All Comments on 'Brother's Big Problem Pt. 01'

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You referrred to her as both Kayla and Ashley.

What are they putting in it if a college student needs to take a little blue pill to go on a date?

And poorly written, and nothing more than a transcription of a Kate England porno called 'sister helps out', complete with the brother's unstoppable Viagra hard-on; look it up, at least it's better than this crap.

Garbage? Oh wait that was your middle name! 5 to offset the asshole of LIT's 1 vote

It's a good start but question.. Is the sister suppose to be Ashley or Kayla?

- a hard-on be expected to go flacid after ejaculation when they both know it has been pumped up "mechanically" by viagra?

I liked it and want to read more. I am going to go fuck my brother now and pretend it is the stud of my dreams.

And remember a couple of things (or more). The writers on here, even those who are pros, do not have ready access to proofreader and editorial staff as the pros do in their day jobs. Also, constructive critical comments are usually as welcome as praise, while vitriolic, malicious critical comments will often be deleted as soon as recognized or if not; flamed by other, more appreciative, readers who comment here.

I liked and FIVED it. Shows promise of a very good series.

Also, it's FICTION, folks. It's not required to be realistic.

First, I had to swap the names, and would you believe I was thinking of Ashley when I was writing Kayla? Kayla is the sister. Ashley is the blonde cheerleader friend. I just quadruple checked for spelling and the words are all spelled the way I meant, like so, as in "It's Soo good!" I put the opening scene in first person on purpose. It was supposed to be Kevin's thoughts as he was seeing the scene live, to him. If I had put my single 'thought' quotes around that it would have been better, but it was too long to do that. Thank you soo much, Rasmat. I really appreciate your comments and all the good feedback, either positive or negative from everyone. Yes, it's a fantasy, of course. And, I'd like to get a pm from the one who said she was going to go fuck her brother and think about a stud! lol

I like how it progressed and it was pretty hot, if a bit glamorized at some point.

I don't know if I'll read the next part though, seeing as I really enjoyed it for the sister brother thing. 5/5

are saying, but it does feel like you forgot to proof-read. Because this is a porn site basically, no point in docking points for punctuations and grammatical errors. Although the name mix-up was frustrating. Ignore the POV comments. Edit the story and pound out the key scenes, worry about POV correctness last.

4 stars.

Please PM me with each grammar and punctuation error. I'd really like to know if I really have any and not make them next time.

Well I loved the fuck out of it, any errors aside I still gave it a five! All in all it was fairly original and fun! Im really looking forward to reading the next chapter with a helping friend, woo!! Possibly an outside girlfriend to add to his new inside girlfriend, hehehe. Lucky bastard! Was just talking to my pharmacist, Cialis is fucking $60. A PILL!! Fucking highway robbery! Hell, the bastards are charging more for that than I was paying for Oxycontin!! How fucked up is that?! Greedy ass pharmaceutical companies and stockholders! Ugh!

Were you drunk when you wrote this? Or confused about narrative form? And characters? But hey, at least you're producing.

Well, I must have been under the influence of something when I edited this. That would be the best excuse I could come up with because I have found several things in this story that were not good in various ways. I promise Pt.02 is better! And I'm sure most of my other stories read much better. I promise to never release another story that's not better than this in style, content, grammar, and spelling! So please forgive my careless errors and move on to another story. One of mine, I hope. ;-)

Really nice looking forward to reading more from you

Good job she was there to help out! Liked the story

Loved the story, can't wait hear more

I certainly appreciate the sense of commitment to grammar, punctuation, and so on. That said, I like the lack of complexity in introducing more characters in this first round. At most I could see you adding a layer of angst with family members milling around or potentially being exposed. I like the description on her appearance as well as her initial resistance. It pained me to see him beg her since he needed to keep his masculinity for me to enjoy what was to come. Just my preference. He recovered well and you met the standard via a combo of both his growing confidence and her giving into the taboo nature of it. It's a turn on to see a woman concede that they are sexual beings just as we are, and her language showed a side that made it hotter. Finally, I'll say that I liked the story, it was a great one and I look forwarded to the rest. Just a thought...I'd like to see her sister have second thoughts and not want to share him carnally, but only after he shags the friend. Then she comes into rescue her turf. Or...a definite threesome. But He's g going to fall for the friend and be an easy replacement for the beyotch that dumped him. Damn, so many directions.

Awesome