California Girl

Marnie felt sad that their relationship had come to this. Lauren was her advisor as well, and she was a good one. She helped Marnie immensely with visioning out her topic and it was Lauren's plan that she was still following. The UCLA professors were great, but they didn't have the emotional connection with her topic as Lauren did.

Marnie took the long way home from her last class. It was a warm and sunny day, and she wanted the extra time to clear her head. She walked down the street of an unfamiliar neighborhood to take her mind away from her studies. There was still a dull ache in her heart for Lauren, and her lingering hope of a reunion was one of the reasons her "relationship" with Kelly never got off the ground.

She wasn't sure if she was going to go back to Ireland. Emily had already given her the name of an immigration attorney. She only had a year to go on her student visa and knew staying in the United States would take about that amount of time to gain a permanent residency, not to mention taking up most of her savings. These thoughts swirled in her head as she arrived home, sweaty and in need of a shower. Her usually curly red hair was limp from the heat. She checked the mailbox and passed a rental car in the driveway on her way to the kitchen door. She noticed there was a letter from her brother.

As usual, Emily was sitting at the kitchen table, drinking coffee with her favorite mug, and readings something on her phone. She noticed the chair on the other side was pushed out, and there was a mug full of steaming hot coffee in front of that chair as well.

"Mail's here," said Marnie, handing Emily the small stack.

Marnie opened the letter from her brother Blaine. She loved him. Old school. He still wrote letters using a fountain pen their dad gave him. She skimmed the contents of the first paragraph, which described the doings at the pub. Her eye caught the word "Lauren" in the next paragraph.

... so I ran into Lauren a couple of weeks ago. She looked great. She was wrapping up her stay at Trinity and told me that she was planning on moving back to Boston. She told me ...

Someone cleared her throat in the kitchen. Marnie looked up from her letter.

Lauren.

As beautiful as she remembered. A tall forty something blonde, her face radiant with an inner glow. She was wearing a designer suit over her slender build and a matching set of heels. Marnie was wearing a faded sweatshirt and a torn pair of jeans. Her hair desperately needed to be brushed.

"Where am I?" Marnie wondered. She was completely disoriented. Lauren? Here? Then thoughts started racing through her mind. Did she come here to get me? Does she still love me?

Lauren smiled. "Hi Marnie."

Marnie went to her and threw her arms around her lover. "Lauren ... you ... you ... came ..." she said, starting to sob.

"I'm here, baby girl ... it's OK," Lauren whispered into her ear. But Marnie could tell right away that the hug was different ... something had changed.

They held each other for a minute until Marnie's sniffling stopped. She held the blonde at arm's length.

"It's really you."

"Yes, Marnie, it's really me."

"Why ..."

"I came here to tell you something."

Suddenly Marnie's heart deflated. The mood deadened.

Emily got up out of her chair, sensing she was the third wheel in what promised to be an emotional conversation. "I'm going to run an errand and then stop at Kelly's house. Lauren, it was nice meeting you."

Marnie and Lauren waited until Emily car left the garage.

"I wanted to ..." Lauren started.

"Wait." Marnie put her two fingers across Lauren's lips. She knew the news wasn't going to be good. She wanted to say something before what was left of their relationship ended. She was still hanging on to the slender thread of hope that somehow they would get back together.

"I still love you."

Lauren took a deep breath through her nose.

"And I you. But things have changed."

Then came the clap of thunder.

"Marnie. I've met someone else ..."

Time stopped as the finality of their break-up hung in the air. The words felt like fine paper cuts on her fingertips. She winced in pain as she tried to hear the rest of what Lauren was saying.

" so I wasn't looking for it, but it was a visiting professor from the University of Hawaii. I'm on a layover to Honolulu right now, and I thought that since I'm on a stopover in Los Angeles I'd tell you in person."

Seeing and hearing no reaction other than stunned silence, Lauren looked across the kitchen table. "Marnie ... are you OK?"

"Yeah ... uh ... yeah I'm fine. I heard you. You met someone," she answered in a voice lacking emotion.

"Marnie. It's not like I was going behind your back. When you left for Los Angeles we agreed that we would be seeing other people ..."

She stopped again. Marnie said nothing as Lauren took her first sip of her coffee.

"You do remember that conversation, don't you?"

Marnie nodded, then a tear trickled down, running past her nose.

"It's so good to see you ... and yet I feel so sad," she finally replied.

"I've missed you as well ... but life goes on."

Marnie wiped the tear off with the back of her hand. "So tell me about this person ..."

"Well, her name is Kailani ... she's third generation Hawaiian, and is a professor in biological science. I met her at a faculty meeting not long after you left and we just hit it off. She's already accepted a teaching position at Boston College. I'm on my way to Honolulu to meet her parents ..."

Lauren went on to describe Kailani's family (two brothers and a sister) and her professional accomplishments. She then showed Marnie a few pictures on her phone. Kailani had an olive toned complexion, a curvy body on a frame that wasn't even five foot, and long, straight, shiny ebony hair.

"She's beautiful," Marnie commented without enthusiasm. She was still trying to keep her balance and not break down crying again.

"No more than you."

"I didn't want to lose you."

"It's the hand we've been dealt, Marnie. I learned a long time ago that you only have some much control of your destiny."

"It's still so good to see you." She hugged Lauren until they were both crying.

Lauren finally held Marnie at arm's length. "Tell me girlfriend, are you seeing anyone?"

Marnie rolled her eyes to the side. "Not exactly ..."

Lauren gave a gentle shake to her former lover. "Out with it."

"Well ... we're not exactly together now ... I'm not sure if she really wants to be with me."

"You? I risked my career for you. She'd have to be crazy not to want to be with you. Do you have a picture?"

Marnie picked up her phone and swiped through her pictures, finally finding the one she was looking for. She held up her phone for Lauren to see a picture of Kelly in her swimsuit, broad shoulders dripping water on the pool deck, with a big smile on her face.

"California girl," said Lauren. "She's beautiful ... and built."

"She is," Marnie said wistfully, "but you know better than most that there's always baggage. She's still married, but is getting divorced, and she's got two girls, though they're both in college. She trying to figure out how to buy her ex out of their house, and then, you know, my host ..."

"You mean Emily?"

"Yes ... Emily. She's best friends with Kelly ..."

"Ohhh ..." Lauren sighed. "That's complicated."

"Jealousy?" Lauren's eyes darted to the kitchen door to make sure Emily wouldn't be coming through it.

Marnie's eyes followed Lauren's. "That's what I'm afraid of. I'm the newcomer. She was doing me a big favor by putting me up for free, and in return I take away her best friend ..."

"But you're not doing that ..."

"Of course. But how is she to know? All she knows is that a woman she's only known for a year is going to be living with her best friend. She has every right to be suspicious that I'm going to take away all of Kelly's time, or worse, interfere with their friendship."

"But you told her."

Marnie shook her head.

"So how's she going to find out if you don't tell her, through the rumor mill?"

Marnie shrugged her shoulders.

It was Lauren's turn to roll her eyes. "I would have never believed that I was going to say this to you, but you should get together with Kelly and let Emily find her way. You can help her."

"I think both of us have to do some soul searching before there's a way forward for the two of us."

Lauren finally broke away and bent over to retrieve a dog-eared manuscript from her soft briefcase. She waved it in front of Marnie.

"Hey girlfriend. This wasn't just a social visit. I've got detailed notes on your dissertation. It's very good, but it could be much better."

The sting of Lauren's news softened as they sat side by side, as it was in Ireland, working on Marnie's dissertation. Emily returned around dinner time, and the three of them enjoyed a pleasant meal together, followed by another work session late into the night. After Lauren left for her hotel, it finally dawned on Marnie that her relationship with Lauren was over and that Kelly loomed larger in her thoughts.

* * *

It had been a tough morning. Marnie was working with one of her professors and her professor pointed out that there was additional research that needed to be done to shore up one of the points in her dissertation. She was camped out in a carrel with hot coffee and her computer, ready to search some of her sources when her phone vibrated on the desk.

Tasha: Are you free?

Shit, Marnie thought. She had just sat down, but Tasha never reached out to Marnie to talk, and she knew she should make the time.

Marnie: Sure. What's up?

Tasha: Meet me at the café on Hilgard. You know the one.

Marnie: I'll be there in ten.

Marnie did remember. They were having a discussion about favorite places to go to around campus and Tasha had mentioned The Whole Bean, her favorite coffee house. She took the last sip of her hot coffee and slid her laptop into her backpack. She wondered what Tasha wanted.

Marnie got there first, and found a booth in the back to sit in. The waitress came and handed her lunch menus. She was studying the menu when Tasha came up, her freshly scrubbed face glowing.

"You look happy," Marnie commented.

"I am."

Marnie thought for a moment. She recognized that expression. "You've met somebody."

"Yes."

"I'm so happy for you. What's his name?"

"Her name is Alina."

"Sorry, I should know better. Congratulations. Tell me about her."

"I met Alina in one of my classes. She's amazing. She grew up in New York and she's also a freshman at Pepperdine. We've been dating for a month now."

Tasha took her phone out of her small purse and pulled up a picture to show Marnie.

Dark hair with tight curls, light brown complexion, and a genuine smile. She had her arm around the shorter Tasha.

"She's pretty. I'd like to meet her sometime."

"You will, but that's not why I came to see you."

The waitress showed up, and the two perused the menu and ordered. Marnie couldn't wait for the waitress to leave so she could hear what Tasha came to say.

"I want you to see my mother." She said it with a conviction that came from long and careful consideration.

Marnie raised her eyebrows. That was unexpected. If anything, she thought Tasha didn't approve of Kelly and her seeing each other.

"I see. And how did you come to this conclusion?"

"My mother's unhappy. It's clear to me that she's attracted to you. I think she's afraid to do anything because Emily is her best friend, and she doesn't want to do anything to damage their relationship. Emily's a little ... uh ... possessive of her friendship with my mother."

"I noticed." She had noticed. Emily and Kelly were tight, and for a long time. Talking about Kelly was a sensitive subject with Emily so she steered clear of the subject. She also thought Emily would flip out if she found out Marnie and Kelly were having sex together.

"She'd never call you. And she doesn't know I'm talking to you. But I know she'll be happy to see you. You're going to have to work out how Emily fits into all of this, but I think you should be talking. With her finalizing her divorce, my mom's in purgatory right now, and I had to say something."

Marnie reached across the table to hold hands with Tasha.

"You don't know how much this means to me. I really like Kelly, and I do want to see her. But I still hurt from my break-up with my last girlfriend, and I'm still not sure I'm ready to get involved this soon."

"It's been almost a year, I think." Tasha had heard all about Marnie's break-up with Lauren. "Do it for me?"

Marnie smiled. "I'll do anything for you, Tasha. I know I've been a bit stubborn about calling her."

* * *

"Can I start our phone conversation with an apology?" Marnie asked.

Kelly was happy to hear that Marnie was calling. "For what?"

"For not calling you sooner."

"I could have called you."

"It's not the way we left it," Marnie replied, remembering it was her that put the relationship on pause. "Please don't get mad at her, but Tasha saw me."

"She did?" Kelly was astonished.

"She told me that you miss me. Is that true?"

There was a long pause. Kelly was trying to process why Tasha would reach out to Marnie and why she was trying to bring her and Marnie together. It didn't make any sense.

"It is," Kelly admitted. There wasn't a good reason to continue to hide the truth or her true feelings. Tasha had clearly gotten past whatever misgivings she had.

"Tasha also said that you're afraid of what Emily would think. Are you?"

There was an even longer pause. Kelly hadn't come to grips with why she was reluctant to reach out to Marnie, but hearing her question crystallized her thinking. She and Emily treated each other like sisters. Kelly didn't know whether her feelings for Marnie were a passing fancy or much deeper. She was certainly attracted to her. She didn't want to jeopardize her relationship with Emily if nothing came to pass with Marnie.

"You have to understand, I consider Emily to be my sister. I think she might be ... uh ... jealous if we were to get together."

"I do understand ... but is your concern about Emily, which may not be well-founded, enough to keep us from seeing each other?"

"I know it shouldn't."

"Why don't we just tell her?"

"Now? ... but nothing's happened."

"Precisely. If we were to get together, would you want her to find out from someone else?"

"Of course not."

"Give your friend some credit. Let's tell her."

"Let me think about that."

"Well, don't think about it that long ... oh ... one more thing ... Lauren came to visit."

"Wow. Waiting till the end of the conversation to drop that bomb?"

"No, it's not like that ... she's seeing somebody else and came to see me to tell me in person."

"She came from Boston to tell you that?"

"Her new girlfriend lives in Hawaii. She scheduled a stopover in Los Angeles."

"So it's over?"

Marnie was having a hard time saying it. "Well ... ummm ... I guess so."

Kelly was relieved to hear that Lauren had broken it off, finally and in person. "I'm glad you called Marnie. I won't tell Tasha that you ratted her out."

Marnie laughed. "You wouldn't dare. Why kick over that hornet's nest? Besides, Tasha came to see me because she has a good heart and loves you."

"I'll be back to you soon."

* * *

"It's on," said Kelly, after Marnie answered her call. She thought about it long and hard after her conversation with Marnie. She was soon to be divorced and alone in her house. Marnie was right. She needed to give Emily credit. If the tables were turned, Kelly was certain she would back up Emily's choice, no matter whether she agreed or disagreed with it. Why wouldn't Emily do the same? Besides, she was entitled to some measure of happiness. Her best friend wouldn't begrudge her that.

"Great," Marnie answered. "When?"

"I'm coming over to your house this afternoon."

That took Marnie by surprise. "Last night you told me you were going to think about it. We're talking to Emily today?"

"It was your idea."

"Yeah ... maybe I'm not so keen on it now." The idea was sound. That didn't make it any easier when knowing it would be happening in a matter of hours.

"Don't back out on me ..."

"No ... no ... now it just feels so sudden. But it needs to be done."

* * *

Marnie was at class that day, and she spent every minute with her eye on the time. It was a seminar with three post-grads and the professor.

"Mind on something else?" Professor Slotkin asked Marnie.

Lost in her thoughts, she looked up when she heard her name.

"Were you asking me a question Professor Slotkin?"

Elise Slotkin grinned. Marnie was an excellent student so she would be given a wide berth for her transgression.

"Distracted?"

"I'm sorry Professor Slotkin. I've got a lot on my mind right now."

"I'll tell you what Marnie. Let's end class a bit early, and let's get back to it on Friday, and you can lead the discussion, all right?"

"Sure," Marnie replied, embarrassed and remorseful. She'd be ready for the Friday class, and hopefully her conversation with Emily would go well.

She packed up her things and made the ten minute walk home in eight minutes. Kelly's car was in the driveway. She could see Kelly and Emily sitting at the kitchen table, drinking coffee. She opened the kitchen door.

"Speak of the devil," Emily said.

"Hello."

Kelly looked up, her face radiant. She looked well-rested and together. Her blonde hair was pulled back in a ponytail, and she was wearing a white cotton tee and form fitting black yoga pants. She patted the chair next to her. Marnie put her backpack on the floor and sat in the vacant chair.

Emily started. "So Kelly, now that we're all together, what is it that you want to tell me?"

Kelly attempted to speak, but was grasping for the words. Marnie filled the growing silence.

"We wanted to tell you that we're thinking about seeing each other."

Emily sat back in her chair. "Wow ... you mean, like seeing each other?"

Kelly got rid of the frog in her throat. "Yes."

Emily stared out the kitchen window. "I knew something was up ... but this?"

"We just wanted to make sure you weren't taken by surprise later," Marnie said in a reassuring tone.

"Well, I'm surprised now."

"I had a secret," Kelly confessed. She then went about telling Emily all about Ashley and their affair in college. Some of it was new to Marnie as well.

"I ... I had no idea. But now that you mention it all of this makes sense now."

"What do you mean?" Kelly asked.

"You really haven't been around lately. I'll bet it's because Marnie's here, right?"

"Yes," Kelly admitted sheepishly. "I think I was just avoiding dealing with this."

"And those looks I've seen between the two of you. It's because you're attracted to each other."

Marnie jumped in. "I can't speak for Kelly but I am."

Kelly grasped Marnie's hand under the table. "We both are."

"Well ... are you asking me for my blessing or something like that?"

"No," Kelly answered. "But you're my best friend and we'd like to know that you're good with this."

"Is this what you really want?"

"It is."

Emily sat back in her chair, folding her arms. "You're both big girls. If it's what you want, far be it for me to stand in your way." She managed a weak smile.

* * *

After Kelly and Marnie left, Emily went up to her bedroom and started crying. She tried to put on her happy face for Kelly, but the truth of it was that she had a gnawing pit in her stomach because she felt like she had just lost her best friend. Tasha and Sophie were part of her family. How would anything ever be the same again?

Then self-doubt set in. Was it a sexual attraction that she was denying to herself? She had seen Kelly naked many times, and even though she didn't consider herself bisexual, it was impossible not to be aroused when seeing her naked body. She of course didn't share this information with Samuel. He didn't need to know that. But somehow, there was a subtle undertone of jealousy. It was a latent fantasy, never to be acted upon. How could you not think about the most beautiful and sexy woman in the neighborhood in that way?