All Comments on 'Cabin Fever'

Don't get discouraged but personally I think their could have been a slower build up into the kinky shit like with them first truely discovering each other and with it being back and fourth made it hard for me to read or get intreasted in but that's my opinion honestly

Hope there is a part 2 to this story. There is so many different ways this could go. Just don't bring the parents in.

It's a wonderfully sexy and at times humorous story as intended, but your use of the passive instead of active voice in certain places is irritating and detracts from the story. For example:

"Several trips were made from the truck to the small storage shed. Five-gallon cans of gas were set against the back wall. A funnel was taken off a shelf and moved to the generator"

Should be something like:

"He made several trips from the truck to the small storage shed and set a five gallon can of gas against the back wall, then took a funnel off a shelf and moved to the generator"

Also, a "reefer" refers to a marijuana joint (cigarette). A Bong is more like a pipe and has a small conical bowl into which the cannabis is placed and lit. There is no relationship between a Bong and a "reefer". FYI, the "vent at the back of the tube" is called a "carburetor" and allows the user to inhale the smoke still in the Bong after a hit without drawing more air through the bowl.

Saying "Licensed pussy doctor" makes you sound illiterate. It should be "Licensed gynecologist."

"To her vast relieve" should be "To her vast relief."

"...rubbing her thumbs against the pee hole". The proper name for "pee hole" is the "meatus". Either say "...rubbing her thumbs against the glans" or against the meatus. Wikipedia is your friend, use it.

It's a great story, but I'm only on page three and it's now early morning. I'm to sleepy and horny to continue. I'll finish it later.

My critique for you would be to pay attention to who is telling the story. Through most of the story it is told from a third person point of view. When you flash back to Todd seeing his sister naked for the first time, however, you slip into first person, as if Todd himself were telling the story. To be frank, 99% of the time when that happens when I am reading a story on here, I immediately lose interest in the story and move on to the next without finishing. Your story, however, was so well written other than that that I read through to the end. I hope you don’t get discouraged because of my critique. It is offered to help you become a better writer!

Just about as sexy as reading Ikea furniture assembly instructions.

The story is hot for sure, and I hope they become a couple, permanently, and I see nothing wrong with that. Please just consider the source with the "anonymous" critics, they in my mind are bloody cowards. If they had any sense of fairness they'd leave a contact name. Anyone who wants to make a comment should be required to sign in. Any anonymous comments should be eliminated and not allowed, that's only fair! Please continue the story. I do think there are countries that allow incest marriages!

While I enjoyed your story quite a lot I found myself being pulled out more than I like. Your grammar could use a bit of refinement. You have a great story idea, however you need just a bit more practice. Please keep writing!

I'm definitely hoping to see more chapters, watch him get it on with his sister's servants.

But how about a chapter to for “I Dream of Jeanie”?

I was starting to enjoy the story until you fumbled the first time he saw her naked. Cheryl's anger comes from nowhere and the absolute lack of real human response in that one scene made me disconnect entirely from the story no matter how much i wanted to like it. You don't set it up, you dont explain why she gets mad or how she arrives at the conclusion that a brother seeing his sister naked calls for violence. It makes no sense and makes me question if you understand human interaction. Maybe you'll do better next time

but then you had to put in a fight for nothing .all new story's here are turning into alpha women,girls with dicks,body swapping.incest is not all about sex battles it a special love between family

Interesting story. The setup wasn't exactly unique, and it could use a bit of polish, but not bad.

You lost me with the M/s or D/s on page three and the Switch was odd. A Dom would pick up on the sister's desire when she asked for belts. Todd didn't have a history of being the top in the story. An awkward situation of the bottom telling the top what to do would be a buzz kill. The part where the girl attacks Todd really didn't fit in. Talking and listening to a pussy doesn't fit in well with two people that want to fuck. It's been some years in the making, so things should be hot. I wasn't able to get into the story.

RS

I would bet your dick is as short as your tolerance . Get real friend If it were not for mistakes pencils would have no need for erasers.

NOBODY has a conversation like this, "They are on their way, but their plane will not arrive until tonight. They suggested I head on up instead of waiting for them. They will rent a car as soon as they land, but if what the weather people say is right, it will be pouring by that time. When I drove across the last bridge to get here, water was already starting to trickle over it. If there is any rain at all it will flood out and keep them on one side of the river and us on the other." And siblings would *never* talk to each other like that.

Halfway down page one, you suddenly jump from third person to first person.

Other issues have already been pointed out by fellow readers. You should sit yourself down and take note of what people are saying before you submit again. (And maybe enroll in a writing course)

What ever happened to having a bit of mystery. Barely a quarter of the first page and the girl is already giving away what her intentions are to the reader. It's fucking annoying that writers here don't seem to understand the meaning of subtly.

Why would anyone want an asshole when there is a pussy right there??? I don't care for anal I'm not gay.

of a bong I quit reading.

Take the bs out and put more detail in where needed. You said she loved him, but they talked like friends instead of lovers ie, more detail.

I was good up to the pissing part. Not into that. Not sure it's healthy.

Enjoyed reading until it all went south with the flashlight examination...

No real affection....just getting to the goodies. I didn't finish the story

2 stars