Buried truths

Jenny was saying goodnight to the last of her guests in the hallway as I finished stacking the dishwasher with plates and glasses. One less job for her to do in the morning. It was time for me to head for my hotel and leave Jenny to enjoy a girls' evening with her sister and daughters.

I was glad the memorial service had been a success. They'd asked me to give a eulogy for Steve, Jenny's husband, and my best friend since we were five-year-olds. We'd drifted apart recently, so the request was a pleasant surprise. I'd missed Jenny and her daughters Emma and Iris, now grown up. Emma was a qualified paediatric nurse, and Iris was an accountant like her dad. Our forty-five-year friendship had flown by.

She came into the kitchen. "Alex, leave that. You've done so much for me already." Jenny was a petite, raven-haired woman with a soft southern Irish accent. It was good to see her smile. She'd been cheerful all day. I thought it might be a front. Although Steve died of stomach cancer six months earlier, there was no deadline on grief.

Jenny kissed my cheek. She smelled lovely. I put my arms around her in a friendly hug and she moulded against me, her head under my chin. It was an unguarded action by both of us. We were comfortable until we became conscious of our intimacy. I felt stirrings in my trousers, and I'm sure Jenny sensed them. We separated before either of us became embarrassed.

She looked in my eyes. "Your speech hit all the right notes, Alex. Steve was a generous, fun-loving man, but he could be a pain in the arse when he wanted to. You paid tribute to a real person. People laughed and cried in equal measure. Thank you." She touched my cheek affectionately.

I resisted the urge to kiss her. Now was not the right time. Would there ever be one? "It was an honour to be asked, Jenny. We had so much history together." I felt myself welling up and changed the subject. "The slide show went well."

"Oh my god, in those pictures of you two as kids, you could see the men in the boys." Jenny wiped a happy tear from her eye. I offered her my hankey. She laughed. "Alex, you must be the only man within twenty miles to use a linen hankey."

"I got them when I bought my black tie at an old gentleman's outfitters. `You'll be wanting a box of these for the ladies.' The old bloke wasn't wrong, was he?"

Jenny caressed her cheek with my hankey. I swallowed hard. The three years since I'd last seen her had not changed my feelings.

I carried on. "I should have got a roll of toilet paper for the other Connolly women. They laughed so hard at me and Steve in our flares. Emma said it was a miracle we ever got girlfriends dressed like that. Mary said mine were so tight she could count the change in my pocket. But Iris topped it by saying she could see where I kept my roll of notes. I dread to think what you'll all say when I'm gone."

Jenny dabbed her eyes, laughing at the memory. "I've sent them all home Alex. There's just me and you here now. Will you stay the night, please? I've prepared your room."

Jenny read the confusion in my face as I looked at hers for clues. I had been a frequent guest in their home. Steve and I often rolled up in a cab, in the early hours of Saturday morning smelling of beer and curry. But that was a while ago.

"I'd like that very much Jenny."

"I'll find the ice. We can have a nightcap in the lounge." She took a jug from the counter and noticed the single flower in the tiny vase. Jenny looked teary again. My hankey was getting good use. "You know, for a while I thought it was Steve being considerate on Saturday mornings. He'd creep into the bedroom with a pot of Lapsang Souchong and a single flower in a vase on the tray. His apology for the noise when you came in. Then I noticed it only happened when you'd stayed. It wasn't Steve, it was you apologising to me, wasn't it Alex?

I nodded. She walked over and moulded herself against me. Jenny held my head and kissed me passionately. My tongue was in her mouth and hers in mine. Her tits against my chest, nipples hard. The heat of her pussy against my thigh as she straddled it. My hard cock against her hip. Neither of us wanted to surface for air until we had to.

Jenny's arms were around my neck. "Now we know for sure, don't we Alex? After all these years, we know." She looked excited. I felt the same.

"You are my best friend's wife. I could never, would never, do anything to disrespect either of you. It was my problem to deal with. It was not easy. Especially when you came down, and we had breakfast together while Steve soaked his hangover in the shower."

Jenny looked at our ghostly selves sat at the breakfast table years ago. "I guess that silk dressing gown was a bit much." She smiled mischievously. "You trying to work out if I was naked underneath? Your eyes would follow me around the kitchen while I made scrambled eggs. It was so flattering." She answered my curious look. "Any woman expects a compliment when they are dolled up to the nines. But you looked at me like that with my hair pulled back and every spot and blemish on display."

I sighed. "I couldn't go on like that, Jenny. It was the only reason I went out with Una." (After I surprised my wife Sarah fucking her boss in the office after hours, it was a long time before I had another relationship. Jenny met Una when we double dated with her and Steve at a restaurant.)

"Una! I thought I was going to give you a hard time about her. Instead, I gave her a hard time about you. I told her not to mess you about or she'd be answering to me. She told me she'd take care when she was fucking you. She knew I was jealous." Jenny scowled at the memory.

"We finished not long after that night, Jenny. Una said there was no future with a man who was in love with his best friend's wife. I told her that was true."

Jenny's mouth was on mine again. My hands were in her hair. Her hands gripped my hips. We moaned in chorus.

She pushed me away, panting. "We need to talk Alex." My look said that was the last thing we needed to do right now. "Yes, we do, before anything more happens. I want no secrets between us. No lies of omission or commission. I've had enough to last a lifetime. I'm going to fix this face, before I look like a groupie for Kiss." She held the ice bucket like a shield. "You are going to take this next door and pour two glasses of the excellent Irish whiskey Steve keeps in that ostentatious globe drinks dispenser."

She was gone before I could argue, so I did as she asked. By the time Jenny returned wearing her reading specs, I'd had enough to drink, so the phrase, `We need to talk' didn't scare me anymore. She was carrying a folder.

"Will I need legal representation, Jenny?"

"The truth will set you free Alex."

I preferred the direction the evening was taking five minutes before. I hoped this was a brief detour and not a derailment.

"Why are we really doing this Jenny?"

"When the grief of losing Steve passed, the girls asked me if I would ever have another partner. I said I hadn't given it any thought. Who would be interested in me? They laughed, and both said Alex at the same time. I pretended to be surprised. Mary said I was a lousy actress because they knew I fancied you."

"So, where's the problem Jenny?" I reached out and touched her hair.

Jenny sighed, then held my hand to stop things getting out of order. "I felt like that about Steve at the beginning. Overlooked things I should have been more careful about. Mary said, `Don't throw yourself at Alex, which I almost did. Make sure he loves you. Make him tell you the truth, even if it's in his best interests to lie." Jenny's look was penetrating.

I squirmed in my chair. "That's so unfair. I'm on trial because of Steve's crimes?" She nodded. "You might not like the truth, Jenny. You might not like me."

She leaned over and kissed me tenderly. Was it for the last time? "Why did you and Steve drift apart after that holiday in Portugal? You hardly saw each other afterwards. You hardly saw me. It's been three years Alex."

It was the one question I thought I'd avoided by not seeing her. Because that her meant not lying to her or dropping Steve in it. It was an act of cowardice. I tried one last time. "Please Jenny. Steve's gone. What difference can it make now?"

"Tell me the truth Alex, then I'll tell you all about my truth. I was going to leave him. Steve was having an affair."

My surprise was genuine. "I didn't know Jenny. Honestly. I'd have tried to talk sense into him. Like I did when you went through a rough patch when the girls were little."

She smiled. "I was grateful for that. They needed their father. I never said thank you then. I wasn't supposed to let you know I knew he'd confided in you. So, thank you for that Alex." I thought I'd got away with it. "Now come and sit next to me and answer the question." I hadn't. Jenny folded her legs under her and patted the cushion next to her. The couch was a deceptively comfortable interrogation chair.

I sighed and took her hand. "Just remember, you asked for this." I couldn't look at her, so I focused in the middle distance as I recounted what happened on that holiday.

"You'll remember I was a late substitute for another bloke who pulled out of the trip with Steve and Larry and Bill, his new mates from the Round Table. I thought the long weekend would be a chance for us to catch up properly. We'd only grabbed the odd drink since I moved out of London."

"Steve jokingly grumbled that you'd dumped him. You know he hated his own company. That's where Larry and Bill came in, as substitute eating and drinking buddies. I didn't like them," Jenny confided.

I continued. "Neither me nor Steve were keen golfers, but when he suggested a weekend abroad with a couple of mates who were a good laugh, I thought, why not? Larry knew this hotel about an hour from Porto, run by an ex-pat English guy. We landed in darkness. On the minibus journey from the airport, Larry and Bill joked their golf had improved no end since finding this place. I said I could do with help on my swing and they collapsed laughing. I was not in on the joke."

"Was Steve?"

"Probably, but he was keeping schtum, like he did if he thought I might not go for something." Jenny nodded in acknowledgement. "Next morning it was pissing down. I see our location properly for the first time. There's an old crazy golf course at the back of our run-down isolated hotel and I'm thinking, this can't be it, surely? After breakfast, Frank the owner says, golf will be indoors today. The caddies are joining us in the ballroom. The other three are whistling and clapping. My confused expression is doubling them up. Steve just gives me a wink."

"He could be selfish about pleasing himself first." Jenny's comment seemed all-encompassing.

I took a big swig from my glass to prepare for the next part of my confession. "It's eleven o'clock, and we are in the bar drinking. There are no other guests. Larry says time for a snifter and chops up a line on the table. I decline, but I'm laughing along with them. Something is in the beer that's making us all stupid. We hear a vehicle pull up and Bill says, `you're going to fucking love this Alex.' Five minutes later Frank comes in with four girls, dressed like golf caddies. Baseball hats with pony tails pulled through, tight polo tops and short golf skirts. But they have tarty high heels on their feet."

Jenny gasped. "Go on, Alex."

"Frank says, 'Gentlemen, put yourselves in the hands of our professional caddies, they know the lay of the land.' He winked, pleased with his word play. They cheered. Larry and Bill have had these girls before, so they pick their favourites. Steve grabs a blond with big tits, leaving me with a skinny brown-haired girl. She looks as out of place as I feel."

"You were with prostitutes?"

"Yes Jenny. I said you wouldn't like the truth. You wouldn't like me." I could not look at her.

She reviewed the situation and turned my face to hers. "They tricked you into being there Alex. You had little choice. Besides, you would have looked a prick if you started objecting."

I smiled at her understanding. "There is more coke and drink going round. We are getting handy with the girls. None of them are wearing knickers under their skirts." (Jenny pulled a sour face.) "Bill pipes up, `Gentlemen it's time to turn our woods into irons. He hands round a tin containing Viagra and we all take one, the girls included."

Jenny was shocked at our antics. "You fucked them in the bar? Who were these girls?"

I grabbed at the second question. "Albanians, working in a massage parlour in Porto. My girl was nervous. She's more than twenty. I tell her we don't have to do anything, but she says `It's my job, I have to learn. I have bills to pay.' They all owed money to traffickers. She kissed me like a girlfriend and I responded tenderly and soon the Viagra and drink were having an effect. I finger her pussy and she comes. Really comes, shaking and calling me darling."

I look at Jenny and read her mixed emotions. Anger and disgust certainly, but also arousal. Knees pinched together, nipples poking her white blouse. A red blush has moved up her neck. She's annoyed I've noticed her body's response. "Get on with it you dirty bastard."

"I warned you Jenny. The others stop fucking and look at us. In the middle of a porn fantasy, they recognise genuine emotion. Steve says he's having her next. Another girl berates mine in Albanian. Tassa told me afterwards the girl was her cousin, Orla. She reminded Tassa she was my whore, not my fiancé. She complained if Tassa did it properly, all the men would expect it to be real. But Tassa does not heed the warning and we fuck again like lovers. She's riding me on the sofa moaning as she orgasms twice before I come. We're oblivious to the others until we finish, but we've drawn a crowd again."

Jenny sniffed. "You must have loved it as much as Steve did. I bet you went back there like him." She had tears in her eyes.

"No, I didn't go back. I'm not Steve, but I'm not a saint. Remember, I was a single bloke. The three of them were married. I wasn't hurting anyone back home."

Jenny sighed. "That's not true Alex. You knew I'd know something was wrong with you afterwards. You can't lie like Steve. You avoided me so you did not drop your best mate in it. I got hurt Alex."

"I know Jenny." I hugged her to me while she cried. Her role as my interrogator temporarily forgotten. She took a deep breath and dabbed her eyes with the useless, soggy hankey. I brushed her hair from her face and kissed her. "I should have bought the box." I smiled.

"I'm not ready to joke with you Alex. Finish your confession." Jenny was back to business before I distracted her again. She created a no-man's-land between us, arms folded. ""Go on then."

"Frank returned and announced he'd set the course up in the ballroom. We followed him downstairs. Larry and Bill were laughing, they knew what was in store. Steve grabs my arm and says, `What happens in Porto, stays in Porto, alright mate?' I tell him there's no problem. Frank has set up an indoor version of the crazy golf obstacles. He hands us four putters and says `Now for your handicaps.' Larry and Bill know the score and start velcroing themselves to their girls with the tapes Frank hands out. Frank does Steve and me. I've got Tassa in front of me. Our ankles, waists, and arms are bound, so we have to move as one person. It would be funny as a kid's game. A double person bending over trying to putt. But we are horny drugged up men with naked young girls sticking their arses in our groins. It takes ages to get round the course because we are all stopping to fuck. Nobody knows the score because we are laughing like idiots. Frank comes back after a couple of hours and says dinner is ready. We are all starving from our exertions."

Jenny fixed the scene in her mind. Picturing her husband's infidelity. She stiffened. "Sounds like you all enjoyed yourselves. Did you spend the whole weekend with Tassa?"

"It didn't work out like that. The others wanted to swap partners. We didn't have a choice. Larry took her to his room. She looked at me and said `It's my job Alex.' I ended up with her cousin Orla. She knew the score. "Don't make Tassa fall in love with you Englishman. Are you going to take her home, introduce her to your wife?"

"I told her I was not married, and a light went on in Orla's head. She was a wily bitch. She got on her hands and knees facing me."

"I can give you girlfriend sex if you like. Or wife sex. Or the dirty sex English wives won't give you. That is why you come here, yes?" She took me in her mouth not waiting for an answer.

"She was a professional, so I treated her as one and auditioned her. Orla was experienced and talented. We fucked all afternoon. She brought the interview to a close with a flourish. 'I come to England and we can do this all the time.' She got on all fours in front of me and splayed her arse cheeks. I got the memo."

Jenny had heard enough. "It's girls like that and porn videos that are to blame. Why does every man want to fuck a woman up the arse now? Why aren't they content with pussy anymore?"

I sensed the issue between her and Steve. I was not about to answer the question.

Jenny changed the subject. "What happened to Tassa?"

"Afterwards we went to Bill's room where the noise was coming from. He was lying on the bed with Tassa riding him. Larry held her head up to suck his cock. Steve was kneeling behind her. Tassa saw me and closed her eyes. I left them all to it."

The pornographic scene was playing in Jenny's head. Her tears were flowing now. "You bastard Steve. When did I stop being enough for you?" She fled the room. Her dead husband would never answer that question.

#

Jenny returned a few minutes later, composed. "Thank you for your honesty, Alex." I heard the distance in her voice.

"Jenny, I feel like shit now. An hour ago I was on top of the world. Losing the woman I've loved most of my life in less than an hour would be exceptional even for me. Tell me we still have a chance?"

She saw my relief when she smiled. "You are spoken for Alex Walters. Like someone said. What happened in Porto, stays in Porto." We hugged.

"Absolutely, Jenny. I don't want that." It was time to move the spotlight off me. "What's in the folder?"

She sat back, looking pleased with herself. "The last three years of Steve's life. No, I didn't hire a private detective. I did it myself, with a little help from Mercedes Benz." Jenny smiled at my curiosity. "He took my car when his was being serviced. When I picked it up, they'd changed the faulty infotainment unit but saved the sat nav trip data on a USB stick, in case I wanted to reload it. They said it contained everything, even the trips the driver had deleted."

"Bloody hell Jenny. Just like the police recover deleted messages from your phone."

"Yes. Steve had been acting shifty. Why would he delete trips from the Sat nav? I wanted to know where he went. Then I didn't want to know. It felt like the beginning of the end." She looked sad. "I'd put up with a lot from Steve for the girl's sake when they were younger. Not anymore. I warned him Alex."

"I warned him too. When he was drunk, he'd moan about you, looking for sympathy. I wouldn't play ball, and that annoyed him. I'd say, `Jenny will leave you when she's ready.' He'd turn bitter and reply, `Yes, and you'll take her in.' He never accused me outright, but he knew I felt a lot for you."

"He accused me of wanting you. `Bet you'd rather be with a nice man like Alex? Well too bad, he doesn't come around here anymore.' He regretted what happened between you after Porto and tried to punish me for it."

I took Jenny's hand as we lapsed into silence. I nodded at the folder.