Brotherly Love Ch. 03 of 03

I licked my lips while observing the conflict in my beloved wife's eyes. Aching in my heart at the next step, I plunged in "We will need to discuss how to tell him. What amount of truthful detail to reveal to him. I have a muddling journal and photos collected of my brother's life to show him."

I shifted about, uncomfortably in my seat "The sticky point will be explaining how, why, you Meg, became his mother......"

I felt twinges of pity and guilt as I saw the waves of strong emotions that washed across my wife's face. I could not urge her to do this next step. She has to voice her willingness to be the hero. Volunteer to be the sacrificial goat.

She swallowed the lump in her throat and courageously consented to take the bullet "A little white lie? I could tell him that his biological father and I were at a party and we both drank too much and mistakenly wound up together back at my hotel room. I do not remember what happened that night but the obvious conclusion is that his father, your brother Charles and I must have had unprotected intercourse."

I nodded as I handed her my kerchief to dab with at the tears leaking from her beautiful eyes. Good thing through all of this was, she wasn't wearing any makeup except a light blush lipstick.

Then I firmly interjected "Not a lie, dear. Everything you said is true and cannot be proven false. All we are doing is leaving out a couple of the extra details that would trouble Byron's conscience."

She nodded her acceptance of my interpretation and went on "You Robert, then arrived back from Rotterdam. Charles had left before I awoke. I must have blacked out the act of sex with Charlie. I have absolutely no memory of what happened that night. You and I became rather romantic the next evening and then a few weeks later, I turned up pregnant. We were both certain that you were the father."

God, it's so damn cute how she scrunches her nose when she is thinking of what to say as she is considering a vexing problem.

In measured tones she lays out her thoughts "This is a morality tale, a warning about careless drinking. I would be willing to bear some of the personal blame so that my son...Our son! Does not have to bear the burden of knowing his biological father was a rapist. "

"Dearest Megan, you are a superior person for accepting the blame upon yourself to protect Byron. Together, you and I, could ease him into knowing the better qualities of my brother."

As we were walking out of the pub to the hard-standing where I had parked our SUV, I said "That will lead to the question of Charley's death. A stern warning of the terrible consequences of drinking and driving. That took his biological father away from us all too soon. He does not need to know that Charley possibly was a suicide. The actual circumstances need never be discussed again."

Buckling up, I was peering around, preparative to reversing out from the parking space into the road "One more thing, Meg. I think we should consider waiting a few days before we tell Byron. Give ourselves time to get over the shock of this day. Time to reconsider what we want to say. How we will want to say it."

"Oh, uhm, okay Rob. You are probably right. We need to discuss this, rehearse? A couple of times before we confront him with this news. We need to be in full agreement, united front and all that."

I grunted agreement.Damn! That idiot van driver is trying to back out of a blind alley.I blasted him with my horn. The van shuddered to a halt then, with a crash of gears audible enough to make me cringe, crawled back in between the buildings, letting us pass.

As we picked up our children at each of their schools, their wary looks and silence signaled that they had noticed that the two of us seemed rather subdued. They were surprised to see me driving, usually I would be working this time of day and their mother would be chauffeur. Once Byron had belted himself and before I could shift out of park, Joanne leaned over the back of my seat, placing a firm hand on my shoulder and demanded.

"Okay you two. We are not gooseberries. We know you had another doctors appointment today. Please tell us what is going on."

Meg twisted around in her front seat, facing on the diagonal, our 14 year old daughter, looking her fearlessly in the eye and blatantly lied. Megan must have realized that she needed to be prepared for just such a confrontation.

"Jo, kids, no, it is NOT a serious medical problem. What it is, the doctor warning me that I cannot physically risk another pregnancy. That I need to consider scheduling a full hysterectomy to prevent a possible miscarriage."

Kerry at five, is too young to understand, she was reassured by Meg's confidant tone. Byron, who is eight, also lacked context plus he was embarrassed by even the mention of female bits and bothers. Especially those of his own mother. He was happy to promptly ignore and forget, and go back to daydreaming about heroic boy activities.

Joanne and Melody looked uneasily at one another but fourteen year old Jo nodded at her twelve year old sister, so our 'little song' relaxed with a look of relief.

As I shifted into drive, I checked the mirror and saw the reflection of Jo's eyes. She was staring back at me with an obviously forced look of too early maturity. My stomach sank when I realized that she knew her mother had lied.

She must remember that her mother had her tubes tied five years ago, right after Kerry's birth. Maybe, that I had my vasectomy soon after. But, our 'young woman' intended to wait until she could talk to us in private. So as not to burden her sisters and brother with her doubts and fears.

I'd hazard all the children had been talking to one another about our going to the doctor so often. Ignorance breeds fear and Joanne had smartly confronted us, all together, deliberately to reassure the other children.

Damn! She's smart for a teenager. How long has it been since we've had time for a game of chess? It's like she's two moves ahead of us!I felt so proud of her at that moment. From the careful look on Megan's face, it was obvious she was thinking hard about how to handle her oldest daughter. From Jo's determined expression, I knew it would be difficult to convince her that she should let this matter lay with a lie.

Kerry had her bath, she said her prayers and I put her to bed, I read her a couple of her favorite Dr. Seuss stories before she nodded off.

Megan was helping Byron organize the reference material he needed for his share of a class project.

Joanne and Melody had finished cleaning up the kitchen and were watching the delayed broadcast of the European Women's Football Championship on the telly in the family room while quizzing each other as they studied for upcoming tests while simultaneously phoning their friends with my mobile.

Once Melody went off to her bath and bed and Byron was reading my old copy of Heinlein's 'Space Cadet' in his bed, we sat down with Jo for our talk.

Megan began with "Joanne, sweetie, you want the complete truth about the recent doctor consultations. The first truth is, there is no health issue at stake here. Your father and I and all four of you kids are as healthy as the proverbial drayhorse."

I voiced my agreement "You do not have to be concerned that any of us are ill. We are both of the opinion that you ARE mature enough to be told, IF there were any serious issues."

Jo nodded her understanding but from the askance look she gave me and the way she was twisting her fingers in her lap, I could see that she was not completely mollified. She was still skeptical, whether or not we are telling her The Complete Truth. Our lovely young woman is certainly intelligent enough to understand the difference.

Megan hunched forward and quietly asked "Do you believe that we are being honest with you?"

"Yes Mum. Just, well, just that I know, I can tell. There is something more going on between you two! Something is bothering the both of you! Mum, I could see that you had been crying earlier. Please tell me that the two of you are not splitting up."

We were both horrified at that! I uttered a strangled denial while Meg blurted out "Oh my God, No! Never! Please believe me, that is Not our problem."

Megan sighed heavily and pressed on, as Joanne's shoulders slumped in relief.

"Now, the second truth is, there are other issues, other then medical, that doctors have to contend with. The problem with discussing this specific 'truth' with you, is that it does not belong to you. Rather, this personal 'truth' is about another member of our family. Please, relax, they are fine, they are not sick.

But! This 'truth' is a private issue that belongs to them. If they volunteer to discuss it with you. When they choose to come to you and talk about it. We would not have any problem with that. Afterwards, you should have any questions or concerns, please come to both of us or either of us and we will then be willing to discuss the issues raised."

I reached over and gently squeezed the back of the teenager's hands and tried for a confident tone "We are not asking you to keep your head in the sand. We do insist that if you are approached, whatever is divulged in confidence, that you respect that person's privacy and keep it to yourself unless you feel the need to talk to us about their issue."

Megan tried for reassurance "You do believe that you can come to us? Talk freely to us about any issue that you are concerned about. We are your parents, maybe we are not always fair but we will always love you. Whatever the problem or situation, we want what we believe is best, what is safe for you. For all our children."

I tried to find the words to help Jo understand the need for discretion "Jo dear, you young women, as you mature, have your private needs or as private as your mother will permit. She had similar concerns when she was your age. Your Mum can guide you and advise you through what you are experiencing as you grow up."

It was cute, how just like her mother, her little nose scrunched up at the 'ewww' factor.

"Unless there was a serious problem, either physical or psychological. Then it would be my responsibility, My 'truth' as your father, to drag you kicking and screaming if necessary, to a doctor. And have them deal with it."

"In addition, it is my obligation, in order to maintain our relationship as father and daughter. That I keep your confidential matters to myself. Whatever I can do to avoid publicly or heck even privately embarrassing you over any personal subjects."

The two women looked at each other digesting my awkward words and finding comfort in one another's support against my intrusion into the feminine domaine. I plunged on, trying for a stupid joke to diffuse the tension between the three of us.

"You know your mother is having some problems with early onset menopause. She told me that she has discussed this with you and Melody. It is my husbandly duty to stand by her. To understand her and her problems. No matter how crazy she becomes....."

"Robert! You sod!" Megan lightly smacked the back of my head. That got a smile out of my second daughter.'Thank God!'

".....I must bear the burden of'...for better or for worst. In sickness as in health...'.Your loving mother, my loving wife, has Always been there for me whenever I was sick or injured or hopped up on pints and testosterone. I can do no less for her or I wouldn't be much of a husband or a man!"

Megan had slid over to her oldest daughter and they huddled together. Again Meg asked "Are you satisfied with what we are asking of you, Jo? Do you understand the importance of keeping people's confidence? You are becoming a woman and an adult and you must learn to accept the responsibilities for the difficult choices ahead of you in life."

The following week, Robert and Megan together sit down with Byron and explain to the boy about his biological father Charles. Megan humbly begs his forgiveness for her carelessness in this confusion.

Robert reassures Byron that this does not, will not change the father/son bond between the two of them. And that Robert has no animosity towards Megan for one mistake, instigated by alcohol. This historical event changes nothing about their continuing relationship as loving spouses.

"Your conception was not a trivial event but it changes nothing between your mother and I."

The boy gave a tentative nod, so I went on.

"We love one another as much today as throughout the seventeen years we have known one another. As we love all our children, including you Byron. Do not ever doubt how strong our family bonds are. Nothing is more important to me then protecting and nurturing Our family. I would sacrifice my life for Each and Every and All of you!"

Neither does it diminish the remaining brotherly love Robert had for Charles. He showed Their son the scrapbook he had assembled of Charley's life.

A week later, three generations of the the Robertson's visit Charles' plaque in the family Mausoleum. The children all placed bunches of flowers in the holders next to each niche.

Grandfather Ronald briefly told about the two war heroes entombed here. One, his uncle who had earned the Victoria Cross in the Korean Conflict. The other, a distant cousin who had been one of the Royal Naval Air Pilots, whose attacks disabled the raider Bismarck for wrathful judgement during the war against Hitler.

Joanne and Kerry becomes visibly distressed at some of the older plaques. A long list of young mothers and infants buried together. Grandmother Charlotte comforted the girls. Explaining that it was a simple fact of life in those days, before safe, legal birth control, before antibiotics and blood transfusions, childbirth was extremely dangerous for mother and child alike. And even today, with all our technology, there is still some measure of risk.

Megan agreed "That is why I had my tubes tied and your father had a vasectomy. To protect my health from the consequences of a late pregnancy."

Robert's mother Charlotte, had become suspicious when she hears the story told Byron. Afterwards, in private, she confronts Meg and wants to know the truth about how her dead, younger son Charles could have impregnated her older son's wife.

Megan's desperate thoughts when she is confronted by Charlotte.

How do I tell this dear woman, that her deceased youngest son, who she never stopped mourning for, had been a slut, a serial rapist, and probably a suicide? How do I find the courage to break her heart? Better that she remain uncertain and that I am available to bleed-off some of the blame.

Megan bluntly tells her "Please Charlotte, I beg of you. As one mother to another. For your grandson's sake, for your own sake. For our entire family's sake. This is an acceptable lie. This is my burden! One personal misjudgment should not tarnish your fond memories, your loving memories of your son, Charles. Or, Byron's knowledge of his biological father. Perhaps you should accept Byron as God's way of replacing your lost son?"

The older woman sips her tea while she thinks, then a sigh of resignation and with a quick stiff nod, silently agrees to the necessity. Then she leans over to Meg and the two women hug as silent tears roll down both their cheeks.

The older, experience weary woman sagely admits "This is the price we pay, as doting mothers and loving wives, to carry the burden of family secrets that the people in our lives, the people we love, are just not strong enough to endure."

Each and every family, has a multitude of dark secrets and hidden scandals.

That will slowly fade away into the mists of time as each generation passes.

Unfortunately, also will be forgotten the familial bonding, the joyous times, the love.

This World has never cared, does not care, will never care.

Only people, here and now, can share one another's happiness, gift one another love.

The End,
of the Beginning,
for Tomorrow.