All Comments on 'C is for Clueless'

I like wild and outlandish plots. That's not the problem here. However I expect people to act like people, and the real world to be, well, real. In the real world you don't get 8+ years in jail for throwing 1 punch where no one was injured. And why would a mother drive off and abandon her kids? These are minor points in the story and only serve to pile it on. For me personally, it detracts from the story.

I have no problem with plots where the hero is an ex-navy seal with a 7th dan black belt in karate. In fact, I like those stories. But when he uses that cell phone to get evidence of her infidelity, and, as a result gets an 85-15% split in their assets, I wince. There are ex-navy seals and there are black belts in karate. In family law there are no 85-15 splits because of adultery, and we all know it. It's the author's responsibility to make us believe. So at least let us know about the prenup they both wanted that required that 85-15 split if there ever was adultery. If Alec is going to jail for 8+ years, have him attack our hero with a broken beer bottle, nicking his carotid artery and him barely making it to the emergency room alive. If Mary is going to lose her kids, have them choose Dad over her, while she desperately tries to maintain a relationship with her kids. We can believe that.

Thanks for sharing.

I thought it was a really good story and extremely well-written. In fact, it was one of the better ones that I have found on this site.

Well written with a good plot and character development.

Scorpio, thanks for an enjoyable story. Also, thanks for saying what I have written as comments elsewhere: This is fiction. I, personally, have chosen to enjoy what you have written and hope you continue to write.

This story is fiction. Comparing it to real life is like being upset that the roadrunner in the cartoon doesn't die when the truck runs over him! We accept that the roadrunner gets up after the truck runs him down. Accept that in fiction things that don't happen in your neighborhood may happen.

Fiction writers may choose to invent and populate a world different from the one where you live.

I invented the world of this story. In this world I can lock a spouse out of what used to be their home. I can create a world where two people who have been parenting kids for nineteen years can wake up and see they are better off together. I like the world I created.

you cannot lock your spouse out of her house. YOU CANNOT GET A judge to bar her or him from there home without just cause. none exists. all assets have to be split 50/50.. cheating in most states is not recognized . 15 years in jail for what. they give murders less time.. maybe 3 months since there was no permant injurys..make your stories more real..

Seniors = 0

A fiction is just what it is...a possible scenario of what can happen when someone cheats and gives all their love and sexual attention to someone else. In this story Mary had given her family up in hopes of spending her life with Alex.

Alex didn't want to replace his wife with Mary so he dumped Mary and fought to get back with Helen. He lost everything too and went to prison. There was a time when you could get long terms in prison for minor crimes. Although that isn't too likely anymore in the real world. Yet, it doesn't matter in this story as long as he is gone.

As far as badmouthing this writer as one commenter did, that is just plain despicable! Don't read this author if you do not like his stories.

This author has the view that you can fall in love with anyone if you just decide to and work towards that end by loving that other person. I personally agree. That it may last or not depends on many things, we all know that. In this story he has known this woman for years, going camping with her and her kids often, coaching the kids in Soccer, etc. He was as close or closer to all the kids and Helen than Alex was.

The way I read the story was that he moved on and cemented a family life as soon as he realized that Mary had not loved him for a long time and there was no love or liking for her by him anymore. That everything fell into place so quickly is what denotes this story as a fiction.

We all have known someone that just takes off with a new man or woman. Hell, thats more or less what I did on my first wife. She was a serial cheater as well, but she would not just leave and give me a break. With me leaving instead, I was soon broke and had to start over. That is not fiction...but in fact, reality. The husband seldom gets much in the divorce. Even if the wife cheats proving adultery seldom helps with the community property laws. My taking off and leaving the home was considered abandonment by the court. Keeping my wife in the style of living she was accustomed to was the court's main theme and she got everything while I got to pay for it. I had the job.

This story was conveniently written so that the husband came out on top. Nothing wrong with that. We would all get tired of just reading about the wife getting the gold while the man got the shaft! That's much too real...so just accept the fiction.

Thanks Scorpio

a bit quick on the rebound. I give them 6 years

Another one please

The lawyer's advice to "just make sure they don't catch you" is not realistic. Suppose these two cheated-on spouses were being followed and they ended up in the legal soup. Do you not think they'd sue their lawyer for his atrocious advice?

Furthermore, no lawyer gives a discount just because he has both clients in the case. NONE!

Now lastly, the children have just been grossed out by their cheating parent's behaviour, with the comment "ew gross" being bandied about, and the two love birds want to add to that "Oh yeah, we've been bonking too"?

In the real world, the children's reactions are going to be just as condemning against these two as they are against the other two philanderers. It's going to take a long time for these children to make the emotional transition, and any sensitive person would have realized that and not mentioned anything to the kids.

This one is so full of logic and relationship and legal holes that it becomes completely unenjoyable.

Fix it!

well i guess laws are different where iam assault n resisting arrest are federal crimes and prison sentences have been dealt out .. when i left my ex husband 7 yrs ago he did walk away from me and our 3 children never to been seen or heard from again he even signed off all parental rights to them in court.. as for the dad calling these kids grew up together and if alex wasnt a very affectionate dad it could happen.. i grew up with an extended family and even at 40 i call some aunt uncle and another set mom 2 n dad 2 ...

it is VERY unlikely that he would get a felony conviction. Most likely a misdemeanor with probation or county jail for less than a year.

Nice tale...

Well written story and excellent ending. Thanks for sharing.

In my opinion, the 'hero' was just as guilty as his wife!!

and in the end the two cheats got what they deserved and Helen and Nick got each other and the kids - just goes to show - if you cheat on your spouse the shit is bound to hit the fan sooner or later. like the use of modern technology too - I'm in to GPS and use it for walking in mountains etc. Just one serious mistake was made by your lapse of memory and the story. At the beginning Nick is out 'FISHING' with his buddies when he is told about his wife possibly cheating on him then at the end of the story when they are all sat talking with the kids he tells them - 'A week ago I was out playing 'GOLF' with some friends????? A damn good story but need to keep a track of details like this as it could mess it all up.

alex and mary got careless and were seen. that was the beginning of their end. the good ending was done, the lovers and the combined family, and it was ok with me.

stayes and fishes because he don't want his buddies to think that he thinks that his wife is cheating...Face it...they all ready know and by his actions he just proved himself to be a wimp as well as clueless. Why was his wife fucking Alex when she wasn't even fucking him??? whooo whooo you dumb ass SOB. I am really talking to scorpio..it's the one that made these characters up. How can you ever expect to write when you don't have any balls scorpio? I know perhaps you could write faggot stories...I'll never read you again

Kind of confused isn't it. C as in a really Confused story, and the ending is very strange.. Sort of unbelievable if you ask me. Ah well, I'm just rambling here, kind'a like your story I suppose :) cheers Yoron.

I liked the story, but I agree with the other comments that a lot of things didnt add up. God job on the originality of the story though!

you lost me on the ending. First, you describe Helen and Nick were just causal friends but suddenly he becomes this substitute daddy and long long life mate for Helen. Second, with convicted murderers getting out a few years it is not credible that Alex would get 8-15 years for punching Nick once. Lastly, Mary's disappearance would drive most kids to find her if for no other reason than closure. Mary was entitled to half so unless she was independently wealthy she would not walk away. While I believe that most spouses like Nick and Mary would eventually move on with their lives the speed of that outsome in your story is not credible.

Just to be a nit picker , it started with him finding out on a fishing trip , it ended that he found out while playing golf!

<p>I liked the "you're dripping cum on my carpet!" line. That was funny.</p>

<p>The dialog was a bit arch. Not the way normal people would speak, IMHO. And the ending was abrupt and rather harsh, I thought. It's a kind of extremist ideal of how things should go, but Alex(?) wouldn't have spent all that time in jail. And Mary just disappeared, never to be seen again?</p>

<p>Hey I kinda despise my first wife, but for the sake of my kids I don't want her to disappear off the face of the earth, though come to think of it, it is rather a appealing thought.</p>

<p>In the story, I thought the kids acted rather strangely. In real life they wouldn't have said or done the things they did. Even if Mom was screwing the neighbor, they wouldn't have disowned her forever. And they wouldn't have immediately accepted Dad having a new wife so readily.</p>

<p>But it is fiction, and the author has the right to take the story wherever he likes to go. But for me the believability factor would have been higher if the people acted and spoke more realistically.</p>

An enjoyable and well written tale deserving high marks. However, the ending was unbelievable! Alex getting jail time for a minor first offence – No Way, and the disappearance of Mary, I suspect that she went off somewhere and drank herself to death. And those kids – God protect Helen and Nick from such ungrateful, unfeeling brats, Mary and Alex are better off without them LOL! Looking forward to your next. Pete.

This was a good story but I had some issues with a quick permanent relationship and the kids just accepting the new relationship. Thanks for the words.

Truly a fiction. With feeling of betrayal and deception on the part of the spouses, it is hard to imagine that the "victims", would immediately want to jump into another long term arrangement, where trust, love and care are important. A revenge sexual act is possible. The story would be more believable if both waited for some time before committing to another marriage.

Good effort and the sex scene nicely done though.

first, you say they were in a group of friends, but that they weren't all that close. (Helen says 'but we barely know each other!') suddenly, Nick is the guy who does her handiwork like fixing things that break, and their kids have been close all their lives?

second, a first time offender doesn't get 8 and 1/2 years in prison for punching someone.

Story line a little light, but great sex with pretty good revenge. I usually only get a fine + damages for punching someone out, albeit I never did it in front of cops. I would have liked to see the slut wife suffer a bit more, but all in all a happy ending, and we all know - I LOVE A HAPPY ENDING!

I enjoyed this story but agree with some of the other comments. I can't see Alex getting serious jail time for a minor assault, especially if he has no prior criminal record. A woman like Helen would ordinarily be so upset and angry I'm thinking she would not easily or quickly trust another male for intimacy. Even Nick would likely be cautious but here we see two very hurt, presumably devastated people just hopping into the sack with each other! OK, they knew each other for a while, but it is quite a leap from there into bed. I'm a bit surprised about the cream pie scene; that seemed to sneak in without warning, where did that come from? The stories are fun to read; please keep writing.

to be developed more. as is, she was nothing more than a prop. Alex had a plan, though it didn't work out as he wanted, so the author gave him a more complete character. <p>

Mary was a used by the author more as an incidental feature to this sad tale, so story-wise, Mary got the short end of the stick. And story-wise, too, she was literally screwed unroyally. <p>

Cruel and unusual punishment. Or was that crime and punishement? LOL <p>

Over all, liked the story: it was neither too serious nor too non-serious; the dialogues were decent enough to be believable... though light enough not to be taken too seriously...

Being called dad by the others daughter doesnt mean she considers him dad, only that she understands and accepts the arrangement of her mother with him as lovers. It was mentioned in the story he took all the kids camping, was their coach, and did the home repairs for them, and that their kids were good friends. He isnt new to them and is a known quantity. Reaction to the pictures would be enough for them to severely cut off relations with their now dispised parents. That the cheating wife took her money and disappeared isnt really a far fetched thing. In her lust she had betrayed, disrespected, and abandoned her husband, her marriage, and therefore her children. Her love for the other man was totally rejected by him as she was just a fuck toy with no real value, that would destroy a woman who had already destroyed her life. One could very easily argue if her actions previously did not reveal some mental illness what happened to was so traumatic that she would be now mentally ill. To disappear without a trace is one way of denial of what she had done and what had happened to her, allowing her some sense of stablity and saneness.

It appears to me that Mary was probably seduced by a predator and the complete separation from her kids was too harsh. I don't understand why Alex just didn't switch and stay with Mary - he would have been better off. He obviously didn't care much for Helen or respect her at all. Interesting tale, but again, a sad story.

Author - you are appreciated for your effort, time, talent and theme of marital consequence.<P>

There is no other emotion as dramatic as finding out your most loved one enjoys selfishly disrespecting you at every opportunity.<P>

Then to read of the justice meted out as life always does sooner or later helps to give the story credibility and reality. That is a real leveler and much more palatable than the cucks, watching and cheating often found here without a spec of life's realities.<P>

So, thanks again Author - you are looked forward to.<P>

With High Regard

A well written story. A little too perfect a fit for all the things to fall into place not in years or months but hours. Well done just a little to unbelievable at the fast pace for me. To fall in love as the offended parties did in a day was too much for even this optimist. <P>Thank you for the entertainment<P>PT

I realize this is a scorpio 44 story but they should NOT have had sex with each other in Vegas while the spouses had NOT yet be officially "caught" and confronted...

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no one knew what they were going to say or do when confronted / caught

<p>For simple assult you don't usually do time. At best it was considered a domestic dispute and since it was his first offense he would have gotten probation, a suspended sentence, or at best community service. Not "years" of jail time. Not for something that Nick would have been made sue him in civil court for his medical bills.</p>

<p>But I disagree that kids can't change thier attitude where they don't want to be around a parent fast. Trust me on that one. If I never see my father again I won't be too broken up over it.</p>

<p>The only thing that would have commented on beside the jail time would be the "Dad" comment from Carole at the end. That seems a little out of character for anyone to do "immediately" after finding out their father was cheating on their mother and their mother has a new lover waiting in the wings. That didn't fit in the story very well along with Mary just fading off into the sunset. That point and their kids never trying to find her. Parents and possible "grand parents" don't wander away from their kids and grandkids. Even though the kids might be mad at their mother, they will try to accept her, unless so was so evil to not make it possible. But the way you wrote the dialog suggest that the kids didn't feel that way. So that seemed out of character for Mary.</p>

<p>Most of the other stuff seemed to fit well, so I'll leave it alone.</p>

-Risq

Well told story but the plot is a little too plain.

Nice story line.

One quibble: "bare" is not the same as "bear" {not the animal}.

-- KK in Texas

A little bit cut and dried on the narrative, not too believable when Helen's kids call Nick 'Dad', but still a nice story about cheating and consequences.

i felt it was a pretty good story. there were some holes though:<P>

one hole was the Alex jail time - 8 and 1/2 + for simple assault, resisting arrest, and some threats? i could see 6 mo/1 year, or probation, but 8 years was weak.<P>

another was the grown children's reaction. Alex and Mary are still their parents, it seems strange they would totally cut them off.