All Comments on 'Camping Ch. 01: The Storm'

The couple are well on their way to a double first. Keep moving, perhaps faster now.

Excellent start, exploring is the most fun together

Please write the next chapter.

Keep writing.

I am not a writer... I enjoyed your kick ass posting. Don’t change anything how you write. For me only.... there could be less lengthy descriptions of removing panties from Forever... to .... several minutes..... hotly and scaridly. I love your story.

This needs working on.

The first sentence of your story proper contains a classic example of a grammatical and stylistic error known as a dangling modifier. "Surrounded by flimsy, billowing canvas, the wind howled outside" means the wind was surrounded by the billowing canvas, which I'm sure is not what you wanted to say. There are multiple other errors.

Personally, I didn't like the way you just referred to the characters as 'he' and 'she' all the time. They have no personality.

I think you should continue, but be careful and get an editor who could iron out the wrinkles.