All Comments on 'Caged Ch. 03'

I've said this before and I don't know why I bothered to read this at all.

You don't even use the correct tense and it's not typos; you use the complete wrong words in many places.

No ratings. No stars.

Why on earth are you even to Chapter 3 without listening to what people have said to you.

This is terrible.

Great stuff. Dont mind of those negative comments keep up the good work.

I have tried to get an editor but alas no one has responded so I gave up on the notion. I should re-read my work but I work and rarely have the time to do so. Its a bad habit and I have to work on it.

Why do people complain about typos, but never offer to help? The author has tried their best to get an editor and failed. If you don't like what you read, get off your keyboard and offer your services!

I am happy to work round the typos and tense errors ..... I can't write stories like those on this website, so I don't judge.

Oi, You, Writer. I get little shivers down my spine when this story comes up. I thank you every time I get those shivers, because they promise a short-but-powerful experience in a macabre fairy tale world through the eyes of the two 'fairies' imprisoned in it. The little bits of social comment has me salivating along with the shivers - Pavlov would have been impressed. I am.

I think you will find this author now has an editor!

Only just from today though.

Sentence construction is awkward, dialogue is unnatural. It is also too short. This is disappointing, as I thought you might improve with every chapter.

This work will be removed and redone. This was a rush and I would have much rather had kept it a short story than continue on. It takes the fun out of the writing.

I like your story, I just hope that you don't wait too long for Him (The Wolfman, or whatever he is Needs a Name) too Escape. Preferably with the girl. Please keep writing, and Don't listen to the negative comments, if they know so much maybe They should be writing.

Pls don't let this story shrivel up and die! It's quite something, you know...and a lot of fun to read.

Yes, you need an editor and while you have already admitted as much it's important that you understand an editor isn't going to write your story for you. An editor is going to help with grammar and punctuation, but you need more help that just that.

Take this one paragraph from this chapter:

"Leading him away from his previous prison, she took him to an area similar to the bathing area. The area only had one area. Closed off and pushed in the far corner. Punching in the code, the room opened and inside was a room, devoid of anything. It was just like his cell though it was warmer and cleaner."

..area similar to the bathing area.... using the same noun word in a sentence twice is never a good idea in writing unless it's something like, "what room number is your classroom." Unavoidable double usage. So whenever you notice your written the same word twice, think of a way to drop one and restate it a different way.

".....the area only had one area." Come on now what the hell is this supposed to mean? They entered a one room dorm? They walked to a small shed? The word area is pretty vague because it can mean a large county or it could mean a corner of a room.

"Closed off and pushed far in the corner." This is not a sentence it is a sentence fragment because it is missing its subject. What is closed off and pushed far in the corner? Was the area that had only one area closed off and pushed far in a corner? What the hell are you talking about?

"....the room opened up and was inside a room, devoid of anything." In other words the door opened to a bare room, just 4 walls, a ceiling and a floor? Secondly, the comma that follows the second use of room was unnecessary. That comma makes the sentence even more jumbled up. Lastly, when you write that the room opened the read is picturing the entire wall opening. But that would be a notable oddity which would or should be described for the reader. Did the wall flood in accordion style? Did it lift like a garage door? Did the wall simply vanish? Or did the DOOR open. A door opening is not a room opening.

Look, you have a story to tell but you have to learn how to tell it and that means learning how to write; how to express yourself so that you're being understood. It can be a frustrating process in the beginning because you know the pictures and images and ideas in your head but we don't.

Your first step is to read over what you write several times. Take a break and then read over it again slowly.