But for the Grace of Sonya

"How about Saturday then?"

And just like that I had a date.

Which really pissed off Dale.

We were out for our weekly bowling night. We didn't belong to a league, but with a dozen guys give or take we could bowl as teams in all kinds of combinations. We got all the fun without having to bowl with the same guys every week. As usual, Dale was organizing us.

"Twins-Orioles on Saturday night. Who's in?"

Most of the guys raised their hands. Yan and Zadi had family things, and Pete's brother was playing a gig at a wine bar of all things. Dale gave the other three guys a mild ration of shit for their prior commitments, and then he came to me.

"What's holding you up, Theodore?" He'd started calling me that because he thought Teddy sounded too juvenile. I didn't care much one way or the other, but if it made him happy then it was no skin off my nose.

"I met someone at Cal's cookout. We're going out."

Dale was quiet for a moment, but the dark cloud that consumed his face said everything.

"Didn't learn anything from Grace, eh?"

That annoyed the shit out of me, but Dale had been there one-hundred percent for me in so many ways that I let it go. I shrugged.

"I learned Grace didn't love me like she said. Not sure how that reflects on Sonya."

"Can't trust a woman is what it reflects. I hate to see you set yourself like this."

I shrugged again. "I guess we'll see. It's just a first date."

"It all starts with a first date."

I didn't say anything. He was like my big brother, and I knew he was just looking out for me, but he was letting his fears intrude on my life. He didn't know Sonya. Hadn't even met her so far as I knew. So while I respected him, I didn't pay him any attention. He let it drop too, but I knew it rankled him, and a part of me felt like I was betraying him. We were in the same boat after all, the Good Ship Fuck-Her-and-Everyone-Who-Looks-Like-Her. He just didn't seem interested in disembarking.

I forgot all about him when I picked up Sonya on Saturday. I was dressed up for me, which meant black jeans, white button-down shirt, and my black-and-white houndstooth sport coat. I even shaved. But Sonya was a vision.

I can't really describe her hair, but it was amazing. She'd pulled it back, but it still framed her face, but high, so the first thing you noticed was her eyes. Those incredible, striking, honest, warm, huge brown eyes. I'm sure she was wearing make-up, but I couldn't really tell. And that smile of hers sent my mind spinning away until a little giggle brought me back, stammering and completely flummoxed.

"Thank you," she said, her face glowing. "I never had a better compliment."

"I didn't say anything."

"You didn't have to."

I had no idea how to answer her, so I didn't. I held out my hand and she took it, and even with her fingers gently entwined in mine I could feel the strength in her grip. Pound for pound I had zero doubt she could kick my ass. Hell, maybe even straight up. I was twice as big and about a quarter as determined and she was pure steel.

Lindey's was what it always was: great. None of this charred-sea-bass-on-a-bed-of-dandelions-and-summer-corn bullshit. What corn grows in winter? Lindey's gives you steak, done the way you want, with potatoes and salad and garlic bread. And that's the menu. The place looks like a nice tavern or supper club, with a lot of wood panels and sturdy tables and chairs. No glass and chrome and recessed mood lighting. You get exactly what you see.

And that was pretty much the same with Sonya. She wasn't mean-spirited or churlish or gossipy or resentful, but when I asked her a question she always answered without trying to dodge or deflect. If you had a problem with something she said, well, that was exactly it. You had the problem, not her. If you didn't want to know the answer then you'd best not ask.

"So what's your favorite thing in the world?" she asked me after we ordered.

"That's a tough one. I like fishing. I like sports. Mostly I guess I like doing things with people. Doesn't matter too much what it is."

"What did you do with your ex?"

"At the end, not much. She always seemed to like going to the ball games or movies or the county fair when we were dating, but then she kinda stopped doing things I suggested. And she wouldn't offer up anything other than watch TV. So that's pretty much all we did."

"Sorry. Her loss."

"What do you like to do?"

"I'm a homebody mostly. I do like to go out like we are now. But there's so much to do around the house, and I like puzzles when I'm by myself and Netflix when I have a guest and games when there's more of us around."

"Do you do podcasts?"

"Only when I have to drive longer than forty-five minutes. I don't like stopping something once I start. I go to the end. Why?"

"That was my ex's favorite thing."

"I'll never listen to another one again."

I laughed at that, and Sonya gave me a devilish smile.

Sonya liked to laugh, and she really liked teasing me. I think she took it as a challenge to make me laugh, since I didn't do it often, and she knew that busting my balls was a good way to loosen me up. Plus she was naturally mischievous, I think. She was a serious person, but she wasn't all heavy or gloomy. Things were or they weren't, and we didn't spend a lot of time bemoaning the other, and when you cut out all that bullshit you have plenty of time for joking around and teasing.

We saw each other pretty regularly. We went to a movie the next Wednesday, then out to eat again Friday night. Sunday afternoon we had a picnic and hiked a bit in the forest preserve. We walked holding hands, and I kissed her for the first time right after I helped her cross a creek. She slipped, and I grabbed her firmly and pulled her into me. She looked up with those impossibly big eyes, and I just leaned down and kissed her.

Her kisses lit me up like nothing ever had before. She clung to me, those steel bands she called arms wrapped around my neck, those tiny but taut hands gripping my shoulders. My mind was mush for twenty minutes afterwards, and she had a satisfied smile plastered all over her face until I dropped her off.

The more she talked the more attractive she got too. That accent enchanted me, and whenever I was grumpy one of her smiles just obliterated that mood. I saw her in my mind when we were apart, and to me she was the prettiest, sexiest woman I'd ever known.

Like a lot of women, Sonya was self-conscious about her looks though. We were eating ice cream cones, sitting on a bench outside the parlor.

"A triple cone?" I shook my head. "That thing's about as big as you."

"Need to fill myself out. My ten-year-old nephew has more curves than me."

"Don't matter. No one is as beautiful as you."

"Somehow I got you hypnotized. I know what I look like."

"No, you know what you think you look like. What you are is a woman who knows her own mind, who says what she thinks, who has a killer sense of humor, and who cares about some guy who's wife got tired of him in just three years. And she lives in this tiny package that has no wasted space, just everything she needs. Her smile dazzles me, her eyes tell me everything she's thinking, and that tight little body has me horny for her all day and all night. That's what you look like."

Well, that got me a smile, an amazing kiss, and a threat of ravishment the next time we were alone. I wondered how quickly I could get her alone.

When we had sex for the first time I was worried about crushing her, so I treated her delicately. She wanted missionary, so I held myself off of her. That lasted three strokes before she pulled on my shoulders.

"I want to feel your weight, Ted."

"That's a lot of weight."

"I don't care. You won't hurt me. I want to feel all of you on me. I want you to surround me. It makes me feel loved."

I couldn't disappoint her after that, and sure enough she took my weight and if her squeals were any indication she felt plenty loved.

Sex with Sonya was different from anything I'd done before. Her body was firm and taut, but she made love softly, at a slower pace than Grace and most of my earlier girlfriends. She took her time, and she was clear in both her verbal and non-verbal directions about what she liked and how she wanted it. I was more than happy to follow her lead, because she made sure I had my time as well. The pace of sex with Sonya gave us both plenty of space to explore our desires. I could relax and play with her, respond to her cues, fully confident that we'd get to what I wanted too. She liked different positions, but she insisted on full-weight missionary at least once during each of our sessions.

And cuddling with Sonya afterwards just made our sex better. Holding each other, physically sated and emotionally connected, drifting into sleep wrapped around ourselves, that just cemented everything that came before. I didn't need a thunderbolt to tell me I loved that little sprite. And it was pretty obvious that she loved me too.

Still, I didn't completely trust her feelings. Grace had said the same things, broadly speaking, and that ended with a note stuck to the refrigerator with a Niagara Falls magnet we got on our first anniversary. True to her nature, Sonya didn't shy away when she noticed.

"You okay, Ted?"

We were at her kitchen table, eating the last bit of chili she'd made the weekend before.

"I think so. Why?"

"You seem to have something on your mind. You usually pay more attention to me."

"I'm sorry, Sonya. Maybe I'm a bit tired. You do wear me out at night, you know."

She didn't even smile.

"You can joke if you want, but something's bothering you."

I shrugged. I wasn't aware of behaving any differently, but I really didn't want to go digging into my psyche. I guess I kinda knew there was something there though, otherwise I wouldn't have dodged it like I did.

"You know you can tell me anything."

"I know."

"I won't get mad or upset."

"I know."

"So what's keeping you so preoccupied?"

"I don't know. Nothing firm."

"You worried about something at work?"

"Nah, everything's fine there."

"Did you get some bad news when you talked to your folks the other night? Your brother okay?"

"No, they're all doing good."

"You worried about me dumping you?"

That brought me up short with a sudden sharp pain in my chest. She was on my lap in a flash with those strong arms around my neck and her mouth next to my ear.

"I will never, ever hurt you like that bitch did, Ted," she whispered urgently. "You are my man. In case you weren't aware."

I wrapped my beefier arms around her skinny body and nodded into her neck. I didn't trust myself to speak so I just squeezed her a little tighter. I felt her smile against my cheek.

"I could feel you pulling away from me. That tells me how you feel about me, and that makes me very happy." She put her forehead against mine and touched her nose to mine. All I could see was her bottomless eyes. "But know that I will always tell you what I'm thinking and what I'm feeling, and when I make a promise I always keep it. You don't know that yet, but you will."

"I believe you, Sonya." I waited a beat, then added, "I love you, Sonya."

"I know you do, my big, strong man. And I love you just as much."

We were both very happy.

Dale, not so much.

Since I was seeing Sonya more often, I didn't see Dale and the fellas as much. I still looked forward to bowling and the bar-music nights and the games, and they continued to invite me along, so I went when I didn't have something else going with Sonya. Sometimes the thing we had going was dinner out or a movie, but just as often it was staying in to work on a puzzle or watch some TV. And sex. We really liked sex.

I enjoyed my time with the guys too. Except for Dale, they treated me the same, busting my balls like usual. Dale didn't give me a hard time, but he'd glare sometimes, and he wouldn't say much to me. I tried to talk to him every time we went out -- I liked the guy, and I owed him -- but he was usually brusque, and then he'd quickly move on to someone else. I got the message. He saw us as two peas in a pod, forged into brotherhood by despicable treatment from our chosen mates. Maybe he resented that I had found someone to love who seemed to love me back. Or maybe he was disappointed that the lesson not to trust women hadn't stuck. Or maybe he just felt that I had betrayed him, tossing him over for Sonya.

Sonya might have rubbed off on me, or I just might have missed Dale. Whatever the reason, one night when we were out at Dusty's I followed him into the can. I waited until he had his dick in his hand, and I stood in the urinal next to him.

"Did I piss you off, Dale?"

He didn't seem surprised. "Why do you say that?"

"You don't say shit to me, and you look at me like I killed your dog."

"I don't have a dog. Hate the whiny fuckers actually."

"Then why the cold shoulder?"

He shrugged. "I think you're fucking up. I don't want to be around when the shit hits the fan. It'll remind me of Charlene."

"You think every woman is going to do you wrong?"

"That's been my experience." He shook his dick and flushed, but he didn't move.

"I think Sonya is different."

"I hope you're right. But I won't bet that way."

"You got forty to fifty years to live, Dale. You going to be alone that whole time?"

"I'm around people all day at work, and there's only a night or two in a month that I'm not hanging out with friends. That's hardly alone."

"You know what I mean." I finished up too and flushed, but I followed his lead and stayed put.

He shrugged again. "I'm not missing it. There's no woman worth that risk."

And there it was. I hated to see it, but I could feel his truth. Love demands vulnerability, and he was so scorched by Charlene that we would never, ever let anyone that close again. His life would always be full of friends, but he'd never let anyone inside the inner ring of his heart. I felt sad for him, but I got it. And I wanted the best for him given his choices.

"Okay." I nodded to underscore my acceptance of his choice. "But I have a different hope."

He looked me in the eye again, then cracked the faintest smile.

"Okay. But I'm not shaking your hand until you wash it. You're just the kind of guy who would piss on it by accident."

I let myself into Sonya's cottage with the key she'd given me. I tried to be quiet, but it was dark, and I'm not the most graceful guy.

"Is that you, honey?" she called from the back.

"It is."

"Everything okay?"

Now that I knew she was awake I turned on the hall light, which made navigating to her bedroom much easier and a whole lot safer. I stripped down to my briefs quickly, then slid under her duvet. I pulled her into my arms and held her against my chest. She offered no resistance and put her top leg over my thighs.

"Everything's perfect," I said quietly.

I breathed deeply, in and then out, and I did it again, and then again until I was completely calm. I kissed her on the top of her head, and I felt Sonya's smile against my chest.

"Sonya?"

"Mmmm."

"I don't think you know how much you've changed my life. I don't recognize myself from when I first met you. I have to be the luckiest guy ever."

"I didn't do anything. I love you, Ted."

"I know you do. And your love not only restored me, it saved me from so much sadness and pain. You make me so happy."

"Mmmm. That's what love is, honey."

"Well, you found me at the exact right time. I never want to be without you, Sone."

"You never will be. Now can we go to sleep? I have to be up early tomorrow."

I smiled broadly at my take-charge little woman. The rest of our lives together promised untold riches dressed up as happiness, and I couldn't wait to get started.

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