Butt Dialed

It was a typical Tuesday at my office. Lunch had been over for about an hour and I was deep in spreadsheets when my cell phone rang. I answered it (noting on caller ID that it was my wife of twenty years). This is Ted's phone. Jill laughed as she always does and said that was a good thing as she was calling Ted's phone.

What do I owe the honor of this call Sweetheart?

Nothing much, I just wanted to share that I have a late meeting tonight and I wanted to let you know you would be on your own for dinner.

Do you want me to get you anything?

Chinese sounds nice.

Okay, I'll take care of dinner. Anything else.

No. I just wanted to let you know about the meeting.

Okay. Drive safe. See you tonight! Love you.

Love you too.

As I sat my cell phone down, it immediately rang again. I looked and saw it was Jill again. I picked up and said, Ted's phone. At that point, I could hear Jill say, "Well that's taken care of. That bought us a couple of more hours." I then heard a male voice say, "Get that cute little ass over here so I can start getting you naked." I grabbed my digital recorder from my desk and activated it while putting my phone on speaker. It recorded the following:

You bet you big Stud!

God, I love your tits. So firm. So well rounded and perky. You have the cutest nipples. These are made to suckle.

Kick off your shoes baby girl so I can get those pants off you.

Man you have a great ass! You are so beautiful!

You are making me blush.

No, it's the truth. You are gorgeous. Perfect in every way. A great body, a beautiful smile. So intelligent and easy to talk with and, so, so sexy!

Oh my, you are so wet too. Lay on your back baby, I want to lick your pussy until you scream...

I listened to what had to be slurping sounds as this guy licked and sucked on Jill's pussy. I could hear her moan and say "more, more and yes, right there!" I then heard her say, "Joseph, your making me cum. Ughhh ughhh oh yes, baby yes."

Get your pants off lover; I need you to fuck me right now.

Yes. Yes. Ugh. Ugh. Yes oh yes. Harder. That's it Joey, fuck me you big stud, fuck me.

That went on for a few minutes and it was apparent that my wife was cheating on me with someone named Joseph, or Joey. It was difficult for me to listen to them making love and resting and then making love again.

I heard the male say that they should take a quick shower, get dressed and grab something to eat before round three. Jill laughed at that and asked if he thought the shower was big enough for both of them.

A few minutes later, I heard Jill ask him for her panties and he told her he was going to keep them and send her home commando. He then said, give ole Ted sloppy seconds again tonight and then no more sex with him for thirty days. Jill said that would be hard for her to do and the male said, "No sex after tonight with Ted for thirty days". I heard the door shut and it was very quiet for two or three minutes so I hung up.

I needed some plans to get out of an apparent twenty-year nightmare.

I took the rest of the afternoon off. Although I was not sure what the result of this was going to be, I knew I had to take some quick initial steps with finances. Stopping by the bank, I removed half of our savings account and half of the joint checking account. I opened a new account at a different bank and called our Human Resource Department changing my direct deposit to the new bank.

I stopped by the local video store on the way home as well as our neighborhood market. I was watching television when Jill came home.

Hey sweetheart, I'm home.

Hey to you.

Did you get something to eat?

I did, I had Sloppy Joe's. They were so good I went back for seconds.

Jill gasped at what I said inquiring, "what did you say?'

I said I had "Sloppy Joe" sandwiches. They were so good I had seconds.

Oh, I thought we were doing Chinese?

Well I overheard someone talking about Sloppy Joe's at work so I thought I'd give it a shot. You want some?

No thank you. I was looking forward to Chinese.

Well we all look forward to things that might not ever happen. Here come sit with me, I got an "Arnold" movie to watch.

Which one?

Commando. Great quotes -- "You're a funny guy Sully. That's why I am going to kill you last" and "let off some steam Bennett"

I'm not in the mood for a movie. Let's go up to bed.

Jill, I think I'll pass on that right now. I've had my sloppy Joe's and I want to enjoy Commando. You go ahead. I may feel a bit better in oh maybe thirty days or so.

Jill quietly walked up stairs wondering what was going on with Ted and how he was cuing in on thirty days, Sloppy Joes, and commando. She took a shower and put on a sexy negligee waiting for Ted. When Ted came to bed, Jill tried to snuggle up to him and he told her he was in a thirty-day funk and didn't feel like sex.

At breakfast, Ted was already seated when Jill came down. She saw the piece of wood on the table and asked Ted what it was doing there.

Ted picked it up and said, "This is a piece of 2x4 about 8 inches in length. Not quite a stud. A stud is a 2x4x96" in length."

Jill started crying. Ted removed a plate from the cabinet that had the number 32 on it.

She asked him what this was and he smiled and said, "Jill, my dear. This is a dish best served cold. Just like revenge."

So tell me about Joseph.

Joseph?

Fuck me Jill! JOSEPH, JOEY, the STUD! The guy that likes your firm ass. The guy that tells you not to have sex with me. The guy you are fucking on a regular basis who wants me to have sloppy seconds. I am pretty sure you know who the fuck I am talking about.

It didn't mean anything. It was just sex. He made me feel appreciated and loved.

So, in the past twenty some years, I haven't done that?

You have. This was just different. Exciting.

Well, isn't that great.

What now?

I guess we'll have to see. Since you went commando, you can play the role of Sully.