Camming Down the Rabbit Hole Ch. 11

I sat there for some time, my phone still in hand. I couldn't fully comprehend the situation and where I was. All this started when I was put on furlough and thought I would be losing my job, an idea born out of boredom, hornieness and desperation. What started as a regular cam show with a guy hoping to earn a little money, before being subtly coerced into dressing in lingerie, and taking small step after small step before I tumbled well and truly down the rabbit hole ending up wearing more female clothes and then using toys and other things. And now I was sitting here some months later, hours of dedicated and specific exercise had sculptured my form with a slim waist and upper body, but curvy legs and a decidedly juicy ass that I had to admit I was very proud of.

Looking down at my body, cum covered lingerie that fit me so well, my painted and shaped nails, the feeling of fullness from my scarlet sheened plumped lips with the weight of false lashes on my eyelids and my skin so smooth and hairless. How had I gone so far? and why wasn't I more bothered about it. I didn't need to do any of this, I could have just stayed as I was.

I summoned the strength to get up to go to the shower and was instantly reminded of the powerful orgasm I'd had not long ago, my legs weak and my hole tingled from my over enthusiastic playtime. I caught my reflection in the full length mirror and couldn't help but smile, I looked like a mess, but also like a very satisfied and thoroughly well fucked mess. The last broadcast had been incredible, not only riding an actual replica of someone's dick to an epic climax, but the sheer volume of tokens I had been given, and that didn't include the recordings I would put up later. Despite feeling supremely conflicted about the things I'd done and the journey id been on, there was also a huge sense of satisfaction, which my subconscious was processing as my very well spent cock stirring slightly as I gazed at myself.

Stripped, showered and cleaned I was completely drained of energy, slipping into the most comfortable of my night ware I pulled the covers over myself and tried not to think of my situation, my brain wanted to go over it again and again, but my exhausted body had other ideas and I drifted off to sleep still trying to understand what I was doing and what the new job offer would entail.

I awoke with much less enthusiasm than usual, but with my now customary stubborn morning wood, I stretched a little and rubbed my eyes taking note of the always delicious feelings of the silk garments on my smooth skin, my erection teasing against the fabric and the caress its tight fitting shape gave me. I sighed audibly and yawned as I sat up, my ass was ever so slightly sore, not enough to cause any discomfort but a more than ample reminder of what happened last night. I couldn't help but grin as flashbacks filled my mind and I recalled it in detail.

And then the moment I answered the call, the feeling of apprehension, confusion and uncertainty. I spent so long convincing myself that I would be out of a job, doing all this to make sure I would survive financially and then the bombshell of being offered a significant promotion and pay rise to match.

I still couldn't take it all in, I'd succeeded in my plan with camming to match my old jobs salary, and with the last show I'd done much better. But this wasn't exactly the career path I ever thought of or wanted. The job they were offering would be a serious opportunity, a massive step up, no doubt leading to more possibilities further down the line, pensions, healthcare, a reliable future. Sure I enjoyed camming but it offered none of those things.

I sat going through in my mind over and over, I had no idea what to do. And then I realised that unlike every morning for the last god knows how long, my boner had gone down without being relieved. I laughed out loud as it felt so out of place, a break in my routine for the last few months, until I realised that I didn't feel like playing with myself either. In fact I didn't feel like doing anything.

Rising to my feet I stepped into the bathroom, and splashed my face with cold water, my reflection in the mirror looked stressed, and I felt every bit of it. I couldn't do a show looking and feeling like this. I needed time to think, time to process what I wanted, and what I should do.

Back at my computer I logged in and posted messages saying that I was taking a few days off to sort some things out, that I would let them know when I would be back and thanked them for all their support. I couldn't even be bothered to edit last night's footage, I simply uploaded the whole thing so that it would hopefully keep them satisfied.

Not long after I'd shut everything down and made myself a cup of tea slumping on the sofa, mulling over my options and trying to figure out what I wanted to do. Whilst idly scrolling Instagram my phone buzzed in my hand as a WhatsApp message from Ellie popped up. "Hiya, how's it going, hope everything's OK, what you up to?" I grinned at the phone, my heart instantly beating a little quicker.

I fired back "Hi Ellie good to hear from you, I'm not too bad, got some news about work which not what I expected, they offered me a promotion! But it is a lot to take in, not sure what to do. How about you?" and I sat looking at my phone waiting for her to reply like a puppy staring at a treat.

Almost instantly my phone pinged and she replied "oh that sounds great though, much better than being made redundant lol" and I paused, I wanted to tell her everything, but at the same time it all might be a bit much, my situation wasn't exactly a run of the mill thing, I had so much to think about, it was such a big decision. I started to type a reply, then deleted it. Then started another and deleted that. I didn't know what to say, for the first time in ages, my usual confidence had evaporated, the way I used to feel in these kinds of situations came flooding back and I just didn't know what to write.

My phone buzzed again and a short message from her simply read "wanna chat?" I looked at it, and couldn't move, totally frozen, shit. I should call her, it would make me feel better at the very least. But what would I say? I can't tell her everything, I liked what we had going on too much.

Moments later the decision was out of my control as her name lit up the screen with an incoming call, I couldn't avoid it now, there was no way I could ditch it. I had to answer. Nervously I swiped the screen and lifted it to my hear. "Hey Ellie" I chimed in what I hoped was a cheerful tone, she immediately picked me up on it and asked what was going on.

For the next ten minutes or so I skirted around the issue, I talked about how good of an opportunity the new job would be, how much more it would pay. But how I had this side hustle that if I kept working at it could be even better, not to mention being my own boss and working when I wanted would give me more freedoms although not the benefits of being permanently employed. Of course I conveniently left out the part that I was a guy, who wore women's clothes and lingerie and masturbated on camera for a living. A detail I hoped she wouldn't pry into too much.

She listened attentively and offered encouragement and support, even suggesting I try and do both, take the new job and maintain the side hustle. Which was something I hadn't thought of, but struggled to resolve as I could never hide my finely plucked eyebrows or immaculately kept nails. The two options were totally incompatible.

She sensed my reservations, and joked that I could probably do with a drink. The pubs were all shut as it wasn't even lunchtime yet, but the café would be open and I agreed to go there and meet her so we could carry on chatting in person, although she insisted that we tried not to talk about it and just have a laugh instead, you know, keep my mind off it so that I could have more time to think.

Of course I would never refuse the opportunity to meet her again and we set a time for half an hour, just enough time for me to get ready, or so I thought. As a guy 30 minutes would have been more than enough time, but as I threw on some snug fitting jeans, a simple vest crop top and a pair of trainers. While that might not have been overly girly, there was no hiding my curves with outfit, and I was immensely proud of the shape I was in. I looked in the mirror and realised that I couldn't just go as I was, it didn't feel right.

I quickly applied some foundation, a little blusher, a flash of eyeliner and some mascara. Nothing too over the top, just a girl meeting her friend at the café. I giggled at the ridiculousness of it, I really had fallen down the rabbit hole further than I realised as I smoothed on a layer of lip-gloss and dropped in in my purse.

Fortunately the weather was great, outside there wasn't much evidence of the continuing Covid restrictions, hardly anyone in masks. Late spring on a good day in London was a great place to be. With my sunglasses on I strolled down the road, enjoying the warmth on my face and the sounds of a city slowly coming back to life. There were more people out and about, and it felt great for things to be feeling more normal.

As I approached the café I spotted Ellie sat in our window seat and she enthusiastically waved to me. I walked inside and she greeted me with a very warm and tight hug, physical contact with another person had been so alien since this whole thing began, we weren't technically supposed to be doing that outside of our 'bubbles' but as I didn't have any family nearby we joked that we would be in each other's with a wry smile.

We sat down and she held my hand, looking into my eyes and simply said "if you want to talk we can, but I'm more interested in helping you forget about it for a while and give you a distraction" I agreed that would be for the best and she passed me a coffee she had already bought. Conversations with Ellie were so easy, we found ourself laughing at each other's terrible jokes, bitching about current affairs and passers-by. That anxiety I'd had on the phone earlier was nowhere to be seen, the new me, the cam girl side of me, was in charge again, happy, outgoing and confident.

As Ellie slipped to the toilet I checked my phone and wondered about the message she sent earlier. Was it a bit coincidental that she sent that not long after I posted online? And asking me if I was ok, like there would be something wrong? I didn't have time to think about it anymore as she returned and our conversation continued where she left off.

Just like the last time we ended up sitting very closely, shoulders pressed next to each other as we kept our voices down gossiping about the people walking by on the street. Ridiculing the chin mask wearers, and playing mask or beard where unsurprisingly the aim of the game was to spot guys in the distance and bet to see if they were wearing a mask or if it was a beard. Our closeness wasn't lost on me, and I couldn't help but take her in, she smelt so nice, her laugh was infectious and she just had such a great aura about her.

Our coffees were long finished, and it was now well past lunchtime and Ellie suggested that the pubs would now be open. Being such a nice day we decided to find one with a beer garden so would could continue our people watching and in the traditional British fashion of drinking our problems away.

We found the perfect pub, some seats on a table outside with the high-street there for our continued entertainment. Ellie insisted we at least celebrate something with a bottle of bubbly, if it wasn't going to be the new job, then it would be the side hustle, and if not that then just the fact we were able to drink in a pub again was enough of a reason.

With glasses clinked we sat, drank and chatted and before long the bottle was finished and we were feeling incredibly tipsy. Arm in arm we shuffled our way to the toilet which was a completely new experience for me, the café only had one so going as a pair would be a novelty. We took adjacent stalls and carried on chatting as we both went about our business, me not forgetting to sit rather than stand. I gigged at the ridiculousness of my situation, and Ellie asked me why I was laughing. I just said that it was nice to be out again, and that the bubbles had really gone to my head.

We finished up and I carefully tucked myself back in and stepped out. She was waiting for me with a sly grin on her face, so I naturally asked her what was up. She jumped a little as if I had caught her daydreaming before she pointed at my waist and commented that my nickers were showing "as cute as they are, you might attract the wrong kind of attention flashing a G-string out on the street" I flushed red and she burst out laughing.

"you're so damn adorable when you blush" which did nothing for my rosy cheeks. Staggering outside we both noted that we should probably walk it off a little. However we didn't get far before she literally dragged me into a wine bar which was just opening up. Despite the sun outside it was dimly lit within, little booths and a long bar with hundreds of bottles and an amazing array of spirits.

All bars and pubs required table service as per the current restrictions, so we found ourselves a spot and the waitress came over to take our order. I suggested something light, but Ellie was having none of it and asked about the cocktails. After a lot of back and forth we settled on some espresso martinis, I could tell my new drinking buddy was probably a bit of a party girl, but it was so refreshing to just be out and enjoying it.

We did at least take our time drinking, but in our little booth, the conversation was much more intimate and a little flirty, there were no passers-by to mock. Naturally we ending up talking about guys which I managed to somewhat defer from my complete lack of experience or interest in reality. I could only reference Marc and our encounters in the park, which I was of course quizzed on extensively.

I tried to press her on what type of guy she likes and she shied away from giving a proper answer. For the first time today she looked a bit bashful, maybe even reserved. Sensing I might be pushing into unwelcome territory I backed off a bit, the mood became a little tense, she took a breath and said that she doesn't really have a type. Looking blankly at her I asked what that meant, she must like something surely.

"I guess id describe myself as pansexual" she burst out reluctantly, but visibly relieving herself of whatever burden she felt that label had. It was a term I had heard about but didn't really understand and she read my pause as me not understanding "it means I can find anyone my type, guy, girl and anything in between". "Oh" I simply replied, our conversation now at a very awkward silence as I lifted the glass downing what was left in an attempt to buy time in order to think of what to say next.

Thankfully the waitress stepped up to the table to ask if we wanted any other drinks, as I placed mine back on the table. "Yes! I think we should have some shots" Ellie blurted out, but I had to agree it would help loosen the vibe that had descended on the table. A couple of tequilas and a long cocktail to sip afterwards were ordered and the waitress walked back to the bar.

"So is she your type then?" I asked, finally thinking of something to say, "Ha, not really, I mean she is pretty enough, but she seems a bit plain, I like people who have a bit more going on, you know, something different and special, what about you?" I froze, not knowing what to say. Of course I'd had relationships with girls, that's all id done in the past, the thing with Marc wasn't anything really, but I was presenting as a girl and still felt the need to keep it up, even though her admission meant me being a guy in girls' clothes might not be as undesirable as I thought.

Feeling the pressure of giving an answer I just said "I don't know". It was a stupid reply, and she immediately berated me for it. "I guess, what I mean is that I've never given it that much thought before, and I've never really met someone who doesn't have a type, it isn't a fair comparison, you've got it easy" I laughed out.

I bluffed the next few minutes praying for the waitress to return with the drinks so I could be saved from having to explain myself. And sure enough she arrived, placing them on the table along with a lime slice and some salt. Ellie cheered and set up the drinks. Salt on our left hand, shot glass in the right, we linked arms, licked the salt, slammed the tequila and then grimaced through the slice of lime.

Our faces were next to each other as our linked arms pulled close to get the slice in, our watering eyes met as the fiery liquid burned all the way down to the pit of my stomach. Parting we both gasped as the rush of shot ran through us. "Wow, that was intense, I've not done that in ages" I exclaimed, feeling decidedly drunk even though it was yet to hit.

It did however save me from having to delve too deep into my sexual preferences as the conversation shifted to partying and going out once the clubs were open again. I'd never been a fan in my old life, but I couldn't think of a valid reason why the new me wouldn't enjoy it, especially if I had someone like Ellie for company.

The alcohol now catching up with both of us, our speech beginning to slur a little and our touching and flirting becoming ever more clumsy, we posed for selfies, cheeks pressed to each other, duck pouts in full effect. There was a real sense of sexual chemistry between us and I was captivated, trying so hard to control myself and contain my desire to kiss her and drag her back to my place.

I couldn't do that, while she might be ok with dating someone like me, I wasn't even sure I what I was, was I still a guy, was I hetro, gay, trans. I didn't know and sure as hell wasn't going to figure it out while this intoxicated. The barman called last orders and both me an Ellie looked at each other admitting that it was definitely home time.

We stumbled out onto the night street, both far more drunk than we thought we were, walking back towards the café and where we would go our separate directions. We exchanged how much fun tonight had been and that we should definitely do it again sometime. She checked to see if I was ok and I thanked her for her support in helping decide what to do.

There was a real tension in the air and we moved in for a parting hug, we almost collied head on, pulling back and looking at each other, there was a pause, a monumental desire rose from within me to kiss her but I chickened out and rearranged the hug. I held her tight already regretting not taking the now missed opportunity. Embarrassed we parted and I stepped back, she looked flushed, or was it just drunk?

I blew her a kiss as I had done Marc so many times, she smiled in reply and waved as she turned. I would have floated back home if it wasn't for the fact that I was really quite inebriated. Ever grateful that my drunken autopilot guided me home and I fumbled the keys multiple times to open the door.

Staggering into my apartment I took out my phone and read some messages from Ellie who had presumably arrived at her home before me. They were garbled and full of autocorrect mistakes, in my state I could barely make sense, but I typed what I thought was a gushing thank you for her taking me out, and accusing her of getting me too drunk.

I threw my phone on the bed, and then saw my toys sitting on the nightstand. Fuck I was horny, the flirting with Ellie and not having played with myself all day suddenly took over, I was aware of how full and aching my balls were, my cock was swelling in my tight fitting jeans and I had to get them off as soon as possible.

I pulled them off, haphazardly tumbling onto the bed, I grabbed the first toy within reach and sucked it immediately into my mouth, I didn't have the patients to find the lube my spit would have to do, my ass rapidly craving attention despite still being a little tender from the night before, I brought the toy to my entrance and moaned out loud as it slid in with little resistance.