by Pornguin
...the actual content was disappointing. You started off well, got my interest, but when the sex started, it just became unbelievable, the dialogue, THE CAPITALS (why? unecessary and very distracting) all left me cold and unimpressed. My suggestion would be to rewrite the sex scenes, remove the superfluous capitals - if any character is shouting, you use your writing skills to convey that, not CAPITALS. I hope you take these comments in the way they are intended, as constructive criticism. Keep writing.