All Comments on 'Cabin Fever'

All brothers and sisters should experience such uninhabited sex.

What happens between them after this nice little get together? Love to read more of this story. Great first post too. I loved it.

Moved too quickly for my liking: getting naked, fucking, then immediately to anal and then boom...the end.

..with a too-quick finale.

Not bad. I agree with some of the others, though, that the events felt too compressed. Things in the story happened too quickly.

Also, a bit of a nit-pick: to cry is to "bawl," not to "ball." She should have been bawling into her pillow over her boyfriend's breakup; she did the balling later, at the end of the story.

A rewrite could turn this into a winner!

The pace was too unrealistic. But looking forward to more.

It’s hot that he cheated on Abigail.

I agree with the others. Too short. VERY rushed. No character development. Just monkey fucking. I hope you do better next time.

1 star

DragonRider55

Your submission was too rushed and left no room for a character build up or the suspense of coming together for the first time.

This scenario of siblings going with the parents to the summer place has been done many times before, usually with better results.

One other thing, you need an editor. 3 times I noticed your word selection was in error. You used balling instead of bawling; were instead of wear and then instead of than.

Try again. At least you have the balls to submit something. You'll get better.

Rushed.

Anal within minute of starting fucking.

Even the sex was too quick.

Hope you will build a good story and more chapters.

Too quick on the anal and no lube.

What about his girlfriend?

Can’t wait for the next chapter

You don't reach a crescendo. The crescendo is the climb before the climax - which is what you reach.