his dick in her, but the story ends, that's a shame.

I think the story needs more of how he can fuck over his dad's sister and get the money back that she stole from them. That was one of the parts that didn't seem quite right. It didn't feel right when I read that part.

None the less I scored a 5 star when voting, there's a lot to this story still untold.

I understand the reason behind the murder/rape part, to get the "all alone in the world"-setting. It could perhaps have been done in a less brutal way, say a car accident or house fire, but still it is an essential part of the story. Unfortunately, you spend too much time on the teasing and too little on sex.

" 'Then you'd better come' she says moving faster 'because I want to come too.'

The next morning I am awakened early by her sucking on my earlobe."

I get the feeling of a steamy R-rated/softporn movie that ends 15 minutes early...

Grammatical errors abound. Punctuation errors abound. Not only that, you don't use ' for " when using quotations. Many on here will say that it doesn't matter. It DOES matter. It's not proper. Maybe it is if you're an uneducated robot.

I have read a lot of these stories but rarely comment. I think you have a great story but agree with most of the comments below. It would be nice to see you do a second part that develops their new romantic relationship and maybe involves some story line with the aunt. Also, while I do sometimes read nonconsent and rape stuff, the rape/murder in the middle kind of killed the mood. Unless you are writing a snuff story (which I am not a fan), death should usually not be as cold or graphic.

I liked it, it would just be great to have a part 2 to see the relationship grow.

Or was that one sentence of sex?

The romance was the best part of this story, and you ended it just as they consummated their love. Just as he stuck it in, rather. Then, CUT!

Unfulfilled, unsatisfying -- FRUSTRATING.

And it was soooo good until then, too. Damn.

I appreciate all of the comments above, and all of the useful input as well :) I have much more to add to this story, and having never done something like this before. The last story I have written would be back in high school,(my highest education, of which I am not proud, but explains my punctuation and grammar) too many years ago. Its both intimidating yet helpful reading these comments, and I will try harder in my next installment, especially in the sex scenes where I tend to fall flat.If anybody is willing to help me edit this story after I rewrite it, please let me know! I can't understand how I've gone wrong with punctuation, and would be glad for an example. I doubt I can please everybody with a rewrite, as certain things I don't want to change; on the other hand, many things as I look at them, I was silly not to( like the death and rape - my apologies for that :p) but theres some good ideas floating around here, that I will definetly use, and I thank you guys for it :D love and light to all!

As I have read this now twice to fully grasp the concept that you are trying to portray here I must say that your story seems to have the good basics of amazing potential. I love how you have gone into depth of building their relationship of affection for one another and to show the relationship between a brother and sister. I was unfortunately disappointed due to the fact that your whole story was based on the same fact of brother trying to get sister to accept a sexual relationship, and that every page was pretty much the same thing. I feel that you could narrow the affection and tease down to one page and to focus more on them finally reaching the sexual climax of sexual pleasure. As for the tragedy in the story it doesn't seem to quite fit into the story itself, as it kind of kills the mood between the sister and brother, and the relationship they have been building. Anyways, overall, your story is fantastic :) you just need to rethink some areas of your story to really bring it up to its full potential. Hoping to see a part 2 with more depth into the sexual relationship, very well done.

I look forward to more of this story. It is good keeps it right up to the end

you refer to her lady bits as "her sex" continuously throughout the story. it is dumb sounding and tiring, and by the end was making me cringe. try to mix it up and use some more veracious terms in future stories :)

I enjoy the build up of the relationship. One idea is to just start the story saying their parents have died and they have an inheritance - avoids the jolt of the murders etc. I saw both of them being a tease for each other as they worked their way along this path of sibling love evolving to sibling erotic love. I am very into the relationship of the people involved and their love for each other.

Thanks for sharing your story ...... I hope you do a continuation .... where do they evolve their relationship from here ........ many many options.

Thanks

Overstretched and heavily disappointing!

So disappointed. Towards the end I was getting annoyed of the playing and pissed off at her holding out. He has a patience of a saint to put up with her. Esspecially being 5 pages I thought I'd get a full story.

Please keep up the great work! I hope there's another chapter soon ... also hopefully there will be more than them "just playing"! Looking forward to it!

A tad drawn out. I would have liked to get to the climax of the story sooner. The in-depth explanation of the heritage and other technical factors was a bit boring. It's a bit disappointing to have the brother achieve his main goal of sex with his sister with only a few lines covering it at the end, so more into that experience would have been nice. Also, the whole "her sex" thing was silly. But other than that, this is a great story, nice work..

What a waste of time, I've read five pages of no sex fic.

This is bullshit! 1st of all you're grammar and spelling is for shit, 2nd the whole time she doesn't even put out, and 3rd it's five fucking pages long w/no sex!!!

It was excelent for me except for the last part and the murder thingy, but overall it was a pleasure to read and I know it got less "real sex' in it but I thought it was good, it would be awesome if you continuing with the part 2 of the story.

Well done. You got a lot of creativity and naughty fantasy lol

Your story is so long and very much boring introduction tease and suspense is only good for literature.

Joe Pyke

I think you've came up with a very good plot and the scenery is clearly visible... though this is an incest storie, it still lacks it's high point which is Beginning at it's very end!

The final part ended too abruptly and perhaps it makes perfect sense, but i would recommend you to extend the action for more two or three days in it, because you gave many descriptions such as the aunt's storie at the vry beginning...

The story itself though is very catchy to the eye, and it has well selected high moments of sexuality between the two siblings.

I would seriously recommend you to re-write the end of it, or even make a plausible extension, but do not make the mistake to change your writting style! that is one of this storie's key strings.

Congrats for the Naughty work! :P

hey i think this story is pretty interesting, if your a reading sort of person.

but seriously, the dad being shot twice in the chest and the mother shot (somewhere?) was pushing it, but then to have his oldest sister abducted, raped and murdered????????

that just ruined the entire story, not to mention my mood...

it actually made me sad!! i was hoping Dan would seek vengeance and mutilate the living shit out of the murderers!

on the other hand, with that skill and intense emotion and detail, you could write a novel, not neccesarily erotic, but a decent novel.

This is a decent story. The ending is a bit abrupt and perhaps should be extended to just after they finish in the shower. However, over all there is good imagery and a fairly solid set of characters.

i really enjoyed this story the teasing really got me off i kinda overlooked the murdering thing. But i really liked the whole story. It ended a bit abrupt like another all ready stated but overall was really satisfying :)

This story was just way too long, and I found the climax very disappointing.

I read this with a great deal of arousal because the premise was exquisite. The execution just a bit less so. I found the murders to be a bit jarring, but you needed something to move the story along. All the excruciating teasing deserved a much more prolonged conclusion, instead of a hastily crafted last paragraph that made it feel like you were tired of writing and just wanted the thing to end. I have to confess, however, that for the most part I was aroused and enjoyed it.

Dude the story was just great..... why dont you get into writing.....as in real novels and all....

Way too long for way too little.

This should be made into one of thoses novels. The story had some clues to it also. Left hand in the car, must be foreign counrty. The use of the words "loo" maybe some where in europe (london?).

the story was very good but cuold hv been better

I shot my load on page two. Too bad i coukldn't wait. page three was very realistic.

you stopped to soon, lets have more

good story mate keep going now!

Keep it going! Don't stop!

Im working on a complete rewrite of this story as well as a chapter two. stay tuned lol

that was quite a bit of build up for what was pretty much " and then they made love"

FIVE pages to get NOWHERE!!!

Please write more!!!!!!!!!!!

quite a story, well written and very enjoyable. but it needs MOAR!!!!

Thanks for nothing. That was a mean piece of tease....my curse on you: May the dudes you try to fuck early ejaculate after a promising buildup. Shit!

Well from a writers perspective, very well done well written and it flowed very smoothly. The love emphasizes with all that has happened, the right mix of anger, sadness, and love, it was a very very well done story.

Now from a guys perspective. OMG WHY DID YOU STOP!!!! I WANT MORE I WANT THEM TO HAVE SEX GRRRRRR ITS A SEXY STORY AND JUST ENDS LIKE THE FIRST STAR WARS MOVIE EVER MADE WHHHHHHYYYYYY DID YOU STOP /CRY\

u throw death and mutilation in there?.......cant keep an erection with those things.glad i jumped to the end to see the comments so i didnt waste my time to go nowhere

it was one of the best incest stories that i have ever read. it conveys the normal laws about writing a short story and goes up and beyond the greatness factor. please make apart two of this story like what happened after that first time of them having sex and how there life heads from there.

Hmmm... you need more explaing them/u (idk) having sex, i expected a bit more for that part but instead it was plain and can kill a boner due to how short and unintresting it was, add moar to the sex part and youll be doing fine

But i must say, very well done

Just simply exceptional at every turn. Isat here for 3 hours and read it twice. I really enjoyed the huge teases it really brought back memories.

Wow, is this a true story? It was so amazing, I could just picture it all throughout the whole story. Very well done and please make a part 2!

love this story you could picture what was happining and the storyline was intense an i thought the story for call of duty black ops was good

absolutely stunning,this story rocks.......

Hey, I'm a Highschool drop out, so don't feel bad. I am not the best at grammar/punctuation but would love to help you with a rewrite! Email: Eragon49@gmail.com. Hit me up if you get a chance, and I will definitely see what I can do. :)

Now onto the main point of comment:

The plot is very detailed and built, but I feel the murders could have been less brutal, but it was good. I liked how they were constantly teasing eachother, building their relationship, and their sort of, mini feud with Lydia. And the inheritance really made the story that much more realistic. A few basic tips when using Quotes... Each character speaking starts a new paragraph or line, example: "Eric, get over here!" Mother shouted. "You broke my vase!"

"Sorry Mom!" Eric called back. "I didn't mean to, I was just running by with my friend and it fell..."

"Try not to break anything else, that was expensive. Okay dear?" Eric's mother said softly.

"Okay Mom... Sorry." Eric replied, before jogging back to his room.

I am horrible at explaining things, but I hope this has helped you!

PS: Not every story has to contain detailed sex, it doesn't need sex to be erotic. The people who want sex just need a crutch to fill in what their imagination can't create for itself.

Story kept me reading all the way through, but the ending was entirely too quick and too short compared to all the detail in the story.

Great story! just wish that the ending was longer...

Made me cum twice while reading this!

I think I came 3 or 4 times, one of the better stories read in a long time, have to say thanks for the story. Almost better than sex with hot chicks, was better than sex with fat chicks though!

i was stuck up to my screen till the last such a great treat but u should nt do with a sibbling sorry to say so but it is a offense and also crossing morals

The story has a wonderful tantalizing thread running through it, only to be cut short at the end with no detail of how the two actully fucked each other. came several times, and will read it again soon, hopiong you've added a bit more detail at the end.

Oh god... the story is insanely perfect... I was feeling horny and cumming in every part whenever she'd tease you! ohhh I could imagine things clearly.. THE BEST!

this was awesome, I wanted to cum sooo bad but I waited for the penetraton and boy was that worth it. I almost didn't make it. Btw I'm a girl. Thanks.

Simply amazing I loved everything about this story.

I really felt the connection between the two and the moral dilemma felt by Katy. Brilliant.

i got turned on...but my hard on went down so fast it almost hurt when you started talking rape and death...no...just no.

Enjoyed the story but dragged out to long. I was expecting the ending to be a little more exciting after such a long read!

I loved that. It did go on a bit but the mother father and sister killed. Thought you might have included the other sister

This is the best incest story i've ever read.

It wasn't like all the others, where it starts off right away with i wanna to fuck my sister and then it happens.

You made it believable. It was VERY well written, you built the story nicely and actually made it realistic

But I found this booring as fuck!

But I found this story boring as fuck!

This is the worst brother sister story ever on this site. It's long and boring and just not believable. No person male, female, brother or sister acts like this teasing little bitch does and still has any kind of relationship with the opposite sex. So unless you do a complete rewrite I can't see anyone wanting to read more of this bad relationship.

You quite literally made me read two long pages worth of bullshit just to end it with fucking nothing. Look up the meaning of incest fucko, and keep your readers entertained. Oh ad fyi, i woulf rape and kill your stupid whore of a sister.

Looking Forward To Part Two...

Please countinue!!! This is such a good story !! Don't let bad comments stop u . You are awesome!!

If you start it, finish it!