C.A.R.P. Ch. 04

I felt bad about that later; Naomi apparently thought it was super hot.

Julia won the bet. I found out that Naomi had thought I'd be too nervous to try and take a swing at her ass. After we were done, I figured we wouldn't see Naomi anymore, but it turned out she became a play partner for the rest of the summer. By the time fall came around again, Naomi had found herself a boyfriend and we parted ways on friendly terms.

We talked a lot about what I'd liked and what I didn't for the rest of the summer, and about a week after I'd first met Naomi, Julia asked me to take a turn fucking her in the ass, which was entirely different than it'd been with Naomi. Julia would confess to me that I was the first for her there, which made me feel special. And I told Julia that while it was a nice thing to do every now and then, it certainly wasn't the kind of thing I needed all the time. I also didn't need to show off how strong I was or make it clear that I was in charge. I was a bit more mellow than that.

I remember suspecting it at the time, but eventually I'd find out for certain that everything I'd tell Julia about what I liked and didn't like sexually was getting put into a file on me that Doctor Igarashi was keeping, helping her sort me and pair me with other people who'd work well in our group. I guess I never got asked about what Julia liked sexually because she was self-reporting on her own likes and dislikes as well, but I did have a few appointments with Dr. Igarashi about how I thought Julia would react to failing to reach beyond a certain level in athletics, and what I felt like she could be interested in if she wasn't going to be a professional tennis player. I remember saying that athletes, like creative people, were just gambling that they were going to be good enough and lucky enough to succeed, and that all of us should always have a plan B. The doctor asked me what my plan B was and I pointed out that if I needed to, I could always pivot or turn to marketing. Of course, I pointed out to her that I wasn't settled on which field I wanted to be writing in anyway - writing a novel is massively different than, say, writing a movie, or a play, or a piece of television. I could even theoretically get into speech writing, I remember telling her, and she told me that it would probably a smart idea to have that arrow in my quiver, even if I rarely needed to use it, just to help out a friend in need.

The last part of my conversation with Dr. Igarashi that summer almost threatened to put my entire year into turmoil though. When we were talking about skills to pick up and develop, the good doctor suggested I learn how to shoot. She told me that the gun problem in America was only going to continue to escalate, and that at some point, having a gun on me might be necessary, so I should be trained in how to use it. Now, let me be clear, she never told me I had to get a gun, but the good doctor had a knack of talking at you long enough to make you think something was your idea and that she was simply agreeing with you, so a couple of weeks before the fall classes started up, I started taking classes at Bay Area Firearms, learning how to manage and use a handgun effectively. It will be relevant later in our story, but I don't want to spring it on you out of nowhere, so I'm laying the foundation for that right here and now.

I expected Julia to freak out when I first told her about it, but instead, she asked to come along and start taking firearms lessons herself. I certainly wasn't going to tell her that she couldn't do something that I was already doing, so we signed up for a twice weekly class in the evenings. I think the teachers were more comfortable with me once Julia started coming as well, because it was clear the two of us were a couple, and it made me look less like the deranged loner type.

Kidding.

Two weeks before we were scheduled to be meeting new arrivals in the week before our second year started, we were allowed to pick our rooms in the year two building. Instead of a single dorm room with no facilities inside, we got little mini apartments, with two bedrooms, a master and a smaller, a living room and our sort of mini-kitchen area. It wasn't anything particularly fancy or big, but it was definitely a step up from our original spartan dorm rooms.

I remember thinking at the time that in addition to the new freshman class, they were probably going to pair us up with another person early on. Julia was meant to be my sexual caretaker, and in reading through the doctor's research, it seemed like the second person to be added to our group was going to be our emotional caretaker, with our physical caretaker showing up in year three and our mental caretaker showing up in the final year. It didn't quite work out like that, but at the time, all I had was the doctor's writings to predict where we were headed next.

The doctor also informed us we were going to be mentors for a freshman alpha/beta pair that was incoming in the fall, that we would be their point of contact for things that they didn't understand, or when they just needed help getting used to all of that.

God, looking back at it all now, I see some many times where I should've been more attentive, should've asked more questions, but maybe if I had, we wouldn't be where we are now...

One of those old axioms people tell you is that you always regret the things you haven't done and that you rarely regret the things you did do. I suppose they're right, but in some ways, my time with C.A.R.P. changed me on such a fundamental level that even now, as far removed from it as I am, I still have trouble distinguishing from decisions I made from those that Dr. Igarashi made for me.

I suppose I made more and more of my own decisions the further along it all went, but at some point, it truly did feel like I didn't have any choices that weren't approved by the good doctor. We'll get there in good time, though. Everything in time. Because I didn't figure out where the bodies were buried until much later in our story...